The many Deaths of James (aka. Sawyer)
One day in some island that some random girl called Craphole Island, a random man named James (aka. Sawyer) was strolling aimlessly down the beach under a grove of coconut trees, when suddenly there was an earthquake. No one was hurt except for Sawyer, who got a big bump on his head when the last freakin' coconut on the whole of Craphole Island fell on his head.
"Shit man!" said James (aka. Sawyer), holding his head. Then he went to see Dr. Jackass to see if he could fix the boo boo on his shaggy blonde head.
"Yo man," said Dr. Jackass when James (aka. Sawyer) walked into Cavetown. "Sup?"
"My damn head hurts like shit cause a damn coconut fell on me, man," explained James (aka. Sawyer).
"Yo, man," said Dr. Jackass, "I see that, yo. You got like this Gigantic lump on yo head! Let me fix that."
So Dr. Jackass went and got his tools, thinking what a good job he was gonna do on the annoying gangster man James (aka. Sawyer).
"Jack!" called Kate (aka. Evil-coldblooded-killer-who-felt-bad-about-it-after-chick) from the waterfall. Which was suspiciously red… "Whatyadoing?"
"YO!" Dr. Jackass called back. "I'm gonna cut off some Gigantic lump from some random guys head. Wana see?"
"Yeah!" said Kate (aka. Evil-coldblooded-killer-who-felt-bad-about-it-after-chick), who was always eager to see blood, gore, and carnage. So Dr. Jackass got his rusty-trusty ax and saw and some little tiny pain-inflicters which he had mistaken for painkillers, and went back to James (aka. Saywer) with Kate (aka. Evil-coldblooded-killer-who-felt-bad-about-it-after-chick) trailing.
"Whoa, man," said James (aka.Sawyer) when he saw Dr. Jackass with his rusty-trusty saw and ax.
"Don't worry, dude," said Dr. Jackass, holding up the pain-inflicters. "these little painkillers will make your head all numb and it won't hurt at all."
"K, man," said James (aka. Sawyer). Jack fed him the pills, all of them, which just happened to be the whole bottle. The whole full bottle. James (aka. Sawyer) fainted from the pain.
"Aw!" said Kate (aka. Evil-coldblooded-killer-who-felt-bad-about-it-after-chick), "lookie, Jack, he fell asleep!" then as an after thought, she added in a very, very, scary voice, "Let's kill him and roast him!"
"No, Kate." Said Dr. Jackass patiently. "We're not going to kill him and roast him." then as an after thought, and also in a very, very scary voice, "Yet."
Then Jack set to work with his rusty-trusty saw. He slowly cut off the lump, and as it fell to the ground, Kate(aka Evil-coldblooded-killer-who-felt-bad-about-it-after-chick) picked it up and pocketed it with and angelic smile on her face. Good thing Dr. Jackass didn't notice. He than took a second bottle of pain-inflicters and forced it up James (aka Sawyer)'s nose.
"There." said Dr. Jackass, "he's all better"
When James (aka. Sawyer) woke up, she felt his bloody head.
"What the hell happened to my nice blonde, shaggy hair!"
Then, his body registered everything that had happened to him, and he died suddenly. Everyone on Craphole Island was happy, except Dr. Jackass, cause he screwed up.