Disclaimer: I only own Alycinn and NOTHING ELSE BELONGS TO ME!
I hope you enjoy this!
When Zander left, it hurt more than I thought it would. Zander was my boyfriend for almost a year and a half. He always made me happy and smile like there wouldn't be a tomorrow for us. He said that his love for me for never ending and he would never think of ever leaving me. But that's around the time he left…
Zander was a player, I admit it, but after he met me for only about three minutes, I didn't see him flirting or even talking to another girl besides his two female bandmates. He was acting like I had put him under some kinda secret trance and only talked to me. I was so flattered and I started to like him back.
We hung out every day after that, always making up movie nights or just going out for ice cream, it always felt special to me. I wanted every day to be with him more than friends though; he was the one that got me under the trance. His brown, chocolaty eyes and his amazing way of changing my mood. He was my knight and shining armor, saving me from a slight depression I was falling into.
I was so happy when Zander and I got closer and closer. I was falling for him harder every day. He was like some lick of magic and I wanted to be by his side at all times. He was intoxicating and I wanted a sip of him more and more each day.
It was a Friday night and I was bored waiting for him to show up, so I grabbed my red and black acoustic guitar and started to play Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift. That song showed how much he was worth to me and my heart. I didn't hear the door open slightly or the squeak from his worn out Converse coming down into my living room. I was too into the song and playing the notes right to hear anything else. When I was finally done, strumming the last note and the last tear dropped, I heard a slow clapping behind me and I turned my head slightly to see him standing there with a huge grin on his face. The moment after, I was the second backup singer for Gravity 5.
He finally kissed me on that same Friday night after we went out for ice cream like we used to do.
And that's how we all started and it was amazing, great, fantastic and terrific and going strong for a very long year and almost half until…I noticed he was staring at Stevie and Kacey a bit more than a friend or band mate should. He was quieter when we hung out then before. He watched Kacey and Stevie's every move when I hung out with the band instead of his usual behavior. I realize then and there…
He wasn't in love with me anymore…ore ever, at that matter.
He never said it aloud though. He was too sweet and nice of my best friend for that. He could and would never try to hurt me on purpose, but he did when I realized he loved someone else. He would never know that though because in his mind, I'm still his girlfriend and he was my best friend. I just wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with me.
The one thing I would never try was to separate him from his friends. That would make me a witch with a capital B. I could never just divide the most close-knit group of friends I've ever seen. I wasn't even evil enough to just do that. So, I did what I knew Zander would want…wait until he figured it out.
The pain came crashing down on me on a Thursday night. He was coming over to hang out and study with me. I didn't know that would be the night of nightmares for me. It was raining hard and I couldn't tell that he walked in again because this time I was too into my book that I found where I wrote my thoughts as a child. He walked up in his drenched clothes and asked to talk to me. I gave him a change of my older brother's clothes to change into while I sat back down and finished up the book.
He walked back in and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. He fiddled with his hands and didn't look at me eye to eye. I wanted to know what he was thinking right at that second. He finally spoke.
"I'm so sorry for all the distant behavior for the last couple of months. I've been trying to figure some things out without worrying you or my friends. I realized that there are some unknown feelings that I've had." He told me as he finally looked up.
"Oh, and what are you gonna do about them? I don't wanna stop you from being happy." I told him as I noticed the look in his eyes. It was a mixture of confusion, guilt, regretfulness and one unknown emotion.
This was it. He was gonna tell me he was in love with Stevie or Kacey. I wasn't preparing for the blow. I was getting ready for the aftermath of our friendship and Gravity 5.
He hesitated a bit before he talked again, "I'm breaking up with you."
BOOM! CRASH! SLAM!
That was the feeling inside my heart when those words slipped through his now salted lips from his own tears. The room was silent and the only thing heard was the slightly loud trickle from the rain. I didn't say anything as he gathered his stuff and was about to leave.
Before he left, he said, "I still love you so much and I wished I didn't have to hurt this way, but this is how it ends." And then he closes the door.
