Title: Understanding
Author: OCDegrassi (Holly)
Pairings: None.
Rating: M, for themes of violence/murder
Warnings: AU, OOC, Violence/Murder (Talked About)
Note: I absolutely love Toby and I always feel like he doesn't get enough stories on Degrassi. So when I saw the latest episode of Degrassi with a Toby storyline, I had to write my own take on it. I still think the story with him should have been delved into a little more, but beggars can't be choosers. Anyway, here is my take on what should have happened.

Toby walked inside the bar where the Lakehurst kids hang out. He spotted Johnny DiMarco playing pool and started to walk over to him. "Coming here alone. That's brave. Or stupid." His voice had repressed anger. "Listen Johnny, as long as we're under the same roof, we might as well get along." The words were hard to get out.

"That's not what Pod cast Toby said." Again, Toby could fear the anger behind the words. He looked down, ashamed at how immature he had been. "Yea, we all saw it. Now before someone messes with you, I suggest you bust out of here." Toby looked up at Johnny's approaching figure. "You don't understand, i wanna take you up on your peace treaty."

Johnny shook his head, coming within inches of Toby. "Treaty's off the table wiener. See you at school." Toby turned to leave, but then stopped. Walking back to Johnny with confidence, he stopped right in front of him. "No." Johnny glanced at his friends and laughed at the kids idiocy. "What?" His friends started to circle around Toby but he wasn't wavering.

"I said no. Look, I'm sorry about what i said on that Pod cast and I'm going to make a retraction and apologize on my next one. My friend died, and I'm not willing to let that happen again just because I want to punish someone for his death." Nobody said anything so he continued, feeling the need to pour his heart out.

"The reason I made that Pod cast was because it didn't feel like it was fair for Lakehurst to be walking around Degrassi when JT wasn't. This was his school and I didn't want his killers in it. But the truth is, none of you are his killers. The guy who stabbed them is in jail, but I wanted so badly to get revenge for his death. Since I couldn't get his actual killer, I just went for the next best thing; anyone else even remotely related to him, like anyone at Lakehurst. The truth is, I don't blame any of you. You all lost just as much as I did, but it took me a long time to realize that."

Finally Johnny spoke up. "What are you talking about?" Toby gave them a small smile. "My best friend is dead and yours is gone. He's in jail now, for the rest of his life, rightfully so, and I'm glad he is, but that doesn't make it any easier on you." Johnny stared at him in disbelief. How in the hell could he understand how they were feeling? Johnny motioned his head to the door. Toby got his meaning and the two of them walked outside.

This wasn't something Johnny wanted to talk about in front of all the other guys. It was too awkward. Yes, they had all lost a friend too, but none of them has actually been there to witness it happen. The other guys stayed behind, glancing at each other. When they walked outside, tears started to fall down Toby's face. All his pent-up sadness was coming out. Saying what he felt out-loud took a huge weight off his chest, and he felt relief.

Johnny watched him in silence. "I never wanted this to happen." Toby looked up at him, contemplating his words. "I thought we were just gonna beat people up. Nobody was suppose to die. When I say him stab JT..." He stopped and shook his head. "Everything was happening so fast. I got scared and I ran." Toby swallowed and nodded. "It's not your fault."

Johnny looked back up at him. "How did you know I was feeling guilty?" Toby sat down on a bench. "Because I've been in your shoes." Johnny sat down next to him. "How could you have been?" Toby sighed. "Do you remember that guy who came to Degrassi with a gun?" Johnny nodded.

"Well, he was my best friend. He came to school after being tarred and feathered. I told him he could go home but he said he wanted to be at school. I should have known something was up. I should have realized there was something going on. But I didn't...He shot Jimmy and then he pointed the gun at my friend, right in front of me. I didn't do anything to stop him. I was too confused to do anything. The other guy near us, Sean, jumped in front of him and fought him for the gun. The gun went off and Rick died. I wasn't sure how to feel. He was picked on and bullied constantly. But he shot someone...I watched him die."

Tears were now flowing freely down his face. "Everyone was yelling at me that it was my fault. That he was my friend and I should've known. And for the longest time, I believed them. It took me so long to realize that even though he was my friend, it wasn't my fault. I had no way of knowing his would do something so extreme. The thing is, everyone hates him for what he did. And I hate that he did it. But I don't hate him...He was a good friend and I won't forget that, no matter how much grief I get for it."

Johnny nodded, tears falling down his cheeks now. "I feel like I could've stopped him. And even now, I can't hate him for what he did because he was my best friend." His tears turned to sobs and his body was shaking. Toby nodded. "I know..." They sat in a silent understanding.

A/N: Please Review!