Title: Swear Not By The Moon
Author: FireDemon
Email: Ken_Dai_Love@hotmail.com
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Shounen-ai, Angst, Rambling thoughts.
Category: Romance, Angst.
Summary: Feelings can be tricky things, especially if they're returned. Short one-shot. **Kensuke**
Disclaimer: At no point in my life have I ever owned anything that even resembles a television show, so, no, Digimon isn't mine. I do own a broken Gatomon key chain that my best guy friend, (Ken-chan ^_^) got for me when he visited his grandparents in Japan. and you can't have it!
So liking Ken wasn't the brightest idea I've ever had, but you'll notice I didn't start by talking about my intelligence.
I don't think I really thought about the fact Ken was a boy, I mean, yes, I knew he was a guy, and that generally guys like girls, but I'm bi.
I prefer girls to tell you the truth, but Ken; well he was one in a million.
Or maybe not a million, but he was the first real tangible boy I've ever liked.
I mean, there've been a couple of times when I've seen a guy on T.V. and thought wow, he's not bad, but I'm the type of person who practises crushing on people they can never have.
I'd told a couple of people that I liked Ken, Miyako and Mimi. Why I'd told Mimi, I have absolutely no idea, she was there when I was confessing to Miyako.
And I told Miyako because. well because I can't get away with not telling her something.
Then he liked me back.
Or at least, I got told he did.
And that was still okay, because I could pretend I wasn't sure, I had an excuse for never telling anyone.
Until I found out that he really did like me. And he found out I really did like him.
So did the rest of the digi-destined.
I spent the whole day avoiding talking to him, and being pestered by Miyako to ask him out.
In fact everyone wanted to know when I was going to ask him out.
Except for Takeru, who'd confessed to liking both of us.
That was a good excuse for a while.
Until Ken told me straight out that he didn't like Takeru like that. but then, I already knew that.
I was elated for the rest of that day.
My Ken liked me back. I could ask him out, we could be together.
We'd have to keep it a secret, because my parents are violently disapproving. so are his for that matter.
I'd lain awake for hours.
I'd suddenly remembered the reason I'd never gone out with anyone. And no, it's not because I've never been asked.
I have exceedingly bad commitment phobia.
Stop laughing: it's true.
As I lay there, I just kept thinking, what if my parents found out.
And I realised that first conditioning goes a lot deeper then I'd ever thought. I'd admitted a long time ago that I was bi, but as I lay there, I realised it was wrong.
Boys are meant to love girls, and girls boys.
Sure, I know a lot of bi people. That was part of the reason I realised it so easy.
I don't actually like a lot of people, I'm kind of picky, so it seemed natural to pick from both sexes.
Until I realised that my parents would kill me if they ever found out.
I know Miya's argument, "So, we'll keep it a secret." But, it's more then that.
What if they're right?
What if it's the last step.
If I kiss him, will I be damned to hell?
Why am I so worried about this?
Why can't I stop thinking about it?
I'm scared. Maybe I shouldn't ask him out. Maybe I should tell him that I made a mistake.
That I'm straight.
I realise it would hurt him, and I know I want to experience everything.
I've been curious about kissing a boy for a long time now.
But I'm petrified. and for the first time in my life, I can't ask my mom for advice.
I worried myself sick.
I woke up this morning and threw up.
I don't usually throw up; I don't think I have since I was a kid.
I hadn't eaten anything, so it was just water and phlegm.
A one day respite.
One day to decide.
Should I ask him out?
I know he won't ask me, I'm dominant, and he's as shy as they come.
I still don't know what to do.
I suppose I could say that it's a once in a life-time opportunity, and I did promise myself I'd kiss a boy before I turned 17.
But on the other hand, what if it is wrong? What if I really will go to hell?
I've never even dated a girl. should I just dive straight in and date Ken?
Should I wait?
And what if I break his heart. Am I cruel enough to tell him that I don't love him. after I confessed I did?
I just don't know.
I don't want to make him a promise I can't keep.
So I'm not going to swear by the moon.
Owari
Authors Notes: Falling in love with a friend, especially one of the same sex is generally a bad idea, and sometimes what you think you want isn't what you want at all. I decided to write this to try and sort through my thoughts.
It didn't really help. I'm still as confused as I was when I started this.
I'm not Daisuke, and the girl I like isn't Ken.
If only life was as easy as fan fiction.
This was sort of inspired by a fic by A Suicidal Frog Named Bob2, sometimes actually making a decision can be the hardest thing in the world.
