THE ALLERGY
A guy named Stanley Kunitz once wrote: On the royal road to Thebes, I had my luck, I met a lovely monster, and the story's this: I made the monster me. Well, guess what, I may not be on the road to Thebes (a place in Ancient Greece) but I can sure understand the sentiment. Seems as though that guy could foresee the future for Darien Fawkes, the invisible FREAK!
APRIL 29, 2002
Today started out like any other day for Darien. It was a Monday and so, of course, counteragent day. As Garfield, the cat, says, "I hate Mondays." Darien could really relate to that sentiment, especially since Monday was counteragent day for him, and that always means a shot! "God, how I hate shots." Darien thought as he headed down to the Keep.
As he was walking, he suddenly began sneezing and couldn't seem to stop. By the time he'd gotten to the Keep, he'd sneezed about 10 times and was out of breath. He also felt very itchy. Opening the door and sneezing, he called, "Hey, Claire? Are you here? I think I'm getting a bug or something. I can't. Ah, ah, AH CHOO!, stop sneezing!" And this time, when he sneezed he expelled some quicksilver just like when he had that damn flu! "Aw crap" and he shows Claire the handkerchief.
Claire, looking at it and helping Darien over to the 'chair,' says, "It's ok, Darien. I 'm sure that's only due to the force of the sneeze. You just said you've been sneezing a lot, right?" Darien nods yes. She continues, saying, "Ok, then, I'm sure that must be the answer. Now, when did these symptoms start?
Darien, now a bit more relaxed, says, "Well, let's see I felt a little achy last night, but I figured it was just that I was due for my shot. I've sometimes felt that way when my shot is due. But all this, the sneezing and the itchiness just started about 5 minutes ago while coming here to you." And suddenly he starts to really scratch hard and says, in misery, "Oh, Claire, it is AWFUL! I feel like there are ants all over me! HELP ME, PLEASE!" Claire, alarmed, looks at his arms and sees a measles-like red rash all over both arms and on his face. As she removes his shirt, she sees it on his back and front, too.
Getting him an Atarax for itchiness, she says as he takes it, "Darien, have you taken anything stronger than Tylenol in the last 24 hours? I mean, legal or ILLEGAL?"
Darien answers her, "No, I haven't even taken a Tylenol in about 1 week. Seriously. And I haven't done anything 'stupid' in I don't know how long. Claire, believe me, with this damn gland in me, I'm even nervous about taking a vitamin. Oh, yeah, I did take those this morning."
Claire, considering this, says, "Well, I really doubt it would be those, unless you are taking something new? Are you?" He shakes his head no, still scratching, but feeling a little sleepy due to the effects of the Atarax.
CHAPTER TWO
Noticing Darien drifting off, Claire says, gently, "Ok, Darien, you rest. You certainly are in no shape to go out in the field today. But just let me take this blood sample (which Darien does, not resisting) and she helps him put his shirt back on. "You rest here where I can keep an eye on you. OK?" Shaking his head wearily, Darien gets himself as comfortable as possible and drifts off to sleep.
Deciding that preventing Darien from suffering through QSM like this is safer than withholding it, she prepares the counteragent. After administering the shot, she notifies the Official, who is none too happy to hear this news.
Arriving at the Keep, he sees the proof. By now, Darien's face has swollen to the size of a basketball, and although still asleep, he looks very uncomfortable. Even while asleep, the poor guy is still scratching away, although less roughly. He looks like a tall lobster and his face looks as painful as it must be feeling.
Claire, noticing the Official, says, "Darien's condition has worsened in the last 20 minutes, sir. And I don't have any idea why. I'm sure it is an allergy, though. I do have one theory, but it is very scary to consider!" And the Official says, "Yes, Dr. What is that?"
Claire, biting her lower lip and staring at Darien, says, "Well, sir, I fear Darien may by developing an allergy to the counteragent or even to the gland or the secreted quicksilver itself." And she sees the Official shudder in reaction, realizing he understands the horrors of this dreaded situation.
Paul Parker once said, "Fear is the most devastating of all human emotions. Man has no trouble like the paralyzing effects of fear." Man, that could NOT be more true. I don't think I've ever been more depressed as I was when I overheard Claire's theory. To me, that was 100 times more frightening than losing control while QSM'd!
If Darien really is developing an allergic response to the counteragent that would definitely be the good part of this worst-case scenario. That would mean she would be able to devise a new counteragent for Darien. But...if he is developing an allergy to the gland or the quicksilver, then there really is nothing Claire can do to help him. Claire, as a physician, knows that an allergy only gets worse if not treated, usually leading to respiratory failure and death! And with Darien's respiratory system already compromised, his chances for a respiratory crisis are extremely HIGH! Plus she knows there is no way to extricate the gland without hurting Darien and she absolutely refuses to do this. And she looks over at the Official, who says, "What have you done for him so far?"
"Well," Claire says, "I've given him an Atarax for the itchiness and taken some blood. I put some moisturizing lotion on him just to cool him a bit. But I don't want to do anything else right now, I want him to rest. That may help. I DO refuse to attempt to remove the gland. I will NOT knowingly harm or kill Darien and YOU CAN'T FORCE ME TOO!"
The Official looks at her and she, surprisingly, sees gentleness there. He says, softly, "No, Claire. I could never ask you to do that. I know everyone thinks I'm a cold-hearted bastard, especially when it comes to Darien, but I really have a soft spot for the kid. (But do NOT tell him!) No, please try to make him comfortable and well. Hopefully he is just allergic to a new cologne or soap."
Darien, having heard this is deeply touched and smiles to himself. Thinking to himself, he says, "Guess I'll have to be a little nicer to the Fat Man from now on, but without him knowing it."
Claire, brightening a bit at what Borden suggested, says, "Hey, you know, you are probably right, Charles. I never even thought of that!" And she goes over to Darien and gently 'wakes him up.' "Darien? You awake?" He nods yes. "Ok, are you using any new soap, shampoo or detergent of any kind?" The Official, looking hopeful, turns and leaves just as he hears Darien, say, dejectedly, "No. Nothing I've not used before." And the Official leaves, saying, "Keep me informed, Dr." and walks out the door, without a word to Darien, although Darien did see the sadness in his eyes.
Watching the Official leave, Darien says, "Could I have an allergy to my soap or cologne? I've really not used anything new in a year or so."
Claire, looking down, says, "Well, if you were using something new, yes, you could easily have an allergy to it, but I doubt the old stuff is the culprit. What about food or clothes? Introduce any new foods, new clothing types (You know what I mean, material, etc) or pets in your apartment?" Shaking his head sadly, no, he says, "WHAT else do you think it could be? (Unable to accept the reality) Couldn't I be getting just hay fever or something simple?" He asks hopefully, but in his heart he knows the true culprit is in his head!
CHAPTER THREE
By this time, Bobby has arrived at the Agency and been directed to the Keep by Eberts. Walking in, he sees Darien and says, "What the hell happened? Out in the sun too long, Fawkes?"
Darien, depressed, answers, "I only wish, Hobbes. It seems I'm allergic to the counteragent, the gland or the damn quicksilver. Either way, there's not much that can be done, is there, Keep?" Claire, shocked, looks at him and realizes he was awake the whole while she and Borden spoke and he heard everything.
Claire, trying to sound positive, says, "What makes you say that, Darien? You know I'm trying to help you."
Darien, angry, says, "WHAT? Do you think I'm stupid? Even if I hadn't heard you guys talking, I would have thought of that, too. I guess instead of building up a tolerance I've been building up this wonderful allergy. Either way, I'm dead or permanently NUTS, huh?!" And he snickers in anger and turns away from Bobby and Claire, who are shocked, but understanding, at his outburst.
Bobby, walking over to face Darien, says, "When did this happen, man? C'mon Fawkes, talk to me!"
Darien, with tears in his now swollen and painful eyes, says, "Well, the rash started about 5 minutes before I got here, but all this (and he points to his face), started after Claire gave me my counteragent shot! OK? You all happy now. The lab rat has really become a freak! Put me in a cage and sell me to the circus!! But remember to pad it first!!" And he puts his head in his hands and cries.
Bobby, unsure of how to react to this, looks to Claire, who is standing there wringing her hands and crying. They can both see the tattoo is ok, so Darien is just venting his anger and not QSM. Unless... he could be going through a psychological crisis as well, especially with all the stress he has been through.
