Introduction: HELLO I MISSED YOU GUYS LIKE AIR! Ahem, anyway, this was a request that at first I was really wary about but I just got so into the idea of it and this story stuff came out.
Yes this is a Mermaid AU and yes I've been working on and off on this for like 6 months and still haven't finished it completely (becaaaaaause I'm sort of a slacker, and a college student but what's the difference really). As you can see it's rather long because this story will be in three parts and maybe an epilogue.
Give it a chance guys, I swear it's not as lame as I make it sound!
Warnings: Slight angst, minor character death (I didn't kill anyone I swear!), mentions of suicide, homophobia, and language. Rated T for this chapter, will go up to M in the future.
Story Notes: Our boys will be referring to each other by their first names which may seem weird to read at first but you'll get used to it, promise. Souichi is 12 at the beginning, Tetsuhiro is 10. By the end, Souichi will be 20 and Tetsuhiro 18.
This first chapter is from Tetsuhiro's perspective. Chapter two is from Souichi's and chapter three is both of them.
Disclaimer: Koisuru Boukun is the work of the amazing and talented Hinako Takanaga and definitely not mine.
HOWEVER, I'm quite proud of the storyline in this specific fanfic so the IDEA presented is mine. Please don't steal.
The image used for the title cover is NOT MINE. I believe it is from the show H2O so all rights belong to them.
Alright guys, read away. Remember to review my lovelies!
Javajunkie xxx
Honey, you're a shipwreck
With your heart of stone
Can I get a witness?
To the bruises and the wasted tears
You could dry a river
With your heart of stone
-Iko, Heart of Stone
Scales
June 2000
"Father, do you not think him too young?" The boy, no older than fourteen, shrunk slightly under his father's severe gaze.
"Nonsense," the deep voice easily dismissed. "He's been along with his sister's many times and seen their techniques." With this, he bent at the waist so he could be level with his youngest. Noting the slight tremor that went through his son he pat him brusquely on the back and continued in a low tone. "The first breath you take will sting quite a bit and your vision slightly hazy but do not let it show. Children of men are known to be quite guarded when you first approach."
An easy target, they reassured him. A maiden had been spotted lying on her belly on a rock very close to the water. It was dusk and she was in a secluded spot. It didn't make him any less anxious.
The boy's father and brother slunk backwards into the inky water until he was left alone. This near to the shore the current was slightly more forceful and he felt his body drifting closer and closer. Glancing upwards into the blurred orange sky, he took a trembling gulp of water and pushed forward.
Stay near the rocks
His sister's voice crooned in the back of his mind. With two thrusts of his tail he was among the shallows. He used his arms to push upwards slightly so only his eyes were above the water. The cool air was a shock to the top of his head. When his vision cleared, it was immediately apparent that the maiden's hair was a fair blonde and shone in the setting sun.
Be as quiet as possible
His first breath was shaky and his unused lungs burned and rattled but it became infinitely easier as he emerged, head hidden behind a jagged rock.
Do not reveal yourself right away
He peeked around his hiding place, his heart stuttering at his goal. He had never been this close to a human before and was momentarily struck with awe. The human hadn't moved, her fingers hanging over the edge of the rock that held her and her fingertips touching the water's surface. He couldn't see her face for she was resting with her head turned to the side, her blonde hair cascading onto the rock, hiding her arm. He wondered for the first time if she was sleeping.
Approach calmly
He approached, yes, but the sight of her did nothing to quell his nerves. It was so much more real now than when he would tag along with his sisters. He couldn't just wait silently in the shadows as the screams of their victims became frantic gurgles as they pulled them to their deaths. They always returned to him with such glee that although the screams made him cover his ears and feel hollow, he thought it would be easy when it became his turn.
But as he was gathering the courage to move to a rock nearer to the shore, his naivety of the surface became all too apparent. His tail had arched on its own and twitched behind him making for a rather audible splash in the stillness of the evening.
Three things then happened simultaneously. The human's head whipped around in alarm. He let out a squawk of surprise that only confirmed his presence. And not knowing what else to do, ducked his head back under water.
Do not shy away
But the advice was drowned out by his heart beating wildly in his ears. Even from the briefest of glimpses, this was no maiden he was dealing with.
The water muddled any sound he could hear but casting his eyes up he now saw the blurred figure of the human hovering over the water, upright and alert, and seemingly trying to communicate if the noises were anything to go by.
Do not be afraid, they are more taken with you than you are with them
But lifting his gaze from the water, blinking away the blur, he couldn't disagree more. Because although the human was obviously male, his features were soft and striking and sublime. He was blinking wildly and his lips were parted in disbelief.
When he rose slightly higher so that his nose and lips were exposed to the chill of the air, the human remembered himself and tensed, flinching backwards.
"Who are you?" He demanded, wiping the back of his hand across his cheeks.
The face in the water tilted to the side in confusion, the noise unfamiliar to his ears.
"Well?" The human challenged loudly. He choked on his own question a moment later as the boy waded forward, placed both hands on the rock just before his feet, and hoisted himself up.
He stumbled backwards as the boy hung in front of him, his arms supporting his upper body and dark blue tail. "You're a…"
It was odd. The human didn't look frightened or spellbound as his sister's had assured him. He looked intrigued and stunned. The merman could easily return the sentiment as he watched the legs before him. How remarkable, he mused, as they bent and straightened.
No child of man can resist a siren's song
This was the time to reel the human in completely with his song but the tune seemed stuck in his throat. How did his sister's get over the powerful guilt that seemed to be welling up in his belly? Even the ultimate disappointment of his father and kin could not make the melody rise.
"Tetsuhiro." The merman replied instead, the word feeling foreign on his tongue.
The human winced at the noise and Tetsuhiro suddenly felt self-conscious at his reaction. Did he not like his voice? His name? It made him dip down from his pose into the safety of the water.
"What?" The human inquired but this time he sounded cautiously interested. Tetsuhiro gulped down another breath, slightly more confident.
"Tetsuhiro." He repeated, louder this time, pride filling him as the human gave a nod, like he understood.
"That's your name?" Tetsuhiro ducked his head in confirmation, giddiness making his mind light. He was interacting with a human. A human with long hair like his own and fairness he hadn't associated with those above water.
"Is…are you…real?" The human asked slowly with a hand to his forehead. Tetsuhiro tilted his head to the side in confusion and the other boy flushed with embarrassment.
"Mermaids aren't exactly…common."
Tetsuhiro nodded in understanding and then back peddled slightly.
"Merman." He corrected and was delighted when the human visibly rolled his eyes and his shoulders slumped into a more relaxed pose.
"Right."
There was a brief moment of silence in which they surveyed the other. Tetsuhiro had never had anyone look so intently at his tail and he could feel the beginnings of a blush.
"Are you well?" Tetsuhiro asked softly. The human seemed to startle out of his thoughts and furrowed his eyebrows.
"What?"
Tetsuhiro locked their gazes noting the deep amber in the setting sun. "Your eyes were leaking."
It was the wrong thing to say. The human sprung up from his sitting position and crossed his arms defensively.
"Shut up, I wasn't crying." He grumbled, averting his now guarded gaze. Tetsuhiro frowned and could feel a slight panic well up inside. He didn't want this human to be angry with him.
He blinked, puzzled. "Crying?" He had never heard the word before.
The human seemed to momentarily forget his anger and raised an eyebrow, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"It's where water," he began, glancing at the merman in the water. He shook his head quickly and clenched his eyes shut as if in pain, "I have to be dreaming or hallucinating or..."
Tetsuhiro continued, careful to be gentle. "Why were you…crying?"
Although proud that his use of the new word was in the correct context, the human was angered again.
"None of your business." He snapped. The human glanced backwards and to the sides as if searching for someone. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asked gruffly.
Tetsuhiro opened his mouth and shut it abruptly. "I…" he began but just as the song had died on his lips, the words seemed to be wedged in his throat.
I was sent to drown you
I'm here to murder you
"I find humans to be very curious." Tetsuhiro settled on, though the words had to punch themselves out of his mouth. His tongue felt gravelly with the lie.
The human didn't seem suspicious and simply scoffed. "Well, right back at you," he murmured, coloring Tetsuhiro's cheeks again. This human found him curious.
The wind picked up and Tetsuhiro shivered now that the sun had slipped down. He watched, fascinated as his blonde hair whipped around his face, much as his own did. But this was not languid or slowed because of the water, it was fast and unforgiving. The human's forehead wrinkled in annoyance before gathering his hair up and pulling a bright red band from his wrist with his teeth.
"What use is that?" Tetsuhiro asked, awestruck when the human's deft fingers managed to work the band around his hair and it stayed.
"To keep my hair away from my face." The human said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. He began glancing around again and shuffled his legs.
"I think I should go. My dad is probably worried." He looked around awkwardly for a few moments like he was hesitating and waved slightly to Tetsuhiro.
Tetsuhiro felt a tug in his chest. If this was to be the only interaction with a human he didn't want it to end like this. Not when the human still seemed upset and Tetsuhiro had a thousand unanswered questions.
"Wait!" He called, splashing the water in front of him for added noise. The boy turned around quickly, almost as if he had been expecting something of the sort.
"What?"
"What is it like?" Tetsuhiro blurted out and mentally slapped himself. Very smooth.
The human shifted his eyes, trying to decipher what he was saying. "What is what like?"
Tetsuhiro stared pointedly at his legs, gesturing with one hand. The human glanced down.
"Wha-standing?" He ventured. Tetsuhiro nodded enthusiastically. The human shifted his weight from foot to foot and shrugged. "It's alright I guess."
Tetsuhiro pretended not to be too disappointed in his answer.
"Will you…I mean…" The human started, stumbling over the words. He looked frustrated with himself. Before Tetsuhiro could question him further, the human reached up and released his blonde hair from its grip. He mimicked a throw before tossing the object to Tetsuhiro who caught it midair. "Here. Since it's so fascinating."
Tetsuhiro stared at his prize with awe, the redness a startling contrast to his pale skin.
"Thank you," he breathed, smiling widely up at the boy. The human shrugged and looked away uncomfortably.
But his grin soon faded and his eyes widened as a deep, familiar melody rose up from the water and filled his ears.
"What's wrong?" The human asked at the sudden change. Tetsuhiro dropped his gaze to the water.
"My…family is calling for me," he murmured unhappily. The human nodded, like he understood, before turning once again and leaving. Tetsuhiro did not stop him this time.
His father was the first to approach, his usual commanding posture slipping to one of anxiousness.
"Is the deed complete?" He asked hastily while clasping his hands over Tetsuhiro's smaller ones. Tetsuhiro glanced from his father to his brother before swallowing thickly.
"Yes, father." He said as confidently as possible. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his brother narrow his gaze. His father nodded, grinning and puffing out his chest with pride.
"Ten years old, just like your father," his deep voice boomed, wheeling his son around to face the Merfolk gathered. Tetsuhiro suppressed a wince at the unmasked pride that went with that sentiment. He hadn't really done anything after all.
A hand gripped his bicep and thrust his arm up roughly, confirming the boy's task complete. Among the languid, ghostly cries of the Merfolk surrounding them, bowing in respect and pride at their young charge, Tetsuhiro couldn't help but realize with a sharp pang he did not even know the human's name.
He told Hiroto, naturally. Hiroto's eyes grew large in disbelief at the end of his tale.
"He didn't try to spear you?"
Tetsuhiro shook his head fervently, arranging a crown of kelp on Hiroto's head.
"How bizarre. And he wasn't lured in by your song?" Hiroto asked in amazement. Tetsuhiro ducked his head, smiling timidly. Hiroto watched his friend and made a small 'o' with his lips when it dawned on him.
"You didn't sing it." He stated and blinked dazedly. "Why?"
Tetsuhiro gingerly pulled at the red band still circling his wrist.
"I didn't want him to die."
As unsatisfied with so little information of the human world as he was, Hiroto helped him sneak past his father's watchful eye.
The quiet excitement he had been containing was slowly slipping towards the surface of his skin making it difficult to concentrate. When Hiroto had disappeared from view, he allowed himself to grin before pumping his tail as fast as possible and jerking up and out of the water.
His body thrummed with delight as the heat of the sun immediately encased his body. But he quickly remembered himself as he fell back to earth. His human may not have tried to kill him but he knew why they had to stay hidden. Not all mankind was as forgiving.
It was a few hours later, his upper body stretched out on the rock from the night before, the water completely gone from his chest, when Tetsuhiro began to grow doubtful.
It was a few more that his stomach began to rumble for attention. What if this was in vain? Perhaps his human had come in the early morning and left. Or maybe he had gone completely; humans tended to travel great distances regularly after all.
Tetsuhiro frowned up at the sun that was baking his pale skin.
What if Tetsuhiro just wasn't interesting enough for the human to come back?
"So you are real."
Tetsuhiro yelped, his entire body flinching and the weight of his tail slipping him back down into the water. Heart beating fiercely in his chest, he shakily lifted himself up by his hands until his nose was just over the rock's edge.
