The first time Newkirk did it, Carter almost swore. He didn't, of course (his mother would have rolled over in her grave. Not like she's dead or anything, I mean that, well, you understand what I mean.) Instead, he shot Newkirk what he thought was a glare and a sneer rolled into one. Unfortunately for Carter, it looked more like a kicked puppy who had constipation face. This sent Newkirk into an even bigger fit of laughter causing Carter to try to glare even harder, thus making Newkirk keep laughing. It was a chain reaction. Carter kept glaring, and Newkirk kept laughing.
"I wish I could have taken a picture of your face," Newkirk choked out through his laughter.
Carter glared in response. A real glare, this time. He had somehow managed to remind his muscles of the same face he had made once when he was ten. "I'm going to get you for this, Newkirk. I'm warning you." He rushed toward Newkirk trying to head-butt him, but Newkirk was too fast. He dodged Carter and ran into the barracks.
"You come back, Newkirk," Carter yelled after him. "We're not done here." He burst into the barracks. "Where are you? You're really going to get it this time."
"Who's going to get what?" Came Colonel Hogan's voice.
Carter turned to Hogan, gratefully. "Sir, Newkirk did the worst, most despicable thing. We were washing the laundry, like you told us to, sir, when Newkirk pulled his trick. Sir, I think he should be court-martialed for this. I mean it was horrible," he stopped, gasping for breath.
"Remember to breathe, Carter." Hogan turned to Newkirk. "You pulled a prank on Carter? Didn't I tell you enough until next April?"
Newkirk tried to look sheepish. Tried and failed. "Well, sir, it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. It was just a simple prank. No harm meant."
"No harm meant!" Carter spluttered. "I'm going to have to wear gloves for the next week at least. Colonel Hogan, I would like to put this man on report for attacking and defacing an officer."
"We're not even in the same bloody army," Newkirk muttered.
"Don't you think that's going a little too far, Carter?" Colonel Hogan asked. "All he did was dye your hands purple. It's not life-threatening."
"Yeah, sure, but he's not the one with the date with Mady. What's she going to say?"
"Just tell her you have leprosy."
Carter made use of his glare. (It was really coming along quite beautifully. Practice really does make perfect. Whoever told you it doesn't is lying.) "Thanks, Newkirk, you're so helpful."
"Always glad to help a mate," Newkirk said cheerfully.
A/N: It really was a despicable prank. Newkirk would like to say he couldn't let a perfectly good bottle of dye go to waste. Where he got it, I don't know, but that's the beauty of it all. One never really knows, does one?
Carter would like to say he did not tell Mady he had leprosy. That would have been lying, and his mother wouldn't have been happy with him. He told her his hands were cold. That was way more believable and only a small stretch of the truth. His hands really were kind of cold! And Colonel Hogan is wondering how much longer he has to parent two bickering children.