This one was a little more difficult to write. The original kinda made no sense, and half way through writing it im like ohey Raven would probably feel ultimate betrayal after the kiss in tokyo right? So there you have it... this is set right around the time of Trouble in Tokyo. And now that this one is done, after this I can write more happy and fluffy robrae stories!:D Enjoy!
"Well, it's about time."
Cyborg's words echoed through her mind. Raven could sense the feelings of love and joy, between the two love birds, as their lips connected for the first time in ever. Starfire giggled dreamily, looking away from Robin in embaressment, and Robin looked away equally as bashfully, though their fingers linked. Around her, Cyborg and Beast Boy practically jumped for joy as they shouted out words of encouragement, teasing to the Boy wonder about not putting the move on her earlier.
And Raven?
Well, she allowed the rain and thunder to describe how she currently felt. On the outside, she smiled for her friends, appearing supporotive and even happy that they had finally announced their love for eachother-which was long over due in Cyborg's words. Yes, on the outside, she looked happy.
On the inside, she felt as great as the weather was. She felt horrible, icky- a feeling of strange jealousy bubbled in the pit of her stomache. She didn't feel happy-she felt more betrayed than she did, anything else.
It shouldn't have mattered-it wasn't like they were together. Still, that didn't mean it hurt any less seeing Robin and Starfire share a mutual kiss. It didn't hurt any less sensing the love between them, finally free of any boundries. The truth was out-and in that moment, Robin allowed himself to be more human than ever. Instead of hiding behind a mask and denying his feelings for the Tamaranean, he allowed himself to convey this love for what it really was.
And that was what hurt.
Why? Because for so long now, Raven too, had liked Robin.
And she hated herself for it.
She hated how the moment she let her guard down and allowed herself to feel. She hated how the first thing she felt, when allowing herself to do so, was the feelings of love and passion spark, fully knowing it would turn around and bite her in the butt in the end. She hated having to put aside her feelings, to allow her friends to be happy. Having to shove aside her feelings, fully knowing that Robin and Starfire had some sort of thing going on, even if he was too stubborn to admit it until now. She espicially hated how she had to contain her emotions in the first place, and when she did allow herself to feel something, it was love.
And to Robin, of all people.
She felt betrayed because she had never allowed herself become so attracted to someone, like she had with Robin. She felt absolutely horrible. He was her friend, her team leader-how could she bring herself to like him so much without doing anything about it? She hadn't forgotten the past couple of months, when Robin had been there for her like no other. During the days of Trigon, he was there for her, so much. He understood her, and he made her feel loved. He was the one person to give her hope and strength, and for that, she couldn't have been any more thankful. Unlucky, however, that was right around the time she started to manifest the feelings of love, sadly knowing fully that her love wouldn't be returned.
In those days, Raven had really connected with Robin. In those days, he understood her more than anyone on the team. And she trusted him. There were times when they would be up late together, and he would comfort her. He would hold her, when she couldn't sleep, allowing Raven to talk about how she truly felt, and express herself in a way she wouldn't feel threatened or judged. He would allow her to rant about how afraid she was, letting him in on all of the things she wouldn't tell any one about. He knew how afraid she was that her prophecy would come true, and how she was afraid of hurting those she loved. He knew all about having to keep her emotions in check, which is why it was hard to be around her friends, because they all brought out the best in her, starting with Robin. He knew everything. She trusted him more than anyone.
Granted, she had known for a long time, since this team was funded, from the moment Starfire crashed into this earth and kissed Robin for the first time, that the two were always rather close. Of course, she knew Robin wouldn't tell a soul about any of Raven's problems, she always felt a slight tingle of jealousy let loose, seeing him together with Starfire.
More than ever, she knew that Starfire loved Robin more than anyone, too. While Robin was too stubborn to admit crushes on Starfire, least of all talk about girls in that sense, Starfire never shut up about how much she loved Robin. All she ever talked about was how close she wished she and Robin could be, expressing all of her desires for a relationship stretching the boundries of a normal friendship. And Raven would just silently listen and pretend to agree, for the sake of her friend.
Heck, even Beast Boy and Cyborg were in on it. They had always commented on the fact that Star and Robin acted more like a married couple more than anything, which is why Raven mentally cringed hearing them cheer the new couple on.
The empath watched as the boy wonder helped his new girlfriend up, and they embraced tightly, rain still falling.
"Raven, aren't you just so happy for them?" Beast Boy nudged her in the side, wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive way. Raven just started down at him, scrunching her eyebrows together in a scowl. And she looked back up to the couple, as they continued to hold eachother as if nobody was watching.
Raven forced a smile. "Yeah... you could say that."
All this time, up until this moment, Raven had been silent of her love for Robin, as she endured all the times Starfire would express her love for the boy wonder. Never once had she said a word about anything that could be taken out of context for friendship to Starfire, because she knew it would only hurt Starfire in the end for her to find out the empath also liked Robin.
Raven really was hurt.
Even so, a part of her felt as though this was her fault. If she had just told Robin how she felt sooner, maybe she wouldn't be in such pain at the sight of Robin and Starfire sharing a kiss. She had the perfect opportunity to do so, but as usual, she was too frightened to further express herself.
And for that, she couldn't have hated herself any more.
It didn't matter, though.
If she had told Robin, it would cause hurt between her friends, knowing fully well how Starfire felt about Robin. And she didn't want that. If it meant having to suffer in silence for her friends to be happy, than so be it.
All she could do now was endure the feeling of her inner turmoil, while she tried to push the feelings of betrayal away.
After all, she was supposed to be happy for her friends. Right?