Moving In, Moving On

by esdiferente

Just a quick stand alone one-shot about Katie and Effy set two days after 'Avalanche' finished. Time for them to move into their new flat, should be eventful.

"Moving In, Moving On."

Disclaimer – I still own nothing but a large amount of debt and a severe lack of talent. Certainly nothing to do with Skins, (shame)

Premise – Still set in the midst of the 'Dragons' saga I've found myself writing but this time it's just a quick stand alone one-shot aboutKatie and Effy and what happened after 'Avalanche' finished.

Rating – M+ I doubt I'll use it but what the heck better safe than complained at yes?

Warnings – Hey it's still set in the Skins universe so there are might well be adult themes and acts as well as bad language from the start and throughout. If you're offended by these then don't read.

Authors Note – This one is totally AssassinsLover's fault, someone had to mention me writing a Keffy focused story and someone in my head- Katie Fitch, had to hear it and give me the full lowdown on this particular day. Set two days after the end of 'Avalanche' so I'm keeping it as part of the series, but it's totally stand alone and it won't be continuing, not in this format anyway; I just wanted a place to explore Katie and Effy's relationship before I started Postcards from Paradise. I'm not sure about it, but it's as good as I can make it.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Katie

"Fucking hell Kay, it's only been two days you know, you're allowed to smile once in a while."

I get the feeling Effy's a bit pissed off at me, I know I've been a mopey cow since those two left, I've been a pissed off and mopey cow since my fucking sister decided to ring me up and tell me how fucking wonderful being upgraded to first class was.

Yeah, I'm jealous, but not just because those two daft dykes got an upgrade; I'm jealous because they're off having the trip of a lifetime, and I'm stuck here in fucking Bristol, missing my little sister terribly.

To be fair it's my choice I'm here, at least in part. I'd been planning to study Fashion and Design in Manchester, you know, join the tattooed freaks and pierced weirdoes that do that kind of course and then make my stand in the careers marketplace. Being different be being normal. I love the idea of fashion, I love mixing and matching clothes and I love shopping for the bits I know would go well together. I love designing my own outfits and I've spent hours at college doodling designs on my notepads. It was my dream; it had always been my dream, until recently.

...and despite what my fucking mother would probably say I haven't thrown away my dream for Effy; I know for a fact that she would never ask, or expect me to do anything like that. I'd given up my dream for something more important, my new dream, my grown up dream. The adult dream that I now realised was more important than anything I'd had before. The one that I'd had in my head since, well, since before Freddie's death, before her.

We'd talked about it of course, not long after the fucked up time when we realised what we actually had and what we felt for one another. We'd talked about the future when we'd had some of our deepest conversations; the ones after that daft lezzer tried to top herself and we'd been forced to rescue her from her own stupidity.

Somewhere in that messed up time Effy and I had talked about how serious we were about each other and what it would mean for the future.

I'd told her that I'd applied to Manchester, it was what I'd told everyone and I had, but at the last minute I'd changed my mind. Fashion had been my dream, but it wasn't now what I saw myself doing; one visit to the clinic and a few visits to Emily's had convinced me of that. My life had irrevocably changed with the news I'd been given and I'd finally grown up. So in an instant I'd changed my entire future; I had one vision of the path ahead of me that, for some reason, was more important to me than ever before. I wasn't sure that anyone would understand what I'd done; so, like Panda, I'd not told anyone. I'd stuck my name into the clearing hat and hoped that I'd get a second chance.

I was pretty stunned the morning that the letter arrived, the one from Manchester telling me I had a place on the course of my dreams. After all my grades weren't exactly brilliant, for one fleeting second I was tempted to accept. Run away from Bristol and the caravan and the thought of having no-one whilst Emily was away.

I'd picked it up from the Post Office Box that I set up for myself since we'd been evicted and ended up practically homeless. I hadn't wanted my mail to go to a caravan park, or to Naomi's, so I'd dug into my savings and paid the post office to forward my mail to the nearest counter where I could go and pick it up. I'd gone early one morning and collected my mail, it wasn't long after we'd received our results and I'd mulled over it before making my decision. I sat on the sofa at Emily's and stared at the letter in my hand, torn between two possible futures,

In the end I tore it up. I turned it down because it really wasn't what I wanted to do anymore; and it was long before Effy and I became whatever we are, before we became a couple. Before I'd even realised that somewhere along the way I'd totally forgiven her for that night at Gobblers End, before I realised that I actually loved her.

"Katie?"

I'm dragged from the thoughts that are bouncing around my skull by the sound of an aggrieved voice.

"What?" I'd replied, only slightly annoyed at the tone of her voice.

"Jesus Kay, for the third time, we're here."

We were as well, I hadn't even realised we'd stopped. As I looked out of the passenger side window of her mum's now, battered old BMW, the one she'd practically given to her before jetting off to Italy again, I saw the familiar doorway to Kieran and Gina's flat.

"Well come on then Kay, your shit isn't going to move itself."

She grinned at me and climbed out of the driver's door, slamming it closed behind her and opening the door at the back of the car.

"Come on Katie," she said from the rear as I sat there staring at the door, "I'm not moving this crap on my own."

So there you have it; it's moving day. Two days after my sister and her girlfriend jetted off into the sunshine we're actually moving into our own place. Who would have thought it, Katie Fitch and Elizabeth Stonem moving into a flat together?

It's actually weird; it's been a rollercoaster ride. When I first started at Roundview I was desperate for her to be my friend, she was cool, she had a cool brother and I was desperate to be cool and rid myself of the stigma that was Emily, the girl that had been snogged by a lezzer, my little twin sister; the seriously un-cool one; the one that dressed like a tramp, the anchor around my neck. The one I was less than secretly a little bit jealous of right now.

As the year progressed Effy had made it clear that she wasn't interested in being real friends with anyone other than Panda; she made it abundantly clear that we weren't going to be best mates. I'd dealt with the rejection by going completely the other way, by treating her as a rival. I did everything in my power to take everything away from her; her friends, her suitor, everything. I'd fucked Freddie because he was cool and to get back at her for being a bitch. The irony was I ended up falling for him; and when he went running back to her I think I lost a little bit of my mind.

During our summer holidays, when I'd ran from Emily and fled to Venice, we'd had a reconciliation of sorts. I'd been staggered by how fucked up she was, and despite our problems I thought that finally I'd found a friend.

We'd not had a lot to do with each other during the next twelve months of college. We'd nodded and said hello but that was about it, she'd been off getting wasted with Freddie and the only times I saw her was when Emily was getting wasted with her. It wasn't a good time for any of us and when she ran screaming into my arms at the festival it all started to go very, very wrong for her.

First she ended up in hospital, then Freddie went missing, then there was Naomi's revelation of what Cook had told her; the horrible, awful detail that the Police had left out about her doctor, the man she thought was helping her. She'd kind of fallen apart at that point, I fell with her; we'd kind of fallen into one another's arms, smashed to pieces by the love we had for the same person.

