No Need For Bigamy
By Galaxy1001D
Rated 'T' for comic violence and mild sexual humor.
Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, the author, or this website.
Once upon a time, there was an island nation that once tried to rule the world. A prince from another planet, fleeing his political and social obligations, marooned himself on this island and retired to the county to take up the peaceful life of a priest. Prince Yosho, the perhaps the greatest swordsman in the universe and the heir to the Galactic Empire of Jurai, knew that his family would spare no effort to seek him out so he changed his name and appearance to secure his privacy.
However, even the best plans can go awry. The Jurains, it seemed had perfected a blend of science and spirituality that greatly extended their lifespan. Instead of living out his life for a few decades before departing for a peaceful grave, centuries passed and his old life caught up with both the prince and his descendants.
Ayeka, his half sister and fiancé, had spent the centuries looking for him, sealing herself and his other sister Sasami in suspended animation so she would not go mad in the emptiness of space while her bioengineered guardians searched for clues to his whereabouts. Inevitably she found him, but was shocked to behold his appearance as an old man. To mend her broken heart, he admitted that while he was too old, his grandson, Tenchi, who had been ignorant of his family's secrets, was quite young and that they would make an excellent match.
While still in shock, Ayeka had successfully transferred her love to Tenchi. Things were complicated somewhat, for Tenchi had unwittingly collected a gaggle of female admirers all at once. Unable to choose between them, the teenage boy had allowed them to stay with him at his father's house in the country.
The boy grew strong, and discovered many secrets of his heritage, including the fact that his grandfather's aged appearance was just that, a façade. In reality, his grandfather appeared to be in his late twenties. One day, after the house had been invaded by the minions of Lady Tokimi, (who decided that the whole thing was unnecessary and reordered time to set things right again) Tenchi decided to talk to his grandfather about it.
One morning, Tenchi had tea in his grandfather's house at the top of the hill. "I still can't believe it," Tenchi half joked. "I've witnessed the destruction of Earth, talking logs that shoot laser bolts, closets that open into other dimensions and alien spaceships, but I still can't get over how young you look!"
A youthful Yosho smiled back at him. "Changing my appearance was quite a challenge at first, but you'd be surprised how easy it got when I had to do it."
"That's amazing!" the boy exclaimed with youthful enthusiasm. "Can you teach me how to do that, Grandpa? Can you make yourself tall or short, thin or fat?"
"With all of the things you can do, Tenchi, you don't need me to teach you something as simple as this," Yosho gently chided. "And to be honest, I was never able to do anything more than alter my skin and hair. I can make my skin sag or make it as tight as a drum. I can give myself a healthy tan or make myself as pale as a ghost. I've even gotten good at changing my eyes, for the eyes always give you away. But I've never managed to change my height and weight. It would be nice to reach the top shelf without a stepstool."
Tenchi and his grandfather shared a gentle laugh as the door to the house slid open. The lovely Princess Ayeka stepped inside her ruby eyes shining, "Oh Grandpa," (she never could call the old man she knew was really her brother 'Yosho') "Sasami says that lunch will be ready in five…" her voice trailed off when she saw the two young men sitting down enjoying tea together. Sitting next to the teenage Tenchi was a twenty-something Yosho!
"Wha?" gasped Ayeka, her purple ponytails swirling near her ankles. "Y-yosho! You look so young? How can this be?"
"Ayeka!" the young Yosho stammered back at her. A bead of sweat appeared at his temple as he struggled for words.
"I thought…I thought…" Ayeka babbled, and then her voice turned hard and threatening. "I thought your youth had faded over seven hundred years! I thought without the waters of life your longevity was wearing off, but now I see that you aren't getting any older than the rest of us!"
"Ayeka!" Yosho leapt to his feet. "L-let me explain…"
"'I'm too old for you,'" Ayeka growled as she entered the room. "Isn't that what you said? 'I'm too old for you'? You big liar! You're younger than Ryoko is, for crying out loud!"
"Well, a lot has happened…" Yosho backed away as his sister advanced on him.
"That's right, a lot has happened!" Ayeka snarled. "You foisted me off on your grandson, when he has four other women competing for him…!"
"Five, if you count Sasami," Tenchi added. Both Yosho and Ayeka gave him withering looks. "Okay," Tenchi got up from the table and backed away slowly. "I'm going to stop talking now…"
Ayeka's musical flute like voice was now an angry screech as she resumed her attack on her wayward brother. "'Let's get married,' you said when you hid under the guise of a decrepit old man! I really can't believe you! You were my hero! I looked up to you!" Her voice became so loud, Tenchi thought that it would carry clear to Tokyo. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!"
"Look out, Grandpa!" Tenchi yelled.
