There are many reasons why Ray did what he did. It could have been jealousy, of Sam's emerging friendship with Chris, or the Guv's approval. It may have been the annoyance of being continuously proven wrong, or the typical idiot's response to a smartarse. Actually it was none of these things, and it's worth remembering that Ray is not a typical idiot.
No, what drove Ray was a far simpler and yet much more complicated reason. It was revenge, pure and simple. He'd been waiting, biding his time since he'd got demoted and Sam, poor thing, never suspected.
Ray picked his time, though, very carefully indeed. Like I said, he isn't an idiot, at least not in the typical sense. They were relaxing in the pub after the stress of the Tyler case, or as Ray had wittily nicknamed it, the Tyler Headcase. The Guv hadn't said much to Tyler since the Incident, Ray suspected he was having trouble dealing with it. Oh, sure, he'd halfway expected it, but not in the same way, not at all.
In Ray's view this made the whole thing all the more wonderful, because the Guv wasn't on Tyler's side any more. Of course he'd protect him, not obviously but you couldn't help but notice the way he watched him, and you'd have to be an idiot to take the Guv on head-on. Or you'd have to be crazy, and that, really, was what this was all about. Because Tyler was completely off it, and whilst it was probably only a matter of time before the rest of the lads wised-up Ray had no intention of letting this opportunity pass him by.
He intended to take it, this shining opportunity, as and when it came along, and was momentarily shocked when the Guv told him it was his round. He hadn't quite expected it to be this easy, but then it wasn't, not really. Not with all the planning, the work and the research that went into it. He'd get no small amount of satisfaction from knowing that it was Tyler's ideas, about paperwork and research and just what exactly a D.C. in the C.I.D. should know, that were about to bring him down. Oh yes.
So he got up, bought his round, carefully delivered the drinks – Chris', the Guv's, Tyler's and his own – mustn't mix those two up, no, and sat down again.
They drank. Chris, probably sensing the tension, he was clever like that, was Chris, started some football argument that got the Guv in full flow. Ray nodded at appropriate junctures, Tyler drank his drink in a slightly moody silence but gradually began to warm to the topic. And if he said a few things that were a little, odd, maybe, well everyone knew he was a bit strange, didn't they?
And if he seemed a little the worse for wear by the time Chris was getting them in, well, these poncey Hyde types, of course they can't take their drink.
The Guv warmed to it, some sort of payback for the unexpected shock of nearly being shot, not enough in Ray's opinion, but good to see, all the same. Him going on about poncey educated stuck up tosspots who think they know everything and can't hold it together in the real world, and Ray suddenly realises that he's trying to get a rise out of Tyler again, trying to get him to react. And that's bad, he knows. Very bad.
Tyler seems unruffled, so maybe it's not as bad as all that, except that when he looks up from the fresh drink Chris had just delivered he's got a look. It isn't much of a look, not in terms of threatening menace, which the Guv is currently radiating, or puzzlement, which is Chris' speciality. But you couldn't beat it for weariness. He looks dead, and he blinks and frowns at the Guv as if he can't quite remember who he is.
"You know," he mumbles thoughtfully, almost to himself, "I don't think I've even ever been to Hyde."
There's a silence, and the Guv tries to fill it. He makes a joke, look at him, can't take his drink, like I said. Ponce. And Chris laughs, nervously, because Tyler looks very odd, and Ray smiles and the Guv grins right at him, right at him and says:
"Amazing, isn't it, man drinks whiskey all night and he can't take this piss-water." And he leans forward across the table and right there Ray knows he's made a mistake when the guv asks "What have they been putting in it, I wonder?"
And Ray just grins, and tries not to make it look like a grimace, and thank god Chris laughs again – thank you, Chris – and the Guv stops giving him the look that lets him know he's done something very wrong.
And Tyler laughs. Like he's trying not to, but can't help it, and it sort of bursts out of him and he covers his mouth with his hand but he can't keep it in. He can't stop, and the tears are running down his face and he covers his head with his hands but they can all hear him. He stops, out of breath, and the Guv and Chris swap glances but Ray can't look at either of them because if he does he'll be laughing too. Because he knows. And this is the moment, he can almost taste it, the very time when they'll finally stop making excuses and actually listen to him, and see that Tyler is a total nutjob and shouldn't be anywhere near something approaching responsibility.