And after it all, after we had fallen we found each other at the bottom and realised, perhaps that we had something stronger than friendship something that we tiptoed around until she had to courage to say something about what we both were feeling.

At first it seemed so fast, everything was a whirlwind of emotions but if I'm honest everything that happened with Emily and Naomi in those few mad days made me realise that we weren't just clinging to each other because of Freddie, we were clinging to each other because we wanted to.

So here we are, after few nights out together, a lot of talking and some shock declarations of love; I find myself here, outside the flat that's about to become ours, fucking terrified.

Not of moving in with her, not of being seen as a couple. I'm totally over that shit; the leaving party we'd hosted had finally put a nail in that coffin. No, what I'm terrified of is that we're moving in as 'roomies' and I'm not sure that's what I want. I think I'm ready to move on, I'm just frightened that she isn't, that's why I suggested it.

"Fucking hell Katie, I'm not moving all your boxes myself you know. Get out of the car and give me a hand."

Like I said, I get the feeling Effy's pissed off at me.

I get out of the car, enjoying the morning sun. It's been hot in Bristol for weeks, the sun hammering down on the town making me sweat in a most undignified manner. I don't know what she's complaining at really, I've only got a few bits with my today. Four, maybe five bags of stuff that I had at Emily's, that's all. Perhaps it's time to remind her of that.

"Eff, overreacting much? I've only got some bags of clothes; it's not as if we're moving furniture and shit you know."

"Katie, you have six big cases of clothes and three boxes of what you so eloquently described as 'stuff' and as I recall when I put them in the car they were fucking heavy."

Ah well, maybe she's right; I had transferred a fair amount of my 'essentials' to Emily's once I'd moved in, and I hadn't exactly been helpful in putting everything in the car earlier, too busy fussing around to make sure I had everything packed. Stretching in the sun I finally decided that it was time to get my arse in gear.

"Come on then, I'll get my bags." I grabbed two of my bags from the back of the car and dragged them out. I'm actually kind of surprised at the weight, I'm pretty sure that they weren't this heavy when I zipped them up.

I looked up at the narrow flight of stairs that led to Kieran's, no actually not Kieran's flat, my flat...our flat. The steps seem to climb to the clouds, stretching on endlessly before me and, thinking about the bags I've got to carry, I sighed.

'This is so not going to be fun'

o+o+o

Effy

I am about to move in with, without a shadow of a doubt, the laziest human being I know.

In fact Katie isn't just lazy, she's cleverly lazy. Like right now for example, taking the two smallest bags she's got and heading off to the flat leaving me to grab one of the others. 'Well not today honey; I'm not the right person to try this on with.'

Ignoring the bags in the back of my car I sat on the tailgate and lit a cigarette, I think I should consider quitting smoking, Katie fucking hates it but to be honest I really enjoy it. Smoking has been a nice constant in my life and cigarettes have never fucked me over along the way.

I like smoking, I'm not sure I want to give it up, not even for her.

So I sit here and smoke and enjoy the summer sun whilst it lasts, we've had a warning that rain is on its way but for now everything is good.

Apart from her fucking bags and boxes that is.

I'm already moved in; to be honest I don't have a lot of stuff to move. Most of my old things I burned, desperate to put the horrors of my old life behind me. Mum bought me a load of new things and I'd packed them up last night and moved them over this morning whilst Kay was still lounging in bed.

We'd got a set of keys from Gina yesterday and spent a happy afternoon over here sorting bits out, working out where things would go, falling over Kieran's badly stacked boxes and arguing over rooms. We'd finally agreed that I'd take the smaller, spare, bedroom. I'd always planned to, I knew there was no way Katie would want to have anything but the master bedroom and to be honest, I'm really not that arsed.

Though it is a bit strange, the idea of moving in with your girlfriend and not sharing a room. Still, she didn't want the pressure of 'living together' hanging over us and the idea of being in a flat share was a lot easier to take.

So she tells me, I'm no longer sure that's what I want.

This is a fresh start for me; a new place, a new, good relationship and an opportunity to move on. Move on from Cook and Freddie and everything that fucked up my life. A chance to move on with her, so despite my doubts I'll do it for Katie.

It is fucking scary though, giving up everything you have for love.

As I puffed away on the fag, feeling the calm as the nicotine flooded my system, I'm surprised to see a familiar people carrier pull up behind my car and the smiling face of Rob Fitch waving out of the window.

I like Rob; in fact I don't know anyone in our little gang that's met him that doesn't. He even gets on well with Naomi and she's as prickly as they come. I had to laugh the other day, after we'd watched Naomi and Emily get onto the train and disappear on holiday he'd drawn me to one side and had his 'little chat.' He'd told me that we'd be having another talk and Naomi had warned me that I really shouldn't laugh during it. It was hard work but I'd managed it.

"So you and my Katiekins are going to be sharing a flat I understand." He'd started his best fierce glare on his face. I just shrugged in response.

"That's her plan Rob, she doesn't think staying at mine is independent enough for her and let's face it you don't really have space in the new place do you?"

The new place was nice; a little flat in a quiet area, but it was only really big enough for the three of them. Katie and Emily seen as having flown the coop already.

He'd gone on to give me the big lecture about looking after his daughter, how he wouldn't be happy if he heard I'd done anything to hurt her. It sounded like a speech he'd given many times before and it was actually kind of tiresome.

"Rob," I'd said eventually interrupting him, "I love Katie ok? You can back off; I'm not going to hurt her."

He'd smiled then, as if I'd given him the answer he was waiting for and he patted me on the shoulder with his huge hand, nearly driving me to my knees.

"Well don't let her hurt you Effy, she's a bit of a spoilt brat my daughter and you'll have your work cut out for you with her if you live together. Don't give her an inch because she won't just take a mile, she'll take hundreds. I love my Katiekins, but I do know what she's like."

We'd been ok since then, like I say I like him; he's a good dad, all he wants is for his kids to be happy. Well ok, fit and happy, but happy none the less.

"Effy," he shouted as he got out of the car and gave me a hug, James tagging along behind him, "don't tell me she's abandoned you to move her bags already."

I shrugged in response and he smiled, "Right then, I've got the rest of her bits in the car, you want us to give you a hand with those?"

I nodded and he dragged the biggest cases out of the car with consummate ease.

"James, go and get one of those bags from the car we'll have this stuff up there in no time."

Like I say, cleverly lazy and downright bloody lucky as well. Where the hell was Rob Fitch when I was hauling boxes this morning?

As I throw my cigarette into a nearby drain I sighed and picked up one of the smaller boxes;

'Better get this over with.'

o+o+o

Katie

Moving out wasn't fun, moving in is even worse. Not am I struggling to get my largest case up these fucking stairs, but now my girlfriend is acting like a moody cow because I asked her not to smoke in the flat.

'Fucking great.'

Like I need this, today of all days. They say that taking your driving test, getting married and moving house are some of the greatest stresses on a person, let alone on a relationship; and at this rate I'm not getting married and I'm not learning to drive. Fuck that, I couldn't stand going through anything this fucking stressful ever again.