Tiny logs appeared in the air as a wooden sword called a bokken flew out its scabbard mounted on the wall and soared to the irate princess. She caught it with a skill that would impress any of George Lucas' creations as her purplish pink princess robes transformed into Jurain Battle Armor. With an animal shriek, she slashed at Yosho, who ducked, dodged and jumped with a proficiency that Keanu Reeves would envy. With the power of Jurai flowing through her royal veins, the princess could make a wooden sword deadlier than a steel one.
"You!" Ayeka cried. "You both have been laughing at me! Laughing!"
"Run, Tenchi! Run!" Yosho cried.
At the bottom of the hill, at the Masaki house, the rest of Tenchi's hyperactive harem could hear the commotion.
"Oh my goodness," Mihoshi exclaimed. "What is that?"
"Sounds like Ayeka is trying to kill someone," Ryoko responded in a bored tone.
"Wait a minute, Ryoko," the redheaded Washu exclaimed. "Just who is she trying to kill? You're right here!"
"That's right!" Sasami exclaimed. "If she's not trying to kill you, then who is she trying to kill?"
"Meow?" asked the furry Ryo-ohki.
"Anymore of your relatives around?" asked Noike, remembering how Mihoshi's brother had once ordered an attack on the Masaki house.
"Why?" Ryoko snarked. "Are you an unwitting spy for anyone else?"
The green haired Noike gulped nervously.
She was saved further embarrassment when they heard Tenchi's characteristic scream outside.
"Huh?" the girls chorused as they stepped outside to investigate the commotion. Tenchi and Yosho were running down the steep steps with the speed of a gazelle and the surefooted dexterity of a mountain goat. Flying though the air behind them was Ayeka, in her grayish Jurain battlesuit. Tiny cylinders of wood floated around her as she slashed at the duo with her bokken. High-pitched animal roars were emitted from the princess to punctuate Tenchi's screams.
"Hm," Washu grunted in annoyance as she summoned her holographic keyboard and monitor screen. "This was bound to happen sooner or later."
The diminutive genius tapped a few keys on her keyboard as Ayeka chased a screaming Tenchi and Yosho around the confused girls. An orange two-dimensional clear barrier appeared between Ayeka and her prey. Sasami closed her eyes as a sickening thump was heard and opened them to see Ayeka limply sliding down the rectangular forcefield.
"Oww…" The princess whined as she dropped her bokken and her armor faded back into her pink robes.
"Ayeka!" cried Sasami who rushed to her side, "are you okay?"
"Are you hurt, Tenchi?" Mihoshi asked the boy hiding behind her.
"How about you, Lord Katsuhito?" Washu asked nonchalantly. "Or should I say, 'Lord Yosho.' You got all your body parts?"
"Why yes, thanks," said an embarrassed Yosho.
"You're Lord Yosho?" Mihoshi gasped. "Why you're so young and handsome!" The bubbly blonde smiled down at the carrot-topped genius. "Well done Washu! You've really outdone yourself this time!"
"I can't take credit for that," Washu shook her head. "The reason he's still young is because his life force is bound to his tree. The reason his tree is still magical is because of the gems in Tenchi's sword. That's why Funaho didn't lose its power and Yosho didn't start aging like a normal earthling."
"I've aged a little," Yosho insisted childishly. "Look, I wear glasses. I didn't need them seven hundred years ago."
"Don't try that with me," Washu crossed her arms. "Your mother told me all about it. Your eyes were damaged when you looked at the nuclear explosion that destroyed Hiroshima. It has nothing to do with your age."
"H-he tricked me!" a shaking Ayeka cried from her sister's embrace. "He tricked me! He pretended to be too old just to get out of marrying me! I will never forgive him!"
"Does anyone else think it's weird for a man to have an arranged marriage with his own sister?" Yosho sighed.
"Actually, I think your reaction was quite normal," Tenchi nodded to his grandfather.
"This is great!" smiled an evil Ryoko. "Now that Lord Yosho is young again, you two love birds can get married just like you were going to before I attacked planet Jurai. It will be as if nothing happened." The cyan-haired space pirate disappeared, only to magically materialize with her arms around Tenchi. "I can marry Tenchi, and the two of you can get on with your lives."
"I wouldn't marry him if he was the last man in the universe!" Ayeka rose to her feet. "and anyway, he's already married to Lady Airi!"
"Who cares?" Ryoko shrugged. "Doesn't your father have two wives? Yosho has room for a second."
"That's right," Washu nodded, "and didn't your second fiancé, Lord Seiryo have seven wives, Lady Ayeka?"
"Seven wives?" giggled the blonde Mihoshi. "Wow! That's a lot! Seven wives!"
"That poor man," Tenchi sighed quietly.
"What?" Ryoko turned to Washu. "Seiryo has seven wives?" She cast an accusing glare at Ayeka. "You mean to tell me that Jurain nobility can have seven wives?"
Ayeka's rage seemed spent, and she gulped nervously, even though she had no idea what she had done wrong. "Yes," came her soft, delicate voice. "What about it?"