The human wore a bemused smirk, hands confined in the material on his legs. Even with the sun hidden behind a few wispy clouds, his blonde hair still shone about his head.
"Scared?" He snorted. Tetsuhiro felt a flush wind up his neck.
"No." He said as petulantly as he could manage, though his heart refused to slow.
The human didn't look as if he believed him. After a few moments' hesitation evident in both his face and the shifting of his legs, the human approached the edge of the rock. Tetsuhiro couldn't help watching his legs and how much work they did seemingly on their own. When the human was crouched near him, hands clasped tightly in front of him, Tetsuhiro lifted his gaze.
"How old are you?" The human asked promptly.
"I am ten years. How many are you?" Tetsuhiro could still feel his tongue protest at the words. The boy nodded thoughtfully at his answer.
"Twelve. You know you talk kind of funny." He said, clearly amused. Tetsuhiro willed himself not to blush and straightened his back defensively.
"I do not have much experience with your language."
Brown eyes darted to his, sparked with interest, and Tetsuhiro found it difficult to look away.
"What do you normally speak?"
Tetsuhiro closed his eyes and concentrated. He envisioned speaking with Hiroto and opened his mouth but only a few clicks of his tongue were audible. When he opened them again, the human seemed to be just as puzzled.
Tetsuhiro did a half-hearted shrug. "It doesn't appear to work above water."
"My dad would love to meet you. He's a marine biologist." The human said abruptly, pride evident in his voice. "It's a person who studies fish and the ocean." He expanded at Tetsuhiro's blank expression.
Tetsuhiro wrinkled his nose. "I'm not a fish."
The boy peered over the edge of the rock and pointed with his finger.
"You have a tail!" He exclaimed. Tetsuhiro wiggled it shyly beneath him.
"It does not mean I'm a fish. Fish are cold and I am not."
The human raised an eyebrow, clearly skeptical. "Even in the water?"
Tetsuhiro hesitated for a split second before heaving his upper body up from the water. Leaning on one arm, he gripped the human's wrist in his fingers and brought it close, laying it flat on his chest. The boy's eyes widened as the space between them narrowed considerably, his gaze settling on the palm that rested against Tetsuhiro's skin.
"That's…weird." The human muttered before slowly pulling his arm away.
Tetsuhiro wondered if he had overstepped his boundaries and made the boy uncomfortable. He searched his mind for something to distract him with.
"What do they call you?" Tetsuhiro asked softly. He could still feel the weight of the human's hand just above his heart.
"Souichi."
Three days went by and Souichi hadn't returned.
It upset Tetsuhiro that he couldn't even be rightfully disappointed. After all, they hadn't promised each other they would meet again.
It was nearing sunset on the fourth day when Tetsuhiro decided he had had enough. He was slinking his tail back into the water when a shadow blocked the setting sun and he turned in surprise.
Out of breath and red in the face, Souichi stood partly doubled over, his long hair hanging like a curtain in front of him. He held up a hand like he couldn't speak just yet and Tetsuhiro watched patiently as his chest heaved up and down.
Tetsuhiro was grinning so widely that his cheeks began to ache. He hastily placed both his hands on the rock, ready to pull himself up, when the weight of Souichi's palm on his shoulder held him still.
"No just…sorry that I haven't…you know," Souichi said breathily while gesturing around them. Tetsuhiro nodded and though the hand on his shoulder felt steadying and warm, he didn't think it was meant as an affectionate gesture. Sure enough, Souichi pushed him down so he was level with the water once again and removed his hand.
"I just wanted to tell you that…we don't live here. We come here for vacation sometimes in the summer but we don't…" Souichi stopped and raised the hand he had placed on Tetsuhiro to the back of his neck and rubbed it in an awkward gesture. Tetsuhiro felt his stomach sink at the words.
"You are leaving." He stated blankly, dropping his eyes to hide his disappointment. He saw Souichi's shadow nod.
"I wanted to tell you sooner but we had a lot of…stuff going on."
"It's alright." Tetsuhiro assured him though the lie felt bitter on his tongue.
Souichi nodded, huffed out a breath, and shifted on his feet. "Well, see you next summer." He said quietly.
"Yes." Tetsuhiro whispered to himself. Souichi had already disappeared from view.
But next summer came and went, as well as the summer after that. Tetsuhiro turned thirteen on a scorching day in July.
Souichi would be fifteen this year, he thought, mentally calculating the difference. A small celebration of his kin continued around him but he paid it little mind. The red band was still wound faithfully around his wrist and he tugged at it, comforted by its pull.
Hiroto cornered him a short time later when the space around them had quieted.
"Please tell me you aren't going to waste your summer waiting for him again." His best friend pleaded.
Tetsuhiro smiled sadly and swore he would stay far away from the shoreline for good.
He had been intending to keep his promise. Truly.
It was on a hunt with his father, swimming lazily on his back so he could watch the ripples the waves created on the surface when he spotted it. A ring. Just above him.
When his father was suitably occupied elsewhere, Tetsuhiro reached up to tug it down and almost choked at the familiar feeling under his fingers. The color, the similarity, the texture, it couldn't be a coincidence.
Even the disapproving glares Hiroto aimed his way over the coming weeks couldn't stop him from slipping away the following day and breathing in air for the first time in almost three years.
July 2003
Tetsuhiro had been quite pleased of his lengthened tail and the deeper shade of blue it had acquired, but this paled in comparison to what Souichi's body had gone through.
The same amount of time had managed to rid him of the childlike softness of his face and instead refined it chiefly around his cheekbones. If possible his hair had become lighter in color, reaching down his back in a loose ponytail. And if his already looming figure wasn't enough, he had gained at least half a foot in height.
He looked so different and yet he didn't at the same time.
His eyes were what Tetsuhiro remembered best and he was delighted to find that they were still that shade of brown he couldn't quite describe, that they still thrummed with passion and heartache and smugness and a million other conflicting emotions.
"You got it then?" Souichi asked suddenly, his voice lower and more gravelly then Tetsuhiro remembered.
It took a few moments to register what he had said. Tetsuhiro lifted his arm from the water in answer, revealing the two red bands that wrapped his wrist. He thought he saw Souichi's eyes widen slightly but it may have been because he had been staring so intently at them.
"Did you become a mute while I was away?" Souichi said after a few moments of silence. Tetsuhiro shook his head a little too forcefully and dropped his arm again. Souichi frowned, and dropped to the ground so quickly it startled the boy in the water. After rearranging his legs underneath him, Souichi ran a hand through his hair like he was frustrated and stared at a spot behind Tetsuhiro's head.
"Are you mad or something? I mean it wasn't like it was my fault that we didn't come back here. It was my dad. He thought it would be too hard or whatever. I didn't-"
Tetsuhiro bit his lip and poked him in the leg with a dampened finger effectively stopping his rant.
"I'm not mad." He said plainly, Souichi's gaze dropping to his leg. "I was just disappointed for awhile. But thank you for explaining what happened to me." Tetsuhiro finished with a smile that had been trying to escape since he had spotted Souichi.
Souichi looked away, flushing with what Tetsuhiro assumed was embarrassment and coughed. "Good. Fine."
They ended up sitting shoulder to shoulder, Tetsuhiro's fins submerged underwater as well as Souichi's feet. He wasn't sure about Souichi but just feeling his presence beside him had him pulsing with excitement. His hands shook as he rearranged his wet hair so it rested to one side.
"Tell me about your family." Souichi asked suddenly, Tetsuhiro's mouth curving up into a small smile. He liked that Souichi seemed to have no filter and that he asked questions and fully expected an answer. He peeked at Souichi's eyes, noting the height difference much more so now that they sat next to each other, and saw them glint as they stared into the ocean. He liked many things about the human.
"I have an older brother, Kunihiro. He's in his sixteenth year. Then there's my mother and father and five sisters."
Souichi choked on thin air. Tetsuhiro decided he quite liked it when he took him by surprise.
"Five sisters?" He echoed.
Tetsuhiro nodded. "Yes. My father he…he had another family before he met my mother. His previous wife couldn't produce a boy so…" His voice trailed off and he squirmed a little in his seat. He had never had to explain his past or family to anyone because they already simply knew. It sounded horrible aloud. "My sisters are not like my brother and I. They enjoy staying hidden; they aren't that fond of our side of the family. I haven't seen my eldest sister for three years."
Souichi whistled beside him, shaking his head.
"That's…wow. I thought my family was screwed up."
Tetsuhiro blinked a few times. "Screwed up?"
Souichi paused, obviously thinking about it. "It means…like messed up. Weird." His eyebrows furrowed like he didn't think his definition did the phrase justice but Tetsuhiro nodded all the same.
"I suppose that is a correct description. I do not enjoy spending time with my family." It came out much quieter than he had expected and realized too late how depressing it must have sounded. He never spoke about his family this way.
Souichi raised his eyebrows. "Really?"
Tetsuhiro let his eyes fall to his fins, moving them lazily from side to side in the water. "My brother has grown distant lately and my sisters have never really talked to me." He could feel sadness creeping up on him and Souichi was looking at him like he pitied him which made it even worse. "I'm very lucky for my friends." He said and let a fond smile form because it was true.
"And who's that?"
"My best friend is called Hiroto. I don't even remember not being friends with him. And then there's Masaki. He's actually a friend of my brothers but he will play with me sometimes."
Silence met his words and after a few moments he looked up faintly confused. Souichi was staring at him like he was waiting for more.
"That's it?"
Tetsuhiro nodded, flushing under Souichi's incredulous gaze.
"My father says friends are not prudent."
Souichi snorted. "What an asshole."
"What's-"
"It means idiot." Souichi cut in like he had expected the question. He turned towards him, eyed the merman with something Tetsuhiro desperately wished he could interpret and muttered a warm, "Idiot."
Tetsuhiro looked away, his ears suddenly tinted with pink.
"What about your family Souichi?" He asked. He thought it was a fair question but when Souichi inhaled sharply, withdrew his feet from the water and rested his elbows on his knees so he couldn't see his face, he regretted it.
"I've got two younger siblings, Tomoe and Kanako. They're alright, I guess. Annoying sometimes but-" Souichi trailed off and Tetsuhiro pushed no further.
"And your friends?" He asked since family was clearly a sensitive subject. Souichi shrugged, picking up a pebble near him and casting it into the water.
"I don't have a best friend or anything. I've got friends in school but only a couple since I'm mostly surrounded by morons."
Tetsuhiro nodded, biting his lip, unsure whether to go along with this train of thought.
"Am I your friend Souichi?" He asked finally, shyly looking up through his eyelashes. The body next to him jolted in surprise and Tetsuhiro smiled despite feeling timid.
Souichi attempted to cover his surprise by scoffing loudly. "Depends, are you a moron?"
Tetsuhiro wasn't sure what moron meant but by the smug look on Souichi's face he assumed it wasn't good. Instead he went with what he already knew.
"I am an idiot."
And Souichi not only cracked the most genuine smile he had seen but let out a laugh that was open and honest and warm.
He realized he would have waited for as long as it took to see Souichi again.
Tetsuhiro had never talked so much in his life to another person. Sure Hiroto was his best friend, but they knew each other well enough already. Souichi was a beacon, he was a whole new world of ideas and stories and information that Tetsuhiro was sure no other merman had ever heard before.
Souichi, he was quickly realizing, was a very animate person. He liked to wave his arms about when describing the countless, maddening situations he seemed to encounter in his day to day life. Souichi was always delightfully angered by the slightest things.
"And then the moron has the gall to tell me to watch it. I'm telling you, the fact that you don't have to go to school is a freaking blessing."
Tetsuhiro smiled up at the blue of the sky, though he had a sneaking suspicion he just hadn't stopped smiling since they met hours earlier. They had migrated from the edge of the ocean to lie fully on the flat of the rock. If Tetsuhiro turned his head to the right, he'd come face to face with Souichi's feet.
"I do wish I could see your home." Tetsuhiro said softly, longingly. With every nuisance Souichi described, Tetsuhiro merely wanted to understand it, to see it with his own two eyes. He had never really felt that much of a desire to leave his watery home behind him but if he could just walk with Souichi or travel with him and have a firsthand experience…
It was pointless to dwell on something so foolish but he couldn't help it. He heard Souichi let out a rather loud breath and couldn't tell if it was out of annoyance or something else.
"It's nothing special. If anything, seeing where you live would be…well, it would be pretty interesting."
Tetsuhiro remained silent, though the comment made him feel slightly light headed. At times he was so engrossed by Souichi that he would forget the human was just as curious about him.
He hadn't realized his eyes were closed until a shadow crossed over his face, making him flinch and blink them open.
"I could show you." Souichi said, hands on either side of Tetsuhiro's head, encasing him in his shadow. Tetsuhiro's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, though he stayed completely still in his position. He couldn't explain why Souichi hovering over him made him feel safe but it did.
"How?"
A camera, he called it.