Dad wasn't much help with the unpacking either, actually that's not really fair; he did move most of my stuff up the stairs for me before he had to take James to a football match or something. He'd left me with two boxes and a case, the biggest case, the one that I'd carefully packed all my shoes in making it one of the heaviest of them all.

Bastard!

The worst thing is that I can't ask Effy for a hand because she's gone to the shops to get some supplies; or at least that's what she said she's doing. Not that I would have asked anyway; we've been snapping at each other for the last half hour, practically from the moment dad had gone, leaving us alone. All because of a bloody cigarette; I mean, is it too much to fucking ask that we keep the flat smelling nice? I hate the smell of stale cigarettes, it turns my stomach and I'm not prepared to live with that smell in our place. Jesus, even fucking Naomi went outside for a cigarette when Emily asked her to.

Anyway, feeling angry about the whole situation isn't helping me move this fucking bag so I think I need a change of plan. Slamming the door and locking her car I headed back upstairs, let myself into the flat and headed straight for my room. It's a bit of a shithole at the moment, especially compared to Effy's room; all her belongings already unpacked and put away. I glanced at the bags and boxes that held my clothes and my bits and sighing upended one of the boxes onto the bed scattering jewellery, a snow globe and my iPod dock everywhere.

Cursing at my stupidity I grabbed the dock and checked it for damage, finding none I took it out into the living area and placed it on the shelf near the TV. It would be nice to have a bit of music in the place, it felt so fucking empty with just me in here. I dropped my phone into the holder and flicked at the screen until the iPod app appeared and hit shuffle. The flat filled with sound and I bobbed around happily before heading back into my room and, grabbing the box I'd just emptied, going back to the car.

Two, much simpler trips later and I had the bag in my bedroom and a box of shoes on the bed; for once I actually had an idea that made sense, empty some of the contents into the box, make a couple of trips and life is good. Well life would be good if my fucking room wasn't filled with boxes, carrier bags and suitcases. It looked like I was in for an afternoon of sorting and tidying. But at least everything was now here; for the first time in weeks I felt like I had a real home.

As I started to move some of the shoes off the bed and into the bottom of the huge wardrobe that filled one end of the bedroom I heard the front door close and Effy's bedroom door slam shut.

I guess she's still pissed off at me then.

I sat on my bed feeling a little bit sick if I'm honest. I'd hoped that our first day in our own place would be fun; we were supposed to be enjoying our first days of real freedom, not fighting with each other over something stupid.

'Fuck this Effy, no.'

I stormed out of my room and up to the closed door and hammered on it.

"Effy? EFFY?" I shouted; I got no response from her.

"Effy will you open up so we can talk about this?"

Still nothing.

"Effy please open the fucking door and talk to me."

The silence from her room almost echoed around the short hallway, I could hear the music playing in the living area, but it was as if an annoyed Effy could suck the sound from around me and make me focus on the fact that she wasn't answering me.

"Effy, I'm serious. Open the door or I'm coming in." I counted slowly to ten, expecting her to open up before I had to decide whether to call the bluff and risk making the situation worse, or back down and look a twat. I took a deep breath and burst in, I'm Katie fucking Fitch and no-one ignores me.

I'm shocked then, to find the room the way it is. Everything is put neatly away; the room is almost embarrassingly tidy compared to mine. There's a wallboard propped in a corner, the one from her bedroom; broken down by day and week. It's the one that details the drugs she's supposed to take and the things she's supposed to do. She hasn't used it for ages, says she doesn't need it anymore. On the dresser are the bottles of drugs she has to take; she still needs them, but not as many or as often as she used to. Her new doctor telling her she'd made big improvements.

The one thing that is very noticeably absent is her.

I walked back into the flat and found her standing on the small balcony looking at me; trademark smirk on her face, even more trademark cigarette in her hand. Though this time the smirk wasn't the amused one, it was her angry one. I met her cold gaze and stared back at her.

"You walked out," I said, hating the accusing tone that came out seemingly automatically. I'd really not meant it to sound that harsh.

"You called me a fucking bitch."

"No, I asked you not to be a fucking bitch Eff, I only asked you not to smoke. You were the one that went crazy."

Fucking hell could I have picked a fucking worse term to use? She stared straight at me, blue eyes cutting through me in their usual fashion, the look that you just can't hold when you feel guilty.

"Fucks sake Effy, don't fucking smoke in here; I don't want the place smelling like a fucking ashtray."

She threw my words back at me; it's funny but they didn't sound as hard and angry when I said them; and I'm sure there was a please in there somewhere.

"Jesus Eff, do you have to be such a fucking bitch all the time? I don't want you fucking smoking in the flat that's all."

So there it was, yet another example of my famous 'foot-in-mouth' disease chucked back for me to chew on and taste the poison. Sometimes it's just obvious I'm my mother's daughter. I can't even deny it because I know she wouldn't make it up. It's what she does when she wants to prove a point; she gives you the whole raw truth, exactly as it happened, straight back at you.

'fuck'

"Effy," I started, but she turned her back on me; looking out over the rooftops, drawing her cigarette to her lips then carefully blowing out the smoke. I watched as it faded into the afternoon sky, fascinated by the trails it left before vanishing. I steadied myself against the kitchen countertop and took a deep breath

I realise I've upset her, annoyed her, in fact I've probably right royally pissed her off and I owe her an apology; but my gut instinct is to go back on the attack, like I always have. But I think it's time for a bit of grown up Katie Fitch behaviour here, time to wind back in and remember that it's just me and her and I don't have to be the queen bitch when I'm at home; perhaps it's time to remind her that she doesn't need to be all moody and mysterious either.

I leant against the counter and looked at her; she's thin, but not dangerously so, she's got gorgeous long brown hair that just falls effortlessly to her shoulders. I would cut off my left foot for hair like hers; my efforts at getting those waterfall cascades look, well, unnatural. Perhaps it's the colouring, or more likely my shitty fucking hair, but I can't pull it off; even Emily makes a better job of it than I do.

I guess I'm as ugly as my personality is, I really don't know why anyone puts up with me, least of all her.

Building my courage I stepped out onto the balcony; it's about big enough for two people to stand on comfortably and there's a small clothes airer stacked against the window. I wrapped my arms around Effy's waist and pressed the side of my head to her back.

"Eff I'm sorry ok?" I said quickly before I reverted to type; I felt her stiffen at my touch then relax as I spoke. "I know I'm a fucking bitch, you know I'm a fucking bitch. I don't know why I said what I did, but I'm sorry I said it. I didn't mean it to come out like that, you know I didn't."

Silence, nothing but cold silence and the sound of her breathing, the long slow inhalation of breath that was her drawing down smoke and the long slow exhalation that pushed the grey cloud back out into the world. I could hear her heart beating as I pressed my ear into her spine, for all her calm it was racing away.

