A/N - Hi everyone, back again! *waves* To those of you who have read Turn the Tables, I give you the beginning of its sequel... (If you haven't read TTT, I'm really not sure you'll be able to follow this one without, but I'll try to give a quick summary at the end of this note...) This fic will be an AU version of ME3, since the Shepard and Kaidan who go through those events are radically different people than vanilla ME3 ones... Expect that I will portray most or all of the important events of the game and its DLC, although I reserve the right to do so in any order and change any and all actions/reactions and details! Still, there are spoilers for everything ME in this fic, be warned! As usual, side missions and shipboard convos and etc. may only be detailed if they have something to add, or this fic will be tons longer than it already is (and its 50k words already, and I haven't cured the genophage yet)... I will do my best to update frequently, but I can't promise daily... this fic is just taking a lot more effort than expected :-/ on the upside, this prologue is (by far) the shortest chapter in the fic... most are 5-8k words, so hopefully that will hold you if I take longer to update!

This fic is, as most of mine are, rated M... It will include violence (not graphic), angst, adult language and oh, yes, Shenko smut... if that's not your thing, no worries, but this isn't the fic for you :-) As I did with TTT, I will separate the smut into its own chapters and clearly designate them so if you wanna skip, you can and not miss plot! There won't be an outtakes version of this fic... its long enough and I'm isolating the adult stuff so people can ignore it if they like, but any and all smut scenes I write, I'll include here :-)

As always, I give all due thanks and credit to Bioware for creating the incredible world of Mass Effect and all its associated games, characters, dlcs, and other media. Without them, I'd be really bored and not writing fanfic! Also, this fic is again beta'd by StoneburntHeart, and I am so grateful to her for everything...

Anyone who's caught up and eager to start, skip the rest of this note!

Turn the Tables summary: For those of you who haven't read my version of ME2, Turn the Tables, or those who'd just like a refresher... Kaidan is the one that dies in the Normandy crash, and Cerberus brings him back anyway. Cerberus is responsible for the Normandy SR1 destruction, and the Illusive Man works in collusion with the Collectors the entire fic... he's already indoctrinated (or just pure evil) and seeks a way to gain control of the Reapers, so he blatantly manipulates Shepard through Kaidan to do it. Shepard (spacer, war hero, paragon) has been out of the picture for two years, and although the couple are reunited on Horizon as in ME2, she joins the Normandy at that point and they work together to defeat the Collectors and Cerberus. When Cerberus rebuilds Kaidan, they include an electronic leash - a potentially fatal killswitch that Miranda employs at TIM's orders to get Kaidan, and eventually Shepard, to comply with Cerberus' demands. Shepard rescues Oriana for Miranda and uses that to persuade her to change sides, and they remove the leash... And then Kaidan discovers (the moment he wakes up from surgery, ouch) that the reason Shepard was missing for the two years he was dead and being rebuilt was that she had been pregnant at the time of the crash and hidden herself away with his parents on Earth. They have a son, Caleb David, and they return to Earth and meet him after everyone survives the suicide mission! Whew. Ok, if you still have questions, read the fic!

Kaidan woke to the smell of fresh coffee, the sound of voices lowered to a murmur in the distance, and the sight of wide, clear, emerald green eyes watching him. He closed the short distance between his and Shepard's mouth and kissed her good morning. When he pulled back, she rewarded him with a huge smile and he knew he was wearing its twin on his own face.

"Were you watching me sleep?" he asked her with humor.

"Mmm," she replied casually. "Only been awake a few minutes. But yeah, sometimes I like to watch you sleep," she added.

He kissed her again, still smiling, and joked, "That's a little... creepy." He saw her expression tighten and was alarmed. He'd only been teasing, he hadn't meant to actually criticize. "Shepard?" he questioned in concern.

"Sorry..." she trailed off when he shook his head. "Sometimes when I sleep, I forget. That you're really back. And then I wake up and you're here. So I watch you and wait for my heart to stop racing and my breathing to slow down. I guess I can't believe we're here, we made it..." again her voice trailed off and he cursed himself for the pain he had inadvertently caused with his offhand comment.

"Ssshh," he soothed as he stroked her hair back from her face. He didn't begrudge her the sorrow – he couldn't imagine how he would have felt if the tables had turned and she had been the one that... died. The idea of trying to pick up his life and move on for two years without her – as she had been forced to do – was too painful to even contemplate and he concentrated on the present instead. He pulled her into his arms and rolled to his back so that she was draped over his chest. It was their favorite cuddle position and they often fell asleep this way. He knew she preferred it because it allowed her to rest her head over his heart and have the auditory comfort of its steady beat to soothe her.

"We did, you know," he spoke softly now, still stroking her hair. "We won. Beat the Collectors, and Cerberus..."

