Disclaimer- I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. None none none.

Sometimes you're pure torture. Even though I know you've found your one and only, you still greet me at school like nothing has happened. A hug with both of your arms around my head, a kiss smacked onto my cheek. I wish that you could see what the close proximity does to my pulse, how I'm aware of every place that we're touching. Have you ever noticed how afterwards, when you draw your hand away, I hold onto it for as long as I can before letting it drop? No. Because you spot the girl that turned your life around and I'm pushed into the background again, alone with moments and love that I yearn to have with you.

I always thought that I could make you smile even when you're feeling the worst. I watch you, standing in the corner of the room talking to Sam, your brow crumpled. It's your serious face. You used to wear that face when we'd sit on the beach together and I'd tell you how much my parent's were arguing. You used to look me in the eye and it used to embarrass me that you cared so much. We don't sit on the beach anymore. Well not you and me.

I watch you with Sam, struggling to stay calm. After a moment, you storm across the room and stare out the window. My foot makes a move to comfort you. I'm beaten by the girl. She comes over and places a hand on your lower back. The tension leaves your shoulders and you sigh. She whispers something in your ear, and a smile creeps onto your face.

I noticed the ring on her finger. It glinted and blinded me slightly. So simple and not at all flashy, I admired it. I admired it until I saw you link hands with her and you were wearing one as well. Then it just hurt.

You fiddle with that ring in class, rolling it across your palm. A slight smile is always on your face. Do you ever smile like that when you think about me? Do you think about me at all?

My feelings got the better of me and I asked to look at hers. It had something in Quileute engraved on the inside. 'It means the one,' she told me in her quiet way. My throat contracted and my naked fingers trembled.

When you love someone, you notice the most insignificant things about them. Sometimes I stare at your hands for so long I form a perfect sketch in my mind. I wonder what those hands would feel like in mine. Or on the back of my neck, or brushing across my face.

You sit there with her, wrapped up in her body. Your hands find their way onto the curve of her hip, her thigh, her collar bone. I come to speak to you and as you talk to me, you hand unconsciously strokes her arm.

You look at her like someone looks upon their happiest moments. I see the way your eyes travel up and down her body, taking it in. I see the way you grin when she absent-mindedly fiddles with the buttons on her blouse. I see the way you look at her when she laughs, your face gentle. There's always love in your eyes, but sometimes there's something more. Like the time she walked into class in the cream summer dress. Your eyes darkened and you leaned back in your chair, rubbing your neck in a sign of surrender. You didn't stop looking at her that whole lesson.

I can't help wishing it was me that you were kissing at the bottom of the steps at school. To the side because you're both unnerved by public displays of affection. I notice how your hands are linked and she's leaning into you further, a smile on her face because she know she's got you forever. If I had you, I would never let you go. Now your hands have crept slightly under the back of her shirt and she moves into your chest, casually slinging an arm around your neck.

She's beautiful and I know you see it. You nuzzle the side of her face and kiss her check. Not a smacking kiss, a tender kiss. My skin would be just as soft as hers. But I wouldn't have the shiny black hair or green eyes.

I wish you would look at me and see your future. When Emily and Sam got married, you looked at her softly for the whole ceremony, taking her mouth in yours when it finished. You were imagining the day when you would be bound together weren't you? You whispered something in her ear and she giggled in a very uncharacteristic way.

That reception you sat in your chairs kissing softly. Instead of dancing, you preferred to capture her top lip in both of yours. Instead of swaying to a beat, you preferred to explore her mouth with your tongue, your hot hands on her face and neck while hers were wrapped around your arms. I couldn't breath.

When she babysits for Emily and Sam's new baby, I see you admire her with children, thinking of the time when she'll have your baby inside of her. It will be a bit of both of you. Hopefully with her intelligence, you said grinning. You don't realise what that does to me.

I know everything that you want because you tell me. As a friend would tell a friend. You'll ask her to marry you and then you'll have a baby girl. It scares me because we were once the lost ones, with no plans or direction. It scares me because I still am. And it breaks my heart because you're not.

I love you in a way you'll never be able to love me.