AN: So, this story has been several months in the works. It's a crossover with the Psy/Changeling series by Nalini Singh. This means there will be Psy/Changeling characters appearing, although you should be able to read this without any knowledge of the novels, as I'm doing my best to explain things as I go. If you have any questions, feel free to ask though! I'm posting both the prologue and the first chapter tonight.
Prologue
"Are you okay?"
Caroline blinked, her eyes still gritty with sleep as Bonnie looked up from her cup of coffee. She filled another mug and nudged it across the kitchen island. Caroline hesitated for a moment, still not used to eating anything but the approved energy bars and drinks that the Es all seemed to think were tasteless, but that suited Caroline's needs for sustenance perfectly well.
But Bonnie was smiling at her, the white stars in her black eyes bright with hope, and Caroline found that she had to accept the mug, and take a sip from it. The coffee was bitter as always, making Caroline wrinkle her nose, but she still took another sip, and Bonnie rolled her eyes with a sigh.
"You know, if you don't like the taste, you can add cream and sugar. I do it all the time."
Caroline knew that, having once accepted a taste of what Bonnie called coffee. To Caroline, it tasted more like pure cream and sugar, with the coffee merely adding a bit of color. She preferred the bitterness and cradled the mug protectively to her chest when Bonnie reached out to "doctor it" as she was fond of saying.
"Fine, have your bitter mug of disgustingness," she said with a fond smile, setting the cream down again. "I need to meet with Sascha and the other Cardinals. More E-Cardinal 101."
"I'll take you," Caroline replied automatically, getting to her feet and dumping the contents of the mug down the sink, ignoring Bonnie's grumble.
"Waste of perfectly good caffeine," she stated as Caroline turned back around.
"Caffeine makes me jittery anyway," Caroline defended, and sighed when the defensive tone in her voice had Bonnie smiling proudly, as though Caroline had achieved something great.
Flawed conditioning wasn't something to be proud of, not for someone like Caroline. Aden tried to tell them all that it was okay to feel, that Silence was done… but Silence had been Caroline's single anchor for far too long for her to simply walk away. Not when her genes held…
Thinking of her parents made her emotionally strained, and she began to clear the counters, carefully placing the dishes in the dishwasher, moving the ones Bonnie had already put there, because they needed to be in the right place. Dishwasher filled, she turned her attention to the counter, digging out the antibacterial spray and a wash cloth to set about making sure the counters were clean.
"Caroline," Bonnie said, as Caroline moved around, scrubbing with a fierce determination, and completely ignoring her roommate. "Caroline!"
When it was clear that Caroline wasn't going to reply, Bonnie looked around, her gaze landing on a box of stables she had been using earlier. Grabbing it, she lofted it at her friend, hitting the blonde squarely between the shoulder blades, making her freeze. Bonnie swore she could see her vibrating; Caroline's muscles had gone so tense.
"Caroline," Bonnie murmured in a soothing tone, and she reached down the bond that attached them – E-Psy to Psy – and carefully began to unwind the tension, taking it into her own body. Bonnie knew how to handle the emotions that wracked Caroline, emotions that she tried so desperately to sever herself from.
After so long feeling like a failure – a Cardinal with no real power – being able to do this, particularly for someone she cared for, made any strain Bonnie might feel more than worth it.
"I'm okay," Caroline said at last, her shoulders relaxing as much as Caroline ever relaxed. Bonnie scowled, because she knew that Caroline wasn't alright, that the emotions had only been tempered enough to bring the threatening boil back down to a simmer. Bonnie continued to pull on the tension until Caroline whirled toward her, grasping her hands tightly and meeting Bonnie's gaze directly. "Stop it, Bonnie. I am okay. If you try to take the emotion from me…"
Caroline reached out, touched the side of Bonnie's face, and her fingers came away stained with blood.
"You're hurting yourself. Please don't. Not for me."
"I wouldn't do it for anyone else but you," Bonnie replied fiercely, squeezing Caroline's hands with all the strength she could muster. It wasn't enough to make Caroline even flinch, not with her history and training. "You saved me. I can never repay you for that."
Caroline's expression softened, a small smile – a rare sight that Bonnie always treasured – curving her lips. Yes, Caroline had once saved Bonnie, back when they were just starting to help the E-Psys realize their potential, when Vasic and Ivy Jane had come together and started the alliance between the E-designation and the deadly Arrows. But what Bonnie never acknowledged was that she had done far more for Caroline. Caroline, who had been walking such a tight line between sanity and loss of it in the aftermath of the fall of Silence. It had been Bonnie's presence, that had given her back some semblance of balance. Bonnie that had given her something to fight for, now that she no longer had Ming Le Bon to follow blindly.
"I'll take you to your meeting. Do you know what time it will be done?"