"Katie, you've got to stop doing this to me you know. I've told you I'm not going to be your fucking doorstep. You've been treating me like crap all day and then you have a go at me in our place, acting like it's yours. I hadn't even lit the fucking cigarette; I was going outside because I knew you'd hate it. You just didn't give me the chance to before you went off on one."

She threw the cigarette into a metal tin that stood in the corner of the balcony, half filled with water a couple of fag ends floating on the surface, before turning in my arms to face me, pushing me back slightly.

"Katie, I agreed to move in with you because you'd changed, because I thought it would be fun. But for the last two days you've been a fucking nightmare to be around, you've been bitchy, sulky; you've complained about absolutely fucking everything. Now I've put up with it because I love you, and I know you're missing Emily; but you can't just treat me like shit all the time and expect me to take it. We've been here before, we've already had this conversation."

We have, I know she's not wrong; I have been a bit bitchy to her, to dad. I'd even lost my temper with James, but then he was being a twat today.

"Eff, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry? You've got to understand ok, this is a part of who I am. This is me; this is part of the package. I get sulky, I get bitchy sometimes. I don't even know I'm doing it most of the time."

I sighed, stepping back into her, squeezing her tighter and pushing my head against her chest.

"Look Effy, you've got to stop doing this to me as well. You can't be all closed and secretive because I don't know how to handle it. If you close up I don't know I've done something to piss you off. You need to tell me when I'm out of line babe because if you don't then we'll never learn to live together will we."

I felt her hands wrap around me, the heels of her hands pushing into the small of my back as she joined them together behind me. I felt her chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath and let it out.

"When did you get so fucking clever Kay?" she asked, her voice now softer and more normal; the hard, pissed off edge now gone. "When did you get so great with relationships?"

I smiled unto her, feeling the tension between us start to ease, "Well just because I've got the emotional intelligence of a small table doesn't mean I can't work out what's going wrong between us. I'm a bitch and you're a clam, we just need to talk to one another and we'll be fine. We'll find our boundaries babe and we'll be fine between them."

I leaned back in her arms and looked up at her.

"We are fine aren't we babe, you're not mad at me anymore are you?"

I looked up at her, lowered my eyes slightly and fluttered my eyelashes before looking back into her eyes. It was a trick that I'd noticed my sister use on Naomi and it always seemed to make her laugh and then give in.

Who'd have thought that my sister was such a good manipulator? Still, I'd like to think that she learnt from the best.

"You can cut that shit out as well Katie Fitch, I know what you're trying and it won't work."

But she was laughing as she spoke and she did lean down to kiss my forehead. She might claim she knows what I'm doing, she might claim she's immune, but it's not stopping it for working. Another tool to put away in my 'dealing with Effy Stonem' toolbox.

"Does that mean I'm forgiven for being a shit then?"

"Always babe," she said leaning down to kiss me, "always."

I can taste the cigarettes on her lips and despite the revulsion I feel to her smoking there's something strangely erotic about the sensation when I kiss her. There's something very Effy about it and as our lips dance their ballet and our tongues fight like gladiators I'm reminded of every time I've kissed her and how much I like it. As we simply stand on our tiny balcony in our tiny flat I put my heart and soul into the kiss because finally I've got her all to myself.

Sure we were both mad, sure we were both assholes in our own little way, but we got past it, we worked through it and we're here at the other side and we're alone, together in our own place.

As I lose myself in that little reconnection that follows our mental separation I find myself pulling her backwards towards my room. We stumble over boxes, both refusing to break the moment, break apart the passion; until we get to the bedroom door. As I fumbled to open it I felt her drag me away, her lips leaving mine for a second.

"No Katie, my room," she said breathlessly, kissing me again and again. "Yours is a tip…and I'm not….wasting time...clearing the bed…right now."

She had a point, some rational part of my brain told me; I still hadn't cleared up the bits I'd dumped on the bed so I allowed her to drag me away. We staggered down the small hallway to her door, tearing at clothes as we did so, my hands never stopping in their movement, desperate to touch, hold and caress her bare skin. I could feel her hands in my hair, down my spine and around my arse as she drew me along kicking open her door with a heel and spinning me around and pushing me onto the bed. As I slid backwards making room for her I was pulled out of my lust fuelled fervour by the realisation that she hadn't joined me.

I opened my eyes to see her still stood next to the bed; as our clouded eyes met she slipped out of the dress she was wearing before climbing on top of me, straddling my hips wearing nothing but a very small pair of briefs. As she held herself above me I'm struggling with my own clothes, trying desperately to shed the bits that I'm still wearing. She fixed me with those piercing blue eyes before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on my lips.

"Stop that you," she said, finally pressing her body down onto mine; before moving her lips' attention across my cheek, up my neck and onto my ear. Her hands pushed mine away and began fumbling to remove my skirt.

"My room, my rules," she whispered. "Leave that to me…"

o+o+o

'Note to self; make up sex with Effy Stonem is fucking awesome. Must engineer at least one regular argument with her if that's what happens!'

o+o+o

Effy

I've noticed a strange irony as I lie in bed, with Katie curled up next to me, the post coital bubble we were in feeling pretty fucking good. The irony of me being the fixer, the person that worked on Naomi to sort out her shit with Emily and to some degree vice versa, yet I'm not even able to sort out the most basic of problems that crop up in my own relationship.

I tell people to talk to each other and instead of doing the same I withdrew back into myself the first time she upset me and played the silent card; letting the voices come back and hurt me again. My last relationship could only be described as self destructive and I can't go through that again, can't be that girl again, can't let the voices back into my life. I guess both of us have got a lot to learn about a proper relationship with another person; one where there's give and take and trust and respect. One where we talk, we're nearly there we really are nearly there but nearly isn't good enough; today's just proven that.

I don't want us to be another Naomi and Emily where the lack of truth and honesty and simple talking nearly ruined it all.

I don't want us to be another me and Freddie, spiralling out of control to a point where I can't take it any more.

I can't let us be that.

This means too much to fail like that again.

o+o+o

I'm woken up by a loud bang and the sound of swearing from Katie's room. Quickly I look around me and I realise with a jolt that she's no longer in bed with me. Grabbing a robe from the back of the door I pulled it around myself and wandered, bleary eyed into the hallway and stood in the frame of her open door.

Katie is tidying.

I think I'll just go back to bed. Sleepwalking isn't a good thing to do, if I am actually walking, this simply could be a dream. Whatever I'm doing I'm sure I should be in bed because this just doesn't happen in the real world, Katie Fitch, despite all her fashion pretentions, clothes obsessions and perfectionism is really a fucking slob. I know this for two reasons; one; Emily told me so; and two, I've experienced it firsthand whenever I've been round at Naomi's or when she's stayed at mine.

I don't think she actually means to be a slob, it's just that Katie lives a lot of her life at a hundred miles an hour and once discarded things tend to be forgotten. I guess having Jenna running around after her, making excuses and picking stuff up didn't help. I guess she never learnt to organise herself properly.