After the initial shock and excitement wore off on the device itself, Tetsuhiro gazed in awe at the various snapshots of Souichi's home. It was like his brain was reorganizing itself to match the reality of Souichi's life. He had always imagined his sister Kanako with long hair like Souichi's but it was cut short and suited her well. His brother was much shorter than Souichi and his hair a shocking orange that reminded him of Hiroto.
He made Souichi pause for a full five minutes on some of the pictures so he could explain everything. For all the minor nuisances Souichi seemed angered with, he was rather patient, even when Tetsuhiro would touch the images gently with his finger.
"My father is so wrong about humans." Tetsuhiro breathed in unreserved wonder, his finger lingering on the bright red tree Souichi rested on in one of the images.
"What do you mean?" Because Souichi had to flick through the camera himself, they had moved to lean against a boulder, their shoulders and upper arms stuck together. When Souichi spoke, Tetsuhiro could practically feel the vibrations of his voice through his skin.
"He's very…against humans. Everything they do infuriates him but this…I mean if humans can make something like this…it's incredible." Tetsuhiro finished, breathing out as he lifted his finger from the camera's screen and smiling, satisfied.
When he looked over at Souichi, he didn't think two brown eyes would already be looking at him. For a brief moment, Souichi's features were softened completely, like he was lost in thought, and he was staring at him with…Tetsuhiro didn't have the word for it and couldn't think of one in time. When Souichi came back to himself, his eyes widened and he scowled, turning his gaze back to his lap where the camera now rested. Tetsuhiro blinked in confusion.
He looked angry, even after a minute ticked by, and Tetsuhiro's stomach twisted in concern. Had he done something to offend him? Souichi was always on edge but he only grew angry when Tetsuhiro brought up certain things. Replaying the conversation in his mind, he couldn't see anything wrong.
Come to think of it, Souichi had been a lot more closed off that day than he normally was. Sure he had been patient showing Tetsuhiro the pictures, but it was a weary patience, like he was going along with it out of a sense of responsibility.
Carefully so as to not frighten him off, Tetsuhiro let his right hand drop to his side and slid it over a few inches. Souchi's entire body flinched at the contact but his anger seemed to momentarily be replaced by surprise. Tetsuhiro wasn't sure what he was expecting, but Souichi's hand was warm like his own and his skin, well, his skin was as smooth and soft as it looked. His fingers still held the camera in his lap so Tetsuhiro had to settle for brushing the back of his hand lightly.
"It's alright to be upset, Souichi." He said as low as he could manage so as to not disturb the tentative trust between them.
He saw Souichi's mouth drop slightly, a look of shock that said he hadn't expected anyone to notice and he hunched his shoulders defensively.
"Shut up," he murmured, his eyes still fixed on his lap. Tetsuhiro frowned, letting his fingers trace a circle on Souichi's skin before falling away completely.
"You don't have to tell me anything. But I am here if you need me," Tetsuhiro said with conviction. But he said nothing more because he knew the human well enough not to push anything.
It was quiet for a while, both lost in their own minds, when a buzzing noise startled the silence. Souichi set the camera aside and reached into his pocket, retrieving a small...well a small something. He rubbed his eyes before squinting at it and sighed heavily before pocketing it again.
"I have to go pack. My dad wants to leave tonight instead of tomorrow."
A sudden and crushing sense of disappointment struck him at Souichi's words. For a brief and mad moment he hated Souichi's father for taking him away. Tetsuhiro winced, immediately feeling the shame at the thought a second later. Souichi liked to evoke emotions from him that he had never felt so intensely before.
But Souichi didn't move right away. He sat fiddling with his camera for a while longer before shifting so his upper body turned towards Tetsuhiro.
"Look you weren't…wrong. I don't want to talk about it. Not now anyway. Maybe someday but not…yet." Souichi said quietly; the words felt heavy and rough like they had to punch themselves out of his mouth. Tetsuhiro peeked up at him through his eyelashes and saw the distress in Souichi's face. He was upset but Souichi looked far worse than he felt.
"Ok." He said as happily as he could, forcing a smile onto his face. Souichi glanced up at him, eyes rapidly darting over Tetsuhiro's face.
"What's wrong?"
Tetsuhiro couldn't hold his gaze and instead his eyes fell away to the blue of his tail.
"I don't want you to leave." He admitted softly. The words sounded whiny and inconsiderate and he wished he could take them back once they were out. But they hung resolutely between the two boys in the quiet that followed.
"Smile."
Tetsuhiro blinked up at Souichi in utter bewilderment to find the camera pointing in his direction.
"What?" He asked. Souichi lowered the camera slightly so as to show off an eye roll and gestured towards him.
"Smile." He repeated so Tetsuhiro did, though it didn't feel quite right on his face. Souichi let out an annoyed huff and pointed an accusing finger at him. "A real one." He demanded.
This time, Tetsuhiro found it easy to. Because he realized with a start that Souichi knew what a genuine smile looked like on his face. And that was certainly something to be happy about.
There was an audible click and Souichi leant forward, twisting the camera around making Tetsuhiro gasp. Sure he had seen Souichi's face reflected back to him as well as his house and school and siblings. But seeing his own face, smiling sincerely, eyes a sparkling green, was indescribable.
Both boys jumped when another buzz filled the air. Souichi ran a hand through his long hair in frustration, the contentment from before seemingly lost.
"Ok my dad is serious about leaving tonight I guess." Souichi paused to scratch behind his neck. "How will we…I mean we'll probably come back next summer and…will the hair tie thing work again?"
Tetsuhiro shook his head slowly.
"Finding it this time was a complete accident."
Souichi nodded thoughtfully before gesturing around them.
"I'll…leave a note then. Here." He said, pointing downwards. Tetsuhiro smiled because although Souichi was leaving and the disappointment he felt wasn't going away, Souichi wanted to meet again. He was making plans so they wouldn't miss each other.
Tetsuhiro nodded. "Ok." He paused, his heartbeat suddenly booming in his ears. "I will miss you, Souichi."
The words felt natural and refreshing to say aloud; he thought them so often after all.
The only visible reaction was the slight pink of Souichi's cheeks as he stood up.
"I'll tell you eventually." Souichi said as he began walking away. It sounded like a promise.
Kunihiro was bonded on the last day of winter. It was an intimate and peaceful time. Though, it wasn't until a few days later that the calmness that had settled over the colony was shattered when he couldn't find Masaki.
He hadn't worried at first. Masaki was older and busy, he realized that. But three days passed and he couldn't just let one of his only friends disappear. So he began asking those around him. It was only when Masaki's kin began to avoid his gaze or dart nervously away as he approached that he grew concerned. So he went to his brother.
"Banished?! What for?" Tetsuhiro exclaimed, propelling forward to shove his brother's shoulder hard when he made to move away. Kunihiro looked thoroughly unimpressed, shrugging minutely.
"Aren't you going to do anything?" Tetsuhiro insisted, a note of desperation in his tone.
Kunihiro lazily studied his brother's face.
"Why should I?"
Tetsuhiro's mouth hung open for a moment before he shook his head in disbelief.
"Because…because he's your best friend. Doesn't that mean something to you?"
And then something changed in his brother's neutral expression, a brief look hurt flashed across his face and it startled Tetsuhiro. But no sooner had it appeared that his brother's face was suddenly up close to his and he could see his father glaring back at him.
"Learn to hold your tongue Tetsuhiro."
But he couldn't just leave it at that. So he invented a visit to his sister's cavern on the outskirts of the region, knowing his father or brother would hardly want to join him.
"Masaki," Tetsuhiro breathed when he reached his friend's dwelling. The heaped, bloody and bruised form of Masaki was hunched over in the corner, breathing far too slowly.
Masaki moved his head up slowly though it looked like the action alone pained him.
"Gorgeous aren't I," he muttered, wincing and bringing a hand up to one of the bumps on his head. Tetsuhiro approached slowly, intent on helping his friend as much as possible. He bent down so he was level and gently removed the hand hiding Masaki's face. What he saw made his throat dry and anger coiled in his belly. Masaki could barely open his eyes they were so swollen; his hair was matted with blood even in the water and his bare chest was blossoming with purple bruises.
"Who did this?" Tetsuhiro asked shakily.
Masaki coughed, his chest heaving with the effort and shook his head.
"It doesn't matter," he croaked out. His eyes dropped from Tetsuhiro's, a flash of understanding passed between them. He hadn't known his father was capable of this. It made his stomach turn. "I probably deserved it anyway."
"No." Tetsuhiro answered quickly, automatically. No one deserved this. "What happened?"
"I wanted to see it for myself. Wanted…wanted to see him." Masaki's voice stuttered and he coughed again. Tetsuhiro blinked: him? He didn't understand.
"You have nice hands Tetsuhiro. So soft." Tetsuhiro's eyes darted upwards from where his hand lay on Masaki's chest and met his gaze head on. Masaki wasn't in his right mind, his words slurred together and eyes drooping, but Tetsuhiro still felt a heat work its way up his neck at the sentiment.
"Masaki?" He asked softly, swallowing loudly as Masaki swayed into his personal space, eyes closed, and dropped his forehead onto Tetsuhiro's shoulder.
"Why couldn't it have been you."
He began dreaming about Souichi. It was never anything magnificent or mystifying. Most of the time they would be sitting near the ocean and watching the sun set over the horizon, making for a sky filled with pinks and yellows. Souichi's features would switch between his 12 and 15 year old self, sometimes his hair was longer than he remembered or his skin paler. They would snap pictures together with Souichi's camera and both of them would be grinning. And they would never end, not really. Souichi never needed to leave or pack and Tetsuhiro was absolved from any responsibilities his father set out for him. It left him smiling when he woke and Souichi once again became a prominent part in the back of his mind.
So when he surfaced the water for the first time that year, air burning his lungs, and caught sight of a piece of paper flapping under the weight of a rock, Tetsuhiro had to bite his lip to make sure he wasn't asleep.
"So he's back then." Hiroto drawled in greeting as his best friend drifted towards him. Tetsuhiro continued beaming though a moment later he shook his head in confusion.
"What?"
Hiroto raised an amused eyebrow.
"The human? He's back."
Tetsuhiro's eyes widened, his smile dropped, and he glanced from side to side looking slightly panicked.
"How…"
Hiroto rolled his eyes. "Oh please. You've looked happier in the last few minutes than you have in the last few months. It's quite revolting to have to look at."
Tetsuhiro's shoulders dropped in relief and he smirked indulgently.
"I apologize for upsetting your delicate countenance. Won't happen again."
"But it will, won't it." Hiroto said, suddenly serious. He searched his friend's eyes before noting the guilt that lay there. "Tetsuhiro, I want to be a good friend but…what is so damn fascinating about humans that you'd risk getting in major trouble for?"
Tetsuhiro plucked at the band on his wrist, the water having reduced it to a light shade of pink.
"Not…humans. Just him." He murmured, his eyes never leaving his hand. "I'd do the same for you."
Hiroto chuckled at his attempt of recovery. "Ha! No you wouldn't. He's like…I don't know…an obsession or something."
When Tetsuhiro merely shrugged, the cheeriness from before lost in the sudden serious turn in conversation, Hiroto sighed dramatically.
"When are you seeing him?"
June 2004
He pulled himself up and out of the water only to flinch as his nose met something solid. Tetsuhiro blinked and leaned his head away from the onslaught in confusion until familiar brown eyes peeked over the top of the obstruction.
"Bought a book," Souichi said in explanation, allowing the rest of his face to come into view as he lowered it. Tetsuhiro, still frozen in his position, wasn't looking at the book.
"What are those?" He asked, gesturing to Souichi's face. Souichi furrowed his eyebrows, lifting his free hand up to skim lightly over his face until he gripped the edges of the offending object.
"Glasses, to help my eyesight," he illuminated, pausing. "You've never seen them before?" Tetsuhiro shook his head, his long inky hair sticking to the sides of his face. Souichi shrugged and adjusted his glasses. "Hmm, must have been wearing contacts."
Glasses. Tetsuhiro frowned. He wasn't sure he liked anything obstructing his view of Souichi's eyes.
When they were settled, a comfortable warmth cocooning them as the sun rose just a little higher, Souichi tapped the top of the book and cleared his throat.
"The Observations and Explanations of Merfolk," he read, pointing to each word. Tetsuhiro sat up a little straighter, though his bare back scraped the rock he leant against, and apprehensively met Souichi's smirk.
"Humans…know about us?" Tetsuhiro asked quietly. He didn't mind Souichi knowing, but if it spread, if their secret world was exposed to so many humans…he may not be close to his family but he would never want them to be hurt.
Souichi didn't seem to notice his distress because he snorted and flipped the book open to the first page with a flourish.
"Nah, I doubt any of this is true. Probably some knock off of the Little Mermaid." At Tetsuhiro's look of confusion, Souichi waved his hand a little and sighed. "It's a movie. Forget it. Anyway, I was thinking we could go through it and you could tell me what's real and what's a myth."
"Alright." Tetsuhiro agreed softly, watching Souichi's long fingers gently open the book and smiled fondly. The words he was met with looked jumbled and perplexing so after a few moments of trying to make sense of them he gave up, choosing to instead watch the boy beside him. He liked the way Souichi would grip the very corner of a page and his fingertips would slip just so while turning it.
