(AN: This takes place in the Marauders Era. Based on It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown)
It's The Great Pumpkin Severus Snape!
It was autumn of 1972 in merry ol' England; on the grounds of the prestigious Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Bellatrix Black and Lucius head out of the school and onto the pumpkin patch of the groundskeeper.
Once in the patch, Lucius picked up a small pumpkin. Bellatrix shook her head and Lucius picked up the next biggest. Bellatrix shook her head again and pointed to the pumpkin she wanted. Gulping nervously, he picked up the gigantic squash, struggling under its weight.
"Perfect!" said Bellatrix as she turned and started walking out of the patch.
"Its okay, I can manage," Lucius said sarcastically as he carried the pumpkin, which was bigger than him mind you, and carried it across the field and up the steps and into the school. He set it down for a moment to rest, and then he got a bright idea.
Lucius cleverly rolled the pumpkin across the Entrance Hall and passed Bellatrix. Unfortunately the pumpkin got away from him as soon as he reached the stairs. The giant gourd rolled and rolled, knocking down students, teachers, and ghosts alike. Lucius ran after it and even jumped on top of it to stop the rolling vegetable, but he wound up rolling with it and crashed right through the Slytherin portrait.
Bellatrix leisurely walked in to find the Slytherin common room a mess, and in the back was Lucius with a giant pumpkin on top of him. Bellatrix then walked up to him and rolled the pumpkin off her fellow classmate and moved it to the middle of the common room.
"I'm okay," mumbled Lucius, "Just my dignity is bruised…" Lucius got up and then sat in the common room, wondering exactly what Bellatrix was going to do with the pumpkin he helped her bring in.
Bellatrix returned to the common room with a knife preceded to cut the top of the pumpkin off. Then, using her wand, she levitated the insides out of the gourd.
"AH!" Lucius yelled, "You killed it!" and then fainted.
"Oh brother…" said Bellatrix.
Outside, Severus was raking leafs as part of his detention with Filch. "Phew, finally…" he said as he looked at the mountain of leafs he had gathered from just the front grounds alone.
Nearby, gingerly sucking on a lollypop was James Potter. The moment he laid his eyes on that glorious leaf-pile that Snape so conveniently created, he did what any rational person would do…
"Cannonball!" he yelled as he ran, jumped, and landed in the pile.
"NO!" Severus exclaimed as the leaf-pile exploded and scattered the leafs back exactly as before he started hours ago.
James, covered head-to-toe in leafs, smiled up at the seething Snape. "Sorry, couldn't help myself." And he left.
Snape would have hexed James right there and then, but Sirus came up behind him.
"Hi there Snivilus," said Sirius, holding an American football. "Care to play a game with me?"
Snape glared suspiciously at Sirius, having quite a history with the Gryffindor, knew him too well, "You must really think I'm stupid, don't you Black?"
"Yes," said Black with a smile. "But I've decided against better judgment to instead invite you to a nice game of football, as a peace offering of sorts. I'll even let you kick off."
"Oh really?" said Snape, "I can see it now. You'll hold the ball, I'll attempt to kick it, but you'll pull it away so that I'll fall and kill myself."
"Normally I would," said Black. "But here, a signed magical contract that says I cannot do that,"
Snape took the document and looked it over; it was a signed magical contract. And according to magical law, no one can go against a magical contract.
"Alright Black, set it up," said Snape.
"You got it," said Sirius as he put the ball down and held it.
Snape stood a couple of feet away, then ran right at the ball, and brought his leg down for the kick… and Sirus pull it away.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" Snape went flying and landed on his back some feet ahead. "…Ouchie…"
Sirius got up and took the contract out of Snape's limp hand. "There's a funny thing about magical contracts, it has to be notarized." And he walked away, laughing all the way back to the castle.
Snape managed to crawl back to the Slytherin common room as soon as he healed a little. There he found Lucius, hovering over a letter he was writing.
"Who are you writing to?" Snape asked.
"I'm writing to the Great Pumpkin. He rises out of the pumpkin patch every Halloween and flies around, bringing candy and toys to all good children."
"Sorry I asked," Snape mumbled. "When are you going to stop believing in these silly myths of yours?"
"When you start believing in the man with the red suit and white beard." replied Lucius.
As Snape left his friend to go to the Owlery, Bellatrix came in and saw what Lucius was writing. "Not again!" she shouted, startling Lucius. "You, Malfoy, have made are house a laughingstock of the school! I can't stand it!" and she marched away.
