Belongs to CVZ, not me. Nuts! This is rated for language and suggestive content, not action.
A meeting of the round table
At the round table . . .
"Hey, Dan," called Nate.
"Nate, what's going on?" said Dan.
"Nathaniel, why is this Brooklyn trash joining us," Chuck drawled from behind his tumbler of Scotch.
"Chuck, be nice. There are parts of Brooklyn that even you were willing to invest in," Nate replied with a slight smirk.
"True. Brooklyn girl proved to be entertaining for an evening," Chuck began to enjoy the line of conversation.
"Don't talk about her . . ." Dan approached to intimidate the jerk.
"Whoa!" Nate got up stop the Dan, "Don't let him provoke you."
"Well, well. It seems that Brooklyn girl has become a delicate topic," Chuck smirked.
"Dan buddy, is there something going on between you and Vanessa?" Nate asked in an affectionately teasing tone.
"Yeah, I guess you could say that," Dan gave Chuck a haughty look.
"When did this happen?" Nate encouraged him to tell details.
"Around Christmas time," Dan accepted the drink placed before him by the waitress.
"Fascinating. Brooklyn finds Brooklyn," Chuck rolled his eyes and took another drink.
"And how is our Queen, I mean, our former Queen Bee?" Dan shot back.
"Conquering another kingdom," Chuck said never missing a beat.
"So, Dan," Nate changed the topic, "How are things with Vanessa?"
"They're good. We're good," he smiled.
"And how are things really with Vanessa," Nate dropped his voice and gave Dan a meaningful look.
"Oh . . . well . . . things are interesting. Still new," Dan answered slightly embarrassed. He redirected the questions to Nate, "How is Serena, by the way?"
"It's still new and interesting," Nate responded waggling his eyebrows.
"Thirteen-year-old boys from Queens have more productive conversations than you two," Chuck replied lounging in his leather chair, "Have either of you tapped any ass yet?"
"Since New Year's. Before New Year's," Both boys claimed defensively.
"And?" Chuck prompted both men to get to the good stuff.
"Like what?" Dan asked dumbly-a male victim of having too many friends that were girls.
"Dan, come on" Nate chuckled, "What are her favorite positions? Did you do it anywhere interesting or risqué? Use any toys?"
"Oh . . . aahhmm . . . well," Dan lowered his voice, "She gets very enthusiastic on top."
"Vanessa always did know what she wanted," Nate smiled, "Serena is the complete opposite. She always ends up on the bottom. Wait, man, is this too weird for you?"
"It should be," Dan took a large gulp of the scotch, "but we've all moved on. We're men. We can talk about this."
"So impressive boys," Chuck spoke up sarcastically, "On top and the bottom. You're just two genuine Cassanovas."
"Right, Chuck," Dan exclaimed with some venom in his voice, "Just how are things with Blair?" He used air-quotes when he said "things".
"Your little mind could never fathom the activities between Blair and me," Chuck responded just as nastily.
"Oh really, is that so? Big Bad Chuck Bass is so much more talented than the rest of us poor insignificant fools, who think sex actually means something. For your information, Vanessa and I had a threesome with Olivia Burke. How many celebrities can you claim to have done that with?" Dan sat back happy with his challenge.
"Dan, oh Dan," Nate mumbled softly shaking his head.
"Are you really that much of an idiot? The third person always should be a stranger," Chuck huffed annoyed by his naiveté.
"Dan, wait," Nate interceded before the two got into a war of words, "Think what you will about Chuck, but his reputation speaks for itself. Trust me. Listen to him about this stuff. Fifteen Maxim covers, twenty-six A-listers, the best call girls in New York, and the hottest stewardesses in every major port can attest to that fact."
"Excuse me, oh great man-whore," Dan replied with evermore sarcasm in his voice, "You've slept with Vanessa. What would you suggest?"
"Well . . ." Chuck leaned forward with sudden interest in the dialogue.
"Oh no! If you couldn't tell, I was using a literary device known to most as sarcasm," Dan said.
"Shut up and listen, man," Nate insisted in all seriousness to the bumbling fool on his left.
"Fine," Dan seceded skeptically, "Go on, ultimate sex . . . guy . . . man."
"She likes her own favor," Chuck informed him.
"That's your great advice. Thank you so much. I think I'll just go now," Dan started to get up not making sense of Chuck's words.