After a minute or two in which Souichi skimmed through the first few pages, he cleared his throat. "Ok let's see. A merfolk's diet mainly consists of shellfish as to eat fish of any kind is considered cannibalism."
Tetsuhiro nodded. "That is true."
Souichi raised a disapproving eyebrow. "Huh. Remind me to bring you some food tomorrow," he said dismissively. Tetsuhiro let his head fall back against the rock, smiling with affection. Souichi's offhand comments made his chest warm.
" How about this: Merfolk tend to travel in pods consisting of ten to fifteen of their kin and rarely go outside of what they consider their territory or home."
"False. We used to live like that, an age ago, but now it's more of a community. My father is the head of at least two thousand of us."
Souichi's head shot up from where he peered over the book with wide, surprised eyes.
"Wh-what…seriously? He like the leader or what?" He spluttered.
Tetsuhiro shrugged, not particularly in the mood to discuss his father.
"I suppose."
He didn't look at Souichi's reaction and was relieved when the questioning ceased.
"Merfolk mate for life. They are married to their counterpart at a fairly young age." Souichi asked, his voice low and soft. Tetsuhiro shifted uncomfortably at the mention of mating, something he rarely discussed with anyone.
"Married?" He asked instead, the word foreign.
Souichi cast his eyes upwards in exasperation making the corner of Tetsuhiro's mouth twitch in amusement.
"Like, you make a vow to someone else. To stay with them until one of you dies." Souichi said by way of explanation. He didn't look particularly pleased with the description, shaking his head. "It's dumb, I'm never doing it."
Tetsuhiro's brow furrowed; this married business sounded an awful lot like bonding. He had always thought being bound was something everyone wanted and everyone hoped for. He couldn't imagine Souichi not wanting that sort of thing with someone.
"Why not?" He blurted out after a few moments of silence.
Souichi let out a bitter laugh, turning the page of the book roughly. "As if there's anyone that could stick with me for the rest of my life."
Souichi's words were so honest and firm and he looked like he fully believed them. How could he feel this way? How could he believe that no one would want to stay by his side when he was so…so special to Tetsuhiro?
He imagined endless days of summer where they would sit together and talk about anything and everything, Souichi's warm body a constant anchor. Perhaps they would be in the water, floating beside one another, wet skin touching just so.
A stray blonde hair had escaped Souichi's blue hair tie and was twisting about his face. Tetsuhiro had the strongest urge to reach up and tuck it behind his ear, curving his finger on the smooth skin of his cheek.
He wouldn't mind spending the rest of his days with Souichi.
The thought was powerful and terrifying and comforting all at once and he could feel a blush work its way upwards from his chest. It only deepened to red when Souichi met his gaze calmly and realized he had been talking to him.
"Huh?" Tetsuhiro croaked out, his mind and emotions still reeling.
Souichi's eyes darted across Tetsuhiro's face and he raised an eyebrow as he no doubt noticed the color. "I said is it true? What the book says?" He asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Tetsuhiro looked away, feeling oddly guilty, and nodded.
"Oh…we are bound to our chosen mate at a young age, yes. My brother Kunihiro was bonded to his partner earlier this year. But," he winced and lowered his voice, "she was chosen by our parents, which isn't customary anymore. Usually you are allowed to choose who you bond with and stay with them for life. But in our situation, it's different." It sounded depressing aloud which was why he absolutely hated talking about his family with Souichi. But Souichi spent so much time explaining and showing and telling him things about the human world that he couldn't refuse.
Souichi nodded slowly, raising a finger to his chin as he let it sink in. "You mean…you can cheat? Divorce?" At Tetsuhiro's furrowed eyebrows he said instead, "Separate I mean."
"It's frowned upon but yes." Tetsuhiro said, playing with his fingers, uncomfortable. It was improper to discuss these sorts of subjects with others. Discussing them with Souichi, no less. His blush was nowhere near fading and he couldn't understand why.
"How old is Kunihiro?" Souichi asked.
"He turned 18 two days before he was bound." He responded.
Souichi nodded again. "So you have like what, 3,4 more years?"
When he put it that way it sounded like a sentence. Perhaps it was.
"Yes." He answered reluctantly. Souichi seemed to sense nothing was wrong and shrugged calmly, flipping through a few pages without really reading them.
"Well, maybe you'll be lucky and get a pretty girl." Souichi said, finally reaching up and curling the stray hair around his ear.
Tetsuhiro dragged his eyes away to the vastness of the sea.
"I suppose."
On the fourth day, Tetsuhiro suggested they leave their cove to swim for a while. It wasn't an unjustified idea. The sun was particularly brutal that day; both their faces were pink with the heat and Tetsuhiro's fins burned in protest at the lack of water. He thought it would be nice to cool off and lazily float about. But the look on Souichi's face when he asked, the way he completely froze up and his face shut down, made him think otherwise.
"I…don't want to." Souichi grumbled, stacking some flattened rocks on top of each other. It was obvious he was trying for disinterested, but his eyes kept darting nervously to the water and his hands shook just slightly.
Tetsuhiro immediately welled up with concern, though he did his best to hide it. He had learned to appear aloof with Souichi to get information he wanted.
"Why not?" He asked, edging closer to the water and dipping one hand in. Souichi eyed his submerged fingers and scoffed.
"I don't swim."
Tetsuhiro frowned. He knew he was being lied to. Souichi had complained to him just last year about how bad the members of his swim team were at diving.
When a bead of sweat trickled down his cheek from his forehead, he allowed the rest of his body to sink into the placid water. After how hot he had been it felt fantastic and for once he was glad to breathe in the water around him. He whipped his hair backwards as he emerged, smiling and at ease again in the baking sun. Souichi had stopped fiddling with the rocks to watch him.
Unfortunately for Souichi, who wore his emotions far too well, he looked more envious than annoyed as Tetsuhiro grinned at him.
"I know you can swim Souichi. Why won't you join me?" Tetsuhiro drawled as he lay on his back, waving his tail lazily. Souichi's gaze only intensified.
"Shut up. I said I don't want to." He snapped.
Tetsuhiro shrugged calmly, letting Souichi's usual irritable tone wash over him. "But it's really nice and cool." He paused and eyed the sweat that was soaked through Souichi's clothes. "At least take your shirt off."
A sudden burst of pain bloomed on his cheek; the shock of it sending him underwater for the briefest of moments. He barely registered Souichi's reddened face or the stone that sunk slowly to the seabed. Tetsuhiro emerged with a protective hand to the right side of his face and looked about wildly for Souichi with miserable confusion.
He was standing now, arms tight to his sides, hands clenched, and a look of fury that took over his entire being. Tetsuhiro was devastated to find that Souchi's narrowed eyes were glistening.
"I told you to shut the fuck up!" Souichi yelled, kicking the pile of rocks and sending them scattered. Tetsuhiro looked on in a stunned silence as the throbbing from his cheek subsided a little. Souichi's hurt gaze put him in more pain than the rock had. He opened his mouth to speak but Souichi already had his back turned.
"Some friend you are." He spat, and stomped away.
When his father asked about the bruise, he said he had been roughhousing with the other boys. His father had looked pleased, Kunihiro seemed suspicious, and Tetsuhiro was forced to stay awake with the hurt image of Souichi in his mind.
"My mother drowned."
I'll tell you eventually
Souichi wasn't looking at him.
Oh
"That night you found me was her funeral. It's why I…I don't like the water. The ocean." Souichi said as he gazed past Tetsuhiro to the water. He picked at the words slowly like he had carefully chosen them. Tetsuhiro milled over his confession feeling rather upset himself.
This entire time, the reason they met…had he been so blind not to see it?
But this wasn't about him, and though Souichi's words were spoken out of anger yesterday, he couldn't help feeling like a useless friend.
"I'm very sorry." He said softly, not daring to move closer. Souichi still wasn't looking at him and stood with his arms crossed, his face defeated and angry.
"I was supposed to have been on that boat. I could have…I could have saved her. Fuck." Souichi grumbled through clenched teeth. With the palms of his hands, he pushed his glasses up to hold them tightly against his eyes. The sight of him turned over Tetsuhiro's stomach.
"Souichi…" He tried but stopped when Souichi shook his head.
"She didn't deserve to die. She had three kids and a husband and she fucking loved the ocean. It's like the universe decided it would be the most ironic way to kill her and did it."
Souichi took a deep, shaky breath and finally locked eyes with Tetsuhiro.
"And it's like…coming here is torture. Especially when the ocean is like this, all calm and deceiving. I hate it and I hate the fact that I can't even look at it without thinking about her."
He paused, running a hand through his long hair and dropping his gaze to his feet. One of the flattened rocks he had been gathering from the previous day sat stoically by his heel.
"Now I can't even go in it. How pathetic is that? I've let it…I'm fucking weak." He finished, pinching the bridge of his nose with a grimace. Tetsuhiro had never seen Souichi so vulnerable but here he was, pouring out his grief and all he could do was watch.
Unsure of how to help, Tetsuhiro waited until Souichi visibly calmed down before scooting just a bit closer in a gesture he hoped was comforting: that he was there, that he wasn't going to leave.
"You are the strongest person I know. You are not to blame and no one could have prevented that." He said with complete honesty. He could practically see Souichi's defensive wall coming up, his face closing off as he spoke. "You are strong, Souichi and I am honored to know you," he continued. Souichi locked eyes with him for a few moments before glancing away, shoulders slumping. He didn't cry, though it looked to be a near thing.
When Souichi left shortly after, Tetsuhiro wondered for the first time if he was wrong in his want of a mother. His own hadn't raised him, not really. He learned from a young age that she resented him and his brother for they were produced from a loveless marriage. And if this was the pain of losing a mother, if it destroyed you within an inch of sanity, perhaps he was lucky.
But deep down he knew he was wrong because he had felt the pull of love and could imagine if someone close to him were suddenly gone. Hiroto or Kunihiro or…Souichi.
He softly felt the two red bands encircling his wrist.
Especially Souichi.
It was with a sinking jolt that he realized what had been irking him about Souichi's mother's death. He had even traveled for over an hour to reach his sisters' cave, hoping with all his might he was wrong.
"Oh yes, the pretty little blonde one," the youngest of his sister's drawled lazily into his ear. "Her screams were positively delightful."
"Souichi," he said, the following day. "Don't come out here at night alone."
He had longed for that to be the end of it. He would have given anything to keep Souichi in the dark. But on the final day of their summer, Tetsuhiro narrowly avoided another bruise as the heavy book they had combed through was dropped unceremoniously onto the rock in front of him.
"You were sent to kill me, weren't you?"
Tetsuhiro didn't look up at the accusation; he couldn't bear to see what Souichi's eyes held.
"Yes."
"Your sisters, they're sirens?" Souichi asked. Tetsuhiro nodded. There was no point in lying. "They sink boats. They sunk my mom's, didn't they?"
Tetsuhiro didn't move; his silence told Souichi everything he needed to know.
"So what are you doing? Hmm? I'm still alive aren't I? Don't you want to finish what you started?" Souichi's voice rose with each word and Tetsuhiro winced at how angry he sounded. Though he knew he would regret it, he couldn't resist looking up; if this was the last time he would ever see Souichi's eyes he didn't want to miss it.
"I would never hurt you Souichi." He pleaded softly.
Souichi didn't deign him with a response, though his eyes revealed how betrayed he felt. He picked up the book and threw it into the water behind Tetsuhiro with a loud splash.
Souichi's retreating form was blurry. Tetsuhiro curiously reached up and felt underneath his eyes, his fingers coming back wet.
So, this was crying.
And suddenly, his tail was his biggest weakness. He had never looked at it as a hindrance but that's what it was turning into. Because he couldn't follow Souichi or force him to come back or even beg for forgiveness. And that unbearable feeling of helplessness was like a disease, working its way through his veins and consuming every thought he had.
For days he'd scrabble into their cove, heaving his body a little farther each time in the hope of catching a glimpse of Souichi. Somewhere. A sign, anything. Realistically he already knew Souichi was gone, but hope was a dastardly thing and made him continue his pursuit.
His nails chipped on the rock, his belly and arms scratched, and a deep ache persisted in his arms from the extra exertion. Hiroto was just plain worried when he'd return in the early light of morning with red eyes and a scratchy throat.
The nightmares were new too. It wasn't Souichi's mother that was being dragged to the bottom of the ocean in his head. He'd wake up screaming, thankful for the crashing of the waves that drowned it out.
And then it wasn't enough to wait. He began swimming towards the beaches.
When Hiroto found out and actually broke down in front of him in a desperate attempt to talk sense into his friend and then threatened to tell his father, he was forced to stop. It was the first time in their entire friendship that he purposely ignored Hiroto.
But the problem remained, the hollowness that was now lodged in his chest still wasn't going away and he needed to distract himself.
So he visited Masaki.
