Disclaimer
I do not own the Futurama Characters. If they were mine, then the show would still be going and wouldn't be cancelled. In any case, this story I'm writing here is just for fun so don't take it too seriously. ;)
Chapter 1: Planet Sean Codion
The sun shines above the gigantic city of New New York despite the smog and the air traffic overhead. People are yelling and screaming at one another, cursing to move their stupid hovercars out of the way. Two such people are really screaming at one another, their words getting more threatening by the minute.
One of them decided that actions speak louder than words and proceeded to get out of his vehicle to smack the living crap out of the other man -- and abruptly fell out of his vehicle to his death below.
Meanwhile in the Planet Express Building, everyone is going about his or her business as normal. Amy and Leela are both washing the giant wads of owl crap that have built up on the top of the ship and Fry is in the employee lounge, fast asleep. Bender enters the room and silently creeps up to Fry, helping himself to the contents of his wallet.
Suddenly Amy and Leela enter the room, their clothes a bit dirty from the bird crap they were cleaning. Leela narrows her eye at Bender, who smiles innocently at the two girls.
"I finally found Fry's wallet!" Bender announced, presenting it to Fry as he awoke from his sleep. "Here you go, buddy!"
"I forgot it again?" Fry muttered as he re-pocketed it. "That's the third time this week! Thanks!"
"But--" Amy said but was cut off by Leela.
"Don't bother." Leela sighed. "If he hasn't learned now, then he probably never will anyway."
"Good news, everyone!" Farnsworth suddenly exclaimed, startling everyone.
"You really need to stop doing that." Leela commented.
"Sometimes I'm as silent as death, aren't I?" Farnsworth replied cheerily, "And speaking of which, it's time to make a delivery!"
"This is the third delivery this week, professor!" Fry complained. "Don't you think seventy hours of work a week is enough?"
"You obviously don't know me very well, do you?" Farnsworth replied flatly.
"Well off you go, pleasant trip!"
"But you haven't told us what to deliver, or where we need to deliver it!" Fry commented. "You're not going to make us figure it out for ourselves and then scold and hit us when we get it wrong again, are you?"
"You really don't know the professor very well, do you?" Bender replied flatly.
"Oh fine!" Farnsworth sighed with annoyance and began his very slow, unsteady walk out of the room and to the conferance table. "We'll give baby what he wants and I'll tell you what you all need to do. Quickly!"
The planet express crew quickly made their way to the table, and Bender knocked Farnsworth out of the way as he did. The professor nonchalantly and very slowly gets himself back onto his feet and continues his long trek from the doorway to the conference table. He sat himself down in his comfy chair and pressed some buttons on the table.
The lighting got darker and a hologram of a planet appears above the planet express crew. The professor smiles and presses another button, and a computer voice speaks.
"This is Sean Codion III." The computer announced.
Leela and Amy grimaced a bit and Fry looked over to them curiously. "What's wrong? You two have the same look as when you two saw me naked coming out of the chemical burn shower last week."
"Sean Codion 3 is one of the filthiest planets this side of the galaxy!" Amy said, holding her arms uncomfortably. "It's full of perverts and scum!"
"Yeah it IS a pretty cool place." Bender commented. "You can buy pretty much any sort of porno and other fun stuff you can imagine. It's like Atlantic City only slightly better."
"Wow!" Fry grinned.
"Right." Farnsworth nodded and pressed a couple more buttons on the keypad. The planet hologram disappeared and a hologram of the cargo appeared. Even though a protective mosaic shielded the cargo from view, most of them recoiled at the sight of what they wanted to deliver. "You're to deliver these adult novelties to Jaxxxmine's place, located in the city Eros Bodyglide. So load them up and get moving! I'm not paying you people to sit around the water cooler all day!"
"The water cooler's been empty for over a week." Leela commented flatly. "You won't pay for new water!"
"So? Just drink out of the tap." Fry shrugged. "I do it and I'm fine, and I'm sure that the burning feeling whenever I'm urinating is natural too."
"Get moving!" Farnsworth shouted and pressed another button, electrocuting everyone sitting but him. He laughs as he watches everyone get to work on his or her task.
The crates of adult novelties were loaded onto the ship, Bender examining various things and giggling to himself as they worked. Eventually everything was loaded onto the ship and the crew boarded.
Leela checked everything over in the bridge as she tested the engine. Everything was working fine, and the hangar's ceiling opened up to the sky. The ship's engines started up fully and the ship lifted off into the sky. The ship rose through the atmosphere and within seconds they were in space.
"So where is this planet, anyway?" Fry asked.
"It'll take some time to get there. It's past McPluto but it's not quite all the way to the boundaries of the Galaxy of Terror." Leela replied with a frown as she continued to work the controls.
