A/N: I'm having a kind of shitty day so I decided to quickly write this to see if it would make me feel any better. Set at the end of episode 6x10 and is mostly in response to what Tassie said about standing behind the ending she gave Gail. It was a bullshit ending so here's a quick fix that doesn't break any contracts.
It felt like someone had taken a shotgun to her chest. It was the only explanation for why there was a gaping hole where her heart was supposed to be. That morning she had had a family. Parents, a brother, and soon a little girl to call her daughter but in one fell swoop she had fucked it all up. Now there was no one and she had no one to blame but herself. Well maybe Steve. She could blame him for getting into cahoots with Santana and the mob and making it her responsibility to save him. But it felt wrong blaming him when he had stood up and taken a deal to save her from lying in court. And now he was on his way to prison, and it would be a miracle if he survived his time there.
Technically, she could blame her parents. That had always been her go to. Her own father had been the one to intimidate her into lying in the first place. Him standing up to yell at her in court was definitely one for the memory books. It was a far cry from the man who drove her to work everyday when she was a rookie and again after the kidnapping. But when it came to exPecktations no one was immune. God, she still had to face her mother after sending the golden boy to jail. While her father was the master of quietly seething, her mother was the one with the cutting words that magnified every mistake she had ever made like one of those awful mirrors in a funhouse. Ha, like there had ever been anything fun in that house. Then again, there was a good chance she'd never been allowed in that house again. Because she was no longer a Peck, no longer a sister, or a daughter, and now there wasn't even a chance she could be a mother to the wonderful little girl who's smile was enough to light up the dark world they lived in.
Which was why she could rationalize drinking her body weight in whiskey that night.
LauraLee had already left. She had offered to call a cab before saying the infamous, "Goodnight Gail." That line should really be stricken from the English vernacular. Nothing good ever happened when that line was involved. Nick had said it when he kicked her out of his truck and ending their relationship the same day she had literally been forced to face the psychopath who had kidnapped her. Holly had said it after she had bared her soul and offered the most sincere apology of her life in an attempt to get her back. And now LauraLee had said it after rubbing it in her face all the ways she couldn't give Sophie the life she deserved. She deserved to be there in the dingy bar by herself with nothing more than a glass of amber liquid to keep her company.
She'd always been alone.
Now it was just official.
Chris had been the one to pick her up. How he knew to come she wasn't sure. Maybe the bartender had called after he finally cut her off for the night. Chris had practically carried her from the bar to his car and again into their apartment. He had given her water and offered to cook but she only wanted alcohol, but he was taller than her and kept it out of her reach. He had looked at her with those sympathetic puppy eyes that he wore so well. He was used to taking care of people, but she didn't want that from him, she didn't deserve it. So she had stormed off and locked herself in her room. But what he really should've kept out of her reach was her phone. Because when left to her own devices she had somehow pressed the call button on the one number she had been fighting so hard to not call.
"Gail?" The voice was still warm and inviting, even if a little surprised. She had forgotten how much she loved that voice.
"Hey Lunchbox."
"Is everything okay?"
Nothing was okay. In fact, everything was really fucking far from okay. She could feel the tears pricking at her eyes again and she tried to bite the inside of her cheek to quietly suppress the sob that was trying to escape. The floor under her feet was starting to feel a little less stable so she collapsed on her bed. The phone was still pressed to her ear but she didn't know what to say.
"Gail, are you there?"
"Y-yeah." She took a deep breath and released it, hoping her voice would even out a bit. "I'm here. You're not, but I still am."
There was a sigh on the other end of the phone. She knew that sigh, it wasn't a good one. That was a disappointed sigh. She had heard those a lot in her life.
"Are you drunk?"
"No. Why would I be drunk at..." She glanced at the time on her phone and brought it back to ear. "...1am on a Tuesday?"
"Good question. I was kind of wondering that myself."
"Are you drunk?"
"No, I'm not drunk and technically it's only 10pm here."
"Right because you're still there and I'm still here." It was a crushing reminder of one more thing she didn't have. Another thing she could've had but didn't. "I should've said yes."
"You had your reasons."
Reasons. There had been a lot of reasons. Sophie, her family, her job, her friends. All things that weren't hers anymore. "I don't have them anymore. I don't have anything anymore."
"What do you mean? Did something happen?"
She barked out a bitter laugh, "That's the understatement of the century."
"What are you talking about? What happened?"
"What happened is that I took being the Pale Fail to a whole new level today."
"Gail..."
