It had been a cold night. Clearsight breathed a sigh of relief when morning finally dawned and brought streaks of gold and pink across the horizon. Her heart pricked with excitement when she thought of what was to come that day. Her journey was almost over: she would arrive on the continent later that day.
Clearsight's whole body ached. She had managed to rest on outcroppings of rock and the occasional island, but she had still spent quite a bit longer flying than she would have liked to, and her wings screamed for a break from the near-constant exercise. It had been two days of on-and-on flying since she had left Pyrrhia, with nothing to keep her busy other than flying and studying the future. She knew from her visions that the lost continent was called Pantala, that it was populated with a handful of different dragon tribes unlike anything that had been seen on Pyrrhia, and that if she said the right things they would welcome her and offer her a place to stay while she explored. And oh the exploring she would do. She could already imagine the beautifully strange landscape from her visions laid out before her, nothing like her home of the Night Kingdom.
There was one unsettling future that kept popping up in Clearsight's mind, but she didn't like to consider it. Some part of Clearsight kept on telling herself that if she just ignored that future, it wouldn't come true. Clearsight knew better than any that that wasn't how it worked, but she tried to convince herself this because she didn't know how to stop it from happening and wasn't ready to face what this future held.
Clearsight was starting to grow weary. Her lungs ached. She searched for a spot to lay down for a bit and managed to find a rock jutting out from the water. She swept downward and landed. Clearsight was so tired that somehow she could ignore the waves sloshing at her talons and nodded off to sleep. A dream quickly came to her.
Clearsight was on the lost continent, shredding the fur off of a marmot. When she had enough to satisfy her, she gathered it up in her talons and walked down to a dip in the ground where there were two large, black rocks hidden.
Clearsight quickly shook the dream from her mind. It was the future, the one she didn't know how to prevent! Would she ever know how to? Somehow Clearsight had to stop this from happening.
Get your mind off of it, Clearsight told herself. You've rested long enough. Keep going.
She shook out her wings and checked the future. At this rate she would get there by sunset. Clearsight wondered if she would need to hunt before then - the larger islands sometimes had small prey to eat - but strangely enough she had no appetite. Her stomach felt full already, despite the fact that she hadn't had a real meal since she left.
Clearsight decided that she would just wait to eat until she arrived on Pantala and went ahead and set off. Already her wings shrieked in protest, but she forced them forward. She had to get to Pantala. You wanted to be an explorer, Clearsight reminded herself. This is what you have to do to achieve that. It's your fault for skipping so many flying practices to write down visions.
She managed to get quite far with this motive, but as soon as she saw another rock outcropping she gave up and crashed down onto it. This one had a seagull perching on it. Clearsight took this as a sign of encouragement that she was close to land and killed the seagull as a reward for flying this far. But she already felt like her belly was heavy with food, and she couldn't make herself eat the seagull.
What's wrong with me? Clearsight's eyes bored into the dead seagull's feathers, like she could force it down her stomach by glaring at it. I'm exhausted, but I'm not hungry at all.
Clearsight stayed their resting for a bit more, and eventually her mind wandered back to the seemingly unpreventable future. Maybe if I just delayed it... Her lack of appetite and strange heaviness was starting to add up. Not preparing for something like this can stop it from happening for a bit, I think... She strained to remember what she learned in school. But that plan would be no use. She could see that if she followed that path, she would starve.
Clearsight took off again. It was afternoon and nearing evening. If she could just keep flying, she'd surely reach the continent soon enough. She forced herself to move, knowing that she needed to eat something to have the energy to fly and yet not being hungry at all. Multiple times Clearsight heavily considered dropping her bag, which had blank scrolls and ink for charting maps, but she knew from her visions that the dragons of Pantala wrote on odd slates and she was much better off keeping her supplies. Finally, after several painful hours and not enough stops, she landed on sandy ground. The continent of Pantala stretched out before her.
I made it. Relief washed over her. I got to Pantala. My destiny is truly my own now.
Uncomfortably the unpreventable future returned to her. She shook her wings. There was only way to stop that future, any that was to die before it came true. She would just had to deal with it.
Clearsight immediately began to explore, poking around the shore. There were no signs of a dragon tribe living by the sea. Quickly she pulled an empty scroll out of her bag, dipped her talons in green ink, and began to sketch out a rough shape of the shoreline. She followed the beach and kept drawing until her talons were too cramped and her eyelids were straining in the dark, and then she decided to hunt.
The taste of seagull made Clearsight want to vomit after catching the one earlier in the day, so Clearsight decided it'd be a good idea to have something else. She didn't want to catch large prey for fear of not being hungry and wasting it; she decided that she would start small. Just eating a pheasant or something would be good for her. Yes, Clearsight decided, if she could get herself to eat enough to sustain her, this "unpreventable" future could actually be prevented. She wouldn't have to worry about starving.
After a while Clearsight caught a rabbit. She began to strip the fur off. This was to get to the tender meat below without getting hair in her teeth while she tried to eat. But Clearsight's mouth didn't water at the sight of the meat, and her claws didn't shake from hunger as she worked. She still felt full. By the time she was done, the rabbit still wasn't appetizing.
