A/N: Hey y'all! This was written for Hogwarts. Advent Calendar Day 9: (platonic pairings) RemusJames

Word Count: 2965

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling.

Please Note: This is a Muggle!AU. Also—sorry, unbeta'd!

WARNINGS: Remus has cystic fibrosis. There's some bullying, strong language, and some self-doubt/hate. I'm not writing from experience, so if there are any inaccuracies regarding the illness please PM me!

Enjoy!

Remus was walking with his hands deep in his pockets, his shoulders hunched. He didn't have any destination in mind; all he knew was that he had to get as far away from Severus Snape as possible.

He was panting heavily after only a few minutes, and he cursed his lungs in between breaths. He looked up at the moon, cheeks flushed, and wished that it would swallow him up. He went swiftly down the street, his brown hair ruffled by the wind of the cars as they sped by.

"Remus! Remus—wait!"

He sped up, coughing a bit, and kept his head down. He didn't want to see James Potter. He didn't know why he'd ever thought that he could have friends—

A hand clamped down on his shoulder. "Remus, what Snape said, was it—"

Remus wrenched himself free. "Go poke your nose into someone else's life," he snarled, hurt and humiliated. "Just leave me alone."

James' hazel eyes flashed in determination. "Remus, I'm not going to let you walk away from this. You're my friend, I care about you."

Remus closed his eyes.

Remus was walking down the school hallways, trying desperately to get to class before he was late. As he rounded a corner, he slammed right into someone coming from the opposite direction. He fell to the ground, his books and papers spilling everywhere. He tried to catch his breath, scrambling to gather all his things together.

"Oh, shit—mate, I'm sorry! I didn't see you there, let me help."

Remus glanced up and started in surprise. This was James Potter, the star of the school's football team. He swallowed dryly. He'd spent his entire school career trying to go unnoticed, and Potter drew crowds like a horse did flies.

"I'm fine," he murmured, taking the papers Potter handed him. "Erm, thanks. I've got to go, bye."

He hurried away, struggling not to drop everything. His bag had split in the fall, and he'd landed painfully on his ankle. As he limped along, he heard the sound of footsteps approach. THe next thing he knew, James Potter was beside him once more.

"Mate, I'm so sorry. Here, let me help you carry that."

Before Remus could say anything, James had taken his broken bag and most of his books. Remus looked at him indignantly.

"I can do it myself, you know."

James shrugged, but he didn't hand Remus' things back. "I know. But that doesn't mean you couldn't use some help."

Remus sighed in defeat. If he kept arguing, he'd be late for class. "Fine."

He was in a sour mood and didn't thank the other boy, but James didn't seem to mind. "I'm James Potter, by the way."

Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I know. You're the biggest name in school. Captain of the football team, and all that."

James blinked in surprise. "Oh. Yeah, I guess so. But we haven't met before, have we?"

This time, Remus did roll his eyes. "No. We don't share any classes or anything."

James nudged him lightly with his elbow. "So your name is…?"

Remus sighed heavily. "Remus Lupin."

"Nice to meet you, Remus," James said promptly. "Who're your friends? Maybe we have a mutual friend."

Remus couldn't believe this guy. No one was this friendly. It was strange. "I don't have any," he replied in his usual blunt manner.

James' steps faltered, and he turned to Remus, confused. "What? Why not?"

Remus shrugged. "I'm better off alone."

James opened his mouth, but Remus cut across him. "This is my classroom." He took the books and bag from James before he could protest. "Er, thanks Potter."

He walked in and hurried to his seat, missing the determination gleaming in the football star's eyes.

The next day, Remus was sitting in the school courtyard, his history textbook open in his lap. He looked up when a shadow fell over him, only to see James Potter standing over him.

"Er… can I help you?"

James grinned and plopped himself down next to Remus. "Just thought you could use the company."

Remuss stared at him, amber eyes unblinking. "Right," he said slowly. "You know I'm just studying, right? Oh, is this a prank—did you set this up with Pettigrew and Black? I'm really not in the mood to become a laughing stock, thanks."

James looked taken aback. "I was telling the truth! We wouldn't do that to you, Remus."

Remus turned back to his book. "Potter, I'm not a charity case. Beat it."

James stuck his chin out stubbornly. "No. I'm not letting you be alone anymore. No one should be."

Remus turned slowly to look at him. "You're joking, right? Potter, you're sitting here because I told you I liked being alone?"

"Because you said you were better off alone. That's not true of anyone."

Remus rolled his eyes. "You're going to get bored and leave within the hour," he warned.

