Watashitachi No Ai Hausodearu
Uruha's always out late nowadays - and he always comes back causing a racket by falling or locking himself out or something. I go out occasionally but the busy bars and clubs that are so loud I can't hear myself think. I like peace and serenity. Glancing at my phone I see it's just past two - he's normally back by two so he shouldn't be much longer. I curl up at the end of the sofa, clinging to a pillow to keep me company. Not much longer now.
I fall asleep by the telephone
It's 2 O'clock and I'm waiting up alone
"Kai? Oi, Kai, open the door will you?", it seems I fell asleep waiting for him. It's 4.36AM.
I get up -feeling dizzy from standing up to fast- then go to unlock the door to a tanked-up Uru who's normally sweet smell of perfume is masked by stale smoke and drink.
"Where were you?! Do you know what time it is? I fell asleep waiting for you!", I am angry at him, very angry. He could have been pasted out in a gutter somewhere and I wouldn't have known.
"Chill out, Mother. I just got carried away, that's all", his voice is slurred and his eyes half-way to bloodshot. And this is how he acts?
"No, Uru, I won't 'chill'!", I say through clenched teeth. His mobile goes. He takes it out but I snatch it out of his hand.
Tell me where have you been?
I found a note with another name
'Had a great time, must do it again sometime, you were fantastic! Aoi x'
"You were out with Aoi?", I ask confused because he would probably have told me that…
"Yeah… he just happened to be at the same club as me - his date didn't show so we just hung out. Stop making such a big deal", he leans in and kisses me roughly. I want to push him away because he's still drunk and I am still mad but… I can't. With a mental sigh I surrender to his touch.
xXx The Next Night xXx
He's just about to head out again. I want to stop him, make him stay in the night… but he wouldn't listen to me if I tried.
He opens the door to exit our apartment.
"Kouyou…"
He stops halfway out the door and sends me a questioning look.
"I…", it's no use… "I love you", I mutter but I know he can hear me. Tears burn my eyes and a lump slowly forms in my throat. But he won't notice.
"Love you, too", is his blatant reply and he blows me a quick kiss and winks before closing the door in his wake.
Tears slowly crawl down my face as I side down on the sofa, clutching my pillow to my chest just like last night. At one time Uruha and I were inseparable, unable to keep our hands off each other. Now? Now it's like he's never here at all.
You blow a kiss, but it just don't feel the same
Cause I can feel that you're gone
xXx Next Day At Band Practice xXx
Last night gave me hardly any sleep as I waited up for Uruha -who didn't come home until around half two- and then he wanted to have sex. I couldn't really say no to him, so I just lay there and let him do what he wanted. That's all we really have now. It's just sex.
I can't bite my tongue forever
While you try to play it cool
I want to sleep but band practice must come first, which is hard with Reita and Ruki constantly flirting and hardly ever coming up for breath as their lips are almost permanently sealed together. And then there is Aoi and Uruha… a person would have to be blind to notice how much closer they are and forever glancing at each other when they think no one is looking. Well they are wrong. I am watching and I know something has changed.
During our break Ruki and Reita take over a sofa so Uru and I have the other one - which Aoi quickly joins us on sitting on Uruha's side. The silence is deadly which a person could cut with the daggers I am shooting Reita and Ruki - I am sure they don't need all those whimpers and moans.
"So, Aoi, Uruha was telling me your date didn't show on Saturday?", I ask. My voice is calm to cover my heart slowly rupturing in my chest.
"What? Oh yeah… yeah bad call I guess… but it's fine, Uruha kept me company", his cover up is shit, I saw the confusion cross his face when I asked him. It's all falling into place, it's a place I don't want to visit but I know it's just over the wall in my mind.
You can hide behind your stories
But don't take me for a fool
It's starting to get fairly late but band practice is finally over and Reita and Ruki have already left, leaving Uruha, Aoi and myself behind to pack up.
"Hey, Kai? Am going for a drink with Aoi ok?", Uruha asks although I know he would still go even if I objected.
"Yeah, try not to be too late home, ok?", I keep my happy sunshine smile up to distort the hurt I feel.
"Sure, see you later", he walks out with Aoi, not even a kiss goodbye. It's obvious what is going on, his sweet voice is obscured with fabricated half-truths.
You look so innocent
But the guilt in your voice gives you away
Yeah you know what I mean
I know where he is really going, I saw it in his eyes. But I have to find out for myself. I finish closing up and lock the door with a click before heading towards the truth.
I walk the familer road to Aoi's hoping I will find the truth. I almost don't want to know but I have already started to crash in the space of two days, god only knows what I'll be like if I carry on.
I reach the driveway opposite Aoi's bungalow and look in the window. The lights are on but I don't see anyone. I hide behind one of the large trees -which are placed on the walk way every so often - and wait for someone to reveal themselves.
I don't have to wait long before Aoi's bedroom light is flicked on and Aoi appears in the room - with his lips firmly on my Uru. They break apart and Aoi comes to the window to close the drapes - not seeing me from my hiding place - Uruha comes up behind him, placing a kiss to his neck.
Looking around through hazed eyes I see a large stone sitting in someone's garden. Without thinking I walk over, pick it up and then proceed to hurl it at Aoi's window, in evitably causing a large crack in it - but not smashing it fully. Then I set off at a run, tears streaming and heart disintegrating in my ribs.
How does it feel when you kiss when you know that I trust you?
And do you think about me when he fucks you?
Could you be more obscene?
I don't know how long I sit in the dark at the apartment - I can't really call it home anymore, home was the place I shared with Uruha when we got together, now it's just a place where we live and have meaningless sex in.
There is aloud bang at my door, "Kai? Kai let me in!", it's Uruha. I stay seated and silent.
"Kai? It's cold out here, let me in, baby", he pleads. He obviously doesn't know it was me that broke the window.
"Did you have fun with Aoi?", I ask, sweet venom dripping off my tongue like acid.
"Yeah… sure. Something up? Why won't up let me in?", he obviously doesn't get the hint.
"I don't think you heard me right, did you have FUN WITH AOI?!", I shout the last bit and he is silent for sometime.
"Kai, I-"
"SHUT UP, KOUYOU! I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSES!", I scream through the wood, "GO BACK TO YOUR WHORE!"
"I am sorry, Kai. Kai? Please…", I hear a dull thud on the wood, like his head just hit the door. It takes all of my energy not to open the door and either slap him or beg him not to leave.
"Just… fuck off, Kouyou", I sigh, the tears breaching the walls I only just put up.
I hear a sigh but he must realize his efforts are in vain because faiding footsteps tell me he is leaving.
I curl up, crying once more as hug the pillow that is close to stretching out of shape as I realize one thing. He never loved me.
But I know,
I know
Your love is just a lie
xXxXxXxXxXx
Okay, good, bad? It's my first posted song fic…
Sorry to all those Kai lovers…
To explain the title… it translates as Our Love Is A Lie and is written like 私達の愛はうそである
This was a nice wee break from Breathless Life - which I shall continue tomorrow…
Added Note: -Sigh- I posted this too late at night... I should have waited until morning so I could properly re-read it... itw as all underlined, I had put it in the Moon Child section, the song lyrics were fucked up... but it's ok, it's all fixed.
Please leave your opinion
Hoshika xXx