I stand in the doorway and watch as she sorts through a bag of clothes grabs a handful and, with a mutter, stuffs them into the chest of drawers and shoves it closed.

"You'll crease them." I said carefully, now pretty much convinced that I'm not actually dreaming. I had the pleasure of watching Katie jump and turn around.

"Hey. You're awake"

I gave her my very best, no-shit-Sherlock look and watched her crumble under the gaze.

"Well obviously," I finally said, smiling at her. "Why didn't you wake me when you got up?"

"You looked cute fast asleep; I didn't have the heart to wake you up. Anyway I thought it'd be a useful time for me to start sorting my shit out. We're going to need to go shopping for more than bread and milk in a bit. If we're going to eat here tonight that is?"

She looked at me questioningly. "Well I wasn't planning on going and getting pilled up, pissed up, and party my way around Bristol. I mean it is Saturday night, what kind of a loser does that on a Saturday?"

"One that doesn't have a new flat and a gorgeous girlfriend to spend the evening with I guess."

I smirked at her, "Gorgeous Katie, I never thought you had that much of an ego. I mean I think you're gorgeous but it's not the sort of thing you expect someone to say about themselves now is it?"

I dodged the thrown pillow from the King sized bed and laughed at her exasperated face.

"I meant I have a gorgeous girlfriend Effy Stonem, as well you know. Anyway, are we eating here or are we going out to celebrate our moving in?"

I thought about it for a moment, the idea of going out, getting trashed and then coming back to our own place does have its merits but...

"Do you mind if we stay in babe? We can go for a drink after we've been shopping we should get your security deposit back off Keith now we know the room wasn't trashed. We could have a drink there then head home. I've never had my own place before; I think I'd like to enjoy the first few nights here, plenty of time for partying when we're at Uni."

Katie stepped across the bedroom quickly and stood on her tiptoes to kiss me. She's actually not that much shorter than me, but she usually wears heels and that's made things a lot easier for her in the past.

"Sounds like a plan babe, you going like that or are you going to get dressed?"

She pulled at the robe I was wearing making it fall open. I grinned as her eyes automatically tracked down to take in my naked figure. I actually like making people have that reaction, I've never been ashamed of my body like, say Emily, who always seemed to hide her figure under the most unflattering of clothes. I like the fact that people look at me and I really like the fact that Kay does it as well, she just sees a lot more of me than the people in the street.

"Oi, enough of that," I told her as her hands drifted into the robe, sliding it apart further and reaching around my back. "I've got to go and get dressed if we're going shopping and you're not helping."

I flicked her on the nose before turning around and flouncing back to my room, dropping the robe off my shoulders and onto the floor as I did so. Now I know we're alone in the flat I'm going to go for the whole casual nudity thing. I used to love doing it at home when mum was away; it makes me feel totally free...

...and I know it drives her mad, in a good way.

o+o+o

I've learnt something today. There's one thing worse in the world than clothes shopping with Katie and that's food shopping.

Seriously, the girl doesn't know when to stop. I've had to take item after item out of the trolley we were pushing around Sainsburys because really, we don't need packets of Jammie Dodgers and bags of Skittles. I'd hoped she'd got over the whole "eat shite because I can" thing when she was at Naomi's. I understand why she does it, I'd heard all about the famous Fitch dinners from Emily and Katie on one of the evenings I'd stayed over after we'd heard about Fred's.

"Artichoke and beetroot, that was fucking awful"

"Ems you didn't even touch that, you fucked off after telling everyone you'd just shagged Naomi. Anyway, I'm telling you that fucking Carrot and Aubergine puree she did to go with that chargrilled Asparagus was the worst thing I've ever fucking eaten, it was even worse than the chicken and sweetcorn broth that Nana Fitch used to make us when we were sick."

They'd both gagged at the thought of that and Katie had gone back to stuffing her face with the pizza that she'd bought. I thought then that freedom from the food Nazi that was Jenna Fitch had gone to her head.

"Kay, I thought you were watching your figure," I'd said as she piled a frozen cheesecake into the trolley.

"I am," she had replied defensively, "But we're allowed a treat on our first night in our own home. It's a special occasion remember?"

I'd left it at that but she was slightly less exuberant in her grabbing of junk food after my comment so all had been well. Strangely enough even though she is an absolute nightmare to go shopping with it's also kind of fun. I can't help but get caught up in her enthusiasm for things, she helps me stay grounded that way; keeps me from getting stuck in my thoughts.

So with the shopping torture finally over, we're in my car; well, the one mum left me when she decided that my moving out was a perfect excuse to head back to Italy and fucking Aldo for a while. We're heading home now; we have goodies to put away and the possibility of a few drinks and a quiet evening in front of the television to look forward to. The sad thing is I'm not even nineteen and that actually sounds like a great idea. I think, perhaps, the debauchery of the last few years has taken a bit of a toll on me and I need the break.

Or perhaps I'm just a little bit in love and feeling a bit soppy, either way I don't care.

o+o+o

Keith's hasn't changed, but then I never expected it to. It's as if the same people we saw when we went in to sort out the leaving party are still here, in the same positions, still drinking from the same glasses. Keith's place is like a fucking time warp sometimes, I'm sure he fixed it up in the seventies and it's created its own bubble and stayed there.

He's even pleased to see us, so pleased the sweaty little man has given us a couple of drinks on the house. Apparently he made a fortune on the bar at Naomi and Emily's leaving do and he's actually thinking of allowing people to use his function room again.

"Might give it a lick of paint," he'd said expansively nearly coating us both in a layer of saliva as he spoke. "Charge for it then, you know weddings and birthdays and the like."

The thought of someone actually having a wedding reception in Keith's back room actually fills me with horror; no-one could be that desperate on their special day, could they?

"Talking of which Keith, as the room is ok I'd like my deposit back. That was the deal; we didn't pay, you make money on the bar and we got our deposit back as long as we didn't trash the place. Fifty quid please."

He didn't look too happy at Katie's demand and I could see his mind working, looking for a way to twist himself out of returning her cash.

"Fifty quid Keith, remember; we're both going to university here soon, we could bring a lot of people your way. We're very popular Katie and I; we could come here with our friends or we could go, well anywhere really. Students do drink a lot, especially if the booze is cheap and there are other, shall we say, things on offer."

I could see the cogs turn over in his mind and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a, rather grubby, roll of cash. I know the pub doesn't make as much in booze as it does in the pills and powders he peddles and the thought of a whole new clientele must have tipped him over the edge. He handed Katie a fifty pound note with obvious reluctance.

"Thanks Keith, you won't regret doing business with us," she said sweetly as we grabbed our drinks and retreated to the corner.

"What the fuck was that about?" she hissed as we sat down out of earshot. "You wouldn't seriously bring people we know from Uni here to buy his drugs would you?"

I fixed her with a glare, "Do I look fucking stupid Katie? It got you your cash back didn't it? Besides, you never know when we might want to organise another party, this place is cheap."

"Bit of a shithole though," she said finally.

