Summery.

How can they understand. They try, he knows they do, but they'll never understand the guilt. The pain is almost too much to bear. Until Tori decides to help him. Bori.

AN:

So this is my first fanfic! I've been reading stories on here for years so I decided that I had better right one, too:) If you haven't watched the show Victorious on Nickelodeon then I recommend you check it out or you'll be confused...I'm not going to describe them! All criticism is welcomed! I can't get better if you don't tell me what's wrong.

WARNING: SELF HARM, SMOKING, SWEARING, DEPRESSION, AND ALCOHOL USE.

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T AND NEVER WILL OWN THE SHOW OR THE CHARACTERS IN VICTORIOUS!

They were fighting...again. But, unlike the majority of their arguments, this one had a good reason. This time he messed up.

"I can't believe you lied to me, Beck! What am I not good enough for you anymore?" Jade screeched, waving her arms. Beck could see the tears she had in her eyes. The ones that she refused to let free in his presence. He had messed up bad.

"Jade nothing happened! I just needed-"

"No!" You know what? We're through!" Jade screamed, pushing him away.

"Jade! Jade listen to me-" Beck tried again. Jade was storming out of the ally they were in, trying to put distance between them.

"You told me that you were working on your acting assignment for Sikowitz's class! You said you were going to be with Andre at Vega's house! Not at some club!" Jade was practically running down the sidewalk now, Beck hot on her heals.

"Jade I just-"

"And what about that girl you were dancing with? You looked like you were having one hell of a time with her!" Jade was now walking backwards, her finger in his face. He felt horrible.

Beck tried to explain that it didn't mean anything. That he was just trying to get away for awhile. Away from the fighting. A lot of good that did.

"Jade please! I lo-"

"No Beck! Were done! I never want to see you again!" With that, Jade turned and took off across the street. Beck wanted to call after her, to stop her. But he knew it was too late. He turned to leave, regret eating out his heart. Then he heard it. The screeching of tires and the screaming of a girl. His girl. Jade.

"Jade!" Beck shot up in bed, his heart was racing and sweat was dripping down his face. He has had the same dream almost every night for two months, since the accident. Beck looked down at his trembling hands resting in his lap.

Jade was dead. She was gone.

"It's all my fault."

A single tear rolled down his face. He felt sick. His phone buzzed. Probably one of his friends asking if he was ok. Beck was several hours late for school. He usually was these days.

Beck sighed. He didn't even feel like going to school today, but if he missed anymore he was going to fail. He sighed again. He didn't need his parents to get all worried.

"Another day of those looks." Beck hated pity. He needed a cigarette. He kept them in his bottom drawer right next to the key to his mini fridge and his favorite razor blade. He took the latter with him to the corner.

Most people would say he has a problem. He does. But he can't help the fact that the physical pain makes the mental pain go away for a while. He can't help that it feels good. After adding a few new scars to his several old ones, Beck pulled on his black beanie and left. He could already hear the whispers.

"Look there goes the new Goth."

"I'm not Goth," He thought to himself, glancing at his all black attire, "I'm mourning."

Beck walked into school, ignoring the looks. He left to go get lunch after grabbing a spare cigarette from his locker. He had a show to put on. If his friends found out how low/he had sunk, well, they'd flip. And tell his parents. Beck didn't want that. He didn't want them to get him "help". No one could help him.

"Good thing I can act so well." He thought bitterly.

"Beck! How are you feeling?" Andre asked as he sat down. Beck only nodded his head before resting it on his arms.

"You sure?" Tori asked. She had a very concerned look in her eyes. They all did. Beck nodded again.

"We're all heading down to Nozu after school! You wanna come?" Cat giggled. Beck thought about it.

" I have missed the last couple times...and they're worried enough as it is. I guess I'll have to." Beck didn't want to go. Not at all. He'd rather spend the evening curled up in a corner with his razor and a few beers.

"I'll come Cat." Beck mumbled. She grinned and started rambling away about some random thing her brother did. Andre and Tori were talking about a new song he wrote and Robbie was being bullied by Rex. The only thing missing was the sarcastic, biting remarks made by a certain hot headed girl.

Jade.

Beck held back the tears. He couldn't cry here. Tori was giving him a worried look.

"When was the last time you got a good night of sleep, Beck? You look really tired." She asked in a quiet voice.

"I'm fine, really." Beck said and shot her a fake smile. He could tell Tori wasn't convinced, but she dropped it.

Beck walked into Nozu and looked around for his friends. To his surprise they were still here. He was late. Beck didn't care. He always stopped by her grave after school, just to talk.

"Hey man! I was wondering if you were going to show tonight." Andre gave him a warm smile and a friendly pat on the back. Beck smiled and started to relax. He always felt better after his talks with Jade.

"Sorry, lost track of time." He replied. He took a sip from his water and glanced at the menu. He wasn't going to order.

"So the new Spicy Tempura is really good." Andre started.

"I heard it was terrible." Robbie added.

"Who told you that?" Andre sounded offended. The boy loved his sushi.

"His mom!" Rex piped up. Robbie turned a light shade of red before telling Rex to shut it.

"Ahahaha this shrimp looks like a mustache." Cat said while wiggling it in front of her top lip. Everyone laughed. Everyone except Beck. Tori got up, saying something about the bathroom and Andre was off flirting with some brunette chick who clearly wasn't into him. Beck took this as his opportunity to leave. He'd been there for a good hour and now he just wanted a drink.

Beck was startled very badly when he head a knock on his door. He looked at it and tried to remember what he had to open it. Hell he could barley see it his vision was so blurred. Usually this wasn't even a problem. No one came to his R.V.

They knocked again. He could make out someone saying his name. Beck groaned and slumped further into his corner. They would go away in a minute.

Tori P.O.V.

Tori was at Beck door. She knew he was in there, his truck was here.

"Beck! Are you ok?" Tori was worried about him. He was never on time to school anymore and he never got any sleep. He was clearly still very hurt about Jade's death. They all were. Even she was. But Beck had it the worst.

What really worried her was the smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol that hung around him. He was a great actor but that was a dead giveaway that he was losing his fight against depression. So tonight, after he ditched them again, Tori decided she was finally going to check up on him. She knocked again. Still no answer. Finally she gave up and grabbed the spare key he kept under the first tire.

"Oh my god!"

What Tori saw broke her heart. Beck Oliver, curled up in a corner surrounded by empty bear bottles and blood running from his writs.

She ran over to him and started to check his injuries. He was unconscious but the cuts on his wrists weren't that deep.

Tori ran out of his R.V. and knocked on the front door. No answer. Then she remembered him saying his parents were out of town for the month. She let out an angry sigh before making a decision that would change her life forever.

"I'll take him to my house. Then he won't be able to do this anymore."

AN: Ok so how was it? It felt kind of rushed towards the end but I wanted to start the story rolling now so I could avoid fillers! Sorry Beck is OOC but I would be depressed if my lover died, too. Review please! Thanks.