As Hansel, ermmmm, T-Bag ran through the woods, leaving a trail of bread crumbs, (A.K.A. blood from his severed hand). He came upon a small house made of candy. (Really an old hunting shack, but he had lost a lot of blood).
He banged on the
door with his 'good' hand, and said:
"Let me in"! "Or
I'll blow your house in"!
Well, The Old Witch, (really an old
crazy, hungry, homeless woman), opened the door. Upon seeing
Hansel/T-Bag, she instantly fixated on the beautiful Turkey Drumstick
he was carrying. (PSSST, really the severed hand). "Come in,
Come in"! The Witch/Homeless woman said.
Within moments
of entering her domicile, The old witch pounced, and wrestled Hansel
to the floor. The witch was hungrily determined to have the delicious
drumstick/hand.
Being weak from blood loss, Hansel was unable to
stop her from taking it.
Then adding insult to injury, the old
witch shoved Hansel into a cage/closet, at which point he instantly
passed out.
Hansel awoke to
a wonderful aroma. Peeking under the large gap in the door of the
cage, he had a clear view of the old witch eating a bowl of
stew.
Well...Hansel was no dummy he realized quickly what that
delicious smelling stew was made of.
In his anger
Hansel began pounding on the door, (with his 'good/only' hand). "Shut
up, Pig"! The old witch said. Who in her crazy, delusional
mind, had obviously decided that Hansel was either a cop, or an
actual pig!
Hansel calmed down, and realized that he needed to
attend to his injury. He fashioned a tourniquet from an old scarf he
found in the cage. Then having stopped the bleeding, he resumed his
banging, to no avail.
The old witch finished her stew, and after
belching the ABC's, she lay down on her cot and fell fast
asleep.
Hansel, who was tired from all that banging, fell into a
deep exhausted sleep.
When he awoke,
he saw a beautiful, red apple.
Hansel, being beyond mere hunger,
devoured the succulent fruit in a minute flat. Soon after the last,
delightful bite though, Hansel began to feel very, very sleepy.
Once
again he fell into a deep, dark sleep.
When Hansel
awoke this time, he was tied to a huge branch hanging over a
makeshift BBQ pit.
The old witch was busily building a fire
beneath him. Hansel would have screamed, were it not for the huge,
red apple shoved deeply between his teeth.
Looking around
desperately, Hansel was searching for a rescuer. Maybe The
woodsman/Abruzzi with his axe?...Nah!
As the fire
became too much for Hansel to bear, he heard the voice of his mother.
he hadn't heard her voice since helping her fall down the stairs, to
her death.(Ruled an accident, of course).
There standing by a tree
was his mother, looking much like Obi Wan Kenobi in starwars, she
said in an eerie voice: "Son, what comes around, goes
around"!
She was right, of course!
Hansel went around,
and around, and around...
After a hearty
BBQ dinner, the old witch stood on the hill, and exclaimed: "With
Gd as my witness, I'll never be hungry again"!
And The Old
Witch lived happily ever after...
The End