"A lot of a shithole Kay."

We sat and finished our drinks, I did consider another round but Katie insisted on heading off, dragging me back into town. We got off the bus and ploughed through the afternoon shoppers to a quiet corner and finally to the bar we'd had our first date in.

"Aw Katie, sweet. You remembered."

She gave me a wink and a quick kiss on the cheek before disappearing, leaving me with the instructions to get her a drink and find us a table.

"I won't be long, had an idea," she said as she left leaving me bemused.

I wandered up to the bar, it was busier than it had been when we'd arranged to meet here, when I was apparently turned into 'Andy from Tesco's' to keep our date secret from the girls. Despite that I couldn't help but grin as I saw that the spot at the bar we'd sat at was still free and I slipped onto the barstool and finally, after fucking ages, got the attention of the barman.

"One double G&T and one double Vodka and tonic please, ice and lemon." He smiled and nodded and went off to sort out the drinks.

"Pretty girl like you shouldn't be buying her own drinks," a slightly slurred voice said from behind me.

"I won't be in a minute. My girlfriend will probably get the next round." I said turning round to scowl at him.

"Well, when your friend gets her perhaps my mate Darren here could buy her a drink while we chat?" He gestured at a tall blonde lad behind him. He reminded me a little of Cook, but without the attitude and the cheeky eyes. He actually looked a little embarrassed at his drunken friend.

"I don't think she'd like him, not his type."

"Oh really, how do you know that, you've never met him?" he asked with the air of a smug drunk that thinks he's just got one over you.

"Well he's the wrong fucking gender for starters," I heard a familiar voice snap behind me as arms draped around my neck from behind. I smiled and tilted my head.

"Excuse me; I think my girlfriend wants me. Hi honey," I said dramatically, "I've ordered a vodka and tonic for you, is that ok?"

I turned back in my seat to see her sit down still glaring at the tosser who'd been trying to chat me up. I put my hand on her knee and winked as the barman came back bearing our drinks. I passed over a tenner and handed her the drink.

"Feisty babe," I told her, running my nails along her thigh, distracting her from her glaring contest, "I kind of like the whole jealous lover thing. Suits you."

She snorted at me and took a long sip of her drink. I did the same with mine after collecting my change.

"Want to find somewhere quieter?" she asked deciding to continue glaring at the boys behind me.

"Yeah, I only sat here for sentimental reasons."

"I figured," she replied smiling and getting off the stool. We walked to a free table at the back of the pub and sat down on the bench seat, stretching our feet out onto the chairs opposite, shoulders just touching, comfortable.

"So don't you want to know where I went Eff?" she asked linking her hand with mine.

"Not really Kay, I guessed if it was important you'd tell me. I'm not one to pry."

"I got us something for the house and I got you a present," she sounds excited by it. I guess I'm going to have to bite, but not too hard.

"Oh, really. That's nice." I said casually. "What did you get for the house?"

"Well," she said opening her handbag, "you know that shop Naomi's always hanging around in. Well I saw this and thought it'd be nice in the living room."

She brought out a paper bag that contained a dainty little oil burner. "I've got some oils and some tea lights as well. It'll be nice yeah?"

I can't help it, I know I shouldn't pick on her but I just can't resist it. This isn't Katie Fitch, not the public one anyway; this isn't the Bitch-Fitch that everyone gets to see. This is my Katie, the private Katie, the one that's grown up such a lot this year, the one I can't help teasing right now.

"Katie, did you hang around with Naomi and her mum that much? An oil burner, how big a hippy have you become? Please tell me you're not going to start wearing kaftans and eating muesli."

"Shut up you, I thought it would be nice," she complained taking the burner back and wrapping it up carefully. "If you don't behave I won't give you your present." She dug me with her elbow for good measure and we both sniggered. I love playing with Katie like this, and I'm positive she likes playing back.

I sniffed at her, deciding to play the cute card. "I think I've already got my present Katie, I've got you."

Her eyes softened at my words, like I say; I played the cute card and it's a winning hand, four aces all in a row.

"Ok, you can have your present," she said digging again in that cavernous handbag. "I got you this."

She held up a subtly coloured friendship bracelet, with silver and gold mixed in with the weave. I normally hate things like that, gaudy colours and cheap messages, but this one is actually kind of nice.

"I thought, well...I thought you might like it." She ran out of steam and left it hanging as if embarrassed at her thoughts.

"It's lovely Katie, thank you."

I held out my left hand to her and with a shy smile that is so unlike her she tied the band around my wrist, making sure it wasn't too tight. I held my wrist up, making a big play of examining the present before putting my arm around her and pulling her into a kiss.

"I know you're supposed to make them, but, well I'm shit at things like that."

"Its fine Katie, it's more than fine. I love it, thank you. I won't ever take it off."

And as twee and as cheesy as her gift was, I meant it.

"Cool, glad you like it. Now do you want another drink, or do you want to go home."

We agreed on one more drink and light ones this time, Katie insisting she wasn't going to get wrecked on doubles. I'm pretty sure that both of our alcohol tolerances are high enough to cope, but I don't really need another drink. I'd only agreed because it meant we'd be able to spend a bit more time together. Then of course, whilst she was stood at the bar, I remembered we were going back to ours.

'Ours'...it has a nice ring to it doesn't it. I totally understand what Emily meant now.

'Ours...'

'Our home.'

Just how good does that sound?

o+o+o

Katie

Well aren't we the picture of domestic bliss? We've been back in the flat for three hours now and we've vacuumed, cleaned, tidied my room, packing away all of my shit finally and polished every fucking surface we could find. We've even started cooking; cooking our first meal in our own place.

It's a special occasion and we'd broken out the housewarming presents we've been bought as soon as we'd got in from the pub. I'd had a good cry at one little present, one that had been hidden away in one of Effy's boxes. It wasn't anything really special, a gift box of champagne with two simple glass flutes, but it was the note that went with it that had finally set me off; requiring Eff to wrap her arms around me until I got it out of my system.

'Katie, Effy,

We can't tell you how sad we are that we can't be there for you as you set off on this new phase in your life. It seems like we're destined not to be there for each other at this kind of momentous event but know that we're thinking of you both and smiling at the thought of you two sitting down in that flat, cracking open the booze and drinking a toast to your future.

By the time Effy drags this out I know that we'll be missing you both already and looking forward to our first chance to talk and catch up. You can tell us all about how good it is to be in your own place; as long as you haven't killed each other already. Don't forget to send us e-mails letting us know what you're both up to; just because we're on the other side of the world doesn't mean we don't want to know everything about what's going on in your lives.

Congratulations and good luck in your own place, you make a great couple. Make each other happy.

Love

Ems and Nai.

PS Effy, don't take any of Katie's shit ok? Don't let her walk all over you - N.