"Darien?" Claire gently says, "You can't believe we feel that way, can you? I understand that you are angry and you definitely have a right to be, but please try to think rationally. Please YOU need to be calm. And whatever you do, DO NOT quicksilver. I think that would only exacerbate the situation."
Darien, turning towards Claire, says, "It's a little late for the warning. Seems the gland has other ideas for me." And he holds up his left arm, which is SLOWLY becoming invisible. Claire, realizing with horror and fear, that this must mean Darien is slowly dematerializing with no control over it. Fearing the ramifications of this, Claire tries to think of something.
"Oh, Darien! Are you in any pain? I must find a way to help you. Have you tried to stop or control it?" Shaking his head nervously and watching himself disappear, he says, "I've tried, but can't stop it. I don't feel any pain, what I do feel is fear and like I am going away." In sympathy and empathy, Claire grabs his right hand.
Darien, very frightened says, "Claire? Help me. I'm so scared. I am having some trouble breathing and it seems to be getting worse as I quicksilver. Am I gonna die?" And his eyes staring sadly at her are fading to invisible. Just his hair (his beautiful hair) is left and within seconds, Darien is completely invisible. All they hear is his stridorous and painful breathing.
Claire immediately instructs Bobby to locate Darien's mouth and nose, where she places an oxygen mask. Asking Darien, "Is that oxygen on your nose and mouth, Darien?" Darien, breathlessly says, "Yeah. I'm so tired. I think I'll take a nap, Ok?" And he sounds distant and lost.
Claire, frightened by this sudden change in attitude, says, "NO Darien. YOU MUST fight-Stay awake. Try to unquicksilver. Keep your mind focused on rematerializing, even if it's only your fingers, arm or whatever. Please. I'm afraid if you sleep, we'll lose you forever!!"
Darien, realizing Claire is probably right, does try to fight. But the blackness is so inviting, safe and peaceful. He realizes this is probably death enticing him, but maybe this is really what he wants. After all, his life has not been a bed of roses lately or ever. And if he does rematerialize, there is not much of a life waiting for him, is there? He is nothing more than a toy and a guinea pig. At least here no one is trying to hurt or kill him or see what makes him tick. Maybe he'd even be with Kevin and his mom again. Maybe for once he'd have a chance at some real happiness. Doesn't everyone deserve that?
CHAPTER FOUR
Suddenly he hears Bobby calling to him, "Hey, Darien, man. Remember what you once told me. You told me you would NEVER let this damn gland beat you. I guess you lied, huh? You really want to be remembered as a gland and a lab rat. What do you want us to put on your tombstone? Here lies Darien Fawkes-a great guinea pig OR a great man!?"
Claire, staring at Bobby, starts to argue, but Bobby shushes her and continues, "Well, Darien? Aren't you gonna answer? Or has the gland really won?" He knows Darien and he knows what works better than anyone else. He figures if Darien is still with them, he will fight better with some attitude.
Darien coughs and does rematerialize a bit, but is transparent. He looks like a shadow and they can see right through him, which is really weirding Hobbes out. Catching his breath, Darien says, "Thanks, Bobby. No, you're right. This gland won't win. Am I visible? Claire? I feel really weird.. I can't see anything. Are my eyes open? I'm having a tough time feeling stuff."
"What do you mean, Darien? Your eyes are closed. You are barely visible, can you rematerialize more? Try and concentrate a bit more. Now that you are calmer, you may just make it." And Claire grabs his hand in a gesture of strength.
Forcing his eyes open, Darien sees what Claire means. His eyes are still quicksilvered so he tries to concentrate on at least getting his eyes back to normal. Finally the quicksilver dissipates and he is able to really see his friends. Weakly and transparently, he smiles at them and says, "Hi guys."
Claire says, "Ok, hi. I'm going to take another look at those blood samples. I'll be right over here Darien. I'll let Bobby keep you company. Let me know if anything, good or bad, happens, OK? Keep trying to rematerialize, Darien. Please just keep concentrating on that one important task and then we'll worry about something else, ok?"
Bobby asks, "What did you mean when you said you having a tough time feeling things? I don't understand."
Darien says, "I'm not sure I can explain it, Bobby, but I feel numb and tingly all over. Am I moving my arm?" And he tried to lift his left arm.
Bobby watching him says, "No, Sorry, Dare, but I don't see any movement anywhere. But don't give up. Do as Claire suggested and try to concentrate on becoming visible. Then we will work on moving, ok?"
CHAPTER FIVE
And so Darien does try to concentrate only on becoming visible, trying to forget that he can't move. Maybe Bobby's right, once visible maybe things might return to normal. (Or normal for him anyway) Suddenly realizing he hasn't eaten all day and is hungry, he asks Bobby, "Hey, Bobby? What time is it? I'm really hungry and I know it must be past lunch."
Bobby, laughing says, "It's 2:15 in the afternoon, Darien. Only, you would think of food now. I'll see what Claire says, OK? I'm hungry, too and I'm sure she must be, too." And walking over to Claire, he relays Darien's wishes. Hearing Claire's lilting laughter, Darien smiles.
Claire comes over and says, "Ok, Darien, let's see. What do you want to eat?" "I don't know, Claire?" he says, "Can I have whatever I want?" Answering in the affirmative, she says, "I don't see why not."
And so they decide on Burger King and Bobby goes to get the food. Darien is still trying to totally rematerialize and is still paralysed, but Claire does feel that will resolve itself when he rematerializes for good. In the meantime, she assists him to drink some juice, trying not to freak as she can see the liquid going through his digestive tract. Suddenly realizing why she can't take her eyes off his stomach, he says, "Claire, cover me, please! I can't stand to be looked at like that. I know you can't help it, but it totally freaks me, ok? AND I don't want to see it at all, OK!"
Suddenly, getting angry, he says, "Aw crap! Where's Bobby? I have to go to the bathroom and I know I can't do it myself! I need Hobbes-he IS the only one who won't ever pass judgement on me-the freak that I am!!" and he lies there, trying not to lose control of himself in more ways than one. Finally Bobby returns and Claire immediately fills him in.
Going over to Darien, Bobby says, "OK, kid, you have to go to the bathroom, huh? You want to use a urinal or want to go to the bathroom?"
Totally embarassed Darien whispers, "I guess a urinal will be ok. Thanks, Bobby. Listen, before we start, I know you're gonna but try not to stare. Seems I've become one of those visible male anatomy models they sell in the stores, if you know what I mean? Claire was able to watch my digestive tract have juice and later you can all watch the specimen eat, ok? But please try not to stare. I can't stand it."
Bobby, holding the urinal for him and looking only at his face, says, "Darien, believe me I won't be looking at your body, as irresistable as you are, you are not my type. Now Claire I would." And seeing the slight smile on Darien's lips, he continues, "Look, it is freaky-I mean if the tables were turned you would feel the same. But I promise I will try not to stare, ok? I'll feed you the burger and fries ok, so I'll be busy instead of nosy? Are you done, big guy?" Nodding yes, Bobby lays Darien back down and goes to empty the urinal, but not before Claire takes a sample.
They eat lunch, with Bobby trying not to stare, but not completely successful. Darien was able to enjoy himself a bit though.
Suddenly Claire says, "Hey, you are almost back!!" and she lifts his arms for him. They are both completely visible, although still paralyzed. Smiling he says, "Hey, maybe I should eat continuously?"
Laughing, Claire says, "No, Darien, it wasn't the food. It was the relaxation of not thinking only of the problem. Maybe..." and as they talk, Bobby says, "Hey, you are back all the way. Can you move anything?"
Darien tentatively tries to lift his head and is able to, and then he moves his arms and legs and smiles at them, saying, "Well, at least one crisis is over. Does this mean the allergy part is over, too? I feel better, not itchy and my face feels normal. I'm breathing better, too. What do you think Claire?"
Claire, looking at him and trying to be nonchalant, says, "No, Darien you are not out of the woods yet, I'm sorry. Seems the allergy may be dormant for now, but according to the urine sample it is still in your system. I think I need another blood sample. I also think it MAY be an allergy to the counteragent. The reason I feel this is you got worse after counteragent. I doubt it is possible to become allergic to the gland or quicksilver. I'm sure you know the problem if it truly is the counteragent, though."
And he looked at her, saying, "Yeah, I know, Claire. But isn't it possible you would find the new counteragent before I need a shot. I mean couldn't we have the Official put me on the disabled list until then and I promise you I will stay here where you can monitor the tattoo and if, God forbid, I would be close to the padded room. PLEASE! Doesn't that make sense? Claire? Bobby?"
