Author's Note: For any reader's of Daughter of the Dawn- I know it's been a while. I was having writer's block with deciding how to finish it. I just reread the entire thing. I noticed a lot of mistakes, so in the next few weeks I'll be editing and replacing some chapters to make it more accurate to Naruto manga, and also a little more serious. During that time, I'd welcome any suggestions or requests of anything you want to see in the final chapter or two, since I'll start working on the end soon.
In the meantime, I'm uploading this story. It's kind of a crack-fic, and it was written for my friends in my cosplay group. We're having a full group of Akatsuki for Otakon this year. If you're going, I'd love to see you there readers!
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Naruto or any affiliated properties. Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto, and I receive no benefit, monetery or otherwise, from the publication of this fanfiction story, nor do I claim any rights to the aforementioned properties.
Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful your eyes are? The yellow flecks in the brown make it look like an explosion, yeah. They're like a work of art and-"
"I'll have a small coffee, black, no cream or sugar."
"No he won't, yeah." Deidara shoved his way in front of Sasori giving the barista a winning smile and wink. He'll have a venti Salted Caramel Coffee Frappuccino with 2 shots, 2 pumps mocha, 1 pump hazelnut, whip cream blended in and soy, hold the whipped cream on top, and I'll have a grande Caramel Ribbon Crunch with extra caramel and whipped cream blended in."
"Okay, that'll be 1042.70 yen." Sasori just stared, a dazed look on his face as he tried to understand what the hell Deidara had just said while Deidara handed the barista the money. As the girl turned around to make their drinks, he walked over to the nearest table.
Sasori still stood dumbfounded for a moment before walking over to the table after him, a frown on his face. "Exactly how long is…whatever you just ordered," he glanced back towards the counter, "going to take? You know I hate waiting, and I'm exhausted."
"Tch, well at least now you know how everyone else feels, yeah. Maybe now you'll stop complaining when I need to sleep, or eat or whatever so I don't wind up dead, huh?" Deidara folded his arms and glared at Sasori, but he didn't have to for long, because suddenly he heard a melodious voice saying, "Hey…your drinks are ready."
Deidara jumped up to get them, sticking his tongue out at his partner- well, all of them actually- before grabbing the drinks and hurrying back.
"There, that wasn't that long. And it'll be worth it, believe me. Just try it, yeah." He shoved Sasori's drink towards him, smiling. "There's like a hundred different flavor combinations, and each one tastes so different and awesome, it's like art in a cup."
Sasori stared at the strange concoction for a moment as Deidara happily began sipping his, before he sighed and put the straw to his mouth. Though he highly doubted Deidara's good taste in anything, if art was any example to go by, he was exhausted and thirsty as hell too. He hadn't had anything to drink since the two had somehow found themselves alive again in the forest, as though the whole Edo Tensei debacle had never happened, and he really wasn't used to all the annoying needs of a human body. He'd need to rectify that soon. He just hoped there was actually some coffee in this damned drink. He definitely needed it after their long walk.
As he took the first sip he had to bite back a gasp. It was one thing to not taste anything for about 20 years and be shocked at the sudden rush to the senses, but this…it was indescribable. He could remember what some things tasted like back in his childhood in Sunagakure, but nothing ever tasted like this.
Deidara must have noticed something in his face change, because suddenly he stopped drinking, a huge grin on his face. "It's good, isn't it?" He laughed.
"It's tolerable brat, I'll give you that. At least it doesn't make me want to vomit, and it helps a little with the thirst. I wouldn't call it good though."
"Whatever, I know you love it. You can thank me later for converting you to the finer things in life."
X
"You said there were other flavors?"
"Haha, yeah, there's a ton. You want another?" Deidara laughed as he stared at Sasori's empty cup, then back at his own smaller one which was still a quarter full. He didn't know how Sasori had drank a large that fast, but he must have enjoyed it a lot more than he was letting on.
"I suppose so. I'm still thirsty."
"Okay, fine. Let me just think about what a grouchy old man would like and-" Deidara jumped out of the way as a poisoned senbon flew at him. "I'm just joking, yeah. Stop being so touchy," Deidara complained, ignoring the startled yelp of the customer at the table behind him that the senbon had hit. "Nevermind, I have a few good ones that you could try. I'll pick one of those."
