I own nothing except any mistakes I made.

He would never ever know it, but she did come back. She had to. Maybe a clean break would've been healthier, but she was messed up beyond repair anyway. Besides, seeing his face always reminded her of why she was fighting, and the aching hole in her chest where he used to be helped her focus. She channelled the rest of her guilt through that hole in her heart, through her last betrayal, and she used it to kill Sith. That was all she was good for now.

It was why she made sure he never saw her.

The first time she came back to Telos was on the anniversary of her departure. She knew it was going to hurt like hell anyway, and she wanted to see him one last time. One last time, that was what she told herself. The disguise was the easy part. Her once-long black hair was now chin length and light brown. Some careful makeup and judicious use of the Force to kept people's eyes away from her. It was all she assumed she'd need to go unrecognized. She was right.

When she finally reached Citadel Station, she realized she had no idea where to find him, or if he was even still there. After a long debate with herself, she reached out with the Force to find his mind. It was ridiculously easy, and she had to stop herself from sinking into his mind like she used to, so that they would be completely joined. No secrets. Revan didn't bother thinking about the irony as she set of in the right direction

He was in a bar, busily drinking himself under the table. It was obvious that he'd been there for quite some time, and he sat at the bar alone, throwing back the whiskey like it was water. Revan watched him from a nearby table, tears streaming silently down her face. She listened as he told the bartender about the woman who left him, and about his hope that she would come back some day. She saw Dustil enter the bar to drag his father home in the early hours of the morning. She could smell the alcohol on her lover from where she was sitting, and she could see the tears running down into his beard.

She didn't come back again for three years.

There had finally been a breakthrough. Thousands from the Sith army were dead, and their plans would be delayed for years. It was the first time in a long time that she felt like she could leave, however briefly. And she found that she actually wanted to see him. So she did.

This time, she found Carth at the office. It was harder to watch him there without arousing suspicion, but she sat in his secretary's office all day, again wrapping herself in the force to make herself less noticeable.

Carth got into the office at seven. He left for half an hour to get lunch, then didn't leave again until almost midnight. From the secretary's reaction, this was normal. She left at a little before five, asking Admiral Onasi if he'd be staying late again. Obviously unsurprised by his affirmative answer, she ran through a brief list of deadlines before she left, never noticing that someone was still sitting in a shadowed corner of her office.

The promotion made Revan happy and sad all at once. Happy that it had happened, sad because it never could've while he was associated with her. She stayed in the office watching him until he left. He didn't notice her either.

It was Christmas a two and a half years later when she returned again. The Onasi family celebrated the holiday in Mission and Dustil's house (the two had apparently gotten married a little less than a year ago) and Revan managed to get in by pretending to be one of the waitresses the couple had hired to help out with the huge Christmas dinner they had planned for later. Once she was inside, it was easy enough to find a somewhere to watch them from. Her heart leaped when Carth arrived, but he wasn't alone. A red-haired woman accompanied him. She was beautiful, and Revan was torn between hating her for taking her place and loving her for helping Carth.

Revan watched the little family sit and exchange presents. Carth was smiling, something Revan hadn't seen him do either time she'd come back before. He and the redheaded woman didn't seem to be a couple-they didn't hold hands or do anything else that was overtly coupley-but it was sickeningly obvious how much they cared about each other. They were always touching (their thighs brushed while sitting, their hands touched while they walked) and the way they looked at each other made Revan's chest ache.

She told herself it was a good thing, that it was for the best, that Carth wouldn't hurt as much as he had and that was all that mattered. She told herself she believed it, too. But as Revan slipped out the back door of Mission and Dustil's house, she swore to herself that this was her last visit.

And it was almost the truth.

Six years later, Revan found herself outside of Carth's apartment. It was all over. She had killed the last of the Sith. He had killed her in return, but it didn't matter. She knew it was only a matter of time before she succumbed to her wounds, but she only needed a little more time.

She knocked, and a moment later the door opened. The redhead from that Christmas so many years ago stood in the doorway, looking down at Revan.

"Oh my gods, you're bleeding."

"Carth..." Revan croaked. She started to fall forward, but the woman caught her.

"Red?" a male voice called from another room. "Who is it?"

"I-" the woman shook her head, half carrying and half dragging Revan to the nearest chair. "I don't know. You better come out here, though, she's hurt bad."

Revan dimly heard scuffling sounds, and then the world stopped spinning as he entered the room. He seemed just as amazed as she was. "...Fia? Is that... is that really you?"

Revan managed to laugh as she nodded. Of course he would still call her that. She hadn't gone by the name Fia Andraa since she left, but he had always insisted on calling her that.

"Fia?" the other woman said. Revan didn't bother looking at her. "This is Revan?"

Carth nodded slowly. All at once the spell over the room seemed to be broken, and he crossed the room in a few short strides to gather Revan to his chest. Despite herself, she felt a tear leaking out of her eye.

"Gods, beautiful, what happened to you?" Carth asked, murmuring into her hair as he rocked slowly. Revan shook her head mutely. "I though-I thought you were dead," he told her.

"I will be soon," she said.

"No," Carth said too loudly. "No! Red, call the hospital. Get someone over here. Now!"

Shavit, I'm an idiot. It traumatized him when Morgan died this way, so why did you think this would be any better? "I'm sorry, Carth. I shouldn't have come."

His arms tightened around her. "Like hell. Don't worry, you're gonna be fine. No one's dying today."

Revan shook her head, but the movement made her cough and once she started coughing she couldn't stop. Finally, the fit subsided, and she saw blood on her hand where she had covered her mouth.

"They're on their way, Carth." Red sounded like she was talking from a very very long way away. "They'll be here as soon as they can."

"You here that, beautiful? You're gonna be fine."

Even Carth was fading, far away. Too far away. She was slipping. "Carth?"

"What is it, beautiful?"

Revan stared at his face, trying to soak up every detail. The gray hair at his temples. The laugh lines. Those two stubborn locks that were always falling across his forehead. His deep, deep brown eyes that could always make her melt, even now. As he faded, she said "I... I love you, Carth."

That was the last time she came back.