LIATwo more pounds, my brain whispers. I bring the toast to my mouth. No...when I was a real girl I would eat toast and jam and not worry about how much I put on. When Cassie and I ate together we would pretend that we were queens and cut our toast into tiny slices...I m going to be a real girl again.***Emma visits daily now. She brings artwork, songs, whatever it takes to make me smile. My mouth doesn t want to smile. My mouth wants to close and not let anything poison my knocks on my door softly most nights. Do you want to go exercise in the showers? she whispersays. I want to. I want to go and do so many sit up s that all the fat on my stomach is gone, and then do lunges so that I can no longer pinch my legs. No. She moves on, still trapped in that freezing body. I , I thaw. ***The next time Emma visits she brings me a beaded necklace that she made herself. As she fastens it around my neck I can tell she feels my spine, poking though my skin. Why did you do it? she whispers after she sits back on the bed.I lie to her. I don t know. She can tell I m lying, but I can t tell the truth. I ve hurt her enough. She hands me a cookie that she s brought. Eat it, Lia. I shake my head before my brain can tell me what to do. Lia. Please? Back and forth, back and forth. I don t want it. No cookie. How many calories must that be? Emma is crying. The tears roll down her face and soak into the bed. Plaesa Lia! I take the first bite bursts with energy, life. I pretend that it s air, just air. It s only air, Lia. No calories in air.I finish the cookie. Emma smiles.