Moments later Sasori heard the annoying whir of the machine that apparently made their drinks, and Deidara was soon back at the table with a drink in hand. He plopped it down in front of Sasori.
"Where's yours?"
"I still have some, see?" Deidara said, shaking his cup a little in the air to make his point. "I just got a cake pop," he smiled.
"And what's this one?"
"It's a venti greenteajavachipfrappuccinowithtwoshotsonepumpofch ocolatetwopumpshazelnutonepumpcaramel and extra whipped cream."
Sasori sighed. "Nevermind, sorry I asked." He grabbed the straw and dug in, hiding a small smile.
Deidara laughed before eating his cake pop in one huge bite.
X
"I want another one."
"Whaaat?" Deidara stared at him, shocked. "You already had two. Those were large ones you know, you should take a break from all that caffeine and sugar."
"I don't need you of all people giving me advice on what I should or should not drink. I have a much better understanding of how the human body works than you do Deidara, unless you've secretly been studying anatomy and physiology, and cutting people up to make puppets. I didn't know that you finally gave in and admitted that my art is superior. Congratulations on finally understanding true art."
"Whatever, yeah. I was just trying to tell you that all this caffeine and sugar isn't good but who cares." Deidara grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. "I'm not buying you another one though so too bad."
"I don't need you getting my drinks Deidara. I'm not a child, I'm fully capable of getting one myself." Sasori got up and walked over to the barista.
Deidara was angry, but he couldn't help but laugh as Sasori stood there looking up at the menu like a deer caught in headlights. The barista was saying something Deidara couldn't hear, but it just made Sasori look even more confused, whatever it was, and the scrunched up look on his face was priceless. Deidara took a few photos, for posterity(actually for blackmail material but nobody needed to know that).
It was quite a while before Sasori finally returned with another huge frappuccino and sat down, giving Dedara a self-satisfied smirk. Deidara just glared at him and went to get another cake pop.
X
"I think you've had enough, danna." Deidara grabbed the cup off the table before Sasori could reach for it again, holding it back and out of his reach.
"I have not brat. Give me that, now, or I swear you'll wish that the least I do is turn you into a puppet." Sasori growled back at him.
"Um…" Deidara stared pointedly at the table, taking in the 7 or 8 empty cups strewn across it, caramel dripping languidly onto the marble tabletop. "Do you even know how many you've had, yeah?!"
"I'm fine brat. You're the one that wanted me to try new things, now give. It. Back!" He threw himself over the table at Deidara, who jumped up out of his chair with a girly high-pitched squeal, almost tripping over his chair behind him as he tried to get out of the way. Sasori had a crazed look on his face, his bloodshot eyes so wide they looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets any second. Everyone was staring.
"Okay, okay fine! Take your dumb drink, yeah!" Deidara practically threw it at him before backing up another few steps. "But don't come crying to me when you have a heart attack from a caffeine overdose. Unless you forgot that you have a heart now. It sure doesn't seem like you do, so I wouldn't be surprised if you forgot, yeah." He glared as he righted his seat and plopped back down.
Sasori sat primly back in his seat and slowly drank the rest of his Raspberry Vanilla Biscotti Frappuccino, with 3 shots of espresso as though nothing had ever happened. Deidara rested his head on one hand while the other lazily licked the table in random patterns as he tried to alleviate his boredom. Sasori always said he hated waiting, but he sure didn't seem to mind keeping Deidara waiting. Deidara was ready to go 6 drinks ago.
At first Deidara didn't really notice anything out of the ordinary. But by the time Sasori was done, even Deidara who was pointedly trying to ignore him couldn't help but notice the uncontrollable tremors racking his partner's body. 'Oh just great, yeah,' he thought, 'now he overdosed and he's going to blame me. As if he wasn't bitchy enough already..'
"Deidara, that bitch poisoned me. I'm going to kill her." He said abruptly standing, still shaking uncontrollably. It would really have been a hilarious thing to see, if the cute barista wasn't in mortal danger of becoming a human puppet. "She thinks she knows poisons, well I'll show her not to mess with a true-"
Deidara grabbed him, pushing him back down into his seat. "Ugh, you haven't been poisoned, yeah. Calm down, you're making a scene again." Deidara said, exasperated.