"So why are you so uptight about this planet anyway?" Fry asked with a smile.
"Well for one thing, I don't like hearing people telling me to show them my boobs every five seconds and then getting offended if I don't." Leela grumbled. "There's a lot of stupid laws on that planet."
"Such as?" Fry asked.
"Well, you'll have to take off your shirt and your pants." Leela said flatly.
"Alright." Fry said with a big grin as he took off his shirt and his pants. The others on the bridge looked on in annoyance as he disrobed himself except for his underwear.
"I meant when we're on the planet, you moron." Leela added indignantly. "There's a federal law against wearing anything but your underwear there."
"And pinching is encouraged." Amy added with annoyance.
Fry grinned widely when he heard Amy say that, and Leela returned to her terminal. "So watch your ass, Fry."
Fry straightened up nervously as his smile instantly vanished. "Huh?"
The crew saw McPluto pass them by as they continued flying. The aroma of various deep fried foods suddenly assaulted the crew. Fry's stomach growled as he looked towards the planet in hunger. "I wanna go to McPluto, Leela."
"You're just hungry because you smell the fumes." Leela commented with a shrug. "It's a tactic of theirs to fill ships in the surrounding areas with the smell of their delicious fries and crunchy, tender McChicken AddictoNuggets™ and wonderful, succulent McAddictoBurgers™."
Leela, Fry and Amy all wipe their mouths of drool and Bender laughed a little to himself. "I remember seeing the film "Gigantosize Me" last year. Never have I seen so many fat chicks in one movie."
"Why haven't we stopped at McPluto yet?" Fry asked in a surprisingly sharp tone, rubbing his hands nervously and jittering a bit. "Thanks to Leela, all I can think of are those juicy delicious McAddictoBurgers™! I wanna eat 100 of them! And I want to NOW!"
"We're almost out of the quadrant. Just sit tight and you'll be fine." Leela said with an annoyed sigh. "We're not eating at McPluto!"
"But I WANNA!" Fry shouted, and stomped his foot. "I hate you!"
Within a few moments, the ship ceased smelling of highly addictive McPluto products, and Fry returned to his post on the bridge. Leela looked over to him and asked, "See? Now we're out of the area. How do you feel?"
"What do you mean?" Fry asked with a half smile. "I had the weirdest craving for fast food a moment ago, and now I don't. Are we there yet?"
"Almost." Leela said.
Eventually they arrived at a planet that was flesh toned, and was covered in a strange mosaic-like appearance. Leela adjusted navigation and the global positioning system, and they prepared for landing. The mosaic turned out to be the planet's atmosphere, and they broke through the censorious barrier. The land below was much like earth, only the sky was a shade of orange instead of blue and there was a little less development down below on the planet's surface.
The Planet Express Ship landed down in a parking lot safely and securely. Then the ship suddenly jerked and crashed into two ships on either side of it, dinging their fenders. Leela grimaced as it happened, and Bender looked over to her. "You know, you might wanna consider letting someone with depth perception parallel park."
"I'm sure they won't notice it." Leela said calmly as she arose from her seat. "Well, let's go change into something that won't get us arrested."
A few minutes pass and the ship doors open to reveal Amy, Leela and Fry in their underwear. The air was very warm to the four and they were relieved that it was warm at least. Bender was sporting a pair of boxer shorts as he followed them out of the ship.
"The planet isn't as bad during the day time, so we're lucky." Leela said as she put on a pair of work gloves. "Let's get to work, and maybe we'll be able to get out of here before dark."
"Welcome to planet Sean Codion!" A voice called out to them.
Bender looked on to see a vision of loveliness. What he saw before him was a highly polished fembot wearing a metallic looking fur scarf. She was slim and very aerodynamic with a busty chasse. Leela looked over to her and approached politely, knowing who she was.
"Thank you, miss Jaxxxmine." Leela said in a convincingly cordial manner. Leela glanced over disapprovingly to the giant phallic-shaped monuments for a second. "We're happy to be on such a…beautiful looking planet."
"Well Hello!" Bender greeted sexily as he sauntered up to her. "My name's Bender, and I'm the captain of this delivery ship!"
Leela glared at him and he pulled her aside. "What the hell are you doing, Bender?" Leela asked.
"I'll give you fifty bucks if you kindly keep your noise-hole shut." Bender said glibly, slipping the fifty into her hand. "I wanna see how far I can get with her!"
"Not a chance. We're not going to spend any more time here than we have to." Leela replied firmly. "We've only been here for ten minutes and my ass has been pinched twice already."