I hear his pickup truck pull out off the driveway and down the road to wherever he was headed to next. I started to tear up and ran out to the rain. I pretended like he never left and screamed out his name in pain and emotional distress. I heard my echo and I knew that by then, I was falling apart.
I dropped down on my knees on my porch and I didn't care that I was soaked by then. I sat there and cried for hours until my older brother, Robbie, pulled up at three. The rain was still pouring hard, but still I laid there on my knees, in tears.
He brought me inside and stripped my shirt and pants. He let me have my privacy to change out of my underwear and bra. He saw as I lay in the tub and sniffled more. He dressed me in my pajamas and picked me up in his muscular arms and laid me in my bed. He pulled the cover over my still shaking body. He left and I grabbed my stuffed bear my parents gave me when I was younger before the car accident that killed them.
I felt warmer and stopped shaking as I realize Robbie turned on the heater just for me. I fall asleep instantly and I have horrible nightmares of the night my parents died. I woke up with a start and looked over at the clock.
Wow, it was 4 am already? I've been sleep for about 9 hours.
I wiped my hot tears away that the nightmares caused and I lay back down. I stared into the darkness, which lulled me back into a sorta peaceful slumber.
The next morning, I woke up and got ready without a single word or lyric slipping past my chapped lips from all the crying. I walked downstairs and saw that Robbie already left and had eaten. I really wasn't hungry, so I walked out the house, remembering to lock the door and towards the bus stop. I waited about ten minutes and the bus arrived and I got on.
I still hadn't talked and people were looking at me strange because I was known as the song bird of the school. I usually sang along to my music that played, but I just listened today. I arrived at school and walked to my locker and went to 1st period. This is the one class that I didn't have with Zander. I went to my usual seat in the back. I waited for the person I've wanted to talk to walk in.
He walked in about a couple of minutes after me. He smiled and walked towards my seat.
"Hey, what did you want to talk to me about?" Kevin Reed asked his fellow bandmate.
"I'm quitting Gravity 5. I don't wanna be in the band anymore." I had told him hastily and then went back to my utter silence.
He asked questions, like a billion, but I didn't answer as the bell rang and students stared to file in. The class stared with me not saying anything the whole period.
After that, I sat alone at lunch and didn't eat. I got skinner as the days turned into weeks of not a slick of food passing my lips. All of Gravity 5 still questioned my actions for months and Zander told them about our breakup. He didn't tell them why though.
I hid from their questioning by sitting in the bathroom every day. I reached into my bag one day and got a cut on my finger. I hissed in pain and then pulled out the pain infliction tool. It was my razor I shave with in gym. The pain from my finger stopped as relief came over my body. I felt happy for once in my life. I broke the razor in an instant and hesitated over my wrist. I didn't know if I should do it. I mean people already talk about me like I'm crazy because I don't talk.
I just stopped thinking and slid the blade over my wrist. At first, it burned like hell. Then the wave of relief came over and I did it again, against my wrist, thigh, ankle and stomach. I stopped when I heard someone walk into the bathroom. I wrapped up my wrist and thigh with the gauze I usually use to wrap my sprains and cleaned up the blood. I left the bathroom and the bell rang for fourth period to start.
The rest of the year pretty much when like that. I wouldn't eat, hid in the bathroom and cut. I didn't like the way people would talk about me after the first couple of weeks. I would bite their heads off at the things they would say.
I missed being happy, but this is how my emotions responded and that's how I was gonna act. I missed the band and Zander, but he doesn't love me, so what's the point in going back?
Hi, I'm Alycinn 'Aly' Kate Morris. I am a cutter, have anorexia and I'm Zander's ex-girlfriend.
This is my chain reaction.
So, how was it? I know it was all depressing and sad...well, I can't explain what brought on this story. I think it was my ex-best friend/ex-crush breaking my heart to date some chick who ended up cheating on him. I don't want any flames, though. So, review and tell me what you think.
~~~MissH2O~~~