WARNING - CONTAINS DEATH OF A NEWBORN CHILD IF THIS OFFENDS YOU PLEASE DO NOT READ THE MATERIAL.
AN: This story is rated M for various reasons and it is a pretty dark fanfiction so if you aren't into those things I suggest you pass this story there will be happy moments also I promise!
Disclaimer - I don't own Degrassi,obviously
"Eli what's going on?" Clare looked at me in panic as she waited to hear the sound of new lungs cry out to the world for the first time…but we didn't hear anything. I held her hand and looked at the doctor who held his head low and I knew what was coming, I didn't want to hear it,I wanted to burst out in tears when the doctor looked into my face with grey eyes as he said..
"We are so sorry Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy ." Clare looked at me with sad blue eyes and tears beamed down and streaked her cheeks. I wanted to cry, I really did but I held strong for Clare…I had to be strong for Clare.
"What do you mean your sorry! I want to see my baby, why isn't she crying!" Clare struggled to sit up but I held onto her shoulders she had just had a emergency cesarean section and shouldn't be trying to get up.
"No, Eli! Don't push me back down! I just want to see my baby, please!" She knew what was going on, I could tell by the look in her eyes, but she didn't want to believe it.
"I'm sorry but the baby was a stillbirth." The doctor wiped his forehead and gave us a apologetic look. I knew what had happened but hearing the words come out of his mouth made it ten times worse. I felt like I had just been cut in half, we had been waiting for this baby for nine months after trying for over a year and now, she is gone. This is going to break Clare in half she was so disappointed every time we would try for a baby and the test would come back negative.
Then it happened….one day she was feeling sick and we took her to the doctor and he came back with the best news we had heard in the past year…Clare was pregnant. The doctors thought we wouldn't be able to have children, they said it may never happen but it did!
The last nine months have been filled with picking out names, finding out we were having a baby girl and painting a nursery .We wanted this baby so much and now she was gone. I burst out into tears at that moment, I had tried to be strong for Clare but when the thoughts of going home without Isabelle made me loose it.
"Eli." She looked at me and her lip trembled trying hard not to let any tears fall out. I sat down next to Clare and held onto her and she let the tears flow into my shoulder.
We sat there like that for a long time just crying silently mourning the loss of our miracle…our baby. Our baby we had waited for since we said 'I Do'. Once they had cleaned up Clare they brought her into a hospital room. She looked lost and empty as she placed a hand over the scar on her stomach and a tear rolls down her cheek and onto her abdomen.
"What if this was it?" She didn't look at me she just held her hand to her stomach and looked up at the ceiling. I couldn't stand seeing her like this…a empty shell of herself.
"What do you mean?" I said gently sitting next to her on the thin hospital mattress.
"What if this was our last chance." I realized what she meant and I placed a kiss on her lips and she tried to give me a smile but you could tell her heart wasn't in it.
"Just because it didn't work this time doesn't mean we can't try again." I stated trying to show her a bright side even though on the inside I was just as empty as she was.
"What if its my fault Eli? What if there was something I could have done differently…we may still have her…Oh Eli…what if…" I stopped her hysterics and pulled her into a embrace.
"Clare the doctor said we couldn't have done anything our blood types just don't match up."
"But if we would have known we could have gotten the RH treatments…and maybe we would still have…" She couldn't finish the sentence she just kept holding onto me and I held her back slowly rocking her and combing my fingers through her cinnamon curls.
"Shhh, Clare it's going to be okay. After a while we can try again."
"It's not fair we shouldn't have to try again…I wanted this baby Eli, I loved her."
"I loved her too Clare, more than I can say but that doesn't mean we should give up. I know you want a baby more than anything Clare and I don't want you to go around thinking this is your fault and giving up on having a family. Next time we will get the RH treatments and we will be extra careful." Clare nodded her head and buried herself into my shoulder as I rubbed her back with little circles.
"I want to see her…." Clare said bluntly and I nodded.
"Are you sure?" I said pulling away from her and she nodded and wiped a stray tear from her face.
.
.
.
.
.
It was one of the most heart breaking things I had ever seen. Clare held Isabelle in her arms and choked on her own tears. I know to some people it may seem strange for Clare to want to hold her…but you will never know the feeling until it has happened to you. Clare needed to hold Isabelle in her arms….just once.
AN: I know,I know it's sad I hope you guys still like it though!I promise it gets better!Reviews are appreciated!