"If I haven't been poisoned then what is this?!" Sasori demanded.
"A sugar high and a caffeine overdose. Are you telling me you've never had a sugar high before?" When Sasori just looked at him, Deidara shook his head sadly. "Damn, what the hell kind of childhood did you have anyway, yeah?"
Deidara expected another poisoned senbon to come flying at him or some nasty condescending reply, but what happened instead was much, much worse.
"Oh Kami, no. Oh shit, yeah. Did I break him or something?!" Deidara's hands flew up to his mouth as he started pacing back and forth trying to figure out what the hell to do. He was seriously freaked out. Sasori just…the guy didn't have emotions. Aside from being perpetually pissed off. This was enough to break the universe or something.
"My childhood was fine.." He whispered as the shaking increased and his eyes began to water. "And there's something wrong with my eyes…she definitely poisoned me Deidara, something is wrong…"
"I-I'm sorry Sasori no danna. It was just a joke," Deidara forced out a laugh for emphasis.
"It was fine, Grandma Chiyo used to let me play with the puppets, and take me for ice cream.. I didn't need parents you know-" His voice cracked at the end of the sentence, as he looked up at Deidara with wide eyes. It was the most terrifying thing Deidara had ever seen- and he'd been forced to be partners with Tobi, so that was seriously saying something.
"Um, how about we get out of here, yeah?! You said you wanted to see if anyone else was still alive somehow, and I know how you hate waiting so let's go!"
"I think I'd rather just stay here and get another drink. …One that isn't poisoned." Sasori said with a hitch in his voice.
"It wasn't poisoned!" Deidara screamed, throwing his hands up in the air, exasperated. Everyone was staring now. And the tears were threatening to spill out of Sasori's eyes any second.
This called for desperate measures. Deidara sucked in a breath. He felt faint, and his voice stuck in his throat at first as he tried to speak, but finally he managed to get the words out. "Okay, fine… dannayouwin, artiseternalandyourartisbetter!" Rushed out of his mouth. His hands flew up to cover his mouth immediately, and he thought he might vomit as he quickly sat in his chair, unable to stand another second. The whole room was spinning.
"What did you just say?" Sasori asked in shock, staring up at Deidara as the watery eyes and shaking suddenly disappeared.
"I'm NOT repeating it, yeah. Not on your life. You heard what I said dammit." Deidara grumbled, unable to meet Sasori's eyes. He couldn't even believe he actually said that, but the crying thing had been SO damn scary that it just came out. And it's not like he meant it anyway, let the world think whatever they wanted now, he knew deep down art was fleeting and he was the true artist.
Before he could continue with his self-reassuring introspection a second longer, he was dragged out of his seat and being pulled towards the door, practically falling over his own feet.
"Come on brat. Let's go find something interesting to do, instead of just sitting there." Sasori said, skipping- was he really skipping? No Deidara must be seeing things- but sort of skipping out the door. Deidara decided he would call it excitedly bouncing, because that didn't sound as scary and wrong as the idea of Sasori skipping. And people bounced on sugar highs, it made them all jumpy.
Deidara finally managed to pull his wrist out of Sasori's grasp as they emerged into the sunlight. He blinked in the sudden brightness, before looking all around, trying to figure out something that might tire his partner out and get him down off this sugar and caffeine high. Why couldn't there be some conveniently scheduled festival or something in this dumb village?
"There, let's go there." Sasori pointed and hurried off. Deidara started following him then froze. He was headed for a huge playground, with wooden castle structures, filled with children. Deidara shrugged and made his way over to a swing. Tobi used to go to playgrounds all the time, back before Deidara died and then came back to find out what a bastard creep Tobi had really been all along. He suppressed a shudder at the thought and started swinging lazily. The kids had always loved Tobi, and he was a complete sociopath, so how bad could this really be?
Deidara just relaxed and started swinging, grabbing some clay from one of his pouches and disinterestedly molding it into different shapes, crushing it each time to make a new one. He was a little disappointed that the clay he randomly found in his pouches when he came to wasn't his special clay, but just the kind you could buy at any store, but hey, even if he couldn't create real art, this was still fun.
