You Were Just Here

Byakuya gave Hisana a hug, smiling at his wife. Looking down, he crouched down and looked at the five-year-old boy. Ruffling the boy's dark hair, Byakuya met his son's grey-violet gaze and smiled at him. Noticing the boy's hesitant expression, he frowned a little before he covered it up with a smile. Holding the boy's gaze, Byakuya asked, "What's wrong Kaien?"

Dropping his eyes, Byakuya noticed the tears that were starting to well up. Before he could prompt the child again, the five-year-old whispered, "Do you have to go to work today? Can't you just stay home today, please?"

Giving a quick hug, Byakuya explained gently, "I can't. You know that Kaien, I need to go to work. Although I promise I'll come home later tonight, and when I get back, we'll have some ice cream." Releasing the boy from the hug, Byakuya returned to his full height, Byakuya noticed the panicked look on Kaien's face as the boy's head snapped upwards at his words.

Turning to leave, Byakuya's eyes darted to the photo of Rukia sitting on the counter. It had barely been three years since her death; it had led to heightened security around the Kuchiki house. After all, it could have been a fluke; but the Head Captain suspected it was an assassination. Not to mention Hisana and Kaien were both deeply saddened by Rukia's death. It also seemed to take a toll on Hisana's already poor health, leading to his wife barely being able to manage to go out of the house. Feeling a squeeze of pain around his heart from his own sadness, both because of Rukia's loss and the effect it's had on Hisana, only for Byakuya to shove the emotion to the side a moment later. He walked outside, ignoring the desperate pleading from his son for him to just stay home with them.

He had to go to work to keep his family safe after all….

Kaien bolted upright from the beginning of the nightmare, eyes darting around him in search of anything out of place. Tears forming in his eyes, Kaien tried to blink them away as he got out of his bed. Walking out of his room, the young Kuchiki kept his head down even as the staff moved around the manor to get it ready. He didn't have to look outside or at a clock to see that it was far too early for him to be up. As of recently though Kaien hasn't been able to sleep without waking up screaming in the middle of the night, crying out for his parents.

Speaking of screaming, Kaien stomped down the desire to cry out when he saw where his feet had taken him. He was in the kitchen, and his eyes took in the "messy" room. It was messy in the sense that the servants hadn't quite gotten the heart to clean up the remnants of that last normal day just yet. Translation: He didn't want them to touch it. He wanted to be the one to clean it up but he couldn't bring himself to do it; and the staff didn't wish to upset him by doing it for him.

His eyes found the cup on the counter, half filled with some kind of liquid, and on the back of a chair was a spare captain's haori with the sixth division insignia on it. On the chair next to it was a light violet kimono, one that his mother had worn a few days earlier before she'd slipped into a coma from her frail health and grief. The next thing Kaien's eyes found was a picture of the family, Byakuya was standing behind Aunt Rukia and Hisana, his arm wrapped around Hisana's shoulder and he had an easy, open smile on his face. Kaien meanwhile was being held in Hisana's arms, and Hisana had a gentle smile while Aunt Rukia was laughing about something. The two-year-old Kaien was busy looking up at his mother, a puzzled look on his face as he tried to wrap his mind around things.

Tearing his eyes away from the picture, his eyes found another one; it was of him and his dad, they were laughing because of something that had happened before hand. The snow drifting down around them and coming to rest in the boys' dark hair; there was, at least in the case of Byakuya, snow on his lashes while Kaien had a snowflake on the edge of his nose, causing the four-year-old to go cross-eyed in an effort to watch it. A slight smile coming to his face, Kaien felt the phantom ache in his sides from how hard he'd been laughing from the tickle torture his dad had point him through in revenge for hitting Byakuya with a snowball.

The next thing that Kaien's eyes landed on soured the slight cheerful mood he'd gotten, and that was Senbonzakura. Or to be more correct, what was left of the zanpakuto since the blade had shattered upon its master's death.

His heart squeezed from pain and his eyes instantly filled with tears. Stumbling his way over, Kaien shakily placed his hand on the hilt of the destroyed sword. "I-I-I…" He stammered, before he closed his mouth and swallowed; trying to force the lump down so he could tell the destroyed sword his thoughts.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't tell it that it was his fault. He'd had a nagging feeling that day, and instead of fighting harder to get his dad to stay; he'd stood by and let his dad go off to work. He could still see his mother's despaired face when Renji had arrived to tell them the horrifying news….

