Title: Merlin, Help Me!

Rating: T (to be on the safe side)

Challenge: Chicken Soup for the Witch/Wizard's Soul

Character/Pairing: Hannah Abbott, Ernie MacMillan, Hannah/Zacharias.

Authors Note: Whilst I loved writing this, it came out a bit bland for me and it's nothing really special. Edited on the 20th of January, 2010 -- it's now in third person. :)

Ernie was sorting through his homework as he listened to Hannah tell him all about her date last night with Zacharias Smith. She sat on his desk with her legs crossed, thinking fondly about the memories from last night given to her by him.

"And he's so sweet... you know? Ernie, I'm so in love with him it's not fun-"

"- Hannah, do you have a point or are you just waxing my desk with your arse?" Ernie put his report at the edge of the table to dry.

Hannah slid off the table but continued to talk, "Don't swear. Last night - did I tell you? I can't remember. I'll tell you again. Last night he -"

"- kissed you?"

Ernie had been told this a dozen times and it was getting to the point of being unbearable. He didn't really want to know who Hannah got it on with, thank you very much. He had to deal with this since fourth year - third year if you count her undeniable love for several blokes - and now it was sixth. Overall, two or three bloody horrible years.

"Exactly! And Merlin, it was hot. Who knew that Zacharias Smith could be such a good kisser?"

"Excuse me while I go vomit," Ernie muttered underneath his voice.

Hannah began to get excited, grinning widely, "And he just kissed me right out of the blue, you know? We were watching the stars and then he kind of grabbed me around the waist, and pulled me against his chest - which is so solid. I think he works out -"

"- he is on the Quidditch team -" Ernie rolled his eyes

"- and then he lowered his mouth and kissed me... though I think he forgot to shave because I could feel stubble rub up against my cheek."

"He probably neglected to shave."

Ernie wouldn't be surprised. The relationship the pigtailed blonde and the cocky bastard shared was one where she would give, give, give, and he would receive, receive, receive. Quite frankly, he felt like shaking some sense into the prat but he refrained because Hannah would probably tell Susan who would end up announcing to the whole common room about what he did last month with Anthony Goldstein.

"His lips were really soft though, like he used lip balm or something."

"He probably does."

"And then his tongue was prodding my lips so I parted them and it felt really weird!"

"You realise that you're probably going to catch a disease? He's like a muggle vending machine for STDs."

"Stop with the witty remarks, Ernie. I know you don't like him but he can be really nice sometimes!"

"To you, maybe." Doubtful. "He's constantly on me about Malfoy."

"How'd he find out about your fancy?"

"Susie told him."

"That's not very nice, now is it?"

Obviously. "No, it isn't."

Hannah cleared her throat before continuing, "And then he slid one of his hand up my leg... it's really rough and warm!"

"Hannah!" Grope-age? He definitely didn't want to know. "For the twenty-seventh time, I don't want to hear the details of you and Smith!"

"Are you jealous, are you?" Hannah asked Ernie playfully, grinning.

"No, I'm not jealous!" Not a lie. "I just really don't want to hear about my best friend snogging him."

"U-S-T."

"What?"

"Unresolved Sexual Tension."

"Between who? You and me?" Ernie looked utterly confused.

"No, you dolt!" Hannah swatted at his arm with a laugh. "You and Zach!"

Ernie let his head hit fall against the desk with a resounding thump.