Deep down inside, I have always felt regret. Regret over not being able to save my mother, regret for my sister's blindness and immobility, about lying to my loyal friend, and about the lives that I have taken. To live each day anew is impossible for me. I'm constantly in a war that never ends. Now, it seems, that everything is endless. Even the memory that haunts me each night.
I could still hear myself running up the stairs, but I could of never imagined the red, deep, thick puddle of blood I would find atop. I was beyond horrified, it was a lie in my mind. There, motionless you laid. My heart didn't beat but my feet ran unlike before; my hands reached out to you and yours reached mine. I feared the worst but I knew it was to be.
You
didn't want to live, yet, you didn't want to die.
"Lulu,"
you called me, "...I couldn't shoot you...even if you killed my
father...I was afraid...I couldn't kill you...I couldn't hate
you...you fought all by youself...I wanted the be something true in
your life...I love you...I always had...and I know that if I'm reborn
again...I'll still love you...it's fate...I know I will..."
No matter how many times I tried to keep you alive, I couldn't. My words were useless, my tears held no power, not even my Geass could stop you from leaving. I tried and tried as your blood's puddle kept increasing. I tried and tried...and tried. The last noise I heard from you was the drop of your hand into your blood. My scream quickly filled the empty hall.
Memories flashed rapidly with incredible speed, I saw them all. Never again will your pet name for me will be said, nor will the vioce that dwelled inside you will speak. Your smiles will exist only in pictures, that happiness you brought whenever I saw you will decayed forever. The world will soon forget you, something that I cannot and will not do.
I made you suffer so much for my selfish goal. I made you the victim of my vanity. How could you not hate me? I don't need kindness when clearly I don't deserve it. You were my friend, my beloved friend. The friend who held pure feelings for a monster like me. Days have passed since this but I relive it vividly in my dreams. Even my sleep has become my fiend. I will forever hold you in my arms like the day I erased your memories.
Yet, dispite the odds, you were able to regain the memories that you treasured so. Your fortune has given me hope. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to regain the treasure I have lost long ago.
Death is as real as the air we breath, and like the air, it passes without presence. I have always known but I can never prepare. I hope death won't come so soon anymore, I hope this is one enemy whose invading I can delay.