Bobby agrees and says, "Yeah, Claire, c'mon that is definitely a doable plan."
Claire, agreeing, says, "Yes, Darien, I'm glad you realized it. I was thinking the same thing but afraid to mention it. I know how much you hate confinement, but it is the only feasible plan. Especially since I don't know how long the new counteragent will take and I don't dare use the old one. Plus I don't know if you will have any relapses or not. So, yes, I do agree that is the most feasible plan. I will go up to the Official right now and fill him in."
Darien, realizing how late it is, says to Bobby, "You really should go home. Claire is here and she'll call you if I need you. I really do appreciate you staying here, Bobby. You really are my best friend."
Bobby, realizing that Darien is feeling a bit better and able to do more for himself, says, "Are you sure? Do you guys want me to bring you back some dinner?"
Claire nods and says, "Not for me, thanks. I'll just get a burger from the commisary. But see what Darien wants."
Darien, whose stomach is still a bit upset, says, "To tell the truth, I don't feel all that hungry." And Claire and Bobby look shocked, knowing that Darien usually has a very healthy appetite. Looking embarrassed, he says, "Really, I guess all the craziness of today has played havoc with me. In fact, Claire, I feel a little nauseaus. Is that a problem? Or just a reaction?"
Claire, coming over to him, looks at him and says, "I'm not sure, Darien, although it could definitely be nerves. You have been through the ringer today. Do you have any other symptoms?" Hoping he says no, she fears this may be another allergic reaction to any of the counteragent left in his system.
Looking worried, Darien says, "Actually, I do feel itchy again." And suddenly he begins to sneeze and yells, "Aw, crap, AAh CHOO! Not again! This is how it all started." And he sneezes a few more times, with Claire hovering over him, concerned.
Bobby removes his coat and decided to stay and help his partner in any way he could. Even if only for moral support, he knows how important this can be.
Claire, trying to soothe Darien says, "Oh, Darien, maybe it's just a few residual side effects. Try to relax."
Darien, feeling himself becoming more tense and short of breath, says, "Claire, NO! I think this is worse than before. My chest feesl like its on fire and I can hardly breathe. I'm having trouble concentrating." And he looks at his hands and sees how swollen they are again. Suddenly, he gasps and reaches to his chest and passes out.
Claire is at his side instantly, flattening the chair to assess his breathing and heartrate. Getting a very weak, thready carotid pulse, but no apparent breathing, she immediately begins breathing for Darien.
"BOBBY!" she frantically yells, "C'mere. Help me get Darien on the floor. I need to get him breathing again. Continue ventilating him with this (and she hands him the portable ventilator) while I get the other equipment ready, just in case we need it."
"What equipment?" Bobby asks, wondering what the hell is going on now. "Is Darien dying?"
Claire refusing to accept this possibility says, "No, Bobby, he seems to be having an anaphylactic reaction to the remaining counteragent in his system. Let me get him some epinephrine to see if that helps. It usually does, but in this situation, I'm just not sure. This is all so damn new and untested!" And she hits the wall in frustration. "POOR Darien! I wonder if he'll ever get any peace!"
Bobby, unable to answer, but feeling the same way, watches as she starts an IV and gives the shot to his partner and best friend. Thinking to himself, "Best friend! He's more like a little brother than anything. And me, with my crazy dysfunctional family. God, he's more important to me than they ever were!"
Meanwhile, Bobby is still bagging Darien, when Daren begins coughing. Claire, leaving the endotracheal tube, runs over and calls "Darien? Hey, Darien!" He slowly opens his eyes, which are bloodshot and says, "Hi" very weakly.
Bobby and Claire look at each other, glad Darien is again breathing on his own, but very wary since they know he is nearing QSM. Claire is not sure what to do. Knowing what will happen if she does give him the shot, she decides to discuss this with Darien.
CHAPTER SIX
"Darien," She says. He looks at her and she attempts to see how cognizant he is. "Darien, can you tell me how you are feeling right now?"
Darien, nodding his head, says, "Yeah, right now I feel angry, hurt and very, very weak. But I am able to breathe better and feel less itchy. I guess I'm nearing wacko-time, huh? Guess we'd better go visit the rubber room!" And he looks at Claire and Bobby with blood-shot sad eyes.
Claire, crying says, "Oh, Darien! I AM so sorry. I should've realized this could happen. I've been so resolute on the possiblities of you building up a tolerance or immunity to the counteragent, I never even considered an allergic response. Can you ever forgive me?" And she helps him to stand and they walk, quickly, to the padded room.
Darien, now in a great deal of pain, says weakly, "Claire, it's not your fault! It's my own damn fault for letting Kevin put the damn gland in my head. How could I ever be so stupid and think that was freedom? But, PLEASE, just get me inside before I hurt either of you. Please, remember, no matter what I say or do now, I really do love you both with all my heart. Claire, I REALLY don't blame you for any of this, no matter what I may say later. OK?"
And suddenly he grabs Bobby's arm and twists it very hard, causing Bobby to wince and yell. "Oh, God! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!" and Darien reaches past Bobby and Claire, grabs the door and rushes in. Before either Bobby or Claire can react, he closes the door and yells, "LOCK IT NOW!!" And they hear him screech, a decidedly inhuman sound, which terrifies Claire. Claire, staring at Bobby, says, "Oh my God! We'd better go see what happened!"
And they run to the observation room where they see Darien sitting on the floor with his legs bent up to his chest and crying. His face is again very swollen and his breathing is again ragged.
Claire, turning on the intercom says, "Darien! Can you hear me?"
Darien looks up and she sees his eyes are now crimson, but so full of pain and hurt that she knows, in her heart, that Darien is indeed DYING!
Darien answers her, "Claire? I can hear you. Isn't there ANYTHING you can do for me? I've never felt so scared and uncomfortable in my life! PLEASE put me out of my misery! You would if I was an animal. Just think of me as one of your 'pets' PLEASE!!!"
Bobby stares at Darien and realizes he is serious and does deserve peace. Telling Claire, "We NEED to help him, even if it means his death. How long can he live like this? NO HUMAN BEING SHOULD SUFFER LIKE THIS!"
Claire still watching Darien reopens the intercom and says, "Darien, listen to me. I will have to discuss this with the Official, but I've an idea. Just hear me out without saying anything, ok?" Darien nods affirmatively. Claire continues, "I don't want you to answer until we've both had time to think. But... there is one way, althoug VERY dangerous, I can possibly help you."
Darien, looking a bit hopeful, says, "Yeah? What is it?"
Claire says, "OK, here goes. And remember it's only a theory and never been tested. But I can attempt to remove 'some' of the gland; I don't think I could remove the whole gland; thus making the invisiblity completely unstable, but you would no longer need counteragent. That means you would be another Simon Cole or worse, but it could also cause paralysis. If I found I could remove the whole gland, then I couldn't guarantee you wouldn't be paralysed or die. Think about it, OK? I know you always said you would rather die, but would you really want to live the rest of your life paralysed? Listen, try to sleep. It's 9pm and you've had a very long hard day. I will see you in the morning after I speak to the Official." And she closes off the transmission and turns to leave.
Bobby, still sitting and stunned by what he just heard says, "I'll just stay here and keep Darien company, ok? We all have a lot to think about. Maybe Darien will want to talk." And he turns on the intercom and says, "Hey, Darien, buddy, I'm here if you need me, just call ok?" Claire, nodding good-bye, leaves.
Darien looks up and smiles at Bobby with tears streaming down his face, but he doesn't say anything. He just waves at the glass and puts his head in his hands. Bobby is no longer able to hold the tears back and sits there praying to God, saying, "Hey God help him please!"
CHAPTER EIGHT
After a while, the Official and Eberts come in and see how things are going. Eberts pointedly avoids looking at Darien and asks Bobby if he needs anything, which Bobby denies. The Official, unable to avert looking at Darien, says, "Son, is there anything I can do?"
Bobby, angry says, "Haven't you done enough, boss? You were the one who sanctioned putting the gland in the kids' head in the first place! How do you feel now? Triumphant? Finally brought Fawkes to his knees!! Did you know he may DIE!!?"
The Official, a bit surprised at this outburst, but half expecting it, says, "Look, Bobby, I know you all look at me as some mean calculating bastard, especially where Fawkes is concerned, but you are wrong. I know I've been hard on the kid, but he is more important to me than any of you could possibly know. I've known his parents since before they were born and once made a promise to his mother I would keep Darien out of prison, at all costs. I guess I kept my promise, huh, but I never realized it would cost him his life."