The Guv asks Tyler what's so funny, but he just shakes his head. And then the Guv looks at him, the look, and Tyler shrugs and says
"What do you think the future will be like?" And Chris gives him his look, and the Guv laughs, against all expectation, laughs like a bastard and answers
"I didn't think you were that drunk, Tyler." Tyler shrugs, smiles.
"I think it'll be brilliant." Chris pipes up, always like a little kid when he's drunk, almost endearing really although Ray's wishing things could get a bit more serious.
"Brilliant how?" Tyler's not taken enough, Ray decides, or he's used to it or something, because he's not reacting right, not at all. Chris pipes up again.
"I dunno. I always wanted a flying car."
That sets Tyler off laughing again, only Chris is too now, and the Guv smiling so Ray has to, too, just so he isn't out of place. Tyler stops laughing, shaking his head again.
"The future's a bit shit, really." he say, quite seriously, and the Guv's watching him carefully now because he'd thought Tyler was at least slightly over this, and anyway wasn't this what that bird, Annie, was always going on about?
"Nah. The future's bright." Chris is ignoring it, or too drunk to care, but he can't ignore it when Tyler sprays his drink and coughs, laughing hysterically like Ray doesn't know what.
"The future's Orange." he remarks solemnly, once he's recovered, and giggles a little, into his drink. Giggles. Like a girl.
Ray thinks he's cracked it, now, and see's it safe enough to get involved again.
"Why orange?"
"You'll see." he says, enigmatically. "In about, ooh, thirty years time? Anyway, why not?" the Guv interrupts, glaring at Ray, although Ray reasons that's probably more to do with him making a bad situation worse than anything else.
"Why, what happens in thirty years?" A reasonable enough question to ask, and Tyler seems prepared to answer although the Guv is only one step away from shouting, Ray knows.
"Oh, loads of shit. Wars. Terrorists. People die, people get born. People get older. Especially the Royal family," he adds thoughtfully, "But at least it isn't fucking orange. I hate orange. And brown." he's so vehement that even the Guv leans back a bit, but Chris can't leave it alone.
"What happens to... Prince Charles?"
Tyler grins. "He marries Princess Diana, except she was Duchess of something, wasn't she, can't remember, anyway. He has an affair with that woman, what's her name, and then Princess Diana dies. In a car crash. Bit sad, really."
"Now I know you're making it up, Tyler." the Guv sighs, almost relieved, and leans back in his char. "A member of the Royal family dies, and it's 'bit sad'?"
"Well, she wasn't that great. They treat like a bloody martyr, I mean, they don't half go on."
Chris shrugs at this.
"What about... Concorde?"
Tyler frowns at him.
"It blew up. Or caught fire, or something. Something inflammable, anyway."
Chris looked disbelieving, but the Guv shrugged.
"I always knew it wouldn't work. So. Care to tell us who's going to win the next election, then?"
Tyler shrugs.
"Isn't it that guy next, the one who gets voted out?"
"I dunno, you tell me."
"On a vote of no confidence. And then it's the Tories, until 1998. Margaret bloody Thatcher." he spits the name but Ray can't help but laugh.
"A woman? A woman as prime minister?"
Tyler snorts.
"Margaret Thatcher isn't a woman, she's a horrible genetic accident. She's the spawn of the devil. At least," he adds thoughtfully, "If the devil was a grocer."
"Right, that's it. You've all had enough. Out." The Guv is suddenly ushering everyone out, and Ray knows this isn't usual but he thinks that the Guv suspects something and he daren't ask what.
But suddenly, he doesn't have to.
"You know, I think someone spiked my drink." Tyler mumbles thoughtfully, as they wait in the damp chill of the car park for the Guv to find his keys. The Guv stops the search, hand inches from the pocket where, Ray knows, he always is surprised to find them.
"What with?"
"I don't bloody know, do I?!" he explodes, suddenly, and just as suddenly calms again. "Nothing around here makes any sense."
"Alright, in." the Guv opens the door, finally, but catches Ray as he heads in and he knows he's been rumbled.
"Just out of curiosity, if someone had spiked Samantha's drink, what do you think they'd have spiked it with?" the Guv's tones are light and cheerful, and Ray knows that the slightest misstep here will seriously put him in the shit.
"Probably some sort of pill, Guv."
"You don't think they'd know exactly what it was they'd put in it?"
"No, Guv."
"Very dangerous thing to do."