PPS Katie, don't let Effy get all weird and silent on you, remember that you two do actually need to talk once in a while, and do remember to listen to her when you do. I know what you're like Sis – Em

Yeah what she said - N '

I can only assume that they got this on their last day at home, the day after we'd made out little admission. I've got a tear in my eye at the thought that she'd, they'd, made the effort to go out, buy a gift and write us a note when they were in the midst of last minute packing; and everything that went with it.

"Naomi gave it to me whilst you were inside, the day they left. She said that they wanted me to give you the present and the note when we moved in."

I'd smiled and we'd put the champagne in the freezer so we could drink it chilled later. Effy didn't think chilling it that quickly would do it any good but I assured her it would be fine; after all we weren't planning on leaving it in there long enough to risk freezing it. We pottered around the flat for a bit, preparing stuff for dinner, putting away the rest of the shopping; the usual boring things, basically killing a bit of time and just enjoying the moments together. Effy was playing with my iPhone, trying to find us some music we'd both listen to; I was sat on the sofa re-reading our letter, well let's face it, Emily's letter to me.

Reading that letter again made it hit home even more; we really hadn't been there for each other Emily and I, not during the big events in our lives. We might have been present, but we weren't ever really together. She'd always been there for me, but in truth I'd never really been there for her. I'd been too fucking self centred for that.

I wasn't even going to be there for her on our birthday. We'd be half a world away from each other and only able to say Happy Birthday over a phone or even worse by e-mail.

I'd always thought that our eighteenth would be a huge party, you know the kind of thing; a big hall, lots of friends and family and us, well me, being centre of attention. Now it would just drift us by, lost in a sea of family debt and absentee sister.

Our eighteenth birthday would be spent apart. Our big birthday, the one that heralded our maturity, the one where we had full legal rights, the one that said we were finally grown adults able to go our own way in the world without having to get permission from our parents for anything. It's barely two weeks to the big day and we're thousands of miles apart.

It would be a milestone in our lives and we wouldn't be together, again. My only small crumb of comfort would be that we'd both be spending it with someone we loved.

Reading their words really upset me because it made me realise, and not for the first time, that we had so few chances in our life to get things right; and it made me so much more determined not to be a bitch in the future, to those two or to Effy. I was determined not to fuck all this up for the sake of my ego.

"Feeling better?" Effy asked as I sniffed myself silent, the tears beginning to end.

"Yeah."

As I'd cried I'd told her everything I had been feeling and she'd just sat there and held me and told me it was going to be all right. It was a good feeling I had, as she stroked my hair, I felt loved, I felt wanted and I felt important.

All because Effy Stonem was interested in the real Katie Fitch. The one behind the mask.

"Come on then baby, let's break open that bubbly, it should have chilled by now."

She dragged the bottle out of the freezer where we'd put it with the two bottles of wine we'd been bought. "Well the bottle's cold Kay, let's give it a try."

Skilfully she untwisted the metal ties and turned the bottle, holding the cork in a cloth. One day I'm going to ask her where she learnt all about champagne and how to open a bottle properly, I'm sure it would be a fascinating conversation. I jumped slightly as the cork popped out of the bottle and held out the two glasses.

"Katie, you're supposed to hold them by the stems so you don't get fingerprints on the glass," she admonished with a slight smile on her face. I ignored her and waved them in her general direction.

"Shut up and pour you." I said, sticking my tongue out at her.

She poured us two glasses of the cold champagne and put the bottle in the fridge turning back to me with a smile as I handed her the glass by the stem.

"Cheers babe, to our new home," she offered raising the glass.

"To our new home," I replied in kind, savouring the words as much as the drink.

o+o+o

Our first evening in our new place was a wonderfully quiet one, just me and Eff and no-one to disturb us. Between us we'd managed to create a chilli and rice dish that was pretty much edible; though it was made all the better for polishing off the champagne and breaching one of the bottles of wine we'd so nearly frozen. Dessert was good as well, though I think we both felt a little sick afterwards. Still it's not every day you move into your own place and if you can't eat and drink too much then when can you?

"This is nice Kay," Eff had said as we curled up together on the sofa, bellies and hearts full and content. The room was smelling wonderfully of orange as the little oil burner flickered away on the small table. I'd sat down and put the television on and Effy had flopped down next to me before spinning on the sofa ending up with her feet over the back and her head in my lap. I still don't understand how she can find that comfortable; but she does, and so do I, so I can't complain.

"Yeah," I replied, "nice. Very nice in fact." I looked down to see her bright blue eyes looking up at me.

"I think this is the first place since Naomi's where I've really felt at home."

I stared into her eyes, trying to get inside her head, the way she gets into mine; it's virtually impossible, she never seems to give away anything that unconsciously. She knows what I'm doing though and she smiles up at me, the blue of her eyes lightening perceptibly as she does so.

"Naomi made me feel welcome Kay, it was her place and she welcomed me in. You and Emily and her, you all made me feel like I had a place to go whenever I needed to, somewhere I could call home. My place never felt like that." She sighed sadly and closed her eyes.

"It never really felt like that after dad left. I feel the same here already, I feel welcome here, comfortable; I feel like this place is already our home. You know?"

"I do babe, I really do."

I do understand her, well sort of anyway. I understood the feeling of being wanted and how important it was. I'd always had a place to go and somewhere to call home; whether it was the house, Emily's, or even that shitty caravan. Wherever I was I had people that made me feel like I was wanted. I felt so sorry for my beautiful, fragile lover right then. She'd had such a messed up life and I longed to give her a future that she could look back on with smiles and not sorrows. I want her to move on from that old, unhappy life so badly it actually hurts. I'm going to do my damndest to stop being selfish and make sure that's what she gets, a happy future with me.

"Love you Eff," I said quickly, stroking her hair as she opened her eyes and stared at me. "Thanks for moving in with me, it's nice having you as a roomie."

"Yeah, nice," she echoed, "I love you too Kay, now shut up would you. I'm missing my programme."

The sarcasm didn't escape me, as if Effy Stonem was interested in watching Coronation Street. I couldn't help but laugh, properly laugh. I don't normally just laugh like that; I don't think I've ever really laughed like that, not before her anyway.

o+o+o

The evening drew on and the quality of shows on our little Freeview box got worse. I spent ages flicking channels until finally I found a film I liked, tucked away on one of the minor stations. We sat watching it in a comfortable silence together for a while until we were disturbed by the inevitable advert break.

"Think I'm going to head for bed babe," Effy had said getting up and stretching. One of us had a very early start this morning."

She leaned down and cupped the back of my head, pulling my lips to hers. I had a familiar feeling of fireworks as she kissed me properly before pulling back and then leaning in again for a quick chaste kiss and a wink.

"Good night honey, sleep well."

"I'll try, g'night babe. You too."

She headed off to her room, I heard her bustling around, using the bathroom, brushing teeth, the usual nightly routines then I heard her door close behind her and my heart gave a little lurch. How fucking sad am I? She's been gone for five minutes and I fucking miss having her around. Even this film seems shit when she's not sat with me.

