The End and the Beginning

Kala stares up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes, brows furrowed in concentration, her mind thousands of miles away, trying desperately to make a connection that keeps being stubbornly denied. She has tried for days to reach Wolfgang, to assure herself that he is safe, to assure him that she doesn't believe he is a monster, but he has blocked her out, and all she can feel is his raw, visceral pain mixed with hers. The emotion gnaws at her constantly -mercilessly- leaving her with a yawning ache so overwhelming that she is dizzy with the sensation. She has had very little sleep since the day at his uncle's home, since seeing The Cluster on an old boat making its way from Iceland. That was the last time she saw Wolfgang.

She is tired of the pain. She can't continue to nurse her hurt on top of Wolfgang's; it's simply too much for her to bear. The others feel it, too, but they can do nothing for her other than give their support: The strain on them all over Will's mental absence, Riley's own grief and fear... If the others didn't guard against the intensity of her emotions as well . . .

Kala has no choice but to feel her own pain. She rails at the gods in her frustration, bemused by the intensity of her feelings for a man whose existence she hadn't even known until just a few short weeks ago. But as sudden and inexplicable as it is, Kala can't deny that her feelings -her love - exists. And she knows she must do everything she can to reach Wolfgang if she wishes to cease the pain.

"Kala." Daya calls to her from just outside her closed door. "Come eat. " She pauses for a moment, then says as if delivering a treat: "Rajan is downstairs. "

Kala barely stifles a groan. "Yes, I'm coming, " she says instead, pressing her eyes shut before resolutely getting up. She is drained from having tried -again- and failed -again- to reach Wolfgang, but she makes herself get up and go to the mirror to make herself presentable for dinner with her family and her fiance. She brushes her thick, dark hair with careless fingers, finding a clip on her dresser to keep most of it pulled away from her face. She smooths out her cheerful yellow blouse and practices a smile in front of the mirror before heading downstairs.

They eat their meal privately in the back of her father's restaurant, the sounds of other diners mixing with the easy ebb and flow of her family's conversation. Rajan loves being here, feted by her parents and her starry -eyed sister. He loves the informality and casual discourse, so different from the dinners with his own family, particularly now that his father is back from the hospital. He greets her with a large smile which she returns with the practiced one and helps her to the seat next to his own.

Kala tries hard to keep her attention on the conversation: She gazes intently at Rajan when he talks of his father and is suitably pleased when he mentions that the police have detained someone they believe to be one of the attackers. She agrees with Daya that soon the rest will be caught and justice will be served. She joins her mother in asking after the welfare of Rajan's mother, and murmurs her gratification when she hears that Mrs. Rasal is doing very well. Kala is genuinely interested in these things and in the goings-on at work that Rajan also relays, but it is almost impossible to stay focused when she feels like she is hemorrhaging.

So when the conversation naturally turns to the topic of the new wedding date, Kala drops her spoon onto her plate with a loud clatter and looks down in horrified silence.

She can't do this anymore.

"I'm sorry," she says, looking up at expectant faces. She turns to Rajan. "Rajan, I think I need to step outside for a moment. Will you come with me? "

"Of course. " He looks confused, but he is happy to oblige. He turns to her father. "With your permission, sir? " he asks, and Kala's father nods his head. "Yes, yes," he mutters. Rajan gets up and pulls the seat out for Kala.

There is a small private garden to one side of the back, and Kala leads them there as Rajan has never seen it. There's a small bistro set -two quaint chairs and a folding metal side table- burrowed among potted flowers: blooming golden marigolds, orange and white lilies, purple gladioli. The scent is fragrant but slightly cloying. The chairs face each other and are angled with a view of the restaurant door, in case a chaperone needs to peek at a couple enjoying their tete-a -tete.

Kala and Rajan take a seat, and Rajan reaches for Kala's hand, running a gentle thumb across the engagement ring before smiling affectionately at her. He draws her hand up to his lips, but before he can kiss it, Kala slips her hand from his and brings it to rest on her lap. She absently twists the ring, a heavy pressure settling in her chest, making it difficult to breathe. And all the while she can still feel her pain and Wolfgang's pain, intertwined and constricting, beating with the force of his conviction. Marry Rajan.

But she can't. Once upon a time, she thought she could: She believed Lord Ganesha would help her make him happy; Rajan loves her, and she could fall in love with him, just as her parents had fallen for each other, although theirs had not been a love-match at first.

But that was before Wolfgang.

That was a lifetime ago.

And so Kala ends her engagement in that small garden, surrounded by riotous flowers, wearing a sunny yellow blouse. She cries a little as she does so, knowing she causes pain to Rajan, the same pain that she herself is living, but telling him with utter sincerity that he deserves someone who returns his love, who can give him her whole heart. She removes her ring and places it into his open palm, gently folding it over and resting her hand over his. She can feel his fingers tremble beneath her touch.

And when he asks her if there is someone else, Kala pauses because something flickers at the edge of her consciousness.

Her breath hitches in her throat.

Wolfgang stands propped against the doorway to the restaurant. He is staring intently at Kala, a frown creasing his forehead as he slowly takes in the tableau he has come upon. His arms are folded protectively across his chest; his shock of blond hair is disheveled, and the angles of his jaw are more defined by a light growth of facial hair that he hasn't shaved in days. He looks tense,haggard, tired. But he looks unharmed. And even now she can feel his heart thrumming at the sight of her. Her own heart quickens in response. She wants to weep from the sheer relief of seeing him.

Beloved. She thinks before she can stop herself. Beloved. She removes her hand from Rajan's. Wolfgang rises slightly from the door; the crease between his brows fading. His eyes soften. A faint,wry smile plays across his lips. The tension seems to lift from his body, as if he had been unsure of his welcome, unsure of her. Beloved. He whispers back. Mein Herz.

"Yes," she tells Rajan. "I am so sorry... There is."