Ok well here is a story I wrote in regards to a song by Sarah McLachlan called Fallen. The words inspired me to write it about Sam because it seemed to fit with perhaps how Sam felt after the episode The Levee breaks Enjoy...

FALLEN

All the words and the prayers I'd uttered to God to lead me and aid me through tough times how I waited for the answers. I wanted to hear how he could help me rid myself of all of this pain and anger.

I've always tried to do what was right. It was something I'd been brought up to believe in and do. I'd never questioned an order I'd just done what was asked.

As soon as the deal with the demon became apparent and my brother my annoying conscience Dean was definitely going to hell I had no option. "Loose the naivety Sam", "grow up" be the man that Dean would want as a brother. "Step up to the mark" those thoughts echoed through my mind.

So I decided I had to grow up and act more like Dean and be harder. Sometimes the way that Dean talked about leaving things behind I didn't understand when I was younger. I didn't understand how in this world we have to leave things behind and people as well but as soon as I was left alone I realised it was self preservation.

As soon as I heard the words I can save Dean from hell I was hooked. I couldn't envisage loosing Dean to hell working with a demon would be a price worth taking.

As I thought... or did I think? Partly that was the problem. I thought too much but I never weighed up the cost of my soul in the bargain.

Looking back I know I've fallen I've left the reservation in the terms of sinking to the lowest depths. I guess I've not lost that naivety. I'm still gullible. So don't tell me that I've messed up or I've told you so because that's just worse. It makes me feel...

I guess when I ran away I thought I could pretend that I was someone else. All that had happened to my family would just be in the past. Well guess what?

Something always comes to bite you when you least expect it and remind you that you can't escape your destiny no matter how much you try.

That morning I slipped into my room, slung my bag on the floor and slumped on the bed everything was revealed to me. The truth behind how I lost mother and at that moment the loss of my lover would never heal. The wound would remain open and as soon as I felt the loss that life would stick to me like the cold tendrils of that morning forever wrapped around my heart. It was bitter and it stuck in my mouth.

I know I've just lost my way. I know everyone looked to me as the son who was a little different and I've just messed it all up. So don't look at me because all I can sense is the words "I told you so" hanging in the air between us.

Heaven came between us but it's taken you and left me I feel abandoned. I prayed to God and I'm without help. Even my brother looks at me like he doesn't' know me. Is he embarrassed? I know I would be watching someone you love fall from grace. I don't know how to redeem myself. I can't see a way out of the tunnel I slipped I can't see the person I used to be. The boy with all the hopes to leave for college and start afresh was never able to leave his plotted path.

Whatever you don't tell me you told me so because I know I've fallen and nothing I can say will make it go away.