"You'll see; the Great Pumpkin is real! And he'll give me everything I deserve!" Lucius smiled widely as he imagined himself immersed with gifts and candy all for him.
"What are you doing Lucius?" Narcissa asked as she sat next to him, and stared at him lovingly.
"I'm writing a letter to the Great Pumpkin." He replied.
"Oh, you say the cutest things," Narcissa hugged Lucius, who blushed and almost pushed her away, but then he had an idea.
"Hey, how would you like to sit out with me on the pumpkin patch tonight, so you can meet him?" he asked her.
"I'd love to do anything with you Lucius," hearts floated above her head.
"Oh brother,"
Then Bellatrix stormed back in, "What's going on here?! You're not going to corrupt my sister!" and she took Narcissa's hand and pulled her away.
"Bye Lucy," Narcissa winked.
"Don't call me that!" He shouted as he put the letter in the envelope and headed for the Owlery.
Then Snape came back to the common room, looking happy (which was a rare sight on the almost-always-miserable boy).
"What's with you?" Bellatrix asked.
"I got invited to a party! I've never been invited to a party!"
"Is it for the big inter-house Halloween party in the Great Hall tonight?" Bellatrix asked.
"Yeah, this is great!"
"If you got invited then there must have been a mistake," said Bellatrix. "I helped make the guest lists, one was of people to invite, and the other was who not to invite. Guess which one you were on."
"Oh," Snape looked sad.
Bellatrix then sighed, "But its too late, you'll have to come."
"Thanks Bella," Snape said.
"But don't think I'll make this mistake again," she said.
Later, some of the Slytherins were completing their costumes to go trick-or-treating in Hogsmeade.
"Remember," said Bellatrix, "A good costume should contrast to your personality." Then she put her demon mask on.
"Or in this case, reflect it," Radolphus whispered to his brother, both then snickered.
Snape came downstairs, wearing a sheet that had about a million holes cut into it.
"What are you supposed to be, Swiss cheese?" asked Radolphus.
"I had a little trouble with the cutting charm," Snape grumbled. "I'm supposed to be a ghost."
Then Lucius, carrying a lawn chair, walked passed everyone and was about to head out the portrait hole when Bellatrix stopped him.
"Are you going to waste another Halloween sitting in a pumpkin patch all night?" Bellatrix asked. "Why don't you just go trick-or-treating like a normal kid?"
"Why walk around and beg for candy, when I can get it for free from the Great Pumpkin himself," Lucius smiled.
"What an idiot," concluded Bellatrix.
"Wait! I'll go with you Lucy!" Narcissa followed her love.
"Don't call me that!"
"You're making a big mistake Narcy!" Severus shouted after his classmate.
"They'll never learn," said Radolphus.
The group of Slytherins, clad in costume and carrying bags, left the castle and entered the little village of Hogsmeade. They went up to the first door, knocked, and shouted "Trick-or-treat!" Then each held up their bags in turn to receive their treats.
"Can I have an extra piece for my idiot classmate? He's sitting in a pumpkin patch waiting for an imaginary friend to show up," said Bellatrix, and the person at the house threw in an extra candy. "It's embarrassing to have to ask for extra because of him."
Then after they compared their spoils.
"I got a chocolate bar."
"I got gum."
"I got a rock," said Snape.
At the next house,
"I got cookies,"
"I got a Knut."
"I got a rock," said Snape.
And at the next one,
"I got a lollipop,"
"I got a licorice stick,"
"… I got a rock…" said Snape. "I think there's a pattern forming here…"
After going to nearly every house in the village, the kids decided it was time to head back for the party. On their way they stopped by the pumpkin patch, where Lucius and Narcissa were sitting.
"Still waiting for the Great Pumpkin, dorks?" asked Radolphus.
"Mock us if you will!" Narcissa said, "But the Great Pumpkin will show up, he will! Then you'll see Lucius is not crazy!"
"If you guys ever feel like coming back to reality, we'll be at the party in the Great Hall," said Bellatrix, and the rest of the Slytherins followed her back to the castle.
Then Narcissa turned back to Lucius, "Alright, where is he?!" Lucius recoiled from her yelling, "We've been sitting here for hours!"
"He'll be here," Lucius tried to calm her down. "The Great Pumpkin always rises out of the most sincere pumpkin patch. And this is the most sincere pumpkin in all of England! He has to come to this one, he has to."
"For your sake he better," said Narcissa with narrowed eyes, "I have a reputation to uphold."