James settled into his seat, sporting a grin. "Fine then."

They sat in silence for a long while, and Remus found that he had trouble working. He kept sending James suspicious glances.

Eventually, someone came jogging over, long hair threatening to fall out of their bun. "C'mon, James, what're you doing over there? Let's practice before we have to go back to class."

"Naw," said James casually, stretching like a cat. "Sorry, Sirius, but I'm spending break with Remus."

Remus looked up slowly, looking more closely at the newcomer. Sirius Black, James Potter's right hand man. Couldn't these people just leave him alone?

Sirius was frowning. "Who the hell is Remus?"

He raised a hand dully. "It's rude to talk about people like they're not there," he muttered a bit testily.

Sirius turned back to James. "I've never seen him before. You don't have any mates that I don't know about."

James grinned lazily up at his friend. "I do now."

Sirius looked at him for a second before shrugging. "I'm going to go address the Snape problem," he said. "Join me when you feel like it."

He jogged away, and Remus looked expectantly at James.

"So, Remus mate. What're you reading?"

From then on, James stuck to Remus like glue. He was there in between classes and during breaks, and Remus had to admit that he liked the other boy's chatter. It was nice, having someone ask after him and want to spend time with him. James wasn't doing it as a challenge—that much became clear after he stood up for Remus when Severus Snape was giving him trouble.

"What's he got against you?" James had asked him after that encounter.

Remus could only shrug. "I do better in most subjects than him. Drives him batty."

James had accepted that, though it was only a half-truth, and Remus had been relieved. But besides that, they hung out more. Remus went to James' football games, and James was kind enough to help him study when he wanted to. Occasionally, Remus would help James with one of his famous pranks, and he soon learned that there was nothing as infectious as James Potter's laugh.

Before long, Remus had to admit that whatever the consequences, having James as a friend was infinitely better than being alone.

"I told you," Remus said tiredly. "I'm better off alone. That way I can keep my secrets, and no one worries about—about catching it or catching me if I start to struggle—"

James stepped in front of him. "So it's true? You're… really sick?"

Remus threw his hands up in the air, wheezing. "My lungs don't fucking work, okay? They—" He broke off suddenly, coughing horrendously.

James jumped into action, rubbing his back and leading him over to sit against a nearby tree. Finally, Remus' coughs subsided and he was left shaky and weak. James reached into the rucksack he was always carrying and pulled out a bottle of water. He offered it to Remus without a word.

After a few sips, Remus croaked out, "Sorry."

James ran a hand through his black hair angrily, messing it up even more. "Don't you dare be sorry. This isn't your fault, there's nothing wrong with you. I hate Snape. I hate him. How did he even know, anyway?"

Remus ran a hand over his face. "His mum works at the hospital. He saw me there once, and… well."

"...He said it was cystic fibrosis."

Remus took another swig of water. "He's right."

James put his head in his hands. "I didn't know. Why didn't I know?" He looked at Remus, betrayal shining in his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Remus looked away. "I don't like people to know."

"I'm your friend. I wouldn't have—"

"I hate it James, okay? I hate it. I hate being sick, coughing… I hate it all. My body doesn't work. That's not supposed to happen. People are supposed to live long, happy lives, but I have no idea how long I have. So no, I didn't want to tell you. You can do everything I never can, have everything I never will… I wanted you to think that I was your equal."

James gaped at him. "Are you kidding? This doesn't change how close we are, Remus—"

"No, you don't understand," Remus said, seething. "I'm a mess, James. Completely broken. Held together only by antibiotics and hospital visits." His voice broke. "I don't understand how people… live. It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: 'Yeah, another day, let's do it.' How do people do it? I don't know how."

James' voice was soft. "Remus—"

"No," Remus interrupted, tired of their fight. "There are days when I don't even see the point of getting treated. That's what… that's what I'm trying to hide from you."

The party was in full swing. Their whole year had been invited, and James had somehow convinced Remus to go. He had to admit that he was enjoying himself. There was food and drink, and the music was blasting. There were people in the sitting room dancing, and others were in the kitchen consuming drinks that were too strong for them.

Remus was on the edge of the party, floating around and talking to people about this and that. It was nearing midnight when Snape and his gang stumbled upon him.

Snape had, as Remus had told James, always been jealous of his excellent marks. But the real reason Snape hated Remus so much was because Remus knew what no one else did: Snape's father was in prison. But no matter how far things went, Remus would never say that to anybody.

"Lupin," Snape sneered. "Who invited you here?"

Remus rolled his amber eyes. "The whole year was invited. You're nothing special."