X
"Mommy, Mommy!" Suddenly broke through the background noise of laughing children. Another kid started crying before the crying abruptly stopped. Way too abruptly.
Deidara stopped the swing and looked up, dropping the clay. "What the hell, yeah?!" He yelled over a kid's frightened scream, his eyes as wide as saucers.
Sasori was sitting at the bottom of the biggest slide, still all giddy and practically bouncing out of his skin. Which was weird, but Deidara had already seen worse today. Actually some of that worse stuff he'd seen was happening right now, at the other end of his partner's outstretched fingers. There were five little kids, attached on chakra strings and running around at Sasori's beck and call while Sasori laughed.
Sasori's hands stilled at Deidara's voice, and he glanced over towards the swings. Still laughing. "Deidara, come see this puppet show! It's great! The best rendition of Little Red Riding Hood you'll ever see! The wolf is about to eat the grandmother." At that Sasori turned back to the children, forcing one to open his mouth and bare his teeth as he ran at a frail looking little brunette girl.
Deidara snapped out of his shock and was about to run over there and interfere but…the angry mothers got there first.
"How DARE you!?" One screamed, beating him in the head with her purse. "Pervert!" Another one grabbed her child and ran, as Sasori dropped the chakra strings in shock. That's when Deidara decided to act. He ran over and started trying to pry the enraged mother off of Sasori, though without much luck.
"Control your younger brother miss!" Another parent admonished from behind him. He turned around and gaped at her, letting go of the first mother, who started right back in screaming at and hitting Sasori, now that she didn't have to fight Deidara.
"He isn't my brother, yeah! And I'm not-"
"You're a man?!" She cried, pointing at him.
"Yeah. What the hell, I don't even look like a girl!" He yelled back. "Anyway," he said holding up his hands in front of him, trying to get the mothers to calm down. "This was all just a big misunderstanding, and he just needs his meds and-"
"Oh Kami! Look at his hands!" The mother shrieked in horror. "I can just imagine what he does with those! Child molesters! Someone call the police!"
"What?... What, no we're not, these are for my art and-" But they were all screaming now. Deidara gave up trying to reason, if they were even half as overprotective and paranoid as his own mother had been then this was a nightmare. He reached down, grabbed Sasori 's arm, pushed the mother with the lethal purse away and just ran, never looking back.
X
Once they'd turned a few corners and Deidara thought they were a safe distance away from the godforsaken playground, he ducked into the nearest store, panting heavily. At least, he noted with grim satisfaction, Sasori was panting too. Even more than he was. 15 or not, guess that body wasn't all it was cracked up to be. Deidara was thankful he wasn't resurrected as a 15 year old.
"Are you…insane..yeah?" Deidara breathed out, once he had enough breath to speak properly again.
"You dragged me away during the best part of the puppet show!" Sasori shot back, grabbed Deidara by the collar. "It was the best performance I've ever seen, and I had to leave…! I could have dealt with those stupid overly emotional women." He whined.
Deidara reached up and ripped his hand off his collar before straightening it. "You were attacking little kids. With their mothers watching! Haven't you ever seen what angry mothers can do?!" He paused before quickly saying, "No, wait, don't answer that, it's not important, um.. you- you're the one that said we need to keep a low profile until we figure out what's going on, yeah. So I had no choice." He really had to learn to watch his mouth. He didn't need more crying, that was for sure.
Sasori looked pensive for a moment and Deidara braced for more weirdness, or for the pissed off attitude he was used to(which would be a godsend right now), but suddenly Sasori looked around and then grabbed Deidara's arm again moving towards the back of the large store.
"Since you stopped me from seeing that great puppet show, you can be my replacement puppet for the rest of the day. And," Sasori chuckled, "did you hear that woman? She called you miss, and I have to say, I can totally see where she got that from."
Sasori stopped, and Deidara looked around. They were standing in the women's clothing section of the store.
"Oh hell no, yeah. No way, I know what you're thinking, but no!" Deidara yelled in horror.
"You're doing this Deidara! Or I swear I'll turn you into a puppet right now, and dress you in Lolita fashion for the rest of your existence. I'm not letting you ruin my whole day!" Sasori sounded angry, but he looked read to break down again. Deidara sighed, but shook his head. If the sugar and caffeine wanted to make Sasori have crazy bipolar mood swings, whatever. Deidara was done. Whatever twisted emotions were going to happen, he'd rather that then being used as a doll for playing dress up.