Bobby, looking over at the Official, says, "HUH? What do you mean, sir?"
The Official says, "Another time, Hobbes. Just know that I am willing to do anything to get Darien well. I could really care less about the gland, really." And he grabs Eberts and leaves, saying, "See you in the morning. I'll say a prayer for Darien."
CHAPTER NINE
Bobby, seeing that Darien has finally fallen into a fitful sleep, and realizing he is alone, dons his yarmulke and prays. He says a special prayer for healing, in Yiddish, for Darien, letting God know how special Darien is:
"After this long night of weakness,
I wake again in the morning of return;
Shaking off the terrors and the dreams,
I open my lips to the Eternal.
You are my Strength and my Hope,
The Author of my healing;
You are my Promise and my Courage,
Guiding the steps I take toward healing.
After the winter's darkness and biting cold,
The hidden awayness of my illness,
The isolation, the fear that settled upon me,
I rise with renewed strength to praise You.
You are the Wonder of new life,
Warming, healing, sun upon my head;
You restore my concern for others,
As I relinquish my constant self-inventory.
You come to me as spring comes,
Circling back to heal the ravaged earth;
You rest Your hand of blessing on my shoulder
And I sigh with relief at Your concern.
I look for You, Divine Physician,
Even as I begin again to take up my life;
I look for You, Complete Healer,
As I begin again.
Dear Lord, please know that I said that Prayer for Darien Fawkes and not myself. Also St. Jude, you know the kid is Catholic so please intercede for him. I know you are the Saint of hopeless causes and can make miracles happen. Please make one happen for Darien. He is one of the most innocent and special people God ever made. AMEN" And as he finishes praying, he drifts into an uncomfortable sleep, but wakes up momentarily to turn the intercom on to hear Darien.
CHAPTER TEN
APRIL 30, 2002
Bobby, sound asleep is dreaming about some of the good times he and Darien have shared when suddenly he hears, "AAGGH!" Waking up suddenly, he immediately realizes Darien appears to be having a seizure of some kind. Running into the room, he calls to Darien who can't acknowledge him.
"It's ok, kid, I'm here. Bobby Hobbes is here for his partner!! Just try to relax, ok?" And hearing Bobby's soothing tones does seem to relax Darien.
After a few minutes, Darien stops convulsing and falls limply into Bobby's lap. Bobby looks into his eyes and sees they are again brown, but his tattoo is still all red. Deciding that Darien needs to be out of this room, he carries him to the Keep and places him on the chair, which is still reclined and keeps it that way. Seeing Darien is asleep, he calls the Keeper, who says she will be right there.
By the time Claire arrives, Darien is awake and able to kid around with Hobbes. Although he is still showing obvious allergic and madness symptoms, he is more relaxed than ever.
Smiling at Claire, he says, "I've made a decision, Claire. I've thought about what you said. I don't want to be another Simon Cole, so I figure if you can't remove the whole gland, don't remove any, oK? I know the risks, but I figure it's better to wait for a new counteragent than be permanently invisible and crazy. I figure with the way my luck and life have been going, I won't be lucky enough to die when you remove the gland. I've decided if I have to be paralyzed to be 'normal' again, so be it. Please say you agree. I know it'll be a tough transition, but I really think I can do it. Something strange and wonderful happened before. I know you will find this hard to believe, I know I did, but I think God talked to me. He told me He still has plans for me and that He is not ready for me yet. He also showed me, me a year from now. I was paralysed but very, very happy and you were all there, including the Official, Alex and Eberts! So please don't fight the Big Boss on this one, huh?"
Claire, looking at him and realizing how serious he is, says, "Ok, but I really need to talk to the Official about this. I've been thinking of nothing else, and I do understand. I got a very serene feeling about you and the situation and when I did fall asleep, I had a dream similar to what you just described. I wonder, maybe it was God talking to all of us. Except in my dream, we were a couple. I guess I daydreamed, huh?" And she laughs, selfconsciously, esp. since Bobby is right there.
Seeing Darien's reaction to Claire's statement, Bobby coughs and excuses himself. He has known for a long time that Darien feels the same way about Claire, so he figures now might be a good time for them to work things out abit. Especially now that he will need her more than ever. He knows he'll be there for whatever happens to Darien, but only as a friend. Claire can be his doctor as well as his lover.
Telling Darien that he must get some rest, and so must Bobby and Claire she agrees to seriously think about what he said. Bobby leaves and says, "Darien, I'm going home, I have a lot to think about, too. I know you have accepted the inevitable but I don't know, I just can't believe it. Ok, see you later, partner!" And he leaves.
Claire, waving to Bobby, says, "Yes, we all have a lot to think about, don't we?" And she looks over at Darien, who is finally really resting comfortably, or as comfortably as a tall man can in a dentist chair.
She finally falls into a slumber after setting her clock for 8am, when she knows the Official will be here. She definitely wants to catch him when he first arrives, before he has time to think. She doesn't realize the real feelings he has towards Darien.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Claire wakes up to the blaring of the alarm clock and hits it, trying for just a few more minutes of blissful sleep. She has momentarily forgotten where she is, until she hears Darien softly call to her and tap her on the shoulder, "Hey, Keep. Rise and shine! Today is a big day for all of us. I've tried not to eat or drink anything in case you decide to operate, ok?" And he looks at her with eyes full of trust, so full of trust that she can't bear to look at him.
Feigning morning breath, she runs to the bathroom. Standing there and brushing her teeth, she thinks to herself, "I can't believe how accepting he is. God, if that were me, I think I'd be fighting more. But I wonder...in the last few months he has been through so much that maybe he has finally reached the last straw. He is definitely one of the bravest men I've ever met. And c'mon now, Claire Austen, you know you care more for him as a man than as a 'patient.' And she sighs, wondering if she'll ever get the nerve to tell him. She wants to tell him before anything drastic is done. Deciding to go see the Official, she figures she may just tell Darien today. But first she'll tell him to eat, as even if she gets the go-ahead, she won't be ready to operate for at least 2 days.
Walking out of the bathroom, she tells Darien, "Listen, I'm going to the Official and tell him your decisions. You can eat, ok, as I won't be able to operate for at least 2 days. Sorry for the delay, but I want to run some more blood tests and make sure the counteragent is out of your system completely. Even if the operation is miraculously successful, if you have counteragent in you, you'll still be sick. Also, please stay here. I want to talk to you, ok?"
Darien nods his head and smiles at her. She can feel his complete trust and faith in her even from the doorway. She just hopes it is justified. Darien says, "OK, Claire, whatever you say. You know I trust you with my life in more ways than I ever thought possible. See you later. I think I'll eat some breakfast-do you have anything?"
She laughs and says, "As a matter of fact, there is a lounge in the back with a refrigerator stocked with food. Remember this is my home away from home. Sometimes even Pavlov keeps me company. So I'm sure you'll find something to your liking there." and she leaves, smiling.
In the Official's office, where Claire has just finished explaining what had happened to Darien in the last 24 hours. The Official is shocked and worried about Darien, but he can't let her know the real reason why. As she is talking, he thinks to himself, "God, Borden, what have you condemned Darien Fawkes to? How could you do this to your best friend's son and YOUR Godson? You never even told him who you are. You have really become a monster! And all because you were hurt by a woman, a woman who never cared for you more than as a friend."
Suddenly pulled out of his reverie, he hears Claire say, "Sir? Sir? Did you hear what I said, about Darien's decision to go through with the total extraction of the gland and nothing else? He knows he may die or be permanently paralysed, but he has resolved himself to this. I seriously do not think Darien can take much more of his life as it is now."
Coughing self-consciously, the Official says, "Yes, Claire I heard. I understand you and agree. I just need some time to acclimate myself to the idea. Will there be any way to salvage the gland?"
Claire, having decided not to do this, says, "I'm not sure, sir, but personally I don't think I could even consider putting someone else through this. After seeing what poor Darien has gone through, I just don't know."
The Official replies, "No, you misunderstood me. I don't want the gland salvaged to be reimplanted. You may keep it to test or whatever, but I also refuse to put another human being through this. First Simon Cole, and then Darien. I think 2 human guinea pigs are more than enough." And Claire stares at him, seeing a look in his eyes she has never seen, one of compassion and sorrow. "Where is Darien now? I need to talk to him. I want to tell him a couple of things about his past he has no idea of. I think now is the time to tell him, in case God forbid the worst happens."