A terrible loneliness seemed to suddenly crash down on Clearsight. Why had she ever wanted to leave? She missed Darkstalker, terribly, despite all that he had done to her. His absence was like a void in her chest.
Think of the earrings, Clearsight reminded herself harshly. By taking away your ability to see all possible futures, the thing most important to you, he betrayed you.
Clearsight shut her eyes tight and began to cry. She felt very small all of the sudden, like she was not quite strong enough for the world. Why had this happened to her? Where had it went wrong? Perhaps Darkstalker was right, that Clearsight had spent too much time in the future and not enough in the present. Perhaps if she'd truly trusted Darkstalker, then he wouldn't have gotten so bad. There was no way for her to know. All Clearsight knew for sure was that she wanted Darkstalker beside her, reassuring her, telling her that she'd get through this awful unpreventable future.
But if Darkstalker were here, none of this would be happening. Clearsight wouldn't have left the Night Kingdom and she wouldn't have become an explorer. Clearsight managed to calm herself with this thought. Darkstalker had been holding her back from what she wanted.
Go to sleep, Clearsight told herself. It's too late to worry about these things.
Clearsight began to scan the beach for a place to lay down, but it was almost completely flat. Clearsight took a deep breath to steady herself and decided to dig a small dip into the sand to have shelter from the wind. But before Clearsight fell asleep, she saw the rabbit fur littering the beach. A sudden instinct propelled her to gather it up and store it in her little dip before she slept so that it wouldn't blow away. She did this quickly and then curled up to sleep, feeling strangely content now that she had performed this action.
When morning came again, Clearsight was well rested and had plenty of energy. She no longer thought of Darkstalker; she only thought of the work she was going to get done that day. Over the course of the next few weeks, Clearsight wanted to have the shape of the continent sketched out. Then, she would work her way inward and search for the mysterious dragon tribes. She was about to set off when she remembered the fur. Realizing that the wind might blow the dip in the sand away with nothing inside of it, she buried the fur and made a large lump in the ground in case she ever had to go back.
Satisfied, Clearsight gotto work. But as she went further, something kept trying to tug her back to where she had buried the fur. I need to explore, she tried to tell herself. But late in the day, as she began to think about finding a place to sleep, she found herself flying back to the little dip in the ground.
I'm not getting any work done this way, she grumped. If I keep on returning to the dip, then I'll never be able to get very far in any direction.
The sun had not yet set when she got there, so she decided to gather some feathers and twigs to build a sturdy nest, along with the fur, for her to sleep on. She had thought when she arrived on the continent that the sand would have been comfortable enough, but she couldn't ignore the instinct telling her to do this. She wasn't complaining. A nest was more comfy, anyway. As soon as she had enough feathers and twigs, she dug up the fur. Then she dug further and further in the dip in the ground until she hit the harder sand, the firm, damp stuff that wouldn't blow away. She clawed away an overhang and then built the nest under it.
Then Clearsight climbed out of the dip to admire her work. It was much bigger and stronger now, and much more sheltered from the wind. She tested and discovered that there was enough room for her and at least one or two other dragons to lay down. Not very comfortably, but still. Clearsight fell asleep content once more.
The next day went much in the same way. She managed to get farther, but eventually went back to the newly built nest. The day after that, she got even farther, and saw a large gray dragon patrolling the beach. She froze. The dragon turned and met her eyes.
"Who -" the dragon began, but before he could say anything, Clearsight whirled and flew away.
How can I get close to anyone? her mind screamed. How can I talk to anyone? It'll just go badly. They'll just betray me. An unsettling feeling crawled over her as she flew further and further away. Meeting with a Pantalan dragon... that would mean I'm really over Darkstalker. I'm leaving any memory of him behind, being true to what I've always wanted to do. And I'm not over Darkstalker. I'm not ready to do that.
Angrily Clearsight stopped and slashed the sandy beach with her claws. Why can't you do this? She continued to fly back, hoping that the gray Pantalan dragon wouldn't follow her. He'd certainly outfly her, because Clearsight was weak from lack of food.
Eventually Clearsight reached the nest. She was starting to piece together why she had built it.
It's that stupid unpreventable future, she thought. It's coming back to haunt me. A sigh. Take a few deep breaths. There's no way to prevent this now. There's no way you're going to stop a mother's instinct.
You're going to have Darkstalker's eggs.
Putting words to the thought frightened Clearsight. She desperately searched for a future where this didn't happen. If she didn't build nests and prepare for the eggs, then her body would put off having them because it was trying to wait until she was prepared. But because the eggs were so big, there was no room for food in her stomach, and she wouldn't be able to eat.
Clearsight sighed. There is no escaping this. I am having Darkstalker's eggs. And they will be nothing like them. Clearsight's heart pulsed with emotion. They will be their own dragons. They will not know the kind of dragon their father was. And that is a good thing.
I can do this.
I don't need Darkstalker now.
I am my own dragon.
Clearsight turned to look westward, where the setting sun was streaking the sky gold and pink.