Arthur the Wanker & Merlin the Worrier, a merlin fanfic

So a lot of people asked me why I thought men were wankers... so I thought I'd sum it up in a fic! Very closely based on what happened to make me think such things

Merlin sat alone in his hospital room, texting his friends about Christmas. He had recently been sectioned under the mental health act when his medication had stopped working, but had been put in a hospital far from his home town of Ealdor. Instead he was in a private hospital in Camelot, at least until his local hospital had beds. At least his friend Arthur lived close – he visited often, and always brought Merlin something up. Whether that be chocolates or a magazine, Arthur always made the effort to bring him a present.

'What do you want for Christmas? Xxx' Merlin started at the message with a frown, he felt a slight tug at his heartstrings. It seemed ironic that Arthur was the one asking him that question, when it was Arthur that he wanted.

'Doesn't matter... not going to get what I really want! Xxx' Merlin texted back, not sure himself if he was joking, or trying to make Arthur take the hint at last, and dump his girlfriend for him. Seconds later, Merlin's phone beeped.

'Aw... what do you really want? Johnny Depp? Xxx' came the reply. Merlin found himself laughing, Johnny Depp would be nice yes – but not half as nice as Arthur.

'LOL! Close... it's a guy I want, but not Johnny. Xxx' Merlin put, sending the text before he had a chance to think about it. If he did, he wouldn't dare send it.

'Ah! Give me a clue then mate! Where does he live? Xxx' came Arthur's reply. Merlin shook ever so slightly. What the hell should he put? If he said where the guy lived, it would give the game away completely!

'That would give it away, lol! Xxx' he put in the end, hoping that would make Arthur guess and guess until he grew bored of the whole thing and gave up. Merlin's phone stayed silent for a long while, and he guessed that Arthur was listing every guy they knew in the hopes that he would be right. But yet, when the reply came through, it contained just one word.

'Me' No question mark, no joke's, no kisses. The game was up – Arthur knew. Merlin shook violently as he replied, and, although he only typed out one word, he had to redo it many a time.

'Yes' Merlin almost had a panic attack after he pressed send – what the hell would Arthur say to that? Did he already know? The reply took an age to come, and Merlin was hyperventilating the entire time. He could not believe that he'd just risked his friendship like that – over what? A stupid crush. When Merlin's phone beeped again, he almost couldn't read the words, but knew he had to, otherwise he'd never stop shaking.

'Thank you for being honest. You are one of my best friends, and I will always really care about you. This won't change anything between us, xxx'

Merlin wasn't sure what he typed in way of reply, but as soon as he hit 'send' he threw his phone to the floor, and collapsed onto his bed in a fit if uncontrollable sobs.

Merlin called Arthur the next day. He was finally being transferred to his local hospital, and had to cancel Arthur's visit. The previous night's texts were not bought up, and Arthur told Merlin he hoped he would be ok. He acted pretty much like normal. In a way Merlin was glad to get away from Camelot – Arthur would not be able to see him any time soon – but at the same time, he would miss his friend and would have to wait even longer for that awkward moment when they would see each other again.

The topic was ignored, forgotten, for a long while after. But Arthur brought it up again one day while they chatted online.

Arthur1987 – So how long have you felt that way about me? Merlin felt a tremor run through him – why was Arthur suddenly curious about his 'crush'? Was he finally ready to admit that he felt the same way?

MerlinEmrys – Morgana mentioned something when you came to visit me last summer. Said she thought you liked me, you know, more than as friends... and it made me think of you in that way. Over time the feeling just developed. Merlin tried to be as honest as possible, without drawing Morgana into the frame too much. Yes, she had voiced that opinion, but she never said it was fact... Merlin hoped Arthur would pick up on that.

Arthur didn't reply for a few minutes, and when he did, he had completely changed the subject.

Arthur1987 – So, do you think you'll get out in time to go to Reading? Merlin felt relieved to be off topic, but at the same time, he felt saddened by it. Obviously Arthur didn't feel the same way.