Because Masaki didn't badger him about why he was so upset or threaten to tell his father. They would collect meals together, eating for hours on end, and then he was laughing again and it felt liberating.
He liked Masaki's soft smile and warm eyes. His voice was always pleasant to listen to and he enjoyed it when he hummed while preparing the shellfish.
On his sixteenth birthday, Masaki welcomed him with his usual fond expression and a hand on his lower back.
When they were fed and enjoying the warmth of the sun through the water, Masaki kissed him.
Tetsuhiro went rigid, unsure of what was happening but not really wanting it to stop. Masaki was kissing him with full, soft lips and a hand gently cupping his face.
He hadn't realized his eyes had closed until he blinked them open when Masaki pulled back with a curious smile.
He waited for the sense of wrongness to wash over him, for the guilt and confusion. But it never came because it felt…well it felt nice. His gaze dropped to Masaki's lips and back up to his eyes. Masaki's thumb caressed the side of his face and his lower belly filled with foreign tingles, his skin suddenly sensitive.
"Is this alright?" Masaki asked, his low voice sending a shudder through him. Tetsuhiro's cheeks went pink and he could practically hear his father yelling at him that this was forbidden, that it was wrong and disgraceful. But he liked the way he was feeling and he didn't want it to stop.
So he nodded and this time, he was the one that leant forward.
He looked forward to when he was able to slip away to Masaki's home and be pushed against the caverns walls, fingertips and nails digging into his skin.
On one of their lazier days, Masaki softly asked about the red bands on his wrist. Tetsuhiro lied smoothly but the damage was done, the flood of emotion proof enough. He had wanted distraction and Masaki had unknowingly provided it. But he had been a fool to think that Souichi would fade from his memory.
June 2006
"Why did you lie to me?" Was what Souichi chose to demand, out of everything, as Tetsuhiro rose up from the water. He froze in place when the other came into view: cross legged on the ground, setting aside a smaller book, and as captivating as he had always been. Tetsuhiro felt he couldn't breathe and the tightening in his chest wasn't going away. Souichi was here.
"I didn't know. And when I did find out I thought you'd hate me." Tetsuhiro admitted when he found his voice, sitting slowly on the rock with his tail still in the water. The way Souichi was staring at him made him shift uncomfortably. It was piercing and calculating, trying to find the lie in Tetsuhiro's words and…had his eyes gone an even darker shade of brown? Was that even possible?
When the silence was on the verge of unbearable and Souichi still hadn't moved, he spoke.
"Souichi-"He began but stopped short when Souichi stood. Tetsuhiro braced himself, unsure of whether another stone was going to be sent his way, and seriously debated whether to sink back into the water just below him.
Souichi towered over him for a few seconds before dropping to the ground, submerging his feet into the water next to Tetsuhiro's fins.
"Just shut up. I don't hate you."
Tetsuhiro's eyes widened and a sudden welling in his throat distracted him enough to keep from speaking. Souichi was here. He was on the verge of forgiving him. It was more than enough.
Tetsuhiro lost track of how long they sat there, gazing out into the expanse that was his home. Souichi refused to look at him for more than a few seconds and still wore a deep set scowl when their eyes met but Tetsuhiro couldn't help what he was feeling.
It was overwhelming and too big for the borders of his body. He felt it could easily lift from his skin and he'd be glowing from head to tail. He wanted to put a name to it but at the same time, didn't. Because he wasn't sure if in making real he would be able to handle what came with it.
For the moment though, he was happy to sit in quiet, pretending not to notice when Souichi's eyes would rest upon him.
"I'll never forgive you for being taller than me." Souichi grumbled before he left, and Tetsuhiro swam home, his cheeks aching from smiling.
When he thrust a jagged rock in Hiroto's face that evening, impishly grinning, he supposed he should be worried about how unsurprised his friend looked.
Hiroto raised an eyebrow. "We killing someone?"
"Now I know why I didn't see you yesterday," Masaki drawled with fingers in Tetsuhiro's newly shortened hair, tugging and massaging as he went.
Tetsuhiro felt a guilty heat bloom up from his neck. He had never intended to tell Masaki where he was the previous day but he still felt badly for lying.
Masaki interpreted his reaction differently and tugged so he could lick at Tetsuhiro's exposed neck.
Tetsuhiro allowed the onslaught, enjoying the warm tingles and the sharpness of Masaki's teeth as he nibbled at the flesh there. Masaki always made him feel wanted and warm and nice.
And in his tranquil state, Tetsuhiro wormed his fingers through Masaki's hair. But the strands turned golden in his hands and the skin of his partner's ear paled, a small freckle appearing on the lobe. It wasn't until they pulled back slowly and the eyes that stared became a heavier brown, amber and solid that he jumped guiltily.
Oh.
Unsurprisingly it was Kunihiro who had been the one to snitch on him in the end. His shortened hair was going against one of the few traditions his clan still abided by. It was absolute defiance and rebellion. Tetsuhiro faced his father's rage with as much courage as he could muster and though he had expected the fury, he hadn't expected the black eye and twisted arm along with it. He didn't care that Kunihiro looked guilty nor did he care that his father didn't want to see his face for a few weeks.
As much as it hurt, somewhere deep inside him he had always known that his father loved who he should be rather than who he was.
But that wasn't why Tetsuhiro lay wide awake that night, nestled in his family's kelp. Because although the right side of his face still throbbed in pain and a large, red hand print decorated his arm, his mind was on something entirely different.
He was attracted to Masaki and he could admit this whole heartedly. Masaki was endearing and charming and had a body and face to match. He was never shy with his affection especially since he discovered how physical Tetsuhiro was. When he was with Masaki, like really with him, his mind was always on what they were doing and rarely drifted. Masaki was what he wanted to fill his mind with and he did.
But seeing Souichi again was…confusing.
He had been doing so well, finally admitting to himself that he would most likely never see Souichi again. It felt like a stab in his chest whenever he acknowledged it but at least it wasn't as painful as hoping that he would be forgiven.
And now that the impossible had happened, now that Souichi had come back after two years, he realized that Souichi was fundamental to his happiness. And that scared him.
The way he felt was huge, suffocating at times, and unhealthy in how it pushed other things out of the way.
When he had pulled back earlier that day from the soft lips that had encased his, he hadn't wanted to see Masaki's eyes.
He bit his lip hard, watching a soft bloom of blood stretch upwards towards the surface.
He had wanted to see Souichi's.
"I always suspected," Hiroto said as he prodded Tetsuhiro's bruised eye gingerly. Tetsuhiro winced and held his hand up to his face protectively.
"Suspected?" He asked carefully.
"Yea I mean, you were always trailing after him. Still are. It was always, Souichi said this and Souichi did that. He's a human, I get it, but it was never just that." Hiroto finished with a smirk, looking quite proud of his observations.
Tetsuhiro looked down at the fading redness on his arm. Had he really been so obvious? Souichi had always been special to him.
"Hey, you okay?" Hiroto asked, his amusement gone and a look of concern for his friend.
"Just…confused." He mumbled. Hiroto gripped his shoulders and shook him gently a few times.
"Then go clear up your confusion. No point in getting stressed over something that might not even be true," Hiroto exclaimed and twisted his body around, shoving Tetsuhiro in the opposite direction. "Go on, get out of here, you short haired guppy."
He spent embarrassingly long hiding but he desperately needed the time, the moment. Souichi lay on his back, his long, bright hair displayed around him, and his chest moving slowly up and down. He looked so relaxed and vulnerable and Tetsuhiro had to rip his eyes away when his chest began to tighten.
He didn't know why his breathing was uneasy or why the tips of his fingers were turning white where they gripped the jagged edges of the rock. This was really no different from the numerous other times he came to visit his friend.
But the water felt heavier than normal as he waded towards the cove. And when he approached slowly, confirming that Souichi was indeed asleep as a gentle snore escaped his parted lips, he finally understood why this felt so daunting.
Because it was confirming everything he had feared and hoped.
Heaving himself up as slowly as he could, water trickling down his own chest and tail, he settled beside the other boy, leaning over as far as he dared. Souichi's glasses were slightly askew and had worked their way down the bridge of his nose, his blonde hair covering the surrounding rock floor. But his chest was so…so smooth and he had to bite his lip, hard, to resist the sudden urge to see what he tasted like. He could imagine far too easily the trail he would leave from Souichi's collarbone down to the pink flesh of his nipple, carrying on to dip into his bellybutton…
Two brown eyes were staring sleepily back at him.
He had never felt physically trapped by another's gaze. Still in the last dregs of sleep Souichi stared with no resistance, so very vulnerable. His eyebrows furrowed and suddenly there were fingertips on Tetsuhiro's face.
Tetsuhiro could not breathe.
"Who did this?" Came the rough and gravelly question. Tetsuhiro tried to swallow, positive he couldn't speak, couldn't respond to the question. He made no movement, afraid Souichi would turn away.
"My father." He finally managed to breathe out.
Souichi, now more awake than he had been, let one of his fingers drift near Tetsuhiro's eye.
"What an asshole." He grumbled, looking and sounding angry.
Tetsuhiro was no longer confused.
He decided to tell Masaki. Not everything, mind you. He just couldn't handle the pressure and the guilt that was beginning to eat him alive.
"Masaki?" Tetsuhiro prompted softly, twisting in Masaki's embrace to look at him properly. A fond smile and a contented hum met him and he was certain he hadn't felt this guilty about anything, ever.
"I…" he began, Masaki's interest peaking when he couldn't finish his thought. He was such a coward. "What I mean is…I need to…I'm sorry," he mumbled miserably, dropping his head forward in shame.
A low, amused rumble vibrated through his back where their skin met and the arms around him tightened imperceptibly.
"Tell me," the words whispered into his ear.
"What are you doing?" A new voice broke through their tranquil barrier and both of them went rigid with fear.
Kunihiro was watching them at a stone's throw away with a look he identified, with a sinking feeling of dread, as repulsion. Anger he could handle. Even disappointment. But no one had ever looked at him as if they were disgusted by his very existence. He may not have ever gotten along with his brother but he liked to think that they cared about each other, even if it was only a little.
The wide eyes that flicked from his own to Masaki sat frozen behind him told a different story.
"Nii-chan listen…" He tried, but Kunihiro flinched so violently at his voice that he broke off mid sentence. He didn't know what he would have said anyway. Nothing could remedy this situation.
"This is…what if father found out?"
Tetsuhiro's throat swelled in terror at the thought.
"Don't tell him."
Kunihiro let out a sharp, humorless laugh. "You think me stupid? Of course I won't." His eyes traveled from Tetsuhiro's to a spot behind him. "My little brother Masaki. My little brother, you…you animal."
Tetsuhiro's back straightened in sudden protectiveness. He made sure to drift slightly to his left, hoping that it did something to partially shield Masaki who still hadn't spoken a word behind him. "Hey! It was my choice as well!"
Kunihiro scoffed loudly, his fists clenching at his sides.
"Nonsense. Banishment just wasn't enough was it? You had to…to defile an innocent boy with your disgusting ways."
Tetsuhiro's bravado dissipated slightly. So…Kunihiro knew about Masaki? How was that possible?
"Kunihiro…please…" Masaki croaked out, sounding lost and broken. But Masaki's response only seemed to spur his brother on.
"Were you thinking about me when you touched him? Hmm? My rejection was too much for you so you had to resort to my brother?"
It couldn't possibly be true, Tetsuhiro thought desperately. Masaki wouldn't….he had never….his brother?
Tetsuhiro turned around, making sure his brother was still in his vision, and his stomach sunk at what he saw.
"Masaki…" He said quietly though never intending to finish the thought. Masaki blinked up at him, clapping his arms around himself like he needed the support of his own body. He looked so pitiful and lost and broken and through the ball of disappointment and chill that was opening up in Tetsuhiro's chest, he couldn't help wanting to put his arms around him, to soothe his pain.
"Honestly, I thought you'd have finished yourself off by now."
No, anything but that.
"Stop!" Tetsuhiro all but screamed. Because how dare he?
The cry seemed to snap his brother out of whatever cruel trance he had been in and he even went so far as to flinch, like the mirth exited his body suddenly and without warning. Kunihiro's twisted face faded into a look of regret and Tetsuhiro, for the first time in a very long time, saw his real brother staring back at him.
But the mask slipped back on easily and Kunihiro turned his back to them. Tetsuhiro wished he could see his face. He wanted to know how far his brother was gone down the path his father was setting them both on.
"No, this stops. We're leaving. Now," Kunihiro said, his voice holding too many different emotions to really deduce anything.
But Tetsuhiro couldn't move. Surely his fins were stationary for only the drift of the ocean's current moved him languidly. A hand on his wrist made him stumble back to reality, hard, and he allowed himself to be turned around.
Masaki 's eyes were too guilty, too pained. "Go. Tetsuhiro, please just go."
Tetsuhiro shook his head with the energy he had left.
"I don't want to leave you alone like this." Because he really didn't. If Masaki really did…if his feelings for his brother were true and with everything Kunihiro had said…
It was wrong to think about Souichi at a time like this but he did. It would destroy him if he was in the same situation.
