Disclaimer: ST: VOY is not mine.

Ondine's Curse

by mistress amethyst une

Why can't I keep this mild twinge of happiness from bubbling within me? So bitter, Kathryn... Never thought I'd ever see the day when I'd be glad to see him go. And yet, here it is. He's dying and I feel almost glad. Almost.

"Do you love me?" I had asked him one fateful night.

I had been feeling particularly vulnerable after facing off with that alien and dying one too many times for one lifetime.

"With every waking breath," he had replied as he held me close while we sailed through the calm holographic waters of Lake George on the holodeck, "Don't ever scare me like that again, Kathryn."

I smiled to myself believing it to be true. He was one of the few reasons I could still pull air into my lungs. His face bathed in tears, he had done all he could to urge my heart to beat once more. With his own breath, he had helped pull me from the abyss. If I hadn't seen his desperation to save me, I highly doubted I would have resisted the alien as much as I did.

"I wonder... Did I hallucinate that?"

"What?"

"When the alien took my father's form... He tried to convince me I was dead by showing your desperate efforts to save me. Sort of backfired though. Seeing how sad you were made me want to stay even more..."

"I did all I could. The Doctor had to pull me away when he arrived... I would have given anything to see you open your eyes again."

He sighed, "You know... I realize that I've just fully acknowledged my feelings for you. Do you have anything to say?"

His face was expectant but I had been struck dumb.

"I'm sorry but I can't answer you yet. Give me time."

I shake my head in dismay. If he falls asleep, he will cease breathing. This I know for sure. Damn disease will finally release my heart from his grasp... Or will it?

I look at him sadly, "With every waking breath, you said..."

And I know this to be true. For when you fall into eternal slumber and the rise and fall of your chest ceases, you will no longer be capable of loving me.

A fitting punishment?

For me, I suppose.

For me who made you hope and wait for nothing...

For me who let you slip from my grasp and into the arms of another...

For me who never bothered to say, "I love you too," thinking you would always be there...

For me who is happy to see you go because I can't stand to see you like this any longer...

For me who is glad that I will no longer see you alive and suffering because the woman you pledged your eternal devotion to died in your arms...

For me who was almost that woman a few years ago...

For me who threw the chance away...

For me who is releasing you from your vow...

"Rest."

You don't need to go on loving me...

And as he closes his eyes and breathes his last, tears stream down my face.

"Why couldn't I let myself love you?"

Author's Note: Odd title I know... Wiki it. It's a myth I twisted for my own purposes. Also the name of a respiratory disease...