"Aww come on!" Bender whined, "Remember that time when I found your wallet and all your money was still in there?"
"No!" Leela replied again.
"Oh alright…" Bender sighed and shook his head in disappointment. "You're the boss. Look, I gotta go get something so I'll be right back okay?"
"Fine, whatever." Leela grumbled as she returned to Fry and Jaxxxmine.
Bender giggled as he ran back into the spaceship, and into the engine room. He gleefully opened up the hatch and peered into the fuel hold. Seeing a pea-sized chunk of dark matter, he reached for it but suddenly a realization hit him. He quickly ran over and got a plastic baggie to keep him from actually touching it.
With a great amount of strength he hoisted the dark matter out of the fuel hold. He opened the window with his free hand, and chucked the dark matter out of it. The dark matter hit the ground with a tremendous quake and fell through it, leaving a pea-sized hole behind.
Bender giggled to himself in accomplishment. "I wonder if Sean Codion's equivalent of China'll find it? Time to score me some fembot!"
Bender sauntered out of the Planet Express ship gleefully and approached the others. Leela looked over to him and he shrugged nonchalantly. "I guess I left it at home. Oh well."
The cargo was all unloaded when Bender had returned. Jaxxxmine was giving the payment to Leela and she nodded as she shook Jaxxxmine's metallic hand. Jaxxxmine looked over at Bender affectionately and commented, "You lead such an upstanding and efficient crew! I'll think I'll call you every time I need a delivery from earth."
"Nothing but the best for our customers." Bender replied with a grin. "I guess we'll be heading off now. I hope to see you again soon!"
The Planet Express crew got back onto the ship, and settled themselves back onto the bridge. Leela was back in her normal clothes and she and Amy breathed a sigh of relief. "That place actually wasn't so bad."
"Yeah." Amy smiled. "Some of the people who pinch you without your permission are actually pretty cute!"
"I'm hungry. Couldn't we have at least stopped for something to eat?" Fry grumbled. "Luckily the McPluto's on the way home! Just thinking about those tasty McAddictoBurgers™ makes me feel wonderfully tingly and jittery!"
Leela started up the engine and the ship lifted off of the ground. They didn't get more than a hundred feet up before the engine suddenly coughed and sputtered. Leela saw the dial on the fuel gauge on the big E and she frowned.
"Looks like we're out of fuel…but how could we be? We cleaned Nibbler's litter box before we left!" Leela said. "It'll be another three or so metric tonnes of food before he goes again!"
"I guess we'll have to fuel ourselves up!" Bender said with a grin.
Leela sighed and shook her head in disbelief at the empty fuel gauge, and narrowed her eye at Bender for a second. Fry and Leela once again got back into their underwear and went back outside of the ship.
"Why isn't Amy going with us?" Fry asked.
"Someone has to stay on the ship and I volunteer myself!" Amy replied quickly and loudly from the doorway.
"I don't mind." Leela said to Fry. "If someone tries something with me then I'll kick their ass. Don't worry, I'll protect you too."
"I can protect myself!" Fry grumbled, and Leela and Bender laughed out loud.
The three went into Jaxxxmine's store and she looked over to them curiously. She smiled at Bender and asked, "What else can I help you with?"
"It seems that we're out of fuel." Leela replied, glaring at Bender coldly. "Our CAPTAIN must have forgot to check systems before navigating."
"I see." Jaxxxmine said softly. "I can get you someone to show you where you folks need to refuel."
"What if we just call them?" Leela asked.
"I don't think that will do you much good. Even the Septuple A here is an adult phone service that charges six dollars a minute, and I also only let paying customers use the phone. Besides, it'll give you all a chance to visit the city and spend some time here!" Jaxxxmine replied, winking at Bender before continuing. "I'll bet you're itching to get away from your captain."
"Well, I am hungry." Fry muttered.
"I'll bet my human employee is also hungry!" Jaxxxmine said as she clanked her metallic hands together. "He can show you two a nice place to eat and refuel your ship, or otherwise be away from your captain for awhile!"
Leela rolled her eye, but kept on smiling.
"Come on out! There are some people I would like you to tend to!" Jaxxxmine called toward a doorway of beads.
A skinny young man appeared emerged from the wall of beads. He had short black hair and green eyes, and he was wearing nothing but a dark green Speedo. He glanced over to Jaxxxmine as she smiled at him. "I would like you to entertain these people for a little while."
The man looked over to Bender, and smirked at him for a moment. "I see. Well, okie dokie." The man replied with a shrug.
"Hey, nice to meet you!" Fry smiled as he shook the man's hand. "My name's Fry!"
"Charmed." Thomas greeted, giving Fry and Leela a mischievous smile. "My name's Thomas."