i wanted to post this after i finished fyym but i couldnt wait. im already in love with it and i can tell it's going to be my baby. plus, there's only a few chapters left of fyym so.

i wanted a high school au because there are barely any high school aus, especially kames ones. but i needed one and i needed a fic where james wasn't arrogant and an imbecile. in this fic he's not the least bit arrogant and he's a genius.

honestly, shy and insecure james is cute ok. you cant deny that.

there is no cargan in this story because carlos and logan only exist to an extent. but they will definitely make an appearance, maybe even two.

this fic is a bit of a challenge for me so if anyone is out of character or whatnot; let me know so i don't make that mistake again.

this is mainly kendall centric but ill try to write some chapter's where it's james' point of view (nothing's certain right now).

Warnings: there's a bit of talk about suicide, an attempt at it and also self-harm. also, this fic has more angst and tears than it does smiles. im 50% it will get very dark at times so shield your eyes if you dont like that or cant take it.

Kendall took one look at his schedule and groaned loudly. Home Ec? As his homeroom? That was for girls. Besides, Kendall already knew how to cook. Somewhat anyway.

But at least on the bright side; he was finally going to be captain. He was better than 80% of the team but they wouldn't let him be captain, said that was only a privilege for the seniors. Kendall scoffed. What a load of crap.

Nothing was going to bring him down this year. He's going to be captain and get a scholarship and hopefully move out of this small town.

He slung his backpack over his shoulder and started to walk to his class. He smiled at the girls who were all staring at him as he walked by. They all giggled and blushed. Kendall wished he had the heart to tell them he wasn't straight. Not even bi. And let's face it; he wouldn't exactly be treated fairly. They might even kick him off the hockey team and that is something he does not need. He walked into the classroom and sure enough, it was full of girls.

He was the only guy.

Yay, this was going to be fun.

He sat down at a table and prayed that there was another guy in the class but unfortunately for him, his prayers weren't answered. The bell rang and the teacher started the class.

"Good morning and welcome to Home Ec." She smiled brightly. Kendall wanted to vomit. "I'm your teacher, Ms. Cuddy."

Kendall tuned her out because he was too cool to be in this class. He sighed miserably and slumped down in his seat when the door burst open. A tall, slender, brunet with nerdy glasses and a timid smile walked in. The blond blinked. It was him. The kid who came out during sophomore year. The kid Kendall occasionally saw walking around the halls of the school after 4pm. Kendall would be there because he had a game but he had no idea what the brunet was doing there. He always seemed to stay late. His heart started beating rapidly when the thought of being in this class with him crossed his mind. Kendall would be lying if he said he didn't find him attractive because even though he looked like a complete geek he was still one of the most beautiful people Kendall has ever laid eyes on. He was always in complete awe when he looked at the brunet.

Breathe, Kendall, breathe. He told himself but he couldn't breathe. So many times he wished he could speak to him, find out the brunet's name but there was never a reason for him to walk up to the brunet and strike up a conversation. He also didn't really have the balls. He would sweat just thinking about him. The boy's hair was sticking out in all kinds of areas and his plaid shirt was crumpled but his black skinny jeans made the boy's legs look so slim and so long. Kendall wanted those legs to be wrapped around his waist.

Fuck, Kendall. Snap out of it.

Kendall never actually believed in love at first sight until the first time he saw the brunet. He thought it was cheesy and stupid. How could you fall in love with someone the second you lay eyes on them? But that all slipped away from his mind because the second Kendall laid eyes on him; he knew he was already in love. And right now, he was falling even harder.

Or maybe it was lust at first sight and he was falling in lust rather than love. But either way, he didn't want to look away from the brunet. He wanted to stare at him until the end of time and memorize everything about the brunet.

"I—I—I'm s—s—s—so sorry, Ms. C—C—C—Cud—d—ddy." The boy stuttered, avoiding eye contact with everyone. "I h—h—have a re—e—eas—s—sonable e—e—explanation for b—b—being la—ate."

He frowned. He didn't know he stuttered. Well, he didn't even know that the brunet could speak. They didn't have any classes together, prior to this year, and they didn't exactly talk to each other. Kendall was sure the brunet didn't even know that he existed.