"Tetsuhiro!" His brother hissed.
Masaki let go of his wrist slowly.
"I'm sorry."
Hiroto thought it would be best for him to take a few days for himself, no responsibilities or trips to the surface. The rational part of his mind told him it agreed and having no extra baggage or stress would be just what he needed.
On the other hand, seeing Souichi's face was always such a comfort and he couldn't think of anything else he wanted at that moment.
Hiroto highly doubted, with the stories he had spun about his human companion, that Souichi would care about the end of his relationship or want to talk about it. Tetsuhiro sadly and silently agreed but he needed to see him, it wasn't a question. That was what it had become, a need.
But Souichi did notice. He couldn't have spoken more than a few sentences before Souichi threw his hands up in the air and demanded to know what was wrong.
"My friend was banished," is what he decided on, almost ashamed with how easily the lie slipped off his tongue.
Souichi watched him thoughtfully for a few moments before he bounced up and started jogging away.
Tetsuhiro gaped, hurt, and he would have been completely upset with the action if Souichi hadn't glanced back and yelled, "I'll be right back!"
He returned fifteen minutes later, a little out of breath.
"Ignore the taste, I promise it's good. It's my dad's stuff."
Tetsuhiro lifted his head and eyed the brown bottle wearily. He didn't understand why anyone would drink something that didn't taste good.
His hesitance must have showed because Souichi rolled his eyes and placed the bottle to his lips, the light brown liquid swished loudly. Tetsuhiro's eyes dipped down to Souichi's throat as it worked and blushed to the tips of his ears when Souichi lifted his head and smacked his lips.
"There, see? Easy. Now stop being such a baby," Souichi said, smirking when Tetsuhiro scrunched up his face, offended at the insinuation.
Tetsuhiro pulled the neck of the bottle from Souichi's fingers and if they happened to slide over one another's it was entirely by accident.
"You do want to forget about your friend, right?"
Tetsuhiro straightened his back, nodding, and copied Souichi's actions very aware that his lips were indirectly touching the other boy's. But not quite used to the burning sensation, he spluttered inelegantly. Souichi snorted in amusement.
Determined to consume at least as much as Souichi, Tetsuhiro forced himself to gulp down another two swigs and was rewarded when Souichi looked thoroughly surprised.
"Yea, yea. We'll see how long you last." Souichi said with a private smirk as he took the bottle back.
"You swim good, right?" Souichi drawled a few hours later as he, for the tenth time, tipped the empty bottle into his mouth in the hopes a few drops remained. Tetsuhiro was on his belly a few feet away, watching with droopy eyes and a fuzzy head.
"I'm a merman," he paused and turned his head to look behind him, "I think."
Souichi threw the bottle to the side with an annoyed grunt and lifted his head, nodding in confirmation. "Yup. Got the tail and everything." He let his head drop back down with a thud, the alcohol probably numbing the area.
"You've got legs," Tetsuhiro remarked and felt a prod in his tail where Souichi's toes hit him. And it was the funniest thing. Like really funny. So he started giggling and Souichi's answering little kicks spurred him on. When his stomach actually hurt from the laughter he copied Souichi and let his head thump to the ground. The sky was filled with stars tonight, all sharp and bright unlike the blur they appeared to be under the ocean. He liked it up here so much better. Souichi was here. And that brown drink which wasn't that bad tasting after a while. And Souichi was here.
"Teach me, idiot." Souichi whined a few moments later and Tetsuhiro racked his brain for an answer but he wasn't entirely sure he knew what he was answering in the first place.
"I'm not a teacher." He decided on, feeling around for the bottle Souichi had thrown earlier. He heard Souichi shifting around and saw him sit up, squinting at Tetsuhiro's form in the dark. His glasses were halfway down his nose which meant he really couldn't see anything and Tetsuhiro found his face scrunching up utterly endearing.
"But you swim like, well a lot. You can." Oh right, swimming. That's what Souichi wanted, to swim. Tetsuhiro glanced towards the ocean. He did like the water.
"Okay," he struggled to sit up and after a few attempts settled for resting on his forearms. A swooping sensation in his stomach and head stopped him though as he felt nausea for the first time in many, many years. "Not…not now though. I don't feel well."
Souichi watched him for a few moments and Tetsuhiro couldn't decide whether his answering blush was from the eyes on him or that damn drink. Even in the dark Souichi's eyes were luminescent in their intensity and Tetsuhiro had never been the object of such a forceful gaze. He wondered idly if Souichi looked at everyone like that.
"Fine," Souichi grumbled and fell backwards again, breathing out heavily as he went. "Why'd my mom like it so much? S'just water. Not even warm."
Tetsuhiro didn't answer; nothing he had to offer would make it better.
"Wanna swim. Stupid water."
His eyes were closed when Tetsuhiro leaned up enough to see him and his chest, distractingly bare, heaving up and down at a slow pace. He wished he could just take away Souichi's hurt because it actually pained him to think about.
And then Souichi had to ruin the seriousness of the moment by doing this stretching, groaning thing that accentuated the muscles in his stomach. Tetsuhiro's tongue felt heavy in his mouth. The alcohol made him want to lick him…everywhere. Souichi was always craning his neck and it looked delicious. He wanted to bite at the tendon that protruded from his skin.
"Souichi?" He asked in a voice so low and so thick with arousal that he hardly recognized it.
But the human didn't respond and Tetsuhiro's sluggish brain, after an embarrassingly long time, decided he was asleep.
One moment he was a few feet in the opposite direction and the next he was beside Souichi, unaware he had even moved. He admired him as he always did, with long, hungry looks and Souichi blissfully oblivious. Tetsuhiro's alcohol induced mind couldn't remember why he hadn't told Souichi how he felt. Or why he was still resisting the pink softness of Souichi's lips.
They were there all parted and pink and Tetsuhiro could practically already taste them. And then suddenly, he was.
He encased Souichi's upper lip with both of his, reveling in the feel and so, so very glad that they were as smooth as he had imagined. A soft whimper left his mouth as warmth spread from their connected lips throughout his body. And then, through the blur that was his mind, he registered the lips beneath his shifting slightly and sliding over his for the briefest of moments before Souichi turned his head to the side with a grunt.
Tetsuhiro let out a gasp and felt so light headed he thought he may actually pass out. He flopped onto the ground next to Souichi's still sleeping form, a sliver of guilt working its way through his overwhelming arousal. But his body and head felt heavy and his eyes were closing on their own and blonde hair was painted behind his eyelids as he drifted into sleep.
He awoke to the blinding light of the sun, a horrific taste in his mouth, and a pounding headache. But more importantly, he woke up alone.
Another year passed as slowly as the one before it.
He hadn't seen Masaki since the incident, though he sent Hiroto to periodically check in on him. With the news that Kunihiro's mate was with child, Hiroto revealed that Masaki was taking it disturbingly hard.
Tetsuhiro debated whether or not to visit him. After all, he did still care for and love him on some level.
"He feels guilty." Hiroto relayed.
He should, Tetsuhiro thought bitterly. But it was hypocritical. Though it hadn't started out that way, they had been using each other.
Rosalie, his chosen mate, made frequent visits. His parents had actually picked well. She was polite, charming, and stunning. She liked to pull him aside to ask about his interests or what his plans were for the future. And everything she said was so sincere, like she genuinely cared about what he wanted in life.
And he really couldn't do this to her. Because she deserved so much better than a merman who was hopelessly in love with a human.
Because that's what it was. The name he had been too afraid to connect with his feelings. The devastating and lovely and twisted sensation in his chest. The reason he felt he was drowning and breathing all at once.
Souichi had effortlessly claimed his heart.
June 2007
Souichi, he thought, would be quite proud of how he chose to spend his free time that year. Because of his shortened hair, he wasn't allowed to see Rosalie. His father was worried her parents would back out of the bond if they saw and so Tetsuhiro chose to spend that time sabotaging his sisters.
He liked to believe that he didn't hate his sisters he just didn't know them. But when he'd see their malicious and downright gleeful grins as they returned from a hunt, blood coating their lips, he couldn't help it. He wanted them to get caught at times. He wanted the humans to be the ones to show them what it felt like to drown.
But they were smart. They traveled long distances for prey, never staying in the same place. Too many deaths in one area would spark concern among mankind and they couldn't risk that.
So Tetsuhiro followed them. Sometimes, he wouldn't eat a proper meal for a week with how far they'd go. But he never gave because this was for Souichi.
Some methods didn't work. He tried luring the sailors in himself but his sisters were so fast and he, too inexperienced. He had never successfully completed his siren song after all.
He didn't like doing it, but destroying parts of the sailor's boats so they were unable to drive them or stealing their oars was what worked. His sisters liked smaller boats; they were easier to get at the humans on board. He must have saved fifty odd lives that year.
As summer approached and his sisters became visibly frustrated with their lack of human flesh, he grew anxious. He had hoped, planned even, that they would be so defeated that they'd return home in time for Souichi's arrival.
But they began going farther South and as much as he wanted to follow and the almost crushing guilt he felt, he turned around and headed home.
Unlike his sisters who preferred the deep ocean, he stayed close to the shore. He loved watching humans go about their day on the beach or working in the harbor. He knew he was closing in on his family's territory as the familiar wharf began to come into view. The boats were much smaller and more for recreational use rather than for fishing. It was part of the reason they still lived here.
He had a few days to spare so he spent them watching the milling people. And then one day, whilst floating on his stomach, a flash of orange startled his sluggish gaze.
He ventured as close as he dared, using the waves to bob in and out of view, and narrowed his eyes to find the source.
It was a boy about his age, short and small with shocking red hair that Tetsuhiro had only seen a few times in his life.
Wait
It couldn't be…
From what he could see the boy was smiling, almost stupidly so, and helping another teenager load equipment onto a boat.
He looked nice, polite, and downright happy. Tetsuhiro shook his head, smiling at his own foolishness.
"That couldn't be Tomoe then," he thought, amused. Surely Souichi's brother would be a bit more…well, like Souichi.
"Oi! Idiot! I need to check this boat out first."
His head shot up so fast he was sure he'd get whiplash as the voice that haunted his thoughts reached his ears. Sure enough, Souichi's long and lean body came into view, pushing aside a few sailors who unfortunately had gotten in his way. He was stomping over to his brother and the black haired teenager he had seen before and gesturing madly towards the small boat.
Tetsuhiro couldn't distinguish between the blood rushing in his ears and the waves crashing against the rocks. A strong flutter bloomed in his chest and stomach and he found himself grinning broadly even as Souichi verbally abused the poor boy Tomoe was standing behind.
'So beautiful," he sighed tenderly, no longer fighting the current, bringing him closer to the harbor.
He waited among the shallows where his head hidden behind a pillar of the dock, knowing this was more dangerous than anything he had ever done but…Souichi was closer now and making his way angrily onto the boat even as his brother shouted at him not to. He was certain Souichi's scent was carrying over to him because he was engulfed in vanilla and jasmine and Souichi. And really, who could blame him for wanting to be closer.
So he waded towards him, ducking under the safety of the water, and peeked his head up on the other side away from other eyes. Souichi was marching around, his feet making rather a lot of noise as he searched for…well something, he wasn't sure. Holes? Tetsuhiro almost giggled despite himself.
When Souichi finally began searching around his area, hands sliding against the side of the boat, he reached his arm up and tangled their fingers together.
Souichi automatically wrenched his arm back up, yelping in surprise, and watching him slightly terrified. When he at last seemed to recognize him, his eyes widened and he scowled deeply, cheeks flushing red. Tetsuhiro remembered all too well how that heated skin felt against his hands, the slight tremble of those pink lips. God, how he wanted to taste them again.
"You moron. What if someone saw you?" Souichi hissed, looking around them warily. Tetsuhiro smiled and realized just how much he missed this man, even if he was being yelled at.
But then Souchi's gaze shifted as it landed on him, and his eyes narrowed. Tetsuhiro's smile started to fade when Souichi retracted his arm and his face contorted into something he could barely recognize. Was he angry with him?
"Meet me in an hour." Souichi said flatly without bothering to look at him. Tetsuhiro nodded but Souichi was already turning around and heading off the boat.
Fear settled in his belly. What had he done wrong?
"Don't touch me." Souichi spat as Tetsuhiro went to place a hand to his shoulder a short time later. Tetsuhiro flinched at the malice in his tone and obediently withdrew his hand as they sat in their cove, the sun too bright in the middle of the day. His shoulders were burning and he should really have his tail in the water but he could barely think with the panic coursing through him.
"Souichi? What's-" He started but stopped when Souichi pinned him with another glare.
"You kissed me. While I was asleep. You…you kissed me."
Tetsuhiro's eyes widened and his face burned. He had been…awake? Then Souichi knew, he knew everything, he…had been awake and remembered. The world didn't crash around him as he initially thought when he considered telling Souichi his feelings. But his companions face was not a pleasant sight and made his chest clench uncomfortably. It wasn't the repulsion his brother had looked at him with but it was close and that, well that hurt.
