Just a short little oneshot I decided to do when I was bored. It's a crackfic so nobody's supposed to take it seriously, though I doubt anyone would anyway. Well, enjoy
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, voice actors, old marks, or anything else in this fic.
Walking down the streets of Suna, Itachi was feeling rather lonesome. Kisame had gone off to do whatever shark people do and poor Itachi could only wander around looking for some form of entertainment.
It really was amazing how dense people tend to be when you invaded their village. Everyone was left wondering about the cloud covered cloak and other garments not usually found in the desert, but nobody even stopped to ask about it. They were a bit bored with Konoha and all the other villages, but it didn't look like Suna would be presenting much of a challenge. So with that, Itachi decided to make the most of his free time and learn a new skill, the art of walking backwards.
Perhaps it was fate that this happened, but while he was walking backwards he happened to run into a certain puppet master. "Hello Kankurou, fancy meeting you here."
"How the heck do you know my name? Are you a stalker or something?" It's amazing how many ninja just know random facts about others. In fact, when you look at people like Kabuto, Orochimaru, and even your average demon possessed ninja like Gaara, one finds that they know a lot more about others than they need to know. Because of this the answer was very simple.
"I'm a ninja, Itachi to be exact. See the ponytail?" And indeed Itachi was Itachi, hence Itachi had a ponytail. It irked him to no end when guys started hitting on him because they thought he was female. I mean, sure people were hitting on Haku too but Haku wore pink! And there were several other gender confused ninja out there anyway…
"Ah, yes, that explains things! I remember you from all the angst filled flashbacks that Sasuke showed us when we went to attack Konoha!" Kankurou was smiling on the outside, but on the inside he was full of unfulfilled curiosity. He could have sworn that the voice was different. Must just be another victim of the anime voice actor switching on side characters syndrome. Oh well, better than the generic voice actors that most flash backers get.
"Ah yes, that psycho brother of mine went to join Orochimaru… Should've joined Akatsuki instead, pays better." After that was said Itachi's stomach protested not having been fed since arrival at Suna. "Time to buy some lunch with those Akatsuki wages! Well, see you around I guess." And Itachi proceeded to walk away in order to satisfy the loud sounds coming awkwardly from his midsection.
For a reason unknown to Kankurou, he decided to stop Itachi. Perhaps he would be considered helpful if he recommended a breakfast spot. Mumbling to himself he noticed Itachi raise a quizzical eyebrow at the odd behavior of grabbing his arm. Usually one does no arm grabbing unless they wish to say something. "I, um… I know this good place to eat that's both cheap and serves good food." I'm glad ninja have places like that, it makes up for the lack of them in real life.
"Ok, guess we'll go then." Proceeding down the street to this supposed restaurant that logically could not exist in real life, the two got into some conversations. These were lengthy conversations about ninja stuff, so I'd rather not go into detail. Upon arrival Itachi and Kankurou were ushered to a window seat, beyond which innocent pedestrians were passing by. The wise know that an awkward conversation with Kankurou is a very entertaining conversation.
"You should stick you're head out the window and yell 'Am I pretty?!' and then people would walk by and say 'You're ugly'." Kankurou said. Unfortunately he only realized after he said it that this could be rather insulting. "Or… they could say you're pretty… or average?" Kankurou tried to make amends. Unfortunately he couldn't stop himself from blurting out more. "And then they'd say 'you're fat'……… or skinny… or average… or I love you." Kankurou was expert at digging himself deeper holes.
Itachi was, at the moment, very confused. "Was that a love confession or just part of your babbling?" He suspected it was half both.
"Um… it was… I love you, ok! You're so pretty even though you have old marks and you are of the evil variety! We just have so much in common!"
"What is this love being based on?" Frankly, Itachi had no idea what they had in common.
"We're both male and… um… not blonde, let's see, we've both been to Konoha…" that was about all Kankurou could come up with.
"I could go be Kakashi's boyfriend if that's all the criteria we meet. And just for the record, being in a relationship with the same gender is not something one usually brags about." Itachi had no desire to stick around and chat anymore with someone who chose to pursue him, especially being the same gender, so he went off to put a large amount of distance between him and Kankurou.
Kankurou, being the brooding sort, decided to brood. The only reason he had gone after Itachi at all is because the only girls who would ever go out with him were fangirls. Just the thought of them was enough to make any ninja shiver with fear. Leaving the restaurant, Kankurou decided to go on a short walk to sort out his muddled brain after the Itachi incident. For the second time that day he ran into someone…
"Hey Kisame… want to get lunch with me?" Oh boy…