Kaien was splayed out on the floor, kicking his feet in the air as he colored in a coloring book. He listened as his mother hummed a song, and a quick glance in her direction confirmed that she was still curled up on the couch. Cocking his head to the side, he tried to make out the title of the book she was reading. Catching her eye, he felt his heart soar as his mom smiled and adjusted how she was sitting; making enough room for him to climb up next to her.

Grabbing his coloring book, the five-year-old scampered up next to her. Curling up beside her, he tried to focus on the coloring book, only to feel his mother wrap her arms around him and pull him close. Letting himself be held in that fashion, the boy closed his eyes and listened to his mom humming a familiar melody. It was the lullaby she'd been working on for him. Relaxing as the song continued, he almost allowed himself to drift off to sleep when a knock at the door came.

Snapping wide awake, Kaien looked back to see his mother's eyes shining with concern as she glanced at the time. It had only been a couple of hours since father had left, so there was no way he could be home this early. The sound of something hitting the wall and shouting had Hisana pushing Kaien to the other end of the couch as she rose to her feet. "Stay here Sukoshi Sakura." She ordered sternly, before she walked out of the room and toward the commotion.

Kaien huffed a little at the nickname, and despite knowing that he should stay put; Kaien slid off the couch and quietly followed behind his mother. Trailing behind her for a couple feet, he stopped around the corner so he wasn't visible but he could still hear what was going on. Poking his head barely around the corner, he watched as Hisana stopped in front of Renji, waiting for him to say something.

Taking in Renji's battered appearance; Kaien felt his stomach tighten at the sight of the blood running down the left side of Renji's head. The lieutenant was holding his left arm close to his body too, almost like he'd broken it but he'd wanted to stop by to say something before he went to the fourth division. After a few more agonizing minutes in silence, Renji asked gently, "Permission to come in Lady Kuchiki?"

Okay….that's not like lieutenant Abarai, and it made Kaien feel sick to his stomach. Trying to swallow the nausea, Kaien listened as first, Renji was given permission to enter only to be demanded to explain what was with the formality. "Um, right, about that formality. The captain took me and some of the other squad members out on patrol with him. It was a standard routine, only for after a bit for some Hollows to appear and attack us. At first it wasn't a problem, they were your garden variety so it didn't matter. You may want to sit down for the rest of this, Lady Kuchiki." Renji encouraged gently, motioning for one of the staff members to retrieve a chair for Hisana to sit in; which Hisana did take.

"But…?" Hisana asked, her voice treading the line between two emotions Kaien couldn't identify.

"Some Menos Grande appeared, Vasto Lorde to be exact. Captain Kuchiki ordered us to retreat, to get some help while he and Kurosaki held them off. We'd barely cleared the area before the captain used his bankai, same thing with Kurosaki. I stayed with the squad a little bit longer; but I didn't feel right leaving the captain and Kurosaki alone to fight them; but by the time I went back… I'm sorry; I should have never abandoned them in the first place."

His heart stopped. Renji wasn't implying what Kaien thought he was…was he? His eyes darting downward, Kaien felt the fear and despair clawing up his throat; there wasn't much denying it when he saw the bladeless Senbonzakura sitting in the lieutenant's grasp. A keen cry escaping him, Kaien saw the way everyone's eyes darted toward him; Renji's eyes filled with horror while Hisana was a mix of fear, sadness and her usual love yet quiet strength.

Stepping fully into view, he shook his head, tears already falling as he screamed, "No! Dad can't be gone, he promised he'd be home and we'd have some ice cream. He promised!"

"Kaien…"

Eyes snapping to Renji, he screamed accusingly, "It's your fault! You should have stayed, it's your fault they're dead! You asshole!"

He distantly registered his horror at the accusation, and he saw the staff's own mounting horror. Eyes darting to his mother, Kaien saw the understanding in her eyes, only for it to be overwhelmed with a new brokenness. Shaking his head in denial, Kaien spun on his heel and ran down the hallway, not bothering to stop as Renji hollered for him to do so. It couldn't be true, it couldn't be true, it couldn't be true.

Feet slapping against the wood floor, Kaien's mind kept repeating the denial. After all, Byakuya had been okay just that morning. He'd held the both of them before he went out to work. There was no way that he was dead; he couldn't be gone just like that. The sound of footsteps behind him reached Kaien's ears a moment before he was wrapped up in a hug. Twisting around to vent his frustration; Kaien felt it die on his tongue when he saw his mother. Tears springing to his eyes again, Kaien buried his face in the soft fabric of his mother's pale lavender kimono before he started to cry again. Hisana held him and started humming again, trying to keep herself together so that he could grieve.