"No, no, this is a good one. I couldn't lie on the witness stand like my Dad wanted me to and am now the person responsible for sending my own brother to jail. Do you know what happens to Guns and Gangs detectives when they go to prison? Cause I can tell you. I basically just signed his death certificate."
"Gail..."
"Oh and in case that wasn't enough. I was so busy blowing my family apart that I missed another one of my scheduled visits with Sophie."
"I'm sure the social worker would understand that you were in court."
"No, Holly, it wasn't the first visit I missed. And now there is a family. A real family with a mom and a dad and an adopted kid who could be her sibling. They want Sophie and I can't compete with that. I have nothing to give her."
"You love her. That's worth a lot."
She snorted. Her love had never been enough. She didn't know how to show it. It was why Chris believed the worst when he had seen Dov hitting on her. It was why Nick had said she wasn't girlfriend material. And it was why Holly hadn't defended her that night in the bar. "Not enough. I can't be the reason she doesn't get a family. I told LauraLee that I was dropping my petition for adoption."
"Oh, honey..."
"No, don't do that. You can't 'honey' me, not when you're there and I'm here and everything has gone to shit and I have no one." She could feel the tears running down her cheeks. At least they were silent tears. She was good at quiet crying.
"You have people, Gail, you have your friends."
"My friends?!" She spit out the word bitterly. "Traci can barely look at me because she thinks I'm a Peck just like my brother. They all do. Even the stupid detective they brought over to review Steve's cases."
"Gail, they care about you."
"No, you don't understand, Holly. Steve blew up McNally. He lied to Traci. He even set-up Oliver to take the fall. Oliver! He gave up his white shirt because of him."
"I thought Oliver hated that shirt."
"He does, but it means they're going to split us up. Send us to different divisions. So not only do I not have a family, or a daughter, I won't even have my division anymore."
"Gail, you're not alone."
"It sure feels that way."
"You have me."
"You're there. There's not here, Holly."
"You'll always have me, Gail."
She wished that was true. God, did she wish that was true. "I should've said yes."
There was long pause. She wondered what was going through the other woman's mind at her confession. Maybe she shouldn't have said it again. She probably shouldn't have called. They hadn't spoken in months. Not since the doctor had gotten on the plane that took her to the other side of the continent, over the lines that divided their countries. They had agreed that it was better to make a clean break rather than to risk ruining whatever had been good between them. But she had just needed to hear that voice again. The voice of the woman who had picked her up from the hospital with a burned wrist and let her crash in her guest room, who had come when she called after her friends had been shot even though she blew her off in the station, who salvaged the massacre of a haircut she had committed on her bathroom floor, and who had helped wash the whole mess down the drain. Maybe that was why she had called. Holly had been the only one to ever make her feel like she wasn't completely drowning.
"You still can."
The words were uttered so softly that she barely heard them over the noise in her own head. "I can?"
"The offer still stands."
How could that be possible? Surely Holly had moved on already, started seeing someone else, someone who was more than just fun. "There's not a someone else."
"Not a someone someone."
"But there's a someone."
"Maybe we should talk about this when you aren't drunk."
"I'm incredibly sober now."
She heard a laugh. It was quick chuckle but it still made the little scraps of heart she had left beat a little faster in that crater in her chest.
"So no one needs to hide the scissors?"
"There wouldn't be much to cut off." Gail ran a hand through the short strands. They were still growing out and she hadn't bleached it in a while. She was probably do for a new look. Maybe she'd be a brunette this time.
"That's probably good considering you don't have an awesome stylist to fix it for you."
"Eh, she was alright."
"Hey..."
"Fine she was more than alright, she was the most wonderful person I ever met." The words were still true after everything that happened. She closed her heavy eyes and pictured the woman who had changed everything for her. The woman who had changed her.
"So she's kept that title, huh?" She could hear the smile in the voice. She wondered if it was that crooked smile that she loved so much.
"Definitely. Other people suck. I hate people."
Holly laughed and Gail could still picture the look on the doctor's face when she had said the words the first time in the lab. "You should get some sleep, Gail."
"But the offer still stands?" She had to make sure she wasn't imagining it before she hung up the phone and broke whatever magical bubble she had fallen into where there was still a chance for them.
"Yeah, Gail, the offer still stands and it will in the morning too."
"You mean it?"
"I promise. Go to sleep, Gail."
"Night, Lunchbox."
"Sweet dreams, Officer."
She ended the call and laid back in her bed. She had no parents, no brother, no daughter and possibly no job. But she had an offer. So maybe, she still had a little bit of hope.
A/N: 6x11 happens but Frankie just crashed at the Frat House after her and Gail blacked out from too much tequila. Frankie helped her look up plane tickets...