I woke up and immediately groaned. Lying on my bed, I sat up and gave a quick scan around my special star room. I was back to reality. A place where hell took over and no longer allowed me to see Mikan.

What time is it?

Looking at the digital clock on my bedside table, my silent question was answered.

1:58 AM

Smiling my typical lop-sided grin, I remembered when Mikan would yell at me with that loud voice of hers around two AM because I was still awake. Of course, I would always shoot her back down with, "well, why are you still awake?" That would shut her right up.

Mikan...

I longed for the cheerful brunette, but I knew that she would be better off without her memories.

Covering my bloodred eyes with my bangs, I pictured her smile.

"Can you wait for me?"

"Yes...! I will be waiting, no matter how long it takes."

You said no matter how long it takes... So why...?

Hearing her voice sent shivers up and down my spine.

Why did you have to go?

I needed some fresh air. Exiting my room, I ran downstairs -the elevator takes too long- and left the building.

The next second I was soaked from head to toe with water. It was raining heavily, how did I not notice? But then I was glad it was pouring because tears started to make their way down my cheeks, quickly covered up by the other rain drops that mixed with it.

Spotting the bench we used to sit on, I leisurely walked and sat down. The wood was covered in water, but I was too -so it didn't really matter.

I remembered when Shadow went missing and she was crying alone in her room. My feet had taken me to her, I didn't know why - until I had seen her tears. Needing a way to comfort her we had embraced each other. I could still remember the beat of her heart and her arms around me -holding me as if she were holding on to her life.

I fufilled my promise of bringing Shadow back, back then... So when are you going to fufill yours?

Our last kiss flashed in my head. At the time, I never thought that, that would be the last kiss I would get from the girl. I thought I would always be able to kiss her whenever I wanted after that. When she was bored, when she was spacing out, when she talked too much- I chuckled at the thought. Suddenly, I wished I could have another kiss- even if it was just one more.

Never imagined we'd end like this.

I shook off the thought,- It didn't matter if she doesn't remember. She would always be mine.

I remembered the christmas party. Always watching her with that swing in her step, I silently enjoyed it too. When Ruka forced us to dance, I pulled her in- glad to finally have an excuse to dance with her. Yet she didn't dance with that dazzling smile of hers, so I insulted her a little and then she showed me that smile that captured my heart every single time.

Do you remember me, Mikan? Did you replace me already? Do you miss me as much as I miss you?

I used to be a outcast- someone everyone feared. Then she came along and my life was no longer missions, pills, sleep, repeat. Everyone didn't think of me as scary anymore, they thought of me as an equal- a friend. I started noticing her more after that.

When she released Aoi, she gave me another reason to stay, for my friends- for her. Sure, I still had to take missions but it was a small price to pay for seeing her with that stupid grin plastered on her face. I slowly started falling for her after that.

My tears were now coming as rapidly as the rain around me.

I tried so hard to protect you by bringing you close to me, but... What have I done?

Feeling a wave of fatigue hit me, I still didn't regret those long nights I stayed up, thinking about her. She wasn't perfect, but I found myself loving every little detail- her silky hair, her love for howalons and her beautiful laugh.

For now though, I'll watch her life in pictures, like how I used to watch her sleep. Yet I'll feel her gradually forget her past life more and more everyday that passes.

No worries though, I'll keep asking how she is and beg to see her, even though I've heard the answer a million times.

I hope it's nice wherever she is.

I hope where she is the sun's shining and it's a beautiful day. I shouldn't hope though, wherever she is the sky itself is smiling down on her.

I wonder, if she hadn't been unwillingly forced into forgetting her memories, yet was still sent away- would she have wished she'd stayed?

Of course she would... Right?

Sighing, I looked at the ground.

I remembered when I proposed my undying love for her- twice. The first time she was too shocked to say anything, the second time she cried. Does she know how long I wanted to tell her those three words? When she replied she loved me as much as I loved her, my heart swelled and I thought that this was our happily ever after. So how did it end this way? With her, having forgotten all her memories and me, left with these painful yet magnificent reminders of our past.

Mikan. My Mikan. I loved you Mikan- no, I still do love you. No matter how far away you are or if you found someone to replace me. I will always look for you; nothing else matters.

The rain was slowing down and I looked up at the sky. The sun was apearing from a small peep hole from between the clouds- as if she was agreeing to my soundless vow.

Mikan... Do you still love me?

Sitting on the wooden bench long after the rain had stopped, I sat and remembered our memories one by one.

My first one-shot! So, what did you guys think? I thought it was pretty jumbled up, but I want to hear -or read- you're opinions! Review and tell me!

Oh, and I'll post that new story by next Sunday! It'll be worth it, I promise and it's a pretty long chapter too!