It was hot, much like the piss dwelling in my bladder, man I needed to pee. But I COULDN'T pee because that prissy bathroom kept moving or something. I can't find it, my legs hurt, Peter is bitching about something I did. I think it's about skipping work. Whatever, my personal needs come first, old man.
I open doors wildly looking for the bathroom. All I found was two maids fixing tea and the kitchen. I found the kitchen EIGHT times.
A potted plant caught my eye on my way to the KITCHEN FOR THE NINTH TIME. It's lush green leaves call for my pee. I find my feet moving on their own towards the glistening photo-synthesizer. Alas, I couldn't relieve myself in the planty wonderland. Vivaldi would royally kick my ass.
I turn on my heel and march over to the window. I give up. This will have to do. My zipper drops and the kraken is freed. My red hot urine flees from my urethra with the force of a ballista. And. Lands. Right. On. A. Maid. I was only aware of this when I heard a shriek.
Time to play stupid. I shove the pants python back into my pocket. I wave down at the maid. "Nice weather today, eh?". So smooth. She'll never suspect a thing. Good one, Ace.