He heard a few snickers come from his classmates and Kendall saw the way the boy's face fell slightly, his eyes dropping to the floor. He bit his bottom lip and ran a shaky hand through his hair but didn't look up.

Kendall's heart broke for him and he wanted to smack everyone who laughed.

Ms. Cuddy gave him a stern look (which the brunet didn't even see) but motioned for him to sit down. "We'll speak later, James."

James.

With his shoulders slumped, the boy made his way to a seat in the back, his eyes still strained on the floor. Kendall's eyes wanted to follow the brunet but he refrained. He didn't want to be too obvious, especially with the way half of the girls in the class were already staring at him.

"Everyone will be choosing their partner for the rest of the year." She said then looked at Kendall and James. "Since you two are the only boys in the class, you will pair up."

All the girls made a sound of protest.

"I will not have you two thinking you will get an easy A because a girl will do all the work."

Dammit. That's what Kendall was thinking. Who better to partner up with than a girl in Home Ec? But he didn't exactly have any complaints on working with the brunet, in fact, his heart picked up its pace when he thought about it. He was going to work with James. He was going to speak to him and get to know him. He was going to fall hopelessly and madly in love.

"Pick your partners and sit next to them."

Kendall turned to look at James to see if the brunet wanted to come to the front but he was staring down at his hands. Swallowing and telling his heart to calm the fuck down, Kendall quickly grabbed his backpack and made his way over to the brunet. He sat down.

"I'm Kendall."

"J—J—J—James." The brunet said shyly, his cheeks turning rosy.

It made Kendall smile.

"Exchange phone numbers and/or email addresses because you will need it." Ms. Cuddy said.

"I can give you my number." Kendall said.

"I d—d—d—on't have a—a—a—a cell ph—ph—ph—phone." James replied, embarrassed.

The blond frowned. What teenager didn't have a phone? His parents are either broke or hate his guts but judging by his designer clothes, shoes, and Ray Bans glasses; he most definitely was not poor.

"Do you have Facebook?"

James shook his head.

"I guess we'll contact each other through pigeons." The blond joked but James didn't laugh.

He didn't even crack a smile. The blond's smile instantly faded, feeling the uncomfortable and tense atmosphere between them. He rubbed the back of his neck.

Did Kendall make him uncomfortable?

He was about to ask when the brunet took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it then handed it to Kendall. The blond stared down at the paper. It was an email address.

"So, you don't live in the stone age." Kendall said, making another attempt at a joke.

James didn't even look up from his hands; instead he turned his chair away from Kendall. Something churned in the pit of Kendall's stomach. He didn't like this feeling. He especially didn't like it that it was James making him feel it.

"James—"

The brunet turned around and put a finger to his lips, pointing to the teacher, indicating that she was talking. Kendall frowned but didn't say anything.

Well, this was going to be harder than he thought.

Kendall didn't bother trying to make conversation after that and the teacher went on talking about cooking some pie or something for their first assignment. Kendall tuned her out again and tried not to fall asleep. It was only the first class of the day and he was already bored out of his mind.

This really was going to be a long year.

When it was lunch time, Kendall bolted out of his math class and into the caf. He spotted his best friend and sat down in front of her.

"How was your first day?" The raven haired girl grinned.

"I have Home Ec!" Kendall cried.

"Are you serious?" She laughed. "Man, I wish we had that together so I could make fun of you."

Kendall scanned the room for James but he was nowhere in sight. He continued to look around, thinking he missed the brunet at first.

"Who are you looking for?" Alex asked.

His head snapped back to her. "What?"

She gave him an odd look and asked again, "who are you looking for?"

Who was he looking for? He knew James never ate lunch in the cafeteria. In the past 3 years he has never seen James step foot into anything but a classroom.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "No one."

"You know I know you better than anyone," She said, "so, just tell me."

Kendall scowled. "I'm not looking for anyone."

She rolled her eyes. "I'll find out eventually."

He just scowled some more but this time he turned to look at the entrance but just as he suspected, James never came. He doesn't know why he thought this year would be different. Why would he just randomly come into the caf when he hasn't in the past 3 years? He spent the rest of the day looking for the brunet and hoping they had at least one more class together, but nothing. He didn't see James after Home Ec.

He tried to shake off the disappointment as he drove home.