Emmett's a peach

A/N: This is set after Eclipse and before Breaking Dawn.

Chapter 1: In the chatroom

(Emmett has entered.)

Emmett: Hi, guys.

Bella: Hi, Emmett. =)

Rose: (hugs)

Emmett: Awww, thanks, sweetie muffin. (hugs and kisses)

Bella: Sweetie muffin? (giggles)

Emmett: So what? Edward calls you a spider moneky.

Emmett: *monkey

Bella: Wow, Emmett, you can't even spell "monkey" right? Shame...

Bella: Anyway, it's cute. Sweetie muffin is just... well, silly. =)

Rose: Don't take it the wrong way, hon, but sometimes, you need to mind your own business.

Emmett: What Rose said.

Bella: (rolls eyes)

Rose: Typical eighteen-year-old.

Bella: (raises eyebrow) And you're not?

Rose: I'm fricking Methuselah.

Emmett: No, Carlisle's fricking Methuselah.

Emmett: Well, he's the closest to Methuselah. Methuselah's about 9,000 years old, and Carlisle was born in the 1600s.

Bella: Wasn't aware you read, sweetie muffin.

Emmett: I have a brain.

Bella: But it's turned off most of the time.

Emmett: All right, now you're just being a bitch.

Emmett: Hopefully, Edward will come, and then you'll make lovey-dovey-goo-goo talk at each other and leave us alone.

Emmett: Rose, you and Bella are polar opposites. I wonder what the hell you were talking about earlier?

Rose: Girl stuff.

Emmett: Never mind, then.

Bella: XD

(Edward has entered.)

Bella: Yay! (hugs Edward)

Edward: (hugs Bella)

Rose: Oh, look, the drama queen and the Byronic hero.

Edward: (rolls eyes)

Edward: I never mind when you do that, Rose. You've known that for a while.

Rose: Well, I for one am glad you didn't choose me when you were offered the chance.

Rose: That would've been a match made in Hell.

Edward: I would have to agree, Rose.

Bella: Can't we all just get along? I mean, really. You're acting like... brothers and sisters.

Edward: Don't worry, Bella, we all love each other. We just sometimes don't know when to keep our mouths shut.

Rose: "We"?

Rose: I know exactly what you're talking about. Edward, you know I would die for a baby.

Edward: Well, hell, adopt one. When the bloodlust gets to you, contact Carlisle.

Rose: Edward, just shut up. Talk to Bella, she's the only one who likes you.

Edward: Indeed I will.

Edward: So, Bella, had any problems with Jacob lately?

Bella: Lolwut? He's my best friend.

Bella: He's a great guy.

Emmett: Yeah, he'd kill us all if it didn't violate the treaty. Great guy, all right.

Bella: (shrugs) He just doesn't know any better. He's really nice when you get to know him.

Rose: "Yes, the way he looks at me. Just like a Seargant Major."

Bella: XD I love P.G. Wodehouse.

Rose: Oh, you do? Good for you.

Rose: The reason I said that quote was that I passed by Jacob in the mall the other day.

Rose: He glared at me acidly. I was scared shitless. I thought he was going to wolf out right there.

Rose: Of course, he doesn't know my track record, so I think he would've been toast if he met me. =D

Bella: (rolls eyes) You people are crazy.

Bella: But I love ya. I love ya all.

Bella: So, what are you all going to do this summer?

Emmett: Rose and I are going to break some houses. (wink wink nudge nudge)

Bella: Say no more! =(

Bella: Edward and I are getting married this summer, btw.

Rose: Orly? What happens when you're 89 and Edward's still forever 17?

Bella: He's going to change me into a vampire.

Rose: Honey, he's the type who breaks promises.

Edward: I'm a nervous wreck about changing her into a vampire. If anything should happen to her (God forbid), then she'd go to Hell.

Rose: No, everyone loves her too goddamn much. No one's out to get her, least of all the dogs and Volturi.

Bella: Rose, may I say you need to get off your throne and see the pack as who they really are?

Rose: What about Sam and Emily? And Quil and Claire?

Bella: All right, Sam's a jackass, Emily is scared to death of him, which is why she agreed to marry him... something that I don't like at all. Quil and Claire are damn creepy.

Emmett: You know Jacob and you have a thing going on? And that he could imprint on you at any time?

Bella: (facepalm) Edward and I are already in love. It doesn't work like that.

Emmett: Bella, I think you're in love with two men. That's why he could be able to imprint on you, dammit!

Edward: Well, suffice to say, if he tries making a move on Bella, I'll murder him.

Bella: Can we change the subject? Let's talk about something nice.

Emmett: Bella, congrats on your marriage. You could've done better than Edward, but hey, at least neither of you will be virgins anymore.

Edward: (rolls eyes)

Edward: We're not going to have sex until after she's transformed into a vampire.

Emmett: Wow, Edward, controlling, much?

Edward: No, Emmett, I value her life.

Bella: Don't worry, Emmett. If he's too much of a wimp to bite me, we're still going to have sex.

Edward: Do you want to be killed?

Bella: Sweetie, you're the most adorable guy I've met. I wouldn't expect you to kill me.

Edward: Don't underestimate me.

Bella: You're doing it again.

Edward: What?

Bella: You're being overprotective. I think I can take care of myself.

Edward: I know, love. Just being on the safe side.

Bella: Don't get the wrong idea. You're a sweetheart.

Edward: Awww, shucks. (would blush if he was able to)

Emmett: Edward, from one guy to another... GIT 'R DONE!

Edward: I'll see. Remember that two people have to want to have sex.

Rose: Lol, Emmett. You're the real sweetheart. No offense, Edward, but you're kind of pathetic. Bella complements you perfectly.

Bella: Well, it's kind of hard to take you seriously if you're jealous.

Rose: Damn right I'm jealous. Your humanity is in your fingertips, and you willingly throw that away to be with your dream man? I wish I was that lucky.

Bella: Well, at least you look like a runway model... unlike me.

Rose: Don't start, Bella.

Rose: "Oh, poor pitiful me!" You drive me up the wall when you do that.

Edward: She's a person, too.

Rose: Well, the way I was taught was that if you're going to act like a bitch, expect to be treated like a bitch.

Emmett: Don't start, Rose. Just let it go, for once in your life, please?

Rose: Urgh... am I the only one who hates Bella?

Emmett: Hate to break it to you, but, yeah, you kind of are.

Rose: Oh, well. At least I still have my teddy bear.

Emmett: That you do, Rose. =)

Interested in seeing more? If so, I'll be updating it shortly! If you have any suggestions for future ideas, then say so in a review! Constructive criticism is appreciated!