I guess I've always identified myself with another person, the whole "never not had a boyfriend" business I used to be so proud of. I'd always been seen as with someone and when I wasn't, when I was on my own I felt a bit pathetic and anonymous, I kind of lost my own identity when I was alone. It's different with Effy, I don't feel anonymous when we're not together, I just feel lonely; it's as simple as that. It's not the absence of myself that I'm feeling, it's the absence of her.

I'm feeling lonely now and it's got nothing to do with the fact that she's in a room less than ten meters from me. I know she's near to me, that's not the point. It's not the physical absence that hurts, it's the strange sense of loss that her closing that bedroom door has brought that I'm uncomfortable with.

'Fuck this, I'm going to bed.'

I turned off the television and wandered around the rooms turning off switches and unplugging everything. I ended up smiling at my own actions as I realised what I was doing. Fucking Naomi Campbell, she'd bitched at me so much about saving electricity and saving the fucking planet when I'd lived at Emily's it had become second nature to me now. Still, saving electricity wasn't going to be a bad thing. Our student loans weren't going to get us very far if we just wasted them.

One night time routine completed, teeth brushed, make-up removed, face cleansed and moisturised I'm feeling tired and I'm definitely ready for bed. Closing my door behind me I climbed into the huge king sized bed and curled up under the cotton duvet. Apart from the times I'd stayed at Effy's it's the first time in ages I've slept in a proper bed. I don't know why it's different but a bed is much more comfortable than a mattress on the floor; even if a mattress on the floor is palatial compared to the fold down bed in that cramped caravan.

I stretched out as far as I could, trying to make the bed feel smaller with just me in it, and just lay there tucked under my duvet; my bed in my flat, my home…our home...and with that happy thought bouncing around my skull I finally fell asleep.

o+o+o

It is pitch black inside and out as I'm woken from a pathetically light doze by a strange noise that sounds as if it's inside my bedroom. I lay in the middle of my bed, frozen to the spot with a million thoughts rolling through my terrified mind. Perhaps it's a drunken Kieran coming home, forgetting where he now lives, perhaps it's his old lodger sneaking back, and perhaps it's a burglar or a murderer that's broken in. The usual paranoid fears that we have; the usual night terrors at the slightest imagined noise.

Normally it's just the sounds of house settling as it cools that cause this kind of irrational terror, and I was almost ready to put it down to my unfamiliarity with the strange noises that our flat would probably have when I felt my duvet lifted and a hand touch me gently on the side.

"Kay, I know you're awake babe; come on scoosh over."

"Eff, what's up?" I asked confused as to what she was doing, but shuffling across the bed to 'my' side anyway. I felt her clamber into bed, pull the duvet back and cuddle into me her cold body sending a shiver down my spine and raising goosebumps all over me. As she snuggled closer into my body her arm wrapped around me finding my hand and she twisted her fingers around, and in between, my own.

"Nothing's up Kay," she said finally, "I just couldn't sleep that's all."

"So you woke me up to tell me you can't sleep. Christ Eff you nearly scared me to death."

There was a hurt silence for a few seconds, the room oppressive as I waited for her response. The silence continued, just as it got too much for me, just as I was about to speak again Effy broke my heart.

"I don't think this is going to work Kay, I'm not sure I'm going to be able to do this."

I lay there in stunned silence, we'd been in the flat for less than a day and she's having second thoughts. I don't really understand why, she'd seemed so happy when she'd got up to go to bed. I have to know what's gone wrong.

"Eff," I said, spinning in her arms to face her, pulling away from her body so I could see her properly; stroking her cheek with the back of my hand. "What's happened? What's gone wrong to cause you to say that? You climb into bed with me, hold me and tell me it's not going to work anymore; what's that all about? That's not you, so what's happened?"

I felt her stiffen and then with a lurch she's closed the gap that I'd opened up between us and is pushing her lips onto mine, flicking her tongue against them trying to deepen the kiss. Anxiously I push her back again and flick at the switch above the headboard bathing us in light. She's staring back at me, her eyes filled with unshed tears. I could feel my eyes brimming as I looked at her, feeling devastated at the rejection.

"Effy I don't understand what's going on, please talk to me ok?"

"I don't mean us Kay," she said, lifting my heart just a little, "I mean this, the room mate thing; I don't think I can do it. I'm sorry I thought I could, but I can't. I was trying to sleep in there knowing you were this close to me and hating the fact that you were so far away. It was killing me Katie, it was fucking killing me. I just missed us being together, for a second there all the voices started to come back again and I had to come and see you to make them stop talking to me."

Now I get it, it's like the turning on of that light above the bed; I'm suddenly bathed in the clarity of it all. She has been as uncomfortable about all of this as I am. It's the reason for my light dozing, the very reason I couldn't fall asleep. We've been inseparable for weeks now and having walls and doors between us feels wrong, to both of us. She's already told me that the voices she hears seem lessened when we're together, have been almost absent since we became a couple; even when we were apart. I guess that the change in our status, however minor I thought it would be, has freaked her out again. It wasn't what I meant, wasn't what I suggested.

"Eff, I know, I understand. I hated it when you went to bed before and left me alone. I want this place to be ours, however we work it. I only suggested the roommate idea because I thought it was too soon for us to try the whole moving in together thing. I didn't know if you were ready for it, you know, after everything? I thought it might make you more comfortable."

"I know that Katie and I thought you were right, but I'm not sure now. I'm not at all sure I can be in the same house as you and not want to touch you, not want to hold you and not want to curl up and fall asleep with you. I fucking love you and I want to be with you all the time. I feel so different when I'm with you Kay, I feel happier than I ever had before. Being this close and that far apart made me fucking miserable; and I don't want to be miserable anymore."

"Well then," I said, brushing away her tears before kissing her softly on the forehead and turning off the light. "Why don't we just go to sleep and see what happens?"

"I think I'd like that Katie, I really would. Can I kiss you goodnight properly now?"

I smiled at her in the darkness and kissed her gently on the lips, just once, before rolling over and facing away from her waiting for her to kiss me goodnight. It was something she'd done the first night we'd slept together, well slept together in a bed as a couple. I'd told her how good it made me feel the next morning and she'd promised, on the spot, that she'd do it every time we slept together, every time we settled down to sleep.

As I thought back to that very first time I suppress a slight shudder of pleasure as I felt her brush my hair from my neck and place her lips onto the soft skin just behind my ear. She left the most delicate of kisses there making my heart flutter at just how wonderful it was to have her here, in my...in our bed doing just that.

"Goodnight Katie," she whispered into my ear as she drew her head back and cuddled me tighter. I felt her body relax behind me as I absently stroked the arm that she had draped across me.

"Goodnight Effy," I replied finally, "sleep well."

I heard nothing but the light, almost rhythmical snore of a sleeping Stonem and settled down myself. For the first time since she shut that bedroom door I felt a weight had lifted off my heart; I was now laying with her in our flat, in our bedroom, and in our bed. This new place was all about our relationship. It was finally ours, all ours and no-one and nothing else could affect what we had.

We had finally moved in, finally moved on.

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fin