And so, they both go down to the Keep, where Darien has just finished a breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast and is drinking a cup of coffee.
Hearing the door, he looks up and says, "Hi Claire, Hey, Boss. How's it going?"
Walking over to Darien, the Official puts his arms around him and says, "Darien, please come with me for a bit. I have to talk to you about some things, some things I think you should know before undergoing this surgery. I think I know you well enough to know I can't change your mind."
Darien, disguising his wonder, says sarcastically, "Guess I'm officially getting my walking papers, huh, big guy? Always knew you wouldn't want me unless I had a little extra."
"No, Darien," the Official says, as they walk out of the Keep, "Claire, we'll be back in a bit. Darien and I have a lot to discuss."
As soon as the door whooshes closed, Darien says, "Ok, Borden, what's up? You say you know you can't change my mind, ok, I'm glad you know that. What is so important now that I gotta know?"
Arriving at his office, Charles Borden enters and waits for Darien to sit. He then says, "Ok, here goes Darien. This is very hard for me to say, and I know it'll be very hard for you to believe, esp after these past few months, but I swear to you, it is the truth!"
Sitting in his chair and resting his arms on the desk, he stares at Darien for a few minutes, trying to get up the nerve to say what he knows Darien needs to hear. Finally getting up the courage, he begins, "I'm going to tell you a story, a story about your parents and your past. I have known your father since we were kids in grammar school and I met your mother, Liz, in my freshman year. Your dad was in military school by this time and we kept in touch by letter, although infrequently. I dated your mother for about 2 years until your father met her and they became involved." Suddenly he stops when he hears Darien get up.
Darien, pacing and wringing his hands through his hair, says, "BULLSHIT!! My mother would never be interested in someone like you. And my father NEVER would want anything to do with someone as by the book as you. NO WAY! You're right about one thing-I don't and won't believe you." and he starts to walk out the door, but Borden calls him back, saying, "Please stay Darien and hear me out. I do have proof of what I'm telling you."
Darien, vacillating between his feelings and wanting to know the truth, turns around and sits back down, but very tensely. "OK, go ahead prove it to me. And so what if you knew my folks? What's that got to do with me-or did you hate them so much you gladly watched their eldest son die and the other one become a lab rat? God, you really are one sick bastard!"
Hearing this and becoming very upset, the Official turns from Darien and wipes his eyes. Turning around, he continues, trying to be calm, "Your mom and dad got very close all through high school and I knew she was in love with him. At first I was very jealous and refused to speak to either one of them, but then I met someone and things went very well for all 4 of us for a while. Your father and I both joined the Navy and became involved with naval intelligence, me on the surveillance part and your father involved with the action. In fact, we were partners for a couple of missions. But, that's not important. After our stint in the navy, your dad asked your mom to marry him, which she did. I was his best man and he was my best man at my wedding, even though the bride never showed up. But I will tell you about my life another day; this is what you must know. I was there at Kevin's and your birth. I know you since June 27, 1968 {And Darien looks shocked hearing the Official rattle off his birthday} and even more unbelievable I am your Godfather."
And as he says that, he opens his drawer and removes a small photo album and hands it over to Darien, who takes it with shaking hands. As he looks at the photos, he sees his parents, his brother, himself being held by the Official, and many other childhood memories, which for some reason are very blurry to him. Looking up, he is crying and says, "WHY? Why can't I remember any of this stuff? Have I gone crazy?"
Getting up from the desk, the Official comes over to him and hugs him saying, "No, Kevin knew all this and begged me to use you in the experiment. He knew you didn't remember me. I kind of disappeared before you were 2or 3 years old. In fact, I remember his exact words. He said, 'Uncle Charles, you can make up for the lost time later, but now we need to keep Darien out of jail.' He had told me that by putting you in that induced coma for 3 weeks he would be able to manipulate your memory so that you wouldn't remember. For some reason, he wanted you to forget, but I think he was wrong. I AM sorry for all the hell I've put you through. But you are wrong on one thing; I never hated your parents. In fact, I surreptitiously was at your mother's funeral. Even after all those years, I still loved her. And I know you don't know this, Kevin never knew, either, but your father was there, too. That was the last time I spoke with him. Do you want me to try to contact him? I think he would want to be here for you, whether you think so or not."
Darien, staring at a picture of his whole family, happy at Christmas, just sits there for a while. Finally taking a deep breath, he says, "Man, this has been a mind-blowing couple of days. You know, I heard a quote once that says Change is the only evidence of life. I guess this means I'm alive, huh? But why did you wait so long to tell me? I guess you figure I'm not gonna make it, huh? Well, you know what? I don't agree-I just think I'll be paralyzed but I don't know how badly. I know it sounds weird, but I really do think life is too important to just throw away. At least, I'll have a more normal life as a paralyzed person. Just look at Christopher Reeve. I pray I have more mobility than him, but I know I won't be doing any more jogging." and he smiles sadly.
Charlie, tears in his eyes, says, "I have been wanting to tell you, just never had the courage, esp, after some of the terrible things you'd been through. But, now I am not sure how I really feel about you being so willing to sacrifice everything, but I guess I can understand it. But what about your father? Do you want me to contact him or not?"
Darien, looking now at his hands, says, "Yeah, I guess you should." And he gets up, saying, "Now, I need to go see Claire. She says she has something to tell me, too. Man, I can't believe how many secrets I'm hearing today. Does Bobby know about this?" Shaking his head no, he waves Darien off.
Stopping by their office, he sees Bobby sitting there. "Hey, Bobby, how's life?"
Smiling up at his best friend, Bobby says, "Oh, hi Fawkes. Just great! Are you still going through with it?" Shaking his head yes, Bobby says, "Ok, we need to talk before your operation, ok?"
Darien, becoming overwhelmed, says, "YOU TOO?? What great truth haven't YOU told me?"
Bobby, shocked at this outburst, says, "What are you talking about? All I'm sayin' is we have to work out how I'm gonna help you if you make it. MAN, what the hell are you on about?"
Darien, laughing sits at his desk and tells Bobby what he just learned from the Official. Bobby, amazed, says, "How could he have been so cold? He really is a weird one. But I am glad he is contacting Purdue (or should I say the senior Fawkes) for you. Believe me, it is nothin' like that. It's just like I said before ok? And I just wanted to let you know how important to me you are."
Darien, getting up and hugging Hobbes, says, "Thanks, man. I feel the same way about you. You are one of the most important people in my life and my only true friend. I have always been able to count on you and trust you with my life. Thank you for always being there for me. I mean it, man." And they embrace each other and cry a bit. Breaking out of the hold, Darien says, "Better run, Claire has something to tell me, too. I feel like I've opened Pandora's box with my little revelation." And he turns to leave.
CHAPTER TWELVE
A guy named Allen Reid McGinnis once said this about accepting what life throws at us: True freedom lies in the realization and calm acceptance that there may very well be no perfect answer. Well, now, that couldn't be more true for me at this point in time. I've decided to let Claire attempt to remove the gland from my cerebral cortex, knowing I will either die or become paralyzed permanently. Either way it means no more missions with my partner and best friend, Bobby Hobbes. But it also means a total life style change for me. I know I've told everyone, including myself, that I'll be able to deal with it, but I still have doubts. But I am more scared of having more fatal allergic reactions like earlier. That was way scarier than QSM. At least, in QSM I've some control, with the allergy I had none at all!
Returning to the Keep, Darien sees Claire hunched over a microscope. He casually sits in a chair and coughs to get her attention. She looks up and says, "Oh, I'm glad you're back, Darien. Is this a good time to talk?"
Darien, having prepared himself for more heart tearings, says, "Sure, why not? Is it about the operation?"
Claire, deciding to tred on somewhat safe ground first, says, "Yes, in one way it is. I just want to make sure you understand that even if I can remove the gland successfully, you may not only be paralysed. You could suffer some brain damage and possibly become vegetative. Are you willing to possibly deal with that?"
Darien, having not thought of those aspects, stares at her and says, "WHAT? You never told me that. Aw, crap. Now I've really gotta think, but why would that happen? I remember Kevin telling me that I would probably be paralyzed because of the location of the gland, but that my mental capacities would never be compromised. Why this change?"
Claire replies, "Well, hopefully I'm wrong, I was only thinking of the surgical risks. Let me look over Kevin's papers again. See why I want to wait to do the operation. I will definitely have to go over Kevin's stuff again. Hopefully, you are right. But, Darien, that is not the only thing I want to talk to you about. Are you up to me telling you something very personal?"