He turned to walk away, but didn't get two steps before suddenly he was attached to chakra strings like those little kids. Sasori looked absolutely giddy as Deidara struggled with everything he had to get free. But it was no use, Sasori was the most skilled puppet master the world had ever seen, and Deidara was kind of defenseless against him and his chakra strings without his own art to aid him.
Sasori had Deidara trail after him as he went through the racks, holding things up to him and either nodding in deep thought, or tossing them away.
X
Deidara sat in the dressing room, nearly on the verge of tears himself. A bunch of old ladies who were shopping there too were outside the door talking to Sasori. They'd all trickled over earlier, a crowd slowly forming and ooh-ing and ahh-ing at how cute and attractive some of the outfits were. Deidara was too embarrassed to even argue with them about his gender- especially when he had to admit in disgust that deep down he agreed he looked damn good in most of what Sasori had forced him to wear, and it was so fashionable he couldn't deny the artistic value. He hated himself for liking it, he was totally not a crossdresser. Itachi probably was, he could seriously see the Uchiha secretly having some weird fetish like that- after all, that weirdo was totally obsessed with his younger brother, so crossdressing would be mild compared to that- but Deidara definitely did not do weird things like that, and it wasn't his fault he looked so good as a girl dammit!
He stared down at his bound hands hopelessly. He really couldn't take any more of this sugar high, he wished he had some C4 right now. Bound or not, he'd find a way to eat it and take them all out. Suddenly he stared at his finger and had an idea. They didn't know if anyone else had come back after the Edo Tensei or not, but it was worth trying. He pushed as much chakra as he could into the ring, watching as it glowed. If anyone was left, they should be able to find him based on the ring. And then let them deal with the train wreck that was Sasori on a sugar high. He would be long gone before they realized what they'd gotten themselves into.
"Hey, Deidara, last outfit!" Sasori called to him happily. Damn, Deidara hoped someone hurried up. Sasori opened the door to the dressing room, and it was a frilly Lolita dress that matched Deidara's eyes. Deidara mentally face-palmed and resigned himself to his fate.
X
It was getting late. And after the hellish day he'd had, the caffeine from the frappuccino had worn off a long, long time ago. He glanced over at Sasori, wishing that damn stuff would hurry it up and wear off of his partner too already.
"Today was so exciting, wasn't it Deidara?" Sasori asked brightly, breaking the silence, kind of bouncing again.
"Ohhh yeah sure. Um, today was definitely exciting, yeah. I just love being babysitter to someone twice my age, yeah." Deidara replied sarcastically.
Sasori was undaunted. "Well, the day doesn't have to be over yet. Let's do something else." He looked contemplative for a moment. Suddenly Deidara found himself on the ground, wrapped in chakra strings again and with Sasori on top of him and reaching into his cloak.
"Wait! Sasori no danna, I swear I don't swing that way!" Deidara yelled, panicking. "Even if you think I look like a girl, that doesn't mean anything-!"
"There, got it!" Sasori cried, getting up and releasing the chakra strings. Deidara slowly lifted his head off the ground, propping himself up on his elbows and staring cautiously at his partner. Sasori was holding what was left of his clay, looking like a kid whose mother just agreed to buy him half the stuff in a candy store. "Let's go do some fireworks, it's perfect out here right now."
"Wait…you actually want me to blow things up, yeah?" Deidara asked in disbelief. "I'm starting to really question if maybe your drinks were poisoned, yeah. ..Or at the very least heavily drugged." He shook his head as he finally got up off the hard ground.
Before Deidara could get another word in though, Sasori hurried over to the edge of the hill overlooking the town and Deidara could only grudgingly follow.
"So…I thought you hate my art because it's so loud and flashy, and I thought you wanted to keep a low profile, yeah. I'm a little confused here." Deidara said as he came to stand next to his partner.
"Oh please, brat. Did you really believe that? Your art is annoying sometimes, and your philosophy is all wrong, but your art is great! And would be really fun to see right now, so here, do something." He shoved the clay back at Deidara. Which was confusing because then why tackle him to the ground and straddle him to get it in the first place? Whatever, that wasn't important right now. It was creepy, but not important.