"Yeah," she confirmed softly. "We did."

"And now we're here, together," Kaidan continued, speaking in a soft contemplative tone, "with my parents – and our son."

Caleb was still a wonder to Kaidan though he had spent most of his waking hours during the two weeks since he'd met him for the first time in the child's constant company. After that first moment of confusion when he had still been a stranger and not Daddy, Caleb had opened his arms and his heart and accepted Kaidan into his life with all the innocent trust of a two year old. Kaidan had slid into the role of being a father as if he had been born to do it, and he couldn't imagine his life without Caleb in it any longer. In such a short time, Caleb – and Caleb's mother – had become Kaidan's world, and he caught himself actually giving thanks to Cerberus at times for making it possible.

Kaidan knew their idyll wouldn't last. He had requested – and been granted – four weeks leave, and Shepard had not yet given the Alliance her decision about whether or not she would return to active duty. But they were both aware of the wolves howling at the door... The Reaper threat was real, they knew, and though destroying the Collectors had delayed the danger, it was just that – a delay. Kaidan had no illusions that their enemies – nor their allies, for that matter – would be willing to wait patiently while they blissfully played house with their new family. Sooner or later, either the Reapers or the Alliance would end this peace. But laying here quietly with the woman he loved in his arms, Kaidan found it easy to forget – at least for now.

He thought again of the ring his mother had happily handed over at his request and he had taken to a local craftsman to alter to his specific needs. The ring was now tucked away in his old sea bag. Since even he rarely braved the slightly musty smell that never seemed to fade from the tattered canvas to dig into 'treasures' he hadn't seen since Basic, he knew it was a safe hiding place. And since he was sentimental enough to drag the bag with him from posting to posting despite its disuse, Kaidan figured it was also appropriate. He asked himself for the thousandth time since he had gotten the ring back from the jeweler last week if this was the right time. He mentally mocked himself for being such a romantic, but he couldn't help it. He was an old-fashioned man in some ways, and he firmly believed that asking the woman you loved to marry you deserved some pomp and circumstance. It wasn't something you casually asked when you're lying naked in bed as far as he was concerned, so he put the thought of the ring and all it meant aside for now. There were, however, other things they could be doing now...

"Shepard?" he broke the peaceful quiet that had fallen over them since he had soothed her to question if she was still awake.

"Hmmm?" she murmured in sleepy reply. So she was awake, but headed for sleep again. He'd take it.

"I love you," he said with all the emotion of his heart filling the words and somehow making them even bigger. Then he tilted her chin up to meet his kiss. This kiss wasn't a greeting – it was an invitation. She opened her mouth under his and accepted with all the fire that always waited in less than patient stasis between them. When they broke the kiss out of a need to breathe, she finally answered him.

"Why, Lieutenant, it seems like you had more than sleeping in or breakfast on your agenda this morning," she said with a smile that managed to be both funny and sexy at the same time although he couldn't have explained it if he tried.

"Mmm," he murmured against her smile, "Caught that, did you, Commander? Guess that's why you're in charge – except when you're not," he added with a smirk.

"Kaidan," Shepard said in mock-irritation against his lips, "Shut up and kiss me."

"Aye, aye-" he began to say before a voice behind him cut off his traditional acknowledgment of an order.

"Daddy - you kiss Mama?" Caleb asked in wide-eyed innocence as he approached his parents' bed.

"Not anymore," Kaidan heard Shepard mutter with a groan into her pillow as he reached down and lifted their son onto the bed and deposited him between them. He chuckled at her grumpiness even as he carefully made sure all important parts were covered by sheets and blankets, then settled in to enjoy a lazy morning with his family. This life was truly good - even if it had taken two lives to get here.

#-#-#

Six months later...

Kaidan pushed through of the double doors to exit the Defense Committee hearing chamber and tried to shove away his impatience and frustration at the same time. This hearing, as with every meeting he had had with Alliance command over the past six months, had been a waste of breath and energy. Perhaps more so. In his previous discussions with various Admirals, Captains, attaches, and pretty much anyone that would give him five minutes of attention, they at least had been willing to listen to his pleas for Shepard. Sure, they had brushed him off and called him too emotionally involved for his opinion to count, but at least they had let him protest her case first. Today, they had ignored any effort he had tried to make to once again defend Shepard and instead had spent the entire forty minutes asking him to recount every detail of the battles against Saren and the Collectors. He wasn't stupid – he had noticed the raised level of activity and tension the moment he had arrived at HQ. That combined with the obvious agenda the Committee refused to admit told him that something was clearly up. That the Committee had only wanted to discuss the Reapers made suspicion grow in his gut. He was glad in face of the growing trepidation that Caleb was safely tucked away with his parents.