Darien, still trying to accept his ultimate fate, shakes his head yes.
Coughing and wringing her hands, she goes on, "Well, I don't know if you've ever noticed how I sometimes am more gentle than I need to be. Over the last couple of months, I have come to have personal feelings for you. I know I shouldn't, because of the doctor-patient relationship, but I have. I've only now realized how much I really care for you. I used to think I just admired your for your courage and bravery {Darien gives her a look of disbelief at this, thinking to himself, "me brave?"} but I've realized it is something much more than that. I've grown to care for you very much, not as an interesting lab experiment, but as a man. One who is very handsome, sexy and sensual. Haven't you ever wondered why I sometimes refuse to give less than a medical glance at you? Yesterday I was less amazed at your digestive tract than I was just admiring your beautiful body." And she looks away, totally embarrassed and afraid she said too much.
Darien, trying to decide how to tell her he feels the same way and has since he first met her, says softly, "Claire? I never knew you felt that way, but I've always felt like that towards you. But after meeting Charlie Fogarty and hearing the things he told me, I tried to keep my feelings hidden. I was afraid you only looked at me as a specimen on a petri dish. Do you know how many nights I have dreamed of holding and loving you? I used to think it was because I can't really go have a normal relationship, but after a while I realized that you were the one I wanted and the only one I could have a normal relationship with. I know you would never judge me or be afraid of me. But I guess it may be too late for us, huh?"
Claire, looking at him and coming to a decision, walked over to him and kissed him full on the lips. Hugging him to her, she said, "No, Darien, don't say that. I will do as you wish and no matter what happens, I will stand by your side. I do love you and I know I have enough love for you to stay with you, whether you are paralyzed or a vegetable. But I really don't know how I will go on if you die." And they kissed again.
They became empassioned and Claire says, "Darien, we can't do this here. And I'm sorry but I don't want you getting over-stimulated. I'm afraid it could cause problems. We've waited this long, a few more days won't matter. Ok?"
Darien, realizing she is right, agrees. They separate and realize their relationship is much deeper than it ever was. Claire, trying to get Darien distracted, says, "So, what did the Official say."
So Darien tells her and she is shocked at that revelation. She agrees with Darien that these past 2 days have been amazing. Tellling him it is late and she thinks he should go home, she says, "Listen, be here at 8 tomorrow morning, ok? I want to go home and look over Kevin's papers. After I do that, I will be able to decide about the gland ok? If you are right, I think we could proceed with the operation on Friday, ok? Maybe Bobby can drive you home, or are you ok to drive yourself?"
Darien, deciding he wants to be alone for a while, says, "I think I'll drive myself home, Claire. I'll see you tomorrow at 8." and he goes over, busses her cheek and leave. Claire can tell he is overwhelmed more than anything. Telling herself to call him later, she starts to prepare to go home, too, but first she calls Bobby asking to check up on Darien later as well. As she hangs up the phone, she realized she just asked Bobby to do something he would do anyway, and she leaves.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Darien is at home, flipping through channels and very lonely and scared. He has tried reading some of his favorite books and magazines but they have only made him more nervous. He has resisted the temptation to call Claire 3 times, knowing she would refuse his company. DAMN, he still isn't getting any fun. And in a few days, he'll be paralyzed and he knows he won't be able to get it then either. DAMN, DAMN! Sometimes he wishes he were dead!!
Suddenly around 10:30pm, his phone rings and he picks it up, figuring it must be Bobby. But to his surprise, Claire replies, sounding very excited.
Darien, laughing says, "Claire, calm down. I can't understand you. Sounds like you said you could remove the gland and I'd be ok?"
Claire, calming down says, "No, not exactly. You will still be paralyzed, but you won't suffer any kind of brain damage at all. You were right; Kevin specifically kept the gland from any other vital organs, even though he couldn't prevent the mobility loss. Can I come over and tell you about it?"
Darien, happy at company, and hers especially, says, "Definitely! I can't wait to hear about this. It may just be the miracle we've been looking for."
After about a half-hour, Claire arrives with a pizza and a six-pack. She is wearing a beautiful black halter-top with a pair of jeans and looks gorgeous!!
Her hair is flowing loosely about her and makes her look 5 years younger. She doesn't realize how much of a turn on for Darien she is, or does she?
While they are eating the pizza, she tells him that his paralysis will be permanent, if he lives. But Claire assures Darien that the prognosis of paralysis is higher than death, which cheers Darien a bit.
After a while, Darien begins to stroke her hair and says, "Enough shop talk. Do you know how beautiful you are, right now? With your hair flowing loosely and pizza sauce on your cheek?" And he cleans her face gently with a napkin. He then kisses her neck, leading up to her ear and gives her a gentle bite, at which she giggles and begins grabbing Darien's ass, gently squeezing.
After some foreplay, he picks her up and carries her to his bed, saying, "Keepie, no matter what I WANT this NOW. Ok? I know I could get sick or die, but man, what a way to go. But I don't think that will happen. As I told you earlier, I feel safe with you." And he feels his body quicksilver, causing her to laugh and say, "Ok, my Invisible lover, I won't say no. I think this was my real reason for coming here tonite."
And so they make mad beautiful love and fall asleep in each other's arms, the quicksilver flaking off them slowly. Suddenly Darien wakes up, feeling funny. He awakens Claire and says, "Doc? I feel weird. Guess you were right." and he involuntarily quicksilvers, saying "Aw, crap. I didn't do this. DAMN. Claire help me."
Claire trying to calm him down says, "Darien, love. Calm down. Just concentrate on rematerializing and see what happens. Ok, I can see you-great you are back. How do you feel now?"
Darien, lying on the bed, says, "I feel ok, but just tired. I guess we should call it a night, {looking at the clock he sees it 6:30am} or should I say morning? Do you want to stay here and get some more sleep?"
"No," Claire replies, "I think I'll go home, walk Pavlov to my neighbor's and get ready for today. See you later. Are you sure you are ok?"
Assuring Claire he is ok, she leaves, kissing him and telling she'll see him later, she goes home. Darien goes and takes a slow shower, glad he finally made it with Claire, but upset at the reaction he had.
Just as he is preparing to make his breakfast, his phone rings. He picks it up, wondering whom it could possibly be. He knows Claire lives 30 minutes away.
Hearing Claire's voice, he says, "Is something wrong? Where are you?"
Claire answers, "I'm at the Agency. Listen, did you eat or drink anything yet?"
Darien says, "No" Claire continues, "Good, DON'T! I think I could do the operation today if you are up to it."
Darien, suddenly very dizzy and frightened, says, "WHAT? I thought you said you had to do more blood work and would have to wait 2 days?"
Claire, hearing the fear in his voice, gently says, "Well, remember the sample I took yesterday? It showed no trace of counteragent at all. So unless you have plans to finish up, we can do this today, if you are up to it?"
Darien, deciding he wants to get this damn nightmare over, says, "No, no plans. What time do you want me there? I think I'll have Bobby drive me in, though, I am very nervous. I guess that's understandable, though."
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
MAY 1, 2002
Having called Bobby with the news and asking for a drive to the Keep. He agrees and gets ready to take his best friend to the biggest event in his life. Still having mixed feelings about this, he decides not to go against Darien's wishes. He, first hand, knows the horror that Darien has dealt with, esp. when Quicksilver mad.
Arriving at Darien's apartment, he sees Darien waiting for him. Waving at Bobby, Darien gets in the car, saying, "Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. I don't think I could have driven myself anywhere today. I'm only sorry we won't be partners anymore."
Hearing this, Bobby pulls the car over and says, with tears in his eyes, "Look, Darien, I know you've been through a lot lately and you deserve peace and a break. But do you really think you will be able to accept and live life 'a la Christopher Reeve'? You know, I'll always be here for you, and I bet you already know Claire loves you, TOTALLY! But you just found out about the Big Guy. ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE REALLY READY FOR THIS??"
"Yes," Darien says, very quietly. "I have really put more thought in this than you think. In fact, this has always been in the back of my head since Kevin first told me about this. Now, PLEASE, let's get to the lab. I want to get this over with. Listen, one favor though, help the fat man find my dad and contact my Aunt Celia and grandmother. I want them to know. Thanks for everything you've ever done for me and for the future."