"Yes Guv. Except," Ray's frantic now, to sort this out " They might have known that the stuff wasn't dangerous. Like, if they'd seen someone else take it, Guv."
"Ah." the Guv leaned a little closer. "But we know no one could have spiked his drink, don't we Ray? Because you got it for him, didn't you?"
"Yes Guv." Ray was absolutely shitting it, he could see exactly where the Guv was going and so it was a blissful relief to get in the car without him having got there.
They drove all the way with the radio playing, Chris' finally managing to tune it in, and Ray sat silent and worrying in the back whilst Tyler next to him sang along under his breath. Ray wondered if anyone else had noticed what Tyler was actually singing. It wasn't anything he'd ever heard on the radio, and he was pretty sure nothing with that many swearwords would ever get played.
But he decided not to mention it.
They got to Tyler's first, his ratty little bedsit flat, and the Guv nodded at Ray.
"Walk him in , will you? Looks like he's just about done in."
Ray stood awkwardly next to Tyler, deliberately not touching him as he struggled to get his foot out of the car, hopped a couple of steps and nearly fell over. The Guv called them over to the driver's side window, waited until Tyler made it.
"You better go in with him, make sure he doesn't do himself any harm."
Ray scowled but said nothing, and Tyler leaned on the window and said angrily
"I can look after myself." Like a teenage kid. Ray leaned forwards, past him.
"You'll wait for me, right?"
The Guv just laughed. And moved, too fast for someone supposedly drunk. There was a click, and a distressing cold touch of metal round Ray's wrist. The Guv leaned forwards.
"Better safe then sorry, eh?" He drove away.
Ray cursed him all the way up to Tyler's horrible little flat, the handcuffs digging into his wrist whenever Tyler stumbled over a step or, sometimes, nothing at all. The flat really was hideous, although Tyler seemed to think so too. At any rate he made a face when he walked through the door.
In one way it was lucky the place was so cheap and nasty, as the bathroom was small enough for one to stand outside so the other one could relieve himself of the excess alcohol. Tyler emerged pale and shaky looking, but Ray figured he'd thrown up so much there was no way there could be anything left in his system.
And then there was the bed. Or rather, there wasn't. There was no way Ray was sharing a bed so small with someone he didn't even like. The Guv could laugh about the cuffs all he liked but this was too far.
Tyler must have caught his expression, because he grabbed a fistful of manky brown blankets and a pillow and settled onto the floor, whilst Ray clambered onto what was left of the bed. It wasn't comfortable, with his arms sticking out and down the side of the bed, but it was better than nothing.
He slept reasonably well, considering, and was not happy to be woken up. Ray struggled to see just what had woken him – the t.v. Was on, which he didn't remember, and the test card was showing – but something was wrong.
He stared at the t.v., trying to figure out what it was, then started as a young girl's voice said
"That wasn't very nice."
He stared at her. She was wearing a dress and carrying some sort of doll, and she was, somehow, the creepiest thing he'd ever seen.
"But I don't think you are very nice, are you?" She carried on, with an unpleasant little smile.
"Er, what?" he didn't know what to say, but, he reasoned, it didn't matter much, seeing as how he was asleep.
"Oh dear. You're not very clever. You're not asleep, you know." Ray looked back, panicedly, at something noise behind him. It was Tyler, bolt upright in the bed and staring at the girl.
"Why do you keep on doing this?" he sounded desperate, and for a moment Ray thought that he was talking to him, but no. The girl shook her head.
"You should be more grateful." she told Tyler primly. "I'm you're friend, after all." Ray snorted in disbelief, and she rounded on him.
"I'm more of a friend than you are! I'm more of a friend than he is." She added to Tyler. Tyler shrugged.
"Yes, but he's a twat."
Ray opened his mouth to protest and the girl glared at him. He shut it again.
"I think you should be nicer. I think you should say sorry." she spoke with all the authority of a primary school teacher, and Ray couldn't help himself.
"Sorry." She looked satisfied with that, but Tyler began to laugh.
"What's so bloody-"
"-funny." he was sat up in bed, sweat pouring off him, cold and clammy, his arm absolutely killing. The t.v. was on, the test card girl was there as normal. Everything was normal. And it stayed that way for all of about five seconds, until Tyler threw his shoe at the t.v. and it smashed, with a crackle of electricity that made them both jump. Ray looked back at him, alarmed and more than a little distirbed.
"Well, you are a twat." Sam said, defensively.
And Ray laughed.