"All this time we've been fighting over Tenchi when all we had to do was share!" Ryoko turned to the other girls. "There's no need to fight over him. We can all marry him if we want to!"
"I'm proud of you, Ryoko," Washu brushed a tear out of her eye. "I didn't think you were mature enough to share."
"What's the big deal," the pirate shrugged at her creator. "We have to share him already. We all live here anyway. At least this way, we can all enjoy…" she licked her lips hungrily at Tenchi. "…fringe benefits."
Tenchi gulped nervously. His buddy Seina warned him there would be days like this.
"Fringe benefits!" Ayeka's fighting spirit was restored once more. "Let you get your clutches on my Tenchi? I will not allow it!" Once again tiny logs appeared in the air around the princess.
"Fine," Ryoko shrugged. "The rest of us can marry him then. You can find someone else."
"What?" Ayeka gasped as the logs disappeared once more. "Now wait a minute! I never said…!"
Somehow, Sasami had left Ayeka's side and was in front of Ryoko. "Can I marry Tenchi too?" the little princess asked shyly.
"Why of course you can," Ryoko grinned and mussed Sasami's sky-blue hair affectionately, "but you'll have to cook and clean extra hard if you want to be one of his brides, Sasami!"
"I'll work extra hard, don't you worry!" Sasami assured her.
"You better run, Squirrel," Yosho whispered to Tenchi.
Tenchi nodded and then backed away slowly.
"Meow?" Ryo-ohki had assumed her toddler form and pulled on Ryoko's sleeve.
"No," Ryoko said cruelly. "You've got to be old enough to say 'I do' if you want in on this ceremony."
"Ryoko!" Sasami scolded. "That's mean! Ryo-ohki can marry Tenchi if she wants to!"
"Meow!" Ryo-ohki frowned and grew into a curvaceous (but furry) twenty-year-old and nearly tore her now skin tight, toddler size dress.
"I'd rather share Tenchi with Ryo-ohki than you," Ayeka grinned slyly.
Ryoko raised her voice to maintain control of the situation. "Okay, there's no way to exclude Washu out of this, so we might as well save a bridal gown for her too."
"Smart girl," muttered Washu with a dangerous smile.
Mihoshi jumped up and down with her hand in the air. "Ooh! Ooh! How about me?"
"Sure, why not?" Ryoko sighed as she rolled her eyes in the air.
"This is great!" Mihoshi cheered. "We all get to marry Tenchi, and I can spend the rest of my life with my best friends!"
"Yipee!" Sasami jumped in the air with her arms out wide.
"The question is, should we include Noike?" Ryoko asked the group.
"Hey!" Noike protested. "What kind of question is that? Of course you should include me! I came here as his fiancé after all!"
"That's as phony as one of Lord Yosho's ghost stories," Ryoko waved her hand in dismissal. "You were just sent here to spy on us by Lady Seto. I don't know if we can really trust you or not. Besides, you really don't know Lord Tenchi well enough to love him. We loved Tenchi back when he was nobody, before he was revealed to be a prince of Jurai, can you say the same thing?"
Ayeka put her hands on her hips "Well, if a monster woman like you has the right to…" she stopped, realizing that arguing with Ryoko would just mean one more woman to share Tenchi with. "Um…maybe you're right," she muttered. "Noike isn't as connected to Tenchi the way the rest of us are…"
"Now wait a minute!" Noike shouted. "I have just as much claim on Tenchi as any of you! Just because my love isn't as desperate and needy as the rest of you doesn't make it any less genuine!"
"She has Kagato's female half buried somewhere in her," Ryoko murmured in Ayeka's ear. "Better keep an eye on her."
"Hey, where's Tenchi?" Sasami cried.
"Meow?" uttered the buxom Ryo-ohki as she looked both right and left.
Washu shook her head at the ground and laughed. "We should have seen this coming."
In the distance, they could make out an elderly Yosho climbing the steps to the shrine, but there was no sign of Tenchi.
"Why that little coward!" Ryoko shook her fist. "He's trying to get away!"
"He's just like his grandfather," sneered Ayeka, "but we won't let him get away with this!"
"Oh boy!" smiled Mihoshi. "A chance to use my detective skills!"
Half way across the world, on another island nation that once tried to rule the world, the residents of Devonshire got ready to welcome their new vicar.
"What is the new vicar like?" asked Arthur Goodman, the mayor of Devonshire.
"'e's very young," answered his aide whose mind was on the cricket scores. "Ah, here 'e is now. 'ello Vicar!"
"Hello," a slender young man with jet black hair tied in small ponytail smiled back. "It's an honor to meet you," he said as he bowed formally.
"Well," smiled Goodman. "You seem like a nice respectful young man. What's your name, Vicar?"
"Ten…uh…Tennyson. Mark Tennyson."
END