Snape stiffened, and Remus chastised himself. He looked down his big nose at Remus, his cold black eyes regarding him with disdain. "I wouldn't say that, Lupin. At least I can go for a run without landing in a hospital room."

Remus grit his teeth. Snape had spoken loudly enough to draw attention, and the party was quickly quieting.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Snape. Go get a drink and leave me alone."

Snape took a few steps closer. "I think you know exactly what I mean, Lupin. When are you getting a lung transplant?"

"I don't need one," Remus snapped, unwillingly rising to the bait. "You don't know what you're talking about Snape."

He could see James' messy head bobbing its way through the crowd, struggling to get to him. He turned back to Snape, hoping the other boy would just drop it.

"Well," drawled Snape, "I suppose they don't want to waste one on you. Cystic fibrosis—how long till you drop dead, Lupin?"

There were all sorts of mutterings, but all Remus could hear was the rushing in his ears. "Shut up, Snape," he shouted, balling his fists. "I'm not dy—" He interrupted himself with a fit of coughing, and he could see that the people who knew what his illness was were connecting the dots.

His cheeks burning, he struggled to get a hold of himself. When he'd finally caught his breath, Snape took the chance to really sink his teeth in.

"Poor Loony Lupin. See, he knows that when's he's gone no one will notice. No one except Potter, and he has enough friends already, doesn't he?"

Remus ran towards the door, ignoring the whispers of his peers and the laughter of Snape and his cronies. He didn't even turn around when he heard James calling him—he just knew that he had to get out of there.

James gaped at him, stunned. "Remus, you can't mean that. You're not broken. Is that what Snape tells you?" He sighed heavily. "Hate to admit it, but I messed up."

Remus looked at him sharply. "What do you mean?"

James looked up at the sky, his glasses frames identical balls of white in the moonlight. "I knew that there was something bothering you, and I knew that something had happened to make you think you couldn't be with other people… but I never asked you about it. I should have. Just… I know a lot of people who have it rough, and they don't like to talk about their problems. Maybe you need to."

Remus looked away. "No. There's no point, I don't need you to do this for me. Snape—" He sighed. "Snape is right," he said heavily. "There aren't a lot of people who'll even notice I'm gone, and I guess I just think that… I should've just saved everyone the fear and—"

"Don't you dare," James interrupted angrily. "Snape is a bastard and that's that. He should never had said those things about you—they aren't true. You're a brilliant person, and if you… I don't know what I'd do."

James slung an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in for a hug. "You asked how people get up every day and live. I don't really know. I've never had to deal with what you have, but I think that you have to want to do it. You don't really want to die, do you Remus?"

Slowly, Remus shook his head. "But I want to be able to breathe," he whispered. "I don't want it to hurt so much."

James nodded. "Mate, you're like a brother to me." James' voice was thick with emotion. "I don't want to see you in pain. But you're stronger than you give yourself credit for."

Remus shuddered. "I could die."

James looked him straight in the eye. "But you're going to live before that happens."

Live. Not survive—live. Treat every moment like his last, and fully embrace the life he'd been given, faulty lungs and all.

He nodded.

James smiled. He clapped him on the back and then stood up, offering his hand to Remus.

"Let's go to mine. Sirius and Peter are there—I think they'd like to meet you. And I think you'd like them."

Remus bit his lip. He didn't like to let people in—they had so much power if they knew him well enough. But James had tested his boundaries and pushed his walls down. He'd felt alive. If agreeing to this could help him so James how much he'd helped him, then he would give it a try.

So he took James' hand.

They walked away, Remus able to breathe a bit easier.

A/N:

Writing Club:

Assorted Appreciation: 16. Write about something that revolves around the number five

Disney Challenge: Characters 1. Quasimodo — Write a disability!AU

Book Club: Nana — (dialogue) "Hate to admit it, but I messed up.", (word) identical, (emotion) annoyed

Showtime: 3. Fight For Me — (word) fight

Amber's Attic: 2. Batman — write about having an important secret revealed

Liza's Loves: 2. Write about Remus Lupin

Angel's Arcade: 1. Batman — (dialogue) "I'm better off alone."

Lo's Lowdown: Dialogue 5. "I don't understand how people… live. It's amazing to me that people wake up every morning and say: 'Yeah, another day, let's do it.' How do people do it? I don't know how."

Bex's Basement: 1. Almost by Tamia — Whoever said it was impossible to miss what you never had, never almost had you

Film Festival: 9. Fighting with someone; 18. (dialogue) "I didn't know."