Forcing himself back to the present, Kaien's eyes darted around for anything that would help to anchor him even more. After all, he was by himself as of now since shortly after Renji had left, grudgingly mind you, his mother had fallen into a coma and had left Kaien alone. Spotting a small blanket on one of the lower shelves, Kaien snatched it up and wrapped it around himself; trying to fend some of the cold off. He knew though it was futile though. A blanket couldn't take care of the chill that was settling into his skin, just like he knew no type of medication could he the pain that he was experiencing; only time could do that for him.

His eyes drifted back to Senbonzakura, and he got his father's voice in his head again. Byakuya had told him that the only way a zanpakuto shatters is if the Soul Reaper had taken enough damage that they couldn't take anymore, usually resulting in the Soul Reaper's death. Feeling a surge of anger and pain, Kaien shouted, "It's not fair! You were just here! How could you abandon me and Mom like this? You promised…. You promised…. You…." Tears coming to his eyes, Kaien tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but he couldn't do it.

Falling to his knees, he curled his fingers into the fabric of his pajamas, his nails biting into his skin and causing little red welts to appear. The blanket wrapped around his shoulders slipped to the back of his mind, so he didn't care about the warmth of it anymore. There were so many things they were supposed to be doing in the next couple weeks; so many things that had been planned; but now there was no way that was going to happen. He was an orphan, and it was his fault. He hadn't tried hard enough to get his father to stay home. So because of that Byakuya and Kurosaki had been murdered, and his mother had been so consumed with grief that combined with her frail health, she'd slipped away. He'd never feel the warmth of either of his parents embrace.

It was his fault. It wasn't Renji's fault. Despite the accusation that he'd thrown; it was Kaien's, he refused to believe otherwise. If he'd only tried harder than maybe things would have turned out differently. A scream escaping him, Kaien punched the floor; not caring that he'd get hurt from it. Tears falling freely, he continued screaming until his throat was so raw that no sound came out; and even then he kept trying to scream. Feeling the hands of one of the staff on him, he squirmed loose from the staff member and got to his feet. Blinking away as much of tears as he could, Kaien ran away from the housekeeper; there was no way he could deal with them right now. He couldn't be near anyone at the moment. He just wanted to die so his own suffering could end.

Slipping out into the early morning, Kaien didn't bother to pay attention to where his feet were taking him. He just had to get away from everyone; he couldn't stand their company any more than he'd already been forced to deal with. No one knew just how much it was bothering him. He was being forced to be as strong as someone could expect a five-year-old could be; probably even stronger than what someone would expect with the fact that he's a Kuchiki. Stumbling over something, Kaien tripped and hit the ground hard; pushing himself up onto his hands and knees he thought, Why? Why did you have to go Dad? Why didn't I try harder? Why? Why?

Closing his eyes to try and will away the fresh bout of tears, he didn't notice that the area around him seemed to be twisting in on itself; like the area was being torn apart by a powerful source of reishi. He also didn't notice, consciously, that he'd curled up on the ground and had started to drift off to sleep; even though that meant more nightmares.

Kaien felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently into awareness. He stirred a little bit and cracked open a grey-violet eye to a slit to see who it was. Jerking wide awake at the sight before him, Kaien scrambled backwards and felt his back slam into a tree trunk; but his eyes were glued on the man before him. There was only one of two explanations for it; either the last couple of days had been one heck of a bad dream. Or two, Mayuri was using him to test some sort of new drug.

Seeing the Soul Reaper's own panicked gaze, only for the fear to disappear a moment later. Kaien stiffened but didn't move as he watched the Soul Reaper slowly approach him, staring at him as the Soul Reaper crouched down to his eye level, he listened as the familiar male voice asked, "Hey kid, are you okay?" Uncertainty and concern made the normally formal person slip into more of an informal speech pattern.

Staring at the man, Kaien stammered, "H-how? You're supposed to be dead."

Watching Byakuya's eyes flash in confusion, he listened as the captain answered, "No, I'm not young one. Now, who are you and, if you happen to have some, where are your parents?"

Dropping his eyes, Kaien whispered hoarsely, "They're gone, and my name is Kaien."

He wasn't sure how to feel when Byakuya wrapped him up in an awkward hug before releasing him into the care of Rukia. Although if Kaien didn't know any better, he'd say he'd somehow entered his own personal hell since it seemed as if the dead had somehow returned and he was the only one that knew the truth. Although if he did know one thing, it was that it was going to be all kinds of fun adjusting to this.

Not.