"I…yes I did. And I'm sorry." Tetsuhiro said, lowering his head in defeat. He was not lying anymore, not to this man.
Souichi let out something resembling a gasp and a scoff.
"Thought you'd get me drunk and then…then what…molest me?"
Something in his tone that made Tetsuhiro look up. There was betrayal there, underneath the obvious anger and aversion. That somehow hurt worse than anything his brother had thrown at him.
"You brought that drink. I didn't know what it would do. It made me relaxed and brave and…it was wrong of me to kiss you while you were asleep and I am sorry Souichi. I am."
He did hope Souichi was taking in what he was saying but his eyes had gone all distant and he was shaking his head like he was having an argument with himself. It took a few moments but Souichi did glance at him, eyeing him up and down and he really didn't like to be looked at like that.
"So you're a homo then?" Souichi replied, his voice low and cracked. "Unnatural." He said so flatly that it sounded abnormal.
Tetsuhiro loved this man, he did, but he was sick of feeling badly for being who he was. Sick of it. He clenched his jaw and fists and fought hard to keep the anger now brimming to his skin from reaching the surface.
"I don't know what that word means but I am not unnatural or disgusting or…I'm still me, Souichi. I thought, when I told you, that you'd be more…more supportive." He protested and dropped his voice so his next words came out mumbled. "You're just like my father."
Souichi spluttered indignantly. "I am nothing like that asshole!" He yelled with a force and a passion behind it that had yet to appear until that moment. Tetsuhiro was momentarily stunned that that was what Souichi was more upset about. Perhaps comparing his friend to his abusive father wasn't the right path to take.
"Maybe not. But as my friend I thought you would understand or at least tolerate it." Tetsuhiro tried again, sounding a little lost and a little broken even to his own ears. Because he had wished it, so, so much that Souichi would at least understand this if he couldn't reciprocate.
Souichi was even beautiful when angry, a fact that actually irritated Tetsuhiro to no end. It was difficult to stay mad at him for long when his ears were tinted pink and his hair slightly escaping his long ponytail.
"You want to pull the friend card. Fine. How about friends don't molest friends."
Tetsuhiro threw his hands up, almost whimpering with how desperately he needed to fix this. "I said I was sorry! That was wrong! I just couldn't…" He froze, for once being able to stop his word vomit before it ruined their friendship yet again.
But Souichi caught it and narrowed his eyes even further.
"Couldn't what?" Silence. "Tell me idiot!" He demanded, practically yelling in his face. So Tetsuhiro told him, because why not just get the truth out there if Souichi wanted it that badly.
"I couldn't resist!" He'd be lying if the shocked expression Souichi now wore wasn't gratifying because it was. The fact that his confession had stopped his friend in his tracks was a freaking miracle. Tetsuhiro took a deep breath before continuing. "I…I like you Souichi. I have for a while now and…and I was drunk and upset that you were leaving." The words flowed off his tongue so naturally he wondered why he hadn't said anything before.
But Souichi's confused and warred expression reminded him and sadness ebbed at his consciousness. 'Because', he chided himself, 'Souichi is never going to return those feelings'.
"What do you mean like?" Souichi demanded firmly, eyes now darting anywhere but at Tetsuhiro's. He looked to his lap. "I'm no homo."
"Can you please stop using that word?" Tetsuhiro asked softly but firm; he didn't like the way Souichi kept saying it like it was soiled. But he could see something come over Souichi's face, not acceptance, not yet, deliberation perhaps, and that made him continue gently. "I know that. I know you'll never accept my feelings. I'm happy just to remain friends." He said, though the reality of the situation sent a chill running through his chest. Souichi raised a disbelieving eyebrow, locking eyes with him. "Really." He insisted.
The waves that crashed along the shoreline were all he could hear for a few minutes, he wondered if Souichi would even notice if he slinked back into the water to cool his tail. Souichi was just so distant, like he was there but too deep into his own head.
"You won't try anything on me." He chose to say, making Tetsuhiro study him hopefully. Souichi looked at him with coolly.
"No." He confirmed and Souichi searched his eyes before nodding, still looking guarded. Tetsuhiro wondered if there was an easy way to break the awkwardness that had settled over them. "Not unless you want me to."
"Ok…wait what!?" Souichi spluttered and Tetsuhiro smirked because it felt good.
"I was only joking Souichi."
"Damn right." Souichi scoffed. Tetsuhiro could feel eyes on him. "Idiot."
"I want to try and you're going to help me." Souichi announced a few days later, a look of determination greeting Tetsuhiro as he blinked the water from his eyelashes.
It didn't help that his mind automatically went downhill at Souichi's proclamation and it took an embarrassingly long time to comprehend what he actually wanted. Tetsuhiro nodded encouragingly from his place in the water and quelled the urge to beam at his friend.
"Of course Souichi. When do you want to start?"
Tetsuhiro couldn't help grinning when Souichi faltered slightly like he hadn't expected such a quick response. He attempted to cover it up with a cough and crossed his arms, resolve still evident in his stance.
"I uh…I don't have my bathing suit with me," he grumbled, waving his hand about his body, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Tetsuhiro.
"What's wrong with your shorts?" Tetsuhiro asked, familiar heat rising inside him. He knew now that humans tended to prefer being covered up, a fact that Souichi still liked to follow adamantly, much to his dismay.
Souichi glanced around looking a little put out and uncomfortable before Tetsuhiro's grin was ripped right off his face as he reached down and pulled his thin shirt off, throwing it aside.
And just like that, the implications of what he was going to be doing were clear as day.
Souichi.
In the water.
Shirtless.
He was in trouble. It was such a chore already not to drool every time Souichi decided to pull his ab muscles taut. Now to add water to that equation and much closer proximity?
But he managed to push aside these thoughts at how very vulnerable Souichi appeared now, leaning forward towards the water but not moving an inch. He looked so unsure of himself, something Souichi never appeared as.
Tetsuhiro scooted closer to the rock, placing both hands on the side and sitting as he usually did. He figured he would start small so he patted the space next to him without turning around until a warm body dropped down next to his.
"You can swim already, yes?" Tetsuhiro asked as gently as he could manage. A stiff nod met his question. "It's just the ocean then?"
This time, Souichi scowled and kicked his leg so water sprayed both of them.
"I told you that already, idiot."
Tetsuhiro didn't rise to the bait, knowing his friend was just trying to diffuse the tension he felt.
"The water below us is too deep for you to stand, is that alright?" He asked. He didn't want Souichi to feel he couldn't trust him because full honesty was key in this situation.
As expected, Souichi stiffened further and his eyes darted to his submerged feet in a nervous tick. Though it took a few moments, Souichi nodded sharply once, staring determinately at the water.
Tetsuhiro breathed in deep hoping to convey calmness and edged off the rock, keeping his head above the water. He turned to face Souichi who watched with unmasked dread and held out a hand.
"I won't let anything happen to you Souichi." He said, lowering his voice so as not to scare him off.
Truthfully, he had expected some sort of retort or excuse to run away. So when a warm hand was placed in his, gripping just a little, he had to resist the urge to flinch in surprise.
He decided against pulling, instead choosing to lower their hands into the chill of the ocean. Souichi's body jolted in alarm, looking wide eyed at the conjoined hands underneath the water.
"It's just water." Tetsuhiro assured, echoing his words back to him.
Something in Souichi's expression changed; his eyes hardening and unreachable. Tetsuhiro felt a slight pressure in the grip he held and then it was gone, Souichi's hand retreating into the open air. Disappointment flooded his chest but he continued to smile gently as Souichi scooted backwards, looking so very angry with himself.
"Souichi…" He tried, but his friend shook his head and held a hand up. Defeated was not an emotion he often saw on Souichi's face.
It wasn't long before Souichi discovered Tetsuhiro's birthday. In fact, it was a wonder he had kept it a secret for so long with how terrible he could be at lying. Only a few birthdays were actually considered important enough to celebrate in his family. His 10th, 11th, and 12th years were meant to be reserved for his siren song, which he 'completed' at the youngest of those. His 18th year he would be bound to his mate but everything else in between was barely acknowledged and it never really felt like he was missing out on anything.
Judging by how appalled Souichi was, he assumed that it meant more to humans than it did to him.
He had been learning the days of the week with a pack of brightly colored cards that Souichi brought along one morning. It didn't bother Tetsuhiro, but Souichi took great delight in informing him he had to dig in Kanako's box of baby things to find them. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes as his friend basked in smugness each time he had to carefully sound out a word.
"I can't believe I have to teach you this. How do you know what to do and when, if you don't have specific days?"
"Tuesday," Tetsuhiro stated, setting aside a yellow and blue card. "We don't really plan ahead for occasions. If we need to meet tomorrow we merely say, tomorrow. Or in two days time."
Souichi scoffed loudly. "Whatever. It would make it easier."
Tetsuhiro smiled fondly without taking his eyes off of the Thursday card, letting the word imprint in his mind. Thursday.
"So how do you know when your birthday is?" Souichi asked incredulously. There was a beat. "You know it, right?"
Tetsuhiro glanced up and narrowed his eyes playfully. "Of course, it was yesterday."
Souichi spluttered in disbelief. "Yester-wait, what? So every time I visit it's your birthday and you didn't tell me?"
He placed the Sunday card down before Monday, satisfied they were in the correct order, and furrowed his eyebrows. "Would it have made a difference?"
Souichi's mouth worked open and closed a few times.
"Well…yea. I could have gotten you something."
"Something?" He asked curiously.
"A present," Souichi illuminated, rolling his eyes. At Tetsuhiro's expression, he looked like he was physically trying to keep his mouth from falling open again. "You've never gotten a present. You have GOT to be kidding me." He exclaimed.
Tetsuhiro smiled, shaking his head and looking down at the deep blue of his tail.
"I don't need a present, Souichi."
"Everyone wants presents. What do you want?"
Tetsuhiro blushed. What he wanted and what he could have were nowhere near the same thing. It sort of really hurt to hear those words coming from Souichi's mouth.
"Nothing." He said flatly, outlining one of his scales with the tip of his fingernail.
"Come on."
"Really Souichi, there's nothing. I'm just happy here with you." He said though a little hesitantly. He knew Souichi was aware of his feelings but he was never sure how far he could express them. Souichi was so volatile at times.
He did so love it though when Souichi would freeze up, eyes wide and brown, like it was brand new information. Souichi blushed everywhere too and it was distracting, yes, but entirely worth it.
"Yea, yea." Souichi mumbled, his eyes dropping to his own lap. "You're so embarrassing."
"I know," he said with a smile.
Just watching him, shyly picking at a thread on his shorts, hair loose and cascading around him, made Tetsuhiro weak with emotion.
'I am so in love with this man', he thought dizzily.
"You could…" It was a near thing not to clap his hand around his mouth, but the words were out. Now Souichi was staring at him curiously, waiting for him to complete what he had wanted to say.
"What?" Souichi asked after a few moments of silence.
And maybe it couldn't hurt to ask. If there was one thing he had learned about their relationship of almost 7 years, it was that Souichi would always come back. No matter how much he tried to hide it, Souichi cared about their friendship enough to make the effort to meet with him year after year. It couldn't hurt too much to ask…right?
"I want…" his courage dissipating by the second. "I want a kiss."
It was out there, the words heavily hanging between them. He didn't see Souichi's reaction because he didn't want to but he felt the body next to his tensed.
When he couldn't bear the silence anymore, he looked up, Souichi staring back at him with wide eyes and a searching gaze. But the thing was, he hadn't said no. Hadn't screamed in his face or stormed away. He was simply staring, lips parted just a little in slight disbelief. And that fact gave him a reason to be brave, so he decided to push forward.
"Please, Souichi. Just…just one." He begged softly because now that the option was on the table, he really, really wanted it.
Souichi eyes began darting between his like a trapped animal, throat working a little.
"I'm not a homo." He stated flatly, though it came out more like a question than anything. Tetsuhiro let his eyes fall and his shoulders slump in disappointment, ready to assure Souichi it was alright. But he didn't get the chance.
"Fine do it. But quickly."
And that was it. Permission.
His head and heart rate shot up so fast he was surprised he didn't pass out on the spot. He must have looked eager or hungry or something because Souichi looked shocked at his face, blushing a deeper red then he had ever seen.
Tetsuhiro took a moment to compose himself a little, suddenly very nervous indeed. This was Souichi and he was letting him kiss him. Kiss him. For a crazy moment, he almost backed out, too afraid to mess this up.
His nerves were wrecked and though he was unable to sweat, he could swear his forehead was glistening in the remaining sunlight. Because this was special, too special. Souichi was allowing this, probably the only time, he felt unprepared.
But it felt so natural to ease his body forward with a push of his arms, closing the space between them, and touch the back of Souichi's hand lightly with his. Souichi was deep set in scowl, as per usual, but his eyes were always so telling and he could plainly see the terror in them.