"Let him finish," Nate sighed and pushed him back down into his chair.
"When you finish satisfying her needs if you're capable of it," Chuck scoffed, "kiss her right after if you used your mouth or put your fingers to her mouth if you used your hand."
"Wait. Do you mean that she likes? Really?" Dan suddenly became very intrigued when he realized what Chuck actually meant.
"In my experience, she grows more aggressive in bed after she gets a taste of her own satisfaction," Chuck leered. Dan scrutinized his words and expression trying to decide if he was being made the fool or if there was worth to his ideas.
"He's right, man," Nate spoke up sheepishly, "Speaking from personal experience." Dan's eyes examined Nate surprised by the candid response.
"Once you have her riled up, use your hands. Explore unexpected areas. Surprise her. When she's done, she'll summit to you. You'll be able to take her from the top, bottom, side, and maybe upside down," Chuck finished his advice.
"How do you know all this?" Dan asked hesitantly fearing that Vanessa had gone and done all with said asshole.
"She fits the type," Chuck answered cryptically.
"You haven't done all this with her?" Dan voiced his fears.
"Two times rarely gives one the time for such exploration," Chuck replied just as cryptic.
"When you said to explore unexpected places, what exactly do you mean?" Dan wondered suddenly interested in what Chuck Bass had to say.
"Women have more than two holes, gentlemen," Chuck toasted the female anatomy.
"You don't mean that she . . . no, not Vanessa," Dan denied unable to envision her 'enjoyment' of his suggestion.
"You sure, Chuck?" Nate questioned incredulously.
"As you said, Nathaniel, speaking from personal experience," Chuck grinned.
"Vanessa Abrams? Dark-haired Brooklyn girl about yah high?" Dan inquired completely shocked.
"Admittedly, I only briefly played at the idea, but her reaction was very encouraging," he relished in his knowledge.
"Wow!" Dan exclaimed just beginning to accept that Chuck's words could be true, "Wow!"
"Told you, man," Nate said smugly at Dan.
"You're right, Nate," Dan smirked, "Any advice on Serena?" Dan watched Nate's expression fall when his girlfriend became the main topic.
"Sorry to disappoint, Humphrey, but that's a place even Chuck hasn't been," Nate smiled letting go of his momentary discomfort.
"One of Serena's fantasies is shower sex. Ironically, our little nymph has done it out in the rain but never in the shower," Chuck replied quieting his best friend.
"How can you possibly know that? I know that you and Serena have never," Nate said in disbelief.
"True, I have never partaken in the pleasure of our dear Serena. Yet, I have spent enough time with Blair, Eric, and drunken Serena to know all about what she enjoys," Chuck explained his Serena-expertise, "Blair has gotten good at masking her moans when she talking to Serena over the phone when we're in bed together."
"I knew it!" Nate shouted after witnessing Serena having a conversation with Blair the other day, "Serena gets these weird looks like Blair has lost it. She said that Blair would never do that when I told her what I thought.'
"And you're not going to tell Serena what you know. It will ruin my fun," Chuck signed contently. Chuck held up his buzzing phone, "Speaking of fun. You will have to excuse me. Duty calls."
Chuck stood up throwing back the remaining mouthful of Scotch from his glass. He had the last word before departing, "One more thing, Nathaniel. Hold her up against the shower wall and go slowly. The fantasy will be better the longer it lasts and if she doesn't know what's coming. Good night, Nate. Brooklyn."
They watched him adjust his jacket and stroll to the door like he owned everyone and everything in the bar. Dan asked as the devil disappeared, "Are you going to take his advice?"
"Of course, he's never steered me wrong. Dan, you just got the holy grail of sex advice. It's your choice what you do with it," he answered, "Now, I have to go."
"Off to see Serena," Dan smirked.
"Planning to see Vanessa," he teased.
"See you around, man," Nate headed to the exit.
"Nate," Dan waved him off as well. He pulled out his phone and hesitated for a second. Quickly dialing before he over thought the situation, he replied, "Vanessa, you free. When? How's right now for you?"
TBC-We've all watched the bed hopping on the show. I always wondered how the conversation would go if they actually talked about it. Plus I would love to see Dan get 'sex advice' from Chuck, so I went ahead and wrote it. I plan to wrote a post round or a girl's round table next.