Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction, so I'm still learning my way around the site