Disclaimer: I don't own DGM. Or The Chop. Or anything much, really.

Pairing: Very slight Allen/Lenalee at the end.

Summary: Kanda Yu's acting career is stuck in a rut. Enter Allen Walker, hairstylist extraordinaire. Attempted humour.

[The Chop]

Lavi tapped his chin with his fingers as he studied the man in the chair. "You need a makeover," Lavi concluded.

"I concur," Lenalee said.

"No!" Kanda said, directing his trademark glare at the rodents who had tied him up and bundled him into said chair. "No way in fucking hell!"

"What do you think, Daisya?" Lavi asked, as if Kanda had not spoken.

"Perfect," Daisya said. "It'll be perfect!"

"My sentiments exactly," Lavi said. "I'm so excited!"

"Shut up, idiots! This is my hair – I decide what to do with it!" Kanda said.

"But I'm your manager," Lavi said.

"And I'm your stylist," Lenalee said.

"And I," Daisya said, (foolishly) slipping an arm around Kanda's shoulder, "am your brother!"

"So we get to decide," Lavi said. He winked.

"Fuck, no –"

"Watch the potty mouth," Lavi said. "Your image is bad enough as it is. Please stop ruining our efforts at turning you into the next big star."

"What's wrong with my career? I'm already a household name, for chrissake."

"You are," Lenalee said, leaning forward, "but think about all your recent roles, Kanda."

"What's wrong with them?"

"You're stuck in a rut, you poor boy," Daisya said. "Hey, don't you dare bite my arm! It's not my fault people like to see you with long hair, you pretty boy, you."

"I think that's why you get cast in period dramas so often – it's your hair. It makes things easier for the makeup and costume departments," Lavi said.

Kanda seethed. "I am not cutting it."

"Don't worry, we won't make you cut it yourself," Lenalee said.

"Only the best for Yu," Lavi agreed. "The best."

"Tyki Mikk from Noah Salon?" Daisya suggested.

"Sounds good," Lenalee said. "I've seen him do wonders."

"Tyki Mikk it is," Lavi said. "I'll call him."

:::

The doorbell rang, and Lavi rushed to the entrance.

The newcomer stuck a gloved hand out. Lavi took the hand. "Welcome! Please, step in. I'm Lavi Bookman, Kanda Yu's manager. Pleased to meet you, and thank you for coming."

"It's my pleasure," the man said, taking his fedora off. His white hair glistened as he stood in the hallway.

"This way, Mr Mikk," Lavi said.

The man stopped. "Oh, no, I'm not Tyki! I'm Allen Walker, also from Noah."

"Ah," Lavi said. "Tyki Mikk didn't come? There must be a mistake, I think. I'm sorry, could you wait while I call Noah?"

"Tyki didn't have the guts to come here, not with all the rumours on Kanda Yu's temper," Allen said. He smiled. "Not to blow my own trumpet, but I have worked at Noah for a few years, so there is no need to worry that I lack the necessary skills."

"I didn't mean that," Lavi said. He looked at Allen. "Do you know who Kanda Yu is?"

"Who doesn't?" Allen asked. He laughed. "I don't care for his telemovies and dramas too much, myself. But that's hardly a prerequisite for a hairstyling appointment, is it?"

"No, it isn't," Lavi agreed. He gestured to the stairs. "This way, Mr Walker! Just thought I should warn you; Kanda's quite touchy about his hair. But don't mind him, okay? He needs this haircut as much as... as much as he needs to get laid. Wow. He has serious inadequacies. I need to remedy this!"

Allen laughed. "I love a good challenge."

"He'll be a right bitch about it," Lavi said. "You can just ignore him when you're doing your thing."

"I know. I've heard from Tyki about how scary Kanda is when he's in the chair."

Lavi pushed a door open. "Kanda! Allen Walker is here to cut your hair!"

"I don't want my hair cut!" Kanda shouted. "Untie me at once!"

"No can do," Lavi said. "Here, Allen, work your magic!"

Allen ran his fingers through Kanda's hair. "I think he needs a good chop."

"Get your filthy fingers off me, you fucking asshat!"

"Hush, Kanda," Lenalee said. She smiled at Allen and gave Kanda a pat on the shoulder.

Allen pretended that Kanda hadn't spoken. "I'm thinking... the Chop will be quite suitable, with Mr Kanda's lovely bone structure. I'll keep the blunt fringe, of course, though I'll update it with a piece-y feel. Effortlessly chic. What do you think, Mr Bookman?"

"Oh, you can call me Lavi! And yeah, sure, why not?"

"I'll get to work, then."

Allen reached for his scissors, ignoring Kanda's strangled cries.

:::

"He looks – wow," Lenalee said. "You're wonderful, Allen! How much do you charge?"

Allen positively beamed as he used a razor on the ends of Kanda's hair. "Thank you for the compliment. For such a lovely lady... I'll be sure to give you a discount."

Lenalee beamed.

Meanwhile, Lavi walked from side to side, studying Kanda from all angles. "You really do look good, Yu. You look so undone, so hot! Now all we need is to put you in a pair of skinnies and a half-buttoned shirt and present you to the press. Voila! New image, new career direction!"

"Shut up."

"What's with the frown?" Allen asked his client. "You don't like the way you look?"

"I don't."

"I feel insulted," Allen said.

"Don't be," Lavi said. "His opinion is underrated, Allen. Good job and here's your cheque!"

"Thank you for your services, Allen," Lenalee said. "We appreciate your help. Drop by soon – I'd love to chat more!"

:::

Six months later

"Have a look at this," Tyki said, pushing a magazine towards Allen.

"Kanda Yu breaks new ground in his new movie, where he plays a con man. No longer is this actor, whose enviable looks and acting chops have been for a long time hidden from us all, stuck only with period dramas roles. His rise to the silver screen can be largely credited to his debut of a new sexy hairstyle. Lavi Bookman, Kanda's manager, has stated that this hairstyle is to be credited to Allen Walker, rising star of the Noah group of salons," Tyki read.

"Allen is becoming a star," Rhode said. She grinned and hugged Allen. 'I'm so proud of you!"

"You have a call," Devitto said, coming into the room. He blinked when Rhode rose. "Allen, not Rhode.

Allen took the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Al, remember me? I'm Lavi! You free tomorrow? We want to invite you to dinner as a gesture of thanks!"

"It's fine, Lavi, you've already paid me!"

"No, no, I insist. Have you seen that feature of Yu's? You're mentioned in it! And... actually Lenalee wants to meet you."

"She does?"

"Yeah, she can't stop raving about you. So come, okay? I'm kind of tired about her going on about you. And Kanda needs a trim, too, so you might want to come maybe an hour before dinner? Same place as the last time."

"Okay."

"Bye! Oh wait. Bring flowers for the lady, if you feel that way!"

"Okay." Allen said, and ended the call.

"What was that all about?" Tyki asked.

"Nothing much," Allen said. "I need to step out for a while."

"Where are you going?" Rhode asked.

"To find a florist," Allen said, and waved goodbye. "I'll see you all on Monday."

A/N: This is really just a piece I wrote for fun after looking up pinterest photos of bobs. The Chop here, as you may have guessed, refers to that popularised by Karlie Kloss – her hair is absolutely beautiful. I wish I could pull it off... daydreams aside, I would like to point out that everything in this fic is fiction and Allen most certainly did not invent a haircut of any shade.

Thanks for reading. Also, reviews/criticism/suggestions would be appreciated, if you have any to offer.