Afraid Souichi would back out if he took too long, his fingers trailed from where they caressed his hand upwards until he could grip his bicep. And maybe this was going a little too far and maybe Souichi didn't want to touch him at all. But this was his birthday, after all.
The body underneath his fingertips wasn't relaxing in the slightest and time was escaping him so he arched forward with no time to think about it. To his credit, Souichi didn't move back but he flinched hard. Tetsuhiro couldn't find it in himself through his wanting haze to feel badly. Because maybe Souichi didn't want this like he did but it was being offered and there was permission and his dizzy brain couldn't find the fault in that.
So he hovered in front of Souichi, their breaths mingling together in the space between, and Tetsuhiro's lips tingled with anticipation. Souichi's eyes were a fascinating thing, darting from his own to his lips at a speed that couldn't be physically possible.
It was only when Souichi grumpily murmured a, "hurry up already," that he happily closed the remaining distance.
The lips that met his were just as soft as he remembered through the drunken fog that was that night. And though they remained stoic, Souichi stubbornly tensing at the feel, he couldn't help his eyes closing shut in complete bliss.
They stayed liked that for a few moments or a minute or a day, lips barely parted, stuck together in a moist lock.
And it really was going to be enough. That would have been the best and only present he had ever received. But as he pulled back and blinked his heavy eyes open, he shivered with what he saw. Souichi's own eyelids were closed and his released lips were glistening in the light of the sky.
Fuck
It was enough to make him surge forward again, groaning deeply when their mouths collided again. He felt words mumbled where their lips connected and supposed it was a protest of some kind. And he would have stopped, really, if not for the fact that the hot and heavy hands that were suddenly on his chest weren't really pushing that hard.
And then the lips beneath his pursed a little, so slowly and so minutely if he hadn't been cataloguing his reactions so closely he would have missed it. Through the waves of his broken mind, he recognized this as a response and his answering whimper must have startled Souichi for his mouth opened a little more in a gasp.
He was dimly aware of his other hand reaching up and threading through the strands of hair he had so often dreamt about. This action allowed him to tilt Souichi's head at an angle so their mouths fit together a little better.
He didn't dare go further, though the urge to taste the inside of Souichi's sweet mouth was overwhelming, because the newness was too much. And with how shyly Souichi was moving his lips he wondered for the first time if he had stolen Souichi's first kiss.
Even as his chest began to ache with the need to breathe, he didn't pull back until he was sure he couldn't for another moment without fainting. Their harsh breaths filled the surroundings. Tetsuhiro nipped Souichi's bottom lip once more, earning a stifled gasp, before pulling back and releasing Souichi's head from its hold.
When his own breathing had calmed, reality came in droves and his anxiety from before was intense in its power. He wondered if he should back off or give Souichi room or something.
Souichi pinked at the attention that was on him, his lips enticingly redder than usual and ran a shaky hand through his hair, looking thrown for a loop.
"That was two. Idiot."
And there was something in his tone that sent relief crawling down Tetsuhiro's spine so fast it was like an adrenaline rush. He breathed out slowly, smiling, and laughed.
Souichi's head shot up, watching in bewilderment but he wasn't moving. And most importantly, as Tetsuhiro's laughter filled the space around them, he wasn't leaving.
It was odd to be so pleased and so regretful about the same thing. Because although it had been nothing short of beautiful and the feel of Souichi underneath his touch was permanently printed on his fingertips, he ached for more. More of the same kisses, more of the hot breaths mingling with his own, more of Souichi.
They fueled his thoughts for weeks and months and occupied his thoughts as bad as an obsession.
He had swore to himself that he would never go back to the place he was in the summer's that Souichi had avoided him. He didn't like the person he had been. He didn't like what that person did. He had used people he cared about and ignored ones he loved.
But when the pleasure eventually faded from Souichi's returned affections, he worried far deeper than usual. Would it affect their relationship? Would he even return? Was he afraid Tetsuhiro would ask for another kiss?
He wanted too badly. He knew Souichi cared about him and that made it somehow far worse. For it was impossible to pursue him, to convince him to give him a chance, that their friendship could progress even more than it already was.
He couldn't imagine himself with legs or hips or feet or ghastly little toes. But he could clearly see his arms wrapped around Souichi's middle with his chin resting on his shoulder and for once being at the same level. He wanted whatever could bring them closer together.
He wanted the impossible.
His niece was never named. She had been a weak little thing. Much, much too frail. He had held her for a few moments, remembering how thin and transparent her skin was. Her tail would have been blue like his own.
She died in the early hours of a warm day in November.
His brother never lost face but in this instance, with his mate clinging to him as if she were drowning, he crumpled. And maybe it was obvious they didn't love each other. But he was sure they cared.
He would never fully forgive Kunihiro for the words that he spewed at Masaki, but at least he could look at him now with a shred of respect, that he could look at the man that was his brother and not a boy trying to live in his father's image.
Hiroto insisted on being with him when he finally went to visit Masaki but he was adamant in his decision to go alone. He appreciated his friends concern but it felt like something he had to face on his own without Hiroto glaring in the background.
Masaki hadn't known he was coming so when he rounded the bend to his cave, Masaki froze with fear.
"Tetsuhiro…" He croaked out, dropping the food he had collected in surprise.
But he ignored the shock, shaking his head in what he hoped was comforting, and went to place a hand on his shoulder. He hated that Masaki tracked his hands movement so avidly, like he was afraid he'd strike him. He wasn't his father dammit.
"I forgive you, Masaki," he said firmly and the shoulder he held flinched like that was the last thing he expected. "I have for awhile I just couldn't…couldn't see you just yet."
And it was like he had given Masaki the gift of a lifetime with how relieved and grateful he looked, his shoulders slumping. A hand covered his own after a brief moment of hesitation.
"You are too good, Tetsuhiro. You always were. I mean, even when you were a kid I could see it and you didn't deserve any of this. I am so, so sorry."
Tetsuhiro couldn't help but blush at the sentiment, with how honest it sounded and immediately felt guilt. He couldn't remember not feeling the weight of guilt anymore, it was exhausting.
"I'm not as good as you might think." He started, taking in some water deeply before finding the words to finish. "I…our relationship was wonderful Masaki. It was and I don't regret it and I care about you. But…"
Masaki had damaged him, that was true, but Tetsuhiro never wanted to intentionally hurt anyone and that was what it felt like he was doing. So he stopped before the words could form.
"Who is he?" Masaki asked and Tetsuhiro gaped.
Huh?
Masaki even went so far as to lightly smirk at his reaction. "I had suspected for a while actually. I know what it looks like when someone is in love and I saw it in you. Just not for me."
If there was ever any doubt that he had fully forgiven Masaki, it was the sadness in his tone, the regret and heartache over their relationship ending. Though they had been each other's distractions, there was love there.
"Masaki…" He sighed but the other shook his head with a small smile.
"What's his name?"
"Souichi." Tetsuhiro said at once, almost embarrassed with how tenderly it came out.
Masaki nodded. "And he's a good person?"
"Yes. The best."
"He won't hurt you?"
Tetsuhiro rolled his eyes upwards, his lips twisting thoughtfully.
"Oh, undoubtedly." He answered, earning him a frown. It was the truth; Souichi was making him ache with his mere existence, it was just something he had come to terms with.
Masaki searched his face for a while longer and eventually seemed to find what he was looking for as he tugged Tetsuhiro's hand in his own, leading them towards his home.
"Come on, I've got some crab we can eat."
Tetsuhiro happily followed, spending the afternoon with a friend was just what he needed.
July 2008
The day before he would turn 18 and the morning he had planned to visit Souichi for the first time that summer, Rosalie came to see him. It could not have been a more inconvenient time but there she was, awaiting him just outside the kelp he slept in.
She acknowledged him with a quiet smile and almost instantly moved forward to take his hands into hers. Her fingers were skinny and had an elegance about them as they wrapped around his own. She really was beautiful, with dark brown hair that seemed to curl around them, white tattoos swirling up from her belly, and a light green tail that complimented his own. He tried to imagine them together. He hopedthat they'd find a way to make it work and that she could be happy with a loveless bonding. Most of all, he hoped he could believe it himself.
"We have much to discuss." She said gently as the approaching figures of what he assumed were her parents drew near.
He was now quite used to others gawking at his shortened hair so he stared back unabashedly as their eyes flicked upwards briefly and back down in an air of politeness.
"Yes," her father drawled. "We must get started with the preparations."
Daylight wasted rapidly and it wasn't until well into the night that he was excused. It was far too late to make his way to the shore but it was just as well because his cheerful mood had all but dissipated. It was too real now: Rosalie was to be his future mate and there wasn't anything he could do about it.
He wondered, with an ache, if this is how his mother had felt.
Caged, alone, and trapped.
He had to bite his lip to try and quell the tears that tried to escape his eyes as he rose up from the water the next day. Souichi lay quite still on his stomach, his long hair arranged around him, fingers in the lightly lapping water. Nostalgia and sorrow warred inside him as the harsh truth set in: this was the last time they could really do this.
Souichi wasn't just the love of his life. He had been his companion for seven years and much more importantly, he had been a friend.
And with his future bonding so close, he knew they couldn't really see each other as often anymore. It would be too suspicious. He'd have children soon and it wasn't fair to them.
He couldn't even find the energy to feel nervous about their reunion after what had transpired the last time. If Souichi felt awkwardly enough about their kiss, he wouldn't have shown up. Souichi didn't do anything he didn't want to do.
Tetsuhiro approached slowly while taking in as much as he could to remember this.
Gurgling water, sea foam, and vanilla, his mind supplied. Muddled sky, sand, and damp fingertips.
Souichi lifted his head as he no doubt sensed Tetsuhiro's arrival.
Amber eyes
"Thought you wouldn't show," Souichi grumbled as he rubbed at his eyes, clearly struggling against sleep.
Tetsuhiro couldn't answer even if he wanted to for his throat had closed up and he was sure no words were going to be able to break through. So he shrugged in what he hoped was apologetic and sat in his usual spot, gazing out into the blue of the ocean.
Souichi dropped down next to him with his feet bare and legs kicking just a little.
And he wanted to talk, truly he did, he wanted to commit as much as he could to memory. After this summer, he would belong to another and seeing Souichi just wouldn't work.
"I can't see you anymore." Tetsuhiro bit out, heaving in a shaky breath and feeling those treacherous tears threatening to fall again.
Souichi didn't shout, he didn't seem to react at all. "Because you're getting married." He stated, outwardly calm.
"We're supposed to spend most of our time with our new mate once we're bonded. She'd notice if I…if I disappeared for weeks at a time." Tetsuhiro explained, his throat tight and uncomfortable. Saying the words made it even more real. Souichi didn't move to acknowledge what he had said but he did become far more interested in his kicking legs. They froze a moment later.
"Was that…your tail…was that always there?" Souichi asked too loudly for the quietness that had naturally settled around them. Tetsuhiro blinked, confused, before joining Souichi in looking at this tail. They watched in bewilderment as the blue of Tetsuhiro's tail began to transform, to take on a golden finish, his fins nearly metallic as the color worked its way upwards over the hard ridges and edges. It was such a strange and surreal experience to watch the tail he had known for 18 years take on another color, another appearance. He had to admit it was a stunning sight, shining even more so in the sun with the added golden tint.
"It means I've entered my 18th year." Tetsuhiro enlightened softly, lifting his fin out so they could both observe the difference. Souichi sat stock still beside him.
"Happy Birthday." He replied quietly, watching as the fin in front of him waved from side to side.
Tetsuhiro's throat welled up with emotion. It felt so final.
They made it to the end of the day with barely any words spoken between them. Of course the last summer they could spend together was being cut short with Souichi's university responsibilities.
Tetsuhiro let his head fall to the side where he lay flat against the rock so Souichi's sharp profile was all he could see. The angles of his face were deep and soft all at once and he was sure he could bathe in the blonde locks that lightly touched his bicep.
"Souichi," he inquired as softly as he could. It had been so quiet for so long and the word felt intrusive in the silence. Souichi hesitated before turning his head as well so they were inches apart. Tetsuhiro leaned forward so their foreheads gently bumped together, earning a startled gasp from the other.
It was warm where their bodies connected.
"Thank you," he said and he hoped Souichi understood.
Souichi shut his eyes in response.
"You too."
8 years flicked before his eyes and he couldn't think of a better way to end this.
Tetsuhiro had planned to leave many things behind him in that cove.
He was leaving a discovery.
His childhood.
His escape.
The love of his life.
What he hadn't planned on leaving was now glistening in the jagged moonlight and fighting to stay put in a light breeze. It was heavy and blue and tinted slightly with gold.
A scale.
Author's Notes: Cliffhanger? Well not really, it may not make sense right now but it will don't worry. I have to warn everyone that I'm leaving for a month in a few days on vacation so the next chapter won't be out until the end of August.
ALSO: I have an AO3 account, I'll put this up there too. The formatting is astronomically better than this site so if you want to read it there instead...
Username: Orchideous (cuz I can't put links foooor some reason)
Please review, let me know if you like the idea so far!
Javajunkie xxx