And then everything was... normal. There was no mention of it, none at all. Ok, so Merlin may have left one of two messages on Arthur's facebook – that Gwen had seen! – but other than that, the whole thing was forgotten. (And ok yes, Merlin may have checked Arthur's facebook almost everyday... but when a mutual friend indicated that he was becoming a bit... stalkery... Merlin decided to back off and try and fight his feelings,)

And Merlin finally started to move on.

And move on he did! He transferred most of his affections elsewhere, and forced any impassioned thought about Arthur out of his head. Such thoughts were unavoidable of course, it is normal for people to think about those they are close to in that way every now and then – but they still terrified Merlin, scared him into thinking his feelings would return and destroy his and Arthur's friendship.

Furthermore everything stayed normal – things were a bit awkward the first few times they saw each other, but it wasn't noticeable to anyone but themselves and so they were able to push past it.

Although he and Arthur never spoke of his feelings, they had an unsaid rule that they should never talk about it. For Merlin, his emotional wounds still stung, were still healing – and may never fully heal. For Arthur, he simply didn't feel that way, and did not want to give Merlin false hope.

Or so Merlin thought.

MerlinEmrys – So yeah, the puppies are doing really well. Lol! They don't ever go silent though. Merlin joked. Arthur had just asked him how his dog and her newborn puppies were. However, despite the fact that Arthur had asked about the dog and puppies, he did not respond to Merlin's reply. Merlin frowned and sighed. Arthur had probably been distracted by his Xbox... again. Merlin distracted himself with his online graphics' work and forgot about his half-hearted conversation with Arthur. That is, until he heard the 'pop' that meant he had a new message. When he saw his convo with Arthur flash, he guessed that Arthur was logging off. But the message he got was nothing of the sort.

Arthur1978 – Do you still fancy me? What the fuck? Why on earth was Arthur bringing this up now – after almost a year of things being left alone? Merlin shook as he typed up an honest reply.

MerlinEmrys – Sort of. On and off... if you get what I mean? It was then that his friend Morgana saw the message.

"That's a bit rude isn't it?" she asked, a disgusted look on her face. Merlin had to agree. They had a rule – an unsaid rule but a rule nevertheless – about this subject! What had gotten into Arthur?

MerlinEmrys – Why? Morgana moved away, and Merlin felt the need to question Arthur about the matter.

Arthur1978 – Just wondering... Arthur replied. Wondering..? Was he being honest, or was that simply a cover? After a short pause, Arthur spoke again

Arthur1978 – What you thinking? What kind of question was that? What was the point of it? Merlin hated it when Arthur asked him that. No one else ever asked him that and he really didn't understand the purpose of the question.

MerlinEmrys – Nothing Not totally honest really. Merlin was thinking – but his brain was so jumbled he couldn't make sense of his thoughts.

Arthur1978 – Really? Merlin knew that Arthur didn't believe him.

MerlinEmrys - Really

By this point Merlin was so confused, so shook up and aggravated by it all, that he logged off without saying goodbye.

"Maybe he was feeling low and needed something to make him feel better?"

"He might have had a fight with his girlfriend, and decided he doesn't want to be alone... maybe you're his back up,"

"Maybe his feelings for you have changed and he wants to see if you see the same way,"

"Maybe he's just being arrogant and full of himself!"

The maybes came thick and fast, from friends and family, confusing and worrying Merlin even more so. What were Arthur's intentions? He decided a heart-to-heart with Morgana was in order.

"Look, people don't ask that sort of thing for no reason... least of all Arthur," he said as she handed Merlin a cup of tea. Merlin, who was visibly upset, simply nodded. "When he logs back on, just confront him about it," she insisted.

"Yeah... will do," Merlin whispered.

"He's really upset you hasn't he?" Morgana asked sadly, biting her lip as she hid in her hair. Merlin nodded.