Finally Bobby takes off and silently they drive to the Agency, where Darien goes directly to the lab, where Claire is waiting for him. The lab has been transformed into a receiving area for Darien to prepare for his surgery. Claire sees him and kisses him, telling him "Are you sure you are ready?" Shaking his head, he walks over to the area and allows himself to be probed and prodded in preparation for his surgery. A nurse then says, "Mr. Fawkes, please change into this gown, and put these surgical shoes on." and Darien goes into the bathroom, takes another quick shower and dons the gown. As he takes the shower, he thinks "Well, Fawkes these are your last mobile upright moments, my friend. Take advantage of them." And realizing this, he goes even slower, surprised noone is rushing him. Maybe they all understand.
Finally he walks out of the bathroom and Claire goes up to him and says, "Ok, Darien, it's not too late. You can still say no." Shaking his head no emphatically, Claire continues, sounding very doctorlike, "Ok, please sit in the chair here. I need to shave your head." At this, Darien freaks and says, "WHY? Kevin only shaved a bit in the back."
Claire, smiling sadly, says, "I think it'll be safer if I shave more than that. I promise you, your beautiful hair will grow back, probably more full than it is now. Now, please either cancel the surgery or let me get started."
And with that final note, he allows Claire to shave most of his hair off, leaving only the front half. He looks in the mirror and laughs, saying, "I look like a kid who let his friends play barber." And everyone laughs, the tension having lessened a bit.
Then Claire says, "Ok, now, Darien I'm going to start the IV and begin giving you the sedative. Once I do, there will be no turning back. You do understand, don't you?" He nods yes, and she continues, "Ok, here goes." And she starts the IV in his right arm.
As she is doing this, Bobby arrives with Darien's father, Borden and his grandmother in tow. Seeing them, Darien starts to cry. His father doesn't know how to react, but his grandmother runs up to him and hugs him, saying, "My boy. Please don't do this. I couldn't stand to lose you, too, not when we are just getting to know one another."
Darien, through tears says, "Granma, you are not going to lose me. I promise you I am not going to die! I will just be paralyzed, but I'll be alive. And I won't have to worry about people out to get me or my family and I'll be able to live a somewhat normal life again. Don't I deserve that? Or AM I THAT TERRIBLE A PERSON?"
His father, finally speaking up, says, "NO Darien, you do deserve that and more. I am so sorry I deserted you, your brother and mother. Charlie, here, has told me you know the truth and I am glad. Please do this if you must, but don't die. I want to get to know my son."
Realizing he means it, Darien says, "Ok, if you are serious, I will probably need someone to help me when I get out of here and I'm sure Hobbes will need a break. So would you like to take care of your invalid son for a long while, like forever?"
Forrester looking directly at Darien, says, "Thought you would never ask!" And they smile at one another.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
AN END AND A BEGINNING
After a little more reunion time, Claire decides that she had better get this show on the road, before she loses her nerve completely. And so, becoming very professional Claire begins escorting everyone, other than essential personnel out of the room. Telling Bobby to take them to the observation room, she says, "I'll keep everyone posted. The operation is really fairly simple, but dangerous. It should take less than 2 hours. And within 3-4 hours we should know the degree of his paralysis. It would be wonderful if a miracle occurs, but it is very unlikely. Kevin made it very clear that either paralysis or death are the only viable outcomes. So let me get started ok?" And she turns and leaves, just making it to the hall, before she starts crying.
Drying her eyes and again becoming professional, she reenters the lab, where Darien is joking with the nurses and other doctors. Going over to his IV, Claire immediately injects the sedative, surprising Darien, who says as he drifts off, "Good by gland I won't miss ya! Hello wheelchair! I love you Claire!"
As soon as Darien is unconscious, he is transferred to the operating theatre and placed on his stomach with his head supported. Claire immediately begins the operation, and finds that the gland, although imbedded in his cerebral cortex, is not as entwined as she thought. Spurred by this, hoping against hope, she proceeds to remove it very carefully. Due to where it is, there is not much blood loss, but she did notice she had to disengage it from the spinal cord, so there may just be some paralysis after all.
The operation finished, she closes him. Then she asks the nurse to test his legs and she sees they are indeed flaccid and paralysed. She then asks to test his arms, but they appear to be unharmed. Maybe he is only partially paralyzed. At least he should have use of his arms and upper body. She wonders about his bodily functions, but knows she can't test these till later.
Ending the operation, Darien is wheeled to the recovery room {the former padded cell he hated so much} and Claire goes to see the family and friends in the observation room, making sure a nurse stays with him.
Entering the room, she removes her gloves and says, "Well, the operation was a success. I do think he will survive, but he is definitely paralysed. So far, only his legs are affected but we won't know the true extension until he awakes and is cognizant."
After 2 1/2 hours, Darien awakens and finds himself hooked up to a bunch of monitors. Temporarily forgetting what has happened, he panics, and then sees Claire speaking with his grandmother and Aunt Celia and his memory flashes back. Attempting to move his legs, he finds he can't and says to himself, "Well, at least I'm alive." Attempting to move his arms he finds he can and smiles. Waving at Claire, he says, "Hi everyone? Guess I can't call myself Inviso Boy anymore, huh?"
Claire runs over to him and hugs him, saying, "Welcome back to the living. How are you feeling? Can you move your legs at all?"
Shaking his head no, he says, "Guess I am paralyzed. But my arms seem to be ok. So is the paralysis temporary? Is that why my arms are ok?' He asks, hopefully.
"No, Darien," Claire answers, knowing the truth is what he deserves, "The paralysis is permanent, but it seems you are paralyzed only from the waist down. You are very lucky. You will have complete upper body control and be able to maneuver yourself in a wheelchair and maybe even drive. I've already ordered an electric wheelchair for you. Plus if you are up to it, I would like to start Physical Therapy tomorrow."
Looking shocked, but happy, he says, "Yes, that sounds good. Guess I'll be able to have some independence after all. I want to start Physical Therapy ASAP! But right now, I'm kind of tired. I'd like to sleep a bit if that is ok with everyone." And they all nod and begin to file out, leaving only Forrester.
"Dad?" Darien says, "Will you really stay this time? I mean I know I'm an adult and all, but I could really use a daddy right now." and he cries. Forrester grabs his son and hugs him, crying too, and says, "I promise you this, Darien, I will be here for you as long as you want and need me to be. I love you." and he leaves.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
And so Darien does begin Physical Therapy which has turned into a 6 month long and grueling process. There have been many starts and stops, as well as much anger and pain on Darien's part.
After being paralysed about 3 weeks, the reality finally sinks in and he becomes very depressed. He refused to do PT, refused to catheterize himself and became overly dependent on his Agency paid nurses and aides. After 3 days of this, Claire threatened to readmit him to the hospital if he didn't open up and tell her what was wrong.
"I HATE what I've become! I'm worse than useless. I don't even know when I have to go to the bathroom, damn it. I can't believe I led myself to believe this was better. I don't know what was worse."
Claire, allowing him to vent his feelings and glad that he is finally doing it, decides that now is a good time to tell him some good news. "Darien, I'm glad to hear you finally admit your feelings. Even before the operation, you refused to admit to anyone, even yourself, how hard this would be to deal with. You are definitely showing improvement and progress. You are not the type to wallow in self-pity long. C'mon now, am I right?"
Looking at her and realizing he loves her more than ever, he says, a bit brighter, "Yes, I guess you are right. And at least I have friends, family and a woman who I love more than life itself. You know, maybe now I might like to try that electric wheelchair again. That's what started this depression. For some reason, I'm having trouble maneuvering it."
"Ok" Claire says, calling the attendant to bring the electric wheelchair in. She observes as Darien uses the trapeze to push himself up, then sits on the body board and scoots over to the chair, the attendant maneuvering his legs and making sure Darien is safely seated. Buckling his safety belt, Darien turns on the chair and attempts to go forward, but instead jerkily goes backward. "See what I mean? Is it me or is there something wrong with the chair?"
The attendant, whose name is Mike, says, "Darien I had it rechecked and it seems to be in working order. Let me try something." Mike maneuvers the chair perfectly and turns Darien to face Claire, who tells his to try again. As soon as she watches Darien she sees his mistake. She tells him he is shifting gears much too fast and that is throwing the chair off kilter.
Maneuvering slower and with infinite patience, Darien is able to wheel himself the full length of his now handicapped accessible apartment. Stopping in front of his father, he says, "Hey dad. I finally got out of bed!"
Forrester says, laughing, "It's about time, lazy bones. It's a beautiful spring day. Why don't you and Claire go for a stroll? You haven't been out of this house except to the Agency in forever."