"Jamie asked me to meet him after, to catch a movie" – Caroline noted the heightened color and the sparkle in Bonnie's eyes at the mention of the young leopard changeling that had been sniffing around her. It hadn't amounted to anything more than a couple of dates, but Caroline was happy her friend was getting out, experiencing all the emotions an E-Psy should – "I told him I would."
"Well, then you should make sure you look nice," Caroline replied, the part of her that had always liked pretty things looming in the back of her mind. "You look beautiful in green."
"You think so?" Bonnie's eyes lit up. "Do you think I could borrow that green cardigan of yours?"
Hours later, Caroline remembered the enthusiasm in Bonnie's expression as Caroline lent her the cardigan. Caroline held that cardigan in her hands, though it was torn to shreds and unwearable. Jamie's body was slumped against a dumpster, only recognizable because of a ring that Dorian said the boy always wore; otherwise his head had been crushed.
"A Tk blast."
Caroline said nothing as Judd Lauren stepped up to her side. He was there on behalf of the SnowDancer wolf pack. He had also once been a fellow Arrow, though Caroline had been too young to have been close to him.
Not that Arrows had really been close to each other in general, before Aden changed that. Made it better.
"Yes," Caroline agreed after a moment, when she realized Judd was waiting for a reply. She clutched the cardigan tighter. "There should have been a girl with him. A Psy-"
"Bonnie Bennett," Judd interrupted. He hesitated a moment, and then reached out and patted her shoulder. The physical contact made Caroline jolt – only Bonnie touched her, in ways that weren't meant to hurt – and she almost recoiled before she remembered that Judd was a lieutenant of Changeling pack now. Touch was how they comforted one another. "She was your E?"
"Yes," Caroline replied, wetting her lips with her tongue. "She's still alive. I would know if she wasn't."
"Can you track the bond?" this time it was Lucas Hunter that spoke, the Alpha of the DarkRiver Leopard pack, and mate to Sascha Duncan, the Cardinal E-Psy that was training Bonnie and the others.
"I… it's not like your bond with Sascha, or even the one Vasic and Ivy Jane have," Caroline's fingers dug into the cloth of the cardigan, and panic rose like bile in her throat. "I know she's alive, I can get a vague sense of direction, but I can't… I can't…"
Lucas growled, but it was Judd that stepped in front of Caroline, resting both hands on her shoulders and making her look him in the eye as her breathing grew erratic.
"Hey," said the other Psy, but when Caroline just continued panicking, his tone turned harsher. "Hey!"
"I need her," Caroline choked out, because these emotions… what did she do with these emotions?
"Breathe with me," Judd ordered, and he began to take slow, deep breaths. Caroline managed to copy him after several failed attempts, closing her eyes and tugging on conditioning, wrapping herself in silence until the emotions were just distant echoes.
"I'm fine," she said at last. "I'm okay."
"You're lucky you didn't lose control of your abilities," Lucas growled, but Judd made a sharp motion with his hand. The Alpha muttered but stepped back.
"I can't trace her exact location," Caroline said distantly, watching Lucas retreat. "But I can follow to a general vicinity. Aden will let me. The protection of the Es is important to the Arrows."
"Are you sure you're up to it? Your Silence is imperfect, and without your E-"
"A momentary lapse. I will not allow it to happen again" – her gaze cut to him; saw the minuscule wince he gave – "how bad is it? I know I lost control."
After a moment of hesitation, Judd pulled his sleeves back, revealing dozens of tiny, precise cuts along his arms. They were already healing, his Tk-cell powers not allowing the wounds to stay for long. Caroline gave a sharp nod as the last of them disappeared.
"I apologize."
"Caroline…" Judd trailed off, watching her with worried eyes. Caroline met his gaze patiently, though there was a pang, something like a prowling beast outside her Silence, that didn't want to wait. It wanted Bonnie. "I didn't think I would ever be able to break Silence. But… it can be done. I'm proof of that."
His mate Brenna, who had made Judd smile, who had given hope to those amongst the Arrows that weren't utterly broken.
"You had a family to cling to," Caroline said. "I did not. Our situations are not the same. I am fine as I am Judd. I allow Bonnie in. I am… content, with that."
She was sure he would have said more, except that one of the DarkRiver Sentinels called for him. He gave a troubled frown as he joined Dorian, and Caroline closed her eyes when his back was turned, carefully closed the fractures that threatened her Silence. And then she teleported.
She had told Judd that Aden would allow her to pursue Bonnie, but she wasn't so sure of that. Not when Caroline's mental state had been in such disrepair. But no one else had the same bond with Bonnie that Caroline did.
She was the only one that could find her best friend – the only one she trusted to find her best friend.
Even if it meant going rogue.