At the party in the Great Hall, Bellatrix and another Slytherin girl were preparing to carve a pumpkin, when suddenly Severus walked by.
"Hey Snape, how would you like to model for us?" the Slytherin girl asked him.
Snape was surprised, "Me? You want me to model?"
"Sure, just sit right here and close your eyes," The Slytherin girl sat him down and took out a marker. "Now if we make the eyes like this," she drew a triangle over each eye, "And make the nose like so," she drew a triangle over Snape's nose. "And make the mouth like this, it should be good," and she drew the fanged mouth over Snape's mouth.
"Now that's scary." Bellatrix laughed when Snape opened his eyes and growled angrily.
Over in another area, James, Remus, and Lily were by a basin filled with water and apples.
"What this thing for?" James Potter asked, dressed as a Quidditch player with a bloodied Snitch lodged in his eye socket.
"Its part of a game, called 'Bobbing for Apples'." said Remus, who was ironically dressed as a werewolf.
"How cute, I want to try," said Lily, who's costume was a dead cheerleader. She walked up to the basin, and bent over, dipping her head in the water. When she came up, she had Sirius attached to her lips. Apparently, he had been hiding underwater, in the basin. "AGH! I've been kissed by Sirius! Poison dog lips!" She ran away.
"Something I did?" asked Sirius, who was dressed as Snoopy as the World War I Flying Ace.
Narcissa checked her watch, 11:59… now she was pissed. "So where's the Great Pumpkin?"
"He'll be here, just have some patience."
Now she was really pissed, "Patience? Patience?! I've been sitting here, in a pumpkin patch, for four hours, waiting for a giant pumpkin to come out. Where is he? Huh? Huh? I don't see any Great Pumpkin!"
Suddenly there was a rustling sound coming from nearby.
"What was that?!" Lucius shot up from his lawn chair. "Was that… was that…" then across the pumpkin patch, a dark figure rose up out of the vines. Lucius pointed and shouted, "There he is! There he is! It's the Great Pumpkin!" Then he swooned and fainted.
Narcissa stood there, shocked… but then the dark figure started laughing. "What the?"
Stepping into the moonlight, was Sirius Black, laughing, "Stupid Slytherins," then he ran back to the castle.
Narcissa stood there, her face red from embarrassment and anger.
Lucius started to come to, "What… what happened?" he sat up. "Did the Great Pumpkin come? Did I miss him? Did he leave us any candy?"
Now Narcissa was really, really pissed, "You blockhead!" she yelled. "I wasted my entire night sitting here, in the dirt, with you! I missed out on trick-or-treating! I missed the party! I could have gotten candy and cookies and money and cakes! I could have bobbed for apples and played games and had a good time!" she threw her hands up "Halloween is over and I missed it!" then she pointed an accusing figure at the scared blonde boy, "You cheated me out of Halloween! I want my night back! I'll sue! I want restitution!" Then Narcissa stormed out of the patch and back to the castle, maybe she could beg for candy from her sister or Snape.
Lucius got up and watched Narcissa leave, "I have heard of the fury of a woman scorned, but the fury of a woman cheated out of candy is just scary." Then he shouted back at her, "If the Great Pumpkin does come, I'll put in a good word for you!" Then he realized what he just said, and slapped his hands over his mouth, "Oh no, I said 'if'! I doubted! One slip like that and it's all over." Then he shouted to the sky, "I didn't mean it!"
That night, Bellatrix woke up, wondering if Lucius had come in yet. She got up and walked over to the boys' dorm. Lucius' bed was empty. She sighed, got on her coat, and made her way outside, to the pumpkin patch.
Yep, there he was, laying on his lawn-chair, asleep and shivering from the cold. Bellatrix then levitated him out of the patch and back into the castle. Then she tucked him into bed. "Blockhead." She mumbled.
The next day, Severus and Lucius sat under a tree on the front grounds.
"So, did the Great Pumpkin show up?" Snape asked.
"Nope," Lucius answered. "How was trick-or-treating and the party?"
"I got a bag full of rocks and my face drawn on." Snape replied.
Both sighed and sat in silence under the tree.
"So now that the Great Pumpkin didn't show up, you've lost your faith in him?" Snape asked hopfully. Maybe his only friend in the school had finally outgrown his childish fantasies.
"No way," Lucius said. "Next year, I will sit out all night long! I'll even make a sign next time—"
"Oh brother…" Snape said as his friend went on and on.
AN: Happy Halloween on and all!