Deidara took the clay and stared at it sadly for a moment. "Much as I'd love to, I don't think I can. Just like how you don't have your puppets, this clay isn't mine. It's just regular clay, like they sell to kids at a toy store or something. I don't even know why it was in my clay pouches. So we should just go and get some sleep, yeah."
"But I've seen you use normal clay before. Maybe not for your largest explosions, but I've seen you do it. So this should work."
"Maybe, but for even a tiny reaction it's going to take a lot of chakra. And it's late, we've had a long day, I don't think I'd have enough to put into it to get anything. Sorry danna…" Deidara went to put the clay away, but Sasori stopped him with a hand over his.
"What if it wasn't just your own chakra? What if you used someone else's too in order to have enough without passing out?" He asked quietly.
"I guess it's possible. I won't be able to control any chakra except my own, but mine might be able to make the rest explode too like a chain reaction. But…I still don't think this is going to work, yeah. Maybe a little pop or something, but without my special clay that's it. I don't think I can make any explosions at all, yeah. Not until I can get more of my clay."
"Whatever, we can still try it. It doesn't hurt to try." Sasori took the ball of clay, and tried pushing his chakra into it, but had no idea how to infuse something like that with chakra. Finally, he made a frustrated noise and instead wrapped some chakra strings around it, focusing on them so they wouldn't dissipate like traditional chakra strings would once he let go of them, before handing the clay back.
Deidara stuffed the clay into his hand and closed his fist over it, his mouth going to work. It felt weird, like a strange warmth over the clay. It was kind of comforting in a way. And it definitely took longer, trying to infuse his own chakra into it without disturbing what was already there, but finally it felt like it was done.
"Don't get too excited now," Deidara said boredly. "This probably won't do anything."
"Don't worry, I won't. Now would you just set it off already Deidara? You know I hate waiting." Sasori replied. Deidara opened his hand and a little bird sculpture flew off into the night sky before Deidara did the handsign- and the bird exploded in front of the light of the moon, a beautiful bright orange starburst.
"It worked!" Deidara said excitedly raising his hands in the air, turning to Sasori with a huge grin on his face. "Yes, my art wins, yeah! Let's do another one, what do you want to see next?"
They sat down on the hillside, side by side, and continued the process of making clay and blowing it up, til Deidara had almost none left. He looked at the rest of it, ready for one final work of art. "You know Sasori no danna, today was pretty horrible, but I think it couldn't have ended better, yeah." Deidara said wistfully.
When he didn't get any reply, he looked down at Sasori- and saw that sometime between now and the last explosion, his partner had fallen asleep lightly leaning against his shoulder. Deidara thought of using up his chakra to make the last of the clay explode, but after thinking for a moment, he shifted and put it away, leaning his own head down so it rest on Sasori's. It wasn't the most practical way to sleep, but he was so exhausted he didn't care. He just stared up at the bright moon for a while, smiling as he slowly drifted off.
X
Just as he fell asleep, he heard his name being called and lifted his head, startled.
"Look at that, they're both alive." "Deidara, you sent a distress signal with your ring? We came as soon as possible, sorry for the delay." "I'm not sorry. There were more important things to do, plus I was starving and that group of genin was sooo good."
"Zetsu! So, not everyone is dead then." Deidara said quietly, trying to be careful not to wake Sasori up.
"Actually, aside from Itachi, you're the only two we still thought were dead. Pein was going to try to contact you two tomorrow." "Did you need us for something or are we just going to small talk? Get him up, we'll head back to Amegakure. Pein will be happy to see you both alive."
Deidara glanced back at Sasori, still laying against his shoulder.
"Actually, yeah… I thought we might be in trouble earlier when I tried to contact you guys. But I was wrong and everything is fine. I'll just contact you in the morning and we'll head out then. Thanks Zetsu." And with that, Deidara turned back around and laid his head back against Sasori's.
Zetsu stared at them for a moment before fading back into the ground leaving the two artists to sleep in peace under the beautiful starlit sky.
Sorry for the total crack everyone. I don't even know if this was good or totally stupid, but oh well.