Darien, again depressed, says, "No, I'm not ready for people yet." and he wheels himself dejectedly into his room and slams the door.
Forrester looks at Claire and Mike and says, "We have to get him out of this depression. Isn't there some way? And don't even mention Hobbes, he has been refusing even to talk on the phone to him for some reason. Hobbes came by last evening after Mike left and Darien refused to come out of his room. He threw a book at Bobby when he tried to go see him. Seems the only person he is willing to see from the Agency is you, Claire. He definitely refuses to see Charles."
Hearing this, Claire gets up and goes to Darien's room, refusing to be bullied out. Telling him, "You'd best just listen to me, because I'm not leaving until I say it.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Finally, after another week of Darien wallowing in his own self-pity, Bobby pushed his way into his room and refused to leave, even after Darien punched him in the jaw. Getting up off the floor, Bobby, rubbing his jaw, says, "Well, I see you still got strength there, kiddo. NOW why the hell have you been avoiding me? God, I told you I would NEVER pity you and I meant it. Damn it, Fawkes, if anyone is pitying you, it's YOU. We all know this is tough, but remember it was your choice and yours alone. We promised we'd all stand behind you and we are, but you are just giving up. You may not realize it, but you are still an important part of the Agency and with only your legs out of commission, we can still do missions together. C'mon, man, I need you as my partner and friend, not some guy sitting here crying in his beer."
Darien, hearing this and realizing how sincere Bobby is, says tearfully, "You are serious, aren't you?" Bobby nods yes and Darien continues, "Ok, but I am still adjusting to so many limitations. I never realized how many there would be. I mean, I thought I'd be paralyzed, but never really figured I'd be unable to go to the bathroom normally. And now that I know how Claire and I feel about each other, I can't even be there for her sexually. I thought that would at least be intact. DAMN, DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? I'm more of a freak than when I had the gland in my head! At least I could do some normal things, then, now I can't even pee normally!!! DAMN, DAMN!" And as he says this, he involuntarily wets the bed. Realizing what has happened, he punches his leg and says, "See what I mean? I'm 34 years old and still wet the damn bed. How could a woman be interested in half a man like me?"
Bobby gets up and calls Mike to help him change Darien and walks back over to him, saying, "Look, Darien, why not just catheterize yourself like you've been taught? Remember Claire said that it would give you some control and you would have fewer accidents. That is one thing you have control over , my friend, if you will permit yourself to." And Darien seriously considers this as Mike and Bobby help him change and assist him back to the wheelchair. Bobby wheels him out to the living room, where he sees Claire and the Official smiling at him.
Panicking, he turns around and tries to get himself back in the safety of his room. Darien finds his way blocked by Mike. "Mike, move, I forgot something in there. I'll come right out, I promise." Mike, knowing Darien's lying, says, "No can do, man. I got my orders from the boss {and he points to the Official, who nods ascension} not to let you in there. What'd you forget? Tell me, and I'll get it for you." Darien, resignedly says, "Nothin' man, nothin'." and turns his wheelchair to face his family and friends.
For a few minutes, they all just look uncomfortably at each other, with Darien looking at each of them in turn. Mike has even joined the circle, and Darien really has no objection, as he has come to think of Mike as more of a friend than a companion.
Finally Darien breaks the ice by saying, "So how is everyone?" And he smiles sheepishly at his 'family' which is what all of them really are. His father is there and Darien now knows he will always be there for him from now on.
The Official, 'Uncle Charlie' says, "Well, Darien my boy. I am glad to see you finally up and around. Have you anything to say to me?" Charlie figures Darien must be very angry with him. He knows he would be if the tables were turned.
Darien looks at his Godfather who was only his pain in the ass boss for the longest time and says, "Well, Uncle Charlie, let me see. At first, after that bombshell you dropped on me, I wanted to kill you. I couldn't figure out how you could possibly have treated the son of a friend like that. But then I figured you and dad must really hate one another and I was your method of revenge. Now that I've had time to think, I realize you only did what you had to and you did keep me out of jail. And now that I see you 2 together I know I'm right. You did what you did out of love, right? So I guess I'm a little mixed up about how I feel. But I guess you thought I hated you, huh? But, you know, I really don't. In fact I think I love you a little."
Charlie, relief evident on his face and in his voice, says simply, "Thank you Darien. I do love you, too, you know."
Claire next claims his attention, saying, "Hey Darien? Remember me? Wasn't I the one you told you loved just a few weeks ago? Was that the truth or what? Because believe me, love, I do feel exactly the same as I did then. I do love you and would be more than willing to move right here right now."
Darien, embarrassed at her open affection, coughs and says quietly, "C'mere, Claire." And she goes over to him where he pulls her down to give her a tender empassioned kiss, at which everyone claps and Bobby yells, "Way to go, kids!"
Still embracing Claire, Darien, blushing a deep red but smiling, bows his head and says graciously, "Thank you all! Glad you enjoyed the opening act. The main event is private, though and reserved for the 2 stars. It will be played out later!" and both he and Claire laugh as do the group.
Darien, addressing Claire, says, "Yes, I do love you. I was afraid you felt only pity, but am glad I'm wrong. I need you more than ever and not in the capacity of doctor, believe me. Please stay after everyone else leaves. Mike, I don't think I'll be needing your replacement tonite, ok?" And Mike nods and goes to call John, the nighttime companion to let him know he has a night off.
Bobby coughs and says, "Ok, does this mean my partner is on the rebound?"
Smiling, Darien says, "Yup, Hobbesy it sure does."
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
A NEW LIFE BEGINS
After about 3 months, Darien is able to transfer himself, with minimal assistance, from the wheelchair to the bed, the chair and vice-versa. He now catheterizes himself evey 6 hours and has had fewer accidents. He feels much better about himself. he has He has become very comfortable with his electric wheelchair. he know he will always need help in simple everyday things that he used to take for granted, only a few months ago. Things like independently dressing and bathing himself, cutting his toenails, or just turning onto his side in bed. But he is learning to accept these limitations but is still very upset he cannot ever have privacy, not even in the bathroom. he will always need to be monitored to prevent getting bedsores on his lower torso or injuring his useless legs.
But he is even learning to accept this, thanks to Claire. After 2 months, she convinced him to move in with her. "After all, Darien," she had said, "We'll have more room and I can easily get one of those stair climbers for you. You know we can convert the house just like we converted your apartment. C'mon, it'll give us more space and we WILL be together. Waht do you say?"
Darien readily agreed, because he secretly wanted to live with her, anywhere. And Claire even agreed that Mike and John were to remain as his companions.
Finally the physical therapy is no longer necessary, except for daily muscle strengthening by his companions to prevent Darien from developing a severe footdrop (which is not preventable, but can be diminished somewhat), or contractures. He also does daily buttock exercises to prevent bedsores.
EPILOGUE
DARIEN FAWKES, HAPPY AT LAST
It has now been 2 years and Darien has become totally accepting of his limitations. And except for the inevitable footdrop, Darien has had no major complications. And he can't believe how NORMAL his life has become, with no more fears of going wacko and hurting or killing his friends or strangers.
He and Bobby are still partners, although now Darien drives a specially equipped van and watches the perimeter while Bobby does the legwork.
Claire also still works at the Agency, but there are no longer human experiments, although she still enjoys her work. The Agency has subcontracted to work with an organization trying to find ways to help spinal cord injured patients get more mobility. Claire and Darien have met Christopher Reeve and Darien esp, found him very inspirational. He has told him that if this work succeeds, he just may walk again, too.
Forrester Fawkes has joined the agency as a freelancer, and has moved into Darien's old apartment.
The Official is still the boss and Eberts is his faithful assistant. Some things don't change.
Alex, though, has left the Agency after finally locating her son. She and James joined the witness protection program and are safe.
Since the gland is no longer available, {Claire never bothered to keep it, she just tossed it} Chrysalis and Arnaud have long disappeared. So much so that it seems that they have both vanished offthe face of the Earth, much to Darien's happiness.
And the best thing for Darien has been Claire. In March of 2003, he and Claire were married, and through artificial insemination using Darien's sperm, Claire has give birth to a beautiful boy named Matthew Austen Fawkes. Yes, Darien did finally discover Claire's last name!
Darien has finally found the happiness and peace he has deserved for so very long.
Someone, I don't know who, once asked, Are you humbly grateful? Or gratefully humble? I don't know about you, but personally I thank God everyday for the second chance he has given one once punk thief, invisible loser named Darien Fawkes.
Finis