A/N: This is just something I wrote for a laugh and I'm sorry if it's really patronising because I normally try to avoid that, but anyway see what you think...

"Harry Potter is dead"

"No!" The cries of Harry, Hermione and Ginny came first, and then chaos reigned as people who were fighting, came to see their last hope strewn upon the ground.

"We will never join you" cried Neville.

"Fair enough" said Voldemort "Neville here is about to demonstrate what will happen to people who disobey my orders". And Voldemort placed the sorting hat over his head, and a blinding flash of light followed by a scream, came when he set the hat alight.

"There will be no more sorting at Hogwarts; you will all be in the house of my great ancestor, Slytherin." Then the battle continued, as fierce as before and Harry was able to slip the cloak over his head and run.

"Harry! Where's Harry!" Hagrid roared over the crowds. But Harry was already running into the great hall, he knew what had to be done now. A loud familiar crack made him look round no one else had heard in all of the commotion, but Dobby was standing there in front of him. Not a ghost or a faint body form like his parents, but real and solid. "Dobby!" Harry cried and ran up to him, he whipped the cloak off, and Dobby looked up into his face.

"How is the possible?" Harry asked "You died"

"House-elf magic isn't like human magic; I'd have thought you'd have learnt that by now. I was never in danger from the knife because it belonged to the Malfoy's, and a house-elf can't be killed by their master or their previous master." replied Dobby.

"Harry's alive!" someone yelled pointing at him. Everyone in the hall turned to look at him including Voldemort with a face like thunder. Harry stood up and walked towards Voldemort, they started circling immediately.

The killing curse hit Harry squarely in the chest, but the spell had not come from Voldemort's wand. Harry fell to the ground but as he did he glanced around at his killer. Dobby approached him, tears dripping from his long nose.

"I'm sorry Harry Potter sir, I aimed for Voldemort"

"Stupid house-elf" Voldemort said.

"It's ok Dobby" Harry said "Just never try and save my life again" Another blinding flash of green light, and Dobby crumpled beside him.

"It seemed more prudent to finish them all off" said Voldemort.

But Harry still hadn't finished what he had been destined to do since the age of one. So, and it seemed house-elf magic worked slower the human magic, Harry took one last breath and screamed his last hope to the heavens. Voldemort to busy gloating didn't notice. He had shut Harry's mind out of his and didn't hear him think what he was about to do.

"Expelliarmus!" and Voldemort's wand flew through the air and landed on the other side of the great hall. And Voldemort whipped round with a frightened look on his face. Then he fell to the ground. Harry turned his head to look why he had collapsed, and saw Neville standing there, the sword of Gryffindor sticking out of Voldemort's back. Harry smiled to himself and closed his eyes. He had nothing to fear about returning to Kings cross.