"Yeah... we don't talk about it! He doesn't.... I don't get.... I mean why, why would he ask me now? Out of the blue? For no reason?" Merlin questioned angrily. He wanted an explanation, and since Arthur was not online to give him one he would have to wait.

"I don't know Merlin... look babe, don't get upset. He's not worth it," Morgana whispered. Merlin burst into tears.

"I was finally getting over him, then he just throws that out there!" he sobbed into Morgana's shoulder.

The next day, Merlin found himself waiting for his bus home with Will. He found himself telling Will everything – if only to get another view on the situation.

"Well, I've never meet Arthur, so I have no idea what's going on in his head... but let's just say his feelings had changed and he asked you out – what would you say?" Will asked as he struggled to light his fag in the cold winter wind. Merlin sighed and really thought about the question. What would he say?

"I'd say no. I'd tell him that he still has a girlfriend, and that even if he breaks up with her, that would make me the rebound. I don't want to be the rebound." Merlin was shocked by his answer... he never thought he would ever consider turning Arthur down.

"Would you give it time, or just forget the idea completely?" Will asked. Again Merlin found that he had to really think about the question.

"I would give it time you know... time for him to get over Gwen, time for me to be more than just rebound. Time to make sure he really felt that way about me," Merlin smiled, even gave a small laugh. "If he really felt the same way he would wait for me,"

"He would," Will said with a nod as their bus pulled up.

Merlin found himself online again. He did nothing but stare at the list of his online friends. Finally, more than 24 hours after he had first questioned Merlin's feelings, Arthur logged on.

MerlinEmrys – Why did you ask me that? Really! You don't ask that sort of thing for no reason! Merlin demanded as soon as Arthur was available for chat. He didn't even bothering to say Hello to his friend.

Arthur1978 – I was just wondering... honest. Came the reply. Merlin found himself snorting. Yeah right! There is a reason behind this! He thought to himself.

MerlinEmrys – There has to be a reason Arthur. No one asks that question without an alternative motive! Least of all you!

Arthur1978 – We hadn't talked about it in a while, I was just curious! Honest! Merlin didn't believe Arthur, not at all, but knew pushing the matter was futile. Arthur had said what he was going to say, and he wasn't going to change his mind about it. Merlin knew him well enough to know that. After a while, Arthur spoke up.

Arthur1978 – You're not very talkative..? Was he worried or had he finally dragged himself away from his Xbox long enough for a conversation? To be honest, Merlin no longer cared.

MerlinEmyrs – Busy He wasn't, in fact he was bored and wished he had someone to talk to. Just not Arthur – for once he was in no mood to talk to him.

Arthur1978 – Graphics? Merlin smirked. At least Arthur paid enough attention to know that 'graphics' was what Merlin did when he said he was busy.

MerlinEmyrs – yep Normally Merlin would give Arthur details about what he was doing. But not today. Arthur left the matter, and at some point, Merlin managed to throw himself into his latest project. That is until he heard that familiar 'pop'.

Arthur1978 – I'm off. Merlin frowned at the message. No question about his well-being? No question as to whether he was still there?

Arthur1978 – Bye x Merlin didn't bother with a reply, and after a minute or two, Arthur logged off.

Merlin never brought up the matter again, he saw no point really. Arthur's simple question had made him realise that Arthur would be no good for him – romantically speaking. He still thought about Arthur in that way but now when he did, he just reminded himself that Arthur was arrogant and full off himself. That always did the trick!

So that's why I think men are wankers... it might seem trivial yes but its how I feel. To complicate this entire thing, 'Merlin' is going out with 'Arthur' to see their favourite band in concert on Valentine's Day. So 'Arthur' is choosing to spend the majority of the day with 'Merlin' and not 'Gwen'. I know it's probably because it's their favourite band, but still ... it's a bit weird!

Your thoughts – both on the fic, and on what you think 'Arthur' is really getting at!