Author: FireDemon
Email: Ken_Dai_Love@hotmail.com
Rating: PG13
Warnings: Shounen-ai, Angst, Rambling thoughts.
Category: Romance, Angst.
Summary: Feelings can be tricky things, especially if they're returned. Short one-shot. **Kensuke**
Disclaimer: At no point in my life have I ever owned anything that even resembles a television show, so, no, Digimon isn't mine. I do own a broken Gatomon key chain that my best guy friend, (Ken-chan ^_^) got for me when he visited his grandparents in Japan. and you can't have it!
So liking Ken wasn't the brightest idea I've ever had, but you'll notice I didn't start by talking about my intelligence.
I don't think I really thought about the fact Ken was a boy, I mean, yes, I knew he was a guy, and that generally guys like girls, but I'm bi.
I prefer girls to tell you the truth, but Ken; well he was one in a million.
Or maybe not a million, but he was the first real tangible boy I've ever liked.
I mean, there've been a couple of times when I've seen a guy on T.V. and thought wow, he's not bad, but I'm the type of person who practises crushing on people they can never have.
I'd told a couple of people that I liked Ken, Miyako and Mimi. Why I'd told Mimi, I have absolutely no idea, she was there when I was confessing to Miyako.
And I told Miyako because. well because I can't get away with not telling her something.
Then he liked me back.
Or at least, I got told he did.
And that was still okay, because I could pretend I wasn't sure, I had an excuse for never telling anyone.
Until I found out that he really did like me. And he found out I really did like him.
So did the rest of the digi-destined.
I spent the whole day avoiding talking to him, and being pestered by Miyako to ask him out.
In fact everyone wanted to know when I was going to ask him out.
Except for Takeru, who'd confessed to liking both of us.
That was a good excuse for a while.
Until Ken told me straight out that he didn't like Takeru like that. but then, I already knew that.
I was elated for the rest of that day.
My Ken liked me back. I could ask him out, we could be together.
We'd have to keep it a secret, because my parents are violently disapproving. so are his for that matter.
I'd lain awake for hours.
I'd suddenly remembered the reason I'd never gone out with anyone. And no, it's not because I've never been asked.
I have exceedingly bad commitment phobia.
Stop laughing: it's true.
As I lay there, I just kept thinking, what if my parents found out.
And I realised that first conditioning goes a lot deeper then I'd ever thought. I'd admitted a long time ago that I was bi, but as I lay there, I realised it was wrong.
Boys are meant to love girls, and girls boys.
Sure, I know a lot of bi people. That was part of the reason I realised it so easy.
I don't actually like a lot of people, I'm kind of picky, so it seemed natural to pick from both sexes.
Until I realised that my parents would kill me if they ever found out.
I know Miya's argument, "So, we'll keep it a secret." But, it's more then that.
What if they're right?
What if it's the last step.
If I kiss him, will I be damned to hell?
Why am I so worried about this?
Why can't I stop thinking about it?
I'm scared. Maybe I shouldn't ask him out. Maybe I should tell him that I made a mistake.
That I'm straight.
I realise it would hurt him, and I know I want to experience everything.
I've been curious about kissing a boy for a long time now.
But I'm petrified. and for the first time in my life, I can't ask my mom for advice.
I worried myself sick.
I woke up this morning and threw up.
I don't usually throw up; I don't think I have since I was a kid.
I hadn't eaten anything, so it was just water and phlegm.
A one day respite.
One day to decide.
Should I ask him out?
I know he won't ask me, I'm dominant, and he's as shy as they come.
I still don't know what to do.
I suppose I could say that it's a once in a life-time opportunity, and I did promise myself I'd kiss a boy before I turned 17.
But on the other hand, what if it is wrong? What if I really will go to hell?
I've never even dated a girl. should I just dive straight in and date Ken?
Should I wait?
And what if I break his heart. Am I cruel enough to tell him that I don't love him. after I confessed I did?
I just don't know.
I don't want to make him a promise I can't keep.
So I'm not going to swear by the moon.
Owari
Authors Notes: Falling in love with a friend, especially one of the same sex is generally a bad idea, and sometimes what you think you want isn't what you want at all. I decided to write this to try and sort through my thoughts.
It didn't really help. I'm still as confused as I was when I started this.
I'm not Daisuke, and the girl I like isn't Ken.
If only life was as easy as fan fiction.
This was sort of inspired by a fic by A Suicidal Frog Named Bob2, sometimes actually making a decision can be the hardest thing in the world.