Kaidan gave a moment of silent thanks for whatever fate or foresight had caused him to change his plans at the last second and leave Caleb behind when he left for Vancouver. His son had stood there with tears in eyes that were a copy of his own and nearly broken Kaidan's heart, but he had told Caleb to stay with his grandparents - Daddy would be back after seeing Mama. He hoped. The last part he had only added silently.

Shepard had stubbornly refused to see him (and Caleb) for the six months she'd been rotting in detention while the Alliance twiddled their thumbs and hemmed and hawed and generally did nothing to actually decide what to do with an officer that had killed over 300,000 batarians – and potentially saved the galaxy doing it. All Kaidan's pleas – either by message to her or to the jag officer that 'represented' her – had been turned away with a stubborn 'no.' He knew she was trying to protect them – keep them from being tainted by her actions, no matter how justified. Kaidan also knew that it was pointless – the Alliance was fully aware of their involvement and had promoted him during her confinement regardless; but she was nothing if not stubborn and noble. That nobility was one of her best and worst qualities as far as he was concerned.

He wished again, as he had a countless number of times prior to this moment, that the last time he'd seen Shepard hadn't been filled with anger and bitter words. She had received the message from Admiral Hackett on the 16th day of what he still considered the happiest time of his life – the two weeks they had spent at his parent's cottage after they defeated the Collectors and Kaidan had met his son for the first time. Shepard had excused herself on that day after her omni-tool pinged and retreated to his father's office for a private call with Admiral Hackett. When she came back out fifteen minutes later, Kaidan read the end of their blissful peace in the set of her shoulders, the look in her eyes, and the tightness of her mouth. He hadn't needed her to explain that she would be leaving – solo – on a mission that was top secret and more of a personal favor to the Alliance's top Admiral rather than an actual order to know that life as he knew it was going to change. Still, he had pleaded, cajoled, and argued, trying to get her to reconsider, or at the very least, take him too.

In the end, she had stood firm against all his objections and gone to their bedroom to pack. He'd never forget the look on her face or the quiet words that she spoke before she left him standing there alone.

"Kaidan, I turned my back on my duty once. I won't – I can't – do it again. It's not who I am," she had said firmly. "Caleb just found you, I'm not going to take you away from him so soon. So I'm going, and I'm going alone. I hope you'll forgive me someday. I love you." She had closed the door behind her and never heard Kaidan's quiet reply.

"I love you, too, Shepard," he had murmured to the empty room.

He was so distracted by his memories he nearly missed her. When Anderson approached him with questions about his testimony he had given a non-committal answer he couldn't even remember seconds later as his eyes moved past the Admiral and settled on the woman that had haunted his every waking moment for six months – longer if he was truly honest with himself.

"Shepard," he called in a tone of voice that said more than a simple greeting. He wasn't sure she had heard him until she turned from her conversation with the muscle-bound jarhead that was obviously her guard – and that insult made him grit his teeth more than the observation that she was clearly friendly with the man – and their eyes met over the people around them. All the chaos and activity faded around them and the world receded until there was only the two of them. She closed the distance between them and stood next to Anderson.

"Kaidan..." she replied to his greeting in her traditional manner but then she added a question, "Commander?" echoing Anderson's address of him.

"You hadn't heard?" Anderson questioned gruffly. Of course she hasn't heard, you've had her locked away for six months, Kaidan wanted to scream.

"Yeah, sorry," Kaidan replied instead and winced a bit at his in-eloquence. Sorry? he repeated mentally. What the fuck was that? So many things he wanted to say... and he went with sorry. He sighed and went to open his mouth to try again but Shepard forestalled him with her reply.

"No, its ok," she said with a soft smile, "It's just good to see you."

"Yeah I'm glad we bumped into each other," he said casually in deference to their audience as his eyes held hers and spoke the words he wished he could voice. I missed you, I love you so much. He saw the echo of his message in her eyes and nodded, satisfied for now. He also saw Anderson take her arm to urge her forward and added, "Good luck in there."

"Thanks," she called back over her shoulder as she walked away. He watched her until she disappeared behind the doors he had left himself just moments ago.

"You know the Commander?"a deep voice asked and Kaidan started a bit. He glanced to his side and saw that the marine he had identified as her guard had come to stand beside him and was watching Kaidan's observation of Shepard with a look of interest on his scarred young face.

"Yeah, I do," Kaidan answered vaguely and turned to head back toward the transportation center and the shuttle that was waiting to take him back to his son. At least he'd be able to tell Caleb he saw Mama this time – and not have it be a lie told to protect his son's innocent heart. He hadn't even reached the end of the long corridor before the world caught fire and burned around him.