Disclaimer: i do not own twilight or the characters blah blah blah.
Warnings -
there willbe mentions of rape and suicide throughout the story.
uhm... thats all i can think of right now
Authors note- Please read and review. I've started this to improve my writing. I know I'm not the best so please don't be too harsh lol
also I'm looking for a beta so if anyone is interested please shoot me a message.
Chapter 1 - Fresh start?
I'm standing outside of the airport with my bags sprawled around me, taking in the fresh air. After spending hours in the cramped up plane and almost having a panic attack, the few minutes I had to myself was doing me some good. I needed some time to calm myself down before seeing Charlie but the thoughts racing through my head were making it almost impossible.
You're going to be alone Bella. Charlies going to hurt you just like… him.
I close my eyes and take some deep breaths but all I see and feel is him. His sweaty hand covering my mouth to hold in my screams of pain, while the other restrains my wrists tightly above my head. The weight of his body on top of mine feeling heavier and heavier the longer he takes to satisfy his sick need.
Stop it! Snap out of it! You're safe… you're not there anymore.
I look up and see Charlie's cruiser hurriedly pull up. My heart rate skyrockets as I see Charlie bolt out of the car looking frantic.
"I'm so sorry I'm late! Did you wait long? Were you okay?" he asks all in one breath.
"It's okay, I'm fine." I say as calmly as I can while still feeling my heart beat rapidly.
He stands by the trunk of the cruiser and takes a deep calming breath while running his hand through his hair. He looks me up and down and tries to go in for a hug but decides against it when he sees the look of fear in my eyes… I look down at my bags before he can mention anything about it and with a heavy sigh I haul two bags over my shoulders and move towards the trunk. Embarrassed by the rejection, Charlie jumps into action when he sees what I'm doing and moves to fetch the rest of the bags with an awkward grunt.
"Uh, go ahead and get in while I sort this out." Charlie says while unlocking the trunk.
I thank him with a timid smile before moving to plop down in the passenger seat.
Calm down! He's your father for Christ sake!
So caught up with my thoughts, I don't notice Charlie again until he starts the car and we start making our way to his house. The entire car ride we keep to ourselves, the only noise coming from the radio. I could see him giving me the occasional glance, opening his mouth as if to start a conversation but not knowing what to say. Or so I thought.
"So, uh," he clears his throat before continuing, "Your mom told me what happened…"
My gaze snaps to him, eyes wide and pleading with him to not start this conversation right now. The air in the car felt thick with tension but he doesn't look at me. My whole body tenses up and I stop breathing, hoping that he won't continue but knowing he will. Knowing that he'll want to know why I did what I did. He keeps his eyes on the road and lets out a heavy sigh, shoulders dropping slightly.
"Bells… you tried to kill yourself?" he asks so soft that I barely hear him. He knows the answer.
Having no tears left to cry I just keep staring at him with a blank look on my face. My mouth opens slightly as if I were going to speak but the words get caught in my throat and I swallow thickly, looking towards the window.
"Why, Bella?" he asks, face twisting in pain. I sigh and turn back towards him, he looks at me and I can see his heart breaking. I want to run away but where can I run in a moving car. He wanted to trap me. He wanted to force me into talking. I can't. He will never understand.
"Dad, I'm fine now… I promise. It'll never happen again." I say trying to reassure him, or trying to reassure myself. I'm not sure.
The uncertainty in his eyes shows that I didn't do a good job at convincing him but he drops the topic, feeling uncomfortable with any conversation that brings out too much emotion. Relieved, I look back out of the window to watch the trees pass by. He'll never understand anyway.
A few minutes pass when I hear him clearing his throat again.
"Bella… Did you hear me?"
I slowly turn my head to look at him again, confusion shining bright in my eyes.
"Sorry, what?" I ask.
"I said were almost home. And I have a surprise for you." He says giving me a small smile.
XXX
Knock knock knock
"Bells, it's time to get up! First day of school!"
I hear Charlie calling from the other side of the door. I groan throwing the blankets over my head.
"I'm too tired for this." I grumble to myself.
I barely slept. The recurring nightmares keeping me up almost every night for the past couple of months are nothing new but the pitter-patter of the rain just adds to my list of things keeping me up at night. It is definitely still something to get used to. I throw my covers to the side and force myself out of my warm bed, feeling my Muscles ache with exhaustion. Grabbing a pair of black skinny jeans, my favorite dark blue hoodie and a pair of vans, I tiredly make my way towards the bathroom to get ready for the day.
After completing my morning routine of getting ready I trudge my way down the stairs and quickly grab an apple for breakfast from the kitchen before making my way to the front door and grabbing my bag that lays next to the coat rack.
"I'm heading out!" I yell out not knowing where Charlie is and hear a grunt and mumbled reply back before heading outside.
Standing on the front porch I take a deep breath smelling the earthy scent of rain. I see the old pick-up truck Charlie surprised me with on the day I arrived parked in the driveway. Just as I go to open the door it starts drizzling making me pull harder on the door to get it open, when it finally budges I climb in and start my journey to Forks High School.
The drive there was short, too short. I needed more time to prepare but before I knew it I was pulling into a parking spot.
"Here we go." I say to myself as I grab my bag from the floor on the passenger side and climb out of the truck.
While looking for a sign that can direct me to the office I hear someone shout.
"Hey, new girl!"
I turn to see some blonde haired, blue eyed boy bounding over.
"My names Mike Newton, You're Isabella Swan?" he asks while throwing his arm over my shoulders making me jump, the panic immediately setting in. Shoving his arm off of me with a warning to not touch me again, I quicken pace.
"Woah… don't get your panties in a twist." He says as he catches up to me. "Just trying to be friendly. No need to be such a bitch." He sneers.
"Whatever." I brush him off and carry on walking to the office.
"Freak…" I hear him mutter.
Great you already pissed someone off. You can forget about making any friends now. Before you know it, news of you being a freak will be making its way around the school.
Sighing I walk into the office to get my schedule from the secretary, Ms. Cope and she hands me a map to the school and I thank her. She reminds me once again to let all my teachers sign my attendance slip as I head off to my first class. Today is going to suck.
The first part of the day went by in a blur, hopping from one class to the other. Keeping to myself proved not to be as difficult as I initially thought. With Forks being such a small town I was sure that people's curiosity would get the better of them and they would try and talk to me but after my little outburst this morning, everyone now thinks I'm a freak and are keeping their distance. In a way, I'm grateful that I don't have to communicate with people anymore than I already do. They don't need to know how messed up I really am but keeping to myself is still unbelievably lonely. There's no one to distract me from the horrible thoughts that plague my mind.
Lunch time comes around and I start making my way to the cafeteria. i can feel people staring at me as I walk towards the lunch line and I look up and see a few people whispering to their friends while staring at me. My cheeks turn a bright pink and I avert my gaze towards my feet.
Everyone's talking about you. They know how messed up you are. You're so stupid. You couldn't even pretend to be normal for one day.
My internal monologue is cut short when I hear someone greeting me from behind.
"Hi…Isabella right? I'm Angela." the brunette introduces herself extending her hand.
"Just Bella." I say while shaking her hand. She smiles at me, taking her cue to continue the conversation.
"So, just Bella, how has your first day been so far?" she asks while adjusting her glasses.
I look at her curiously, "Surely you've heard the rumours already, haven't you?" I ask sarcastically.
"The kids in this town are jerks," she sighs "Hey, why don't you come sit with us? If you'd like of course." She offers.
"Uh, yeah okay… Thanks." I awkwardly accept. Grabbing our trays of food I follow her to the table keeping my eyes lowered to the floor.
"Oh look, it's the freak." I hear someone say. My head snaps up and I see the boy named Mike looking at me with a smirk on his face. My stomach churns.
"Mike!" Angela chastises and then turns towards me with a sad look in her eyes, "I'm so sorry, Bella… just ignore him." Feeling the tears sting my eyes I bite my lip to keep them from falling.
"Careful, Ange, she might attack you." He says making the entire group laugh. They all stare at me, still snickering, waiting to see what I do next. Embarrassed I turn around and head straight for the door of the cafeteria.
"Bella, wait!" I hear Angela call after me but I keep walking, my pace increasing in speed as I pass the trash can to throw away the lunch in my tray. Just as I'm about to shove the cafeteria doors open I knock into something hard making me stumble back and fall flat on my back. Hearing the entire cafeteria erupt in laughter makes my cheeks burn even redder than what they were before.
"Watch where you're going freak."
The anger in their voice frightens me and I look up. The sound of my heartbeat seems to have drowned out the laughter around me as I set my eyes on a beautiful blonde with a flawless face marred with a glare. Looking into her eyes, I notice them instantly soften and her expression turns into one of shock. I quickly get up and apologize before briskly making my way out of the building.
Authors note
Okay so that was the first chapter. please review and maybe even message some suggestions. Also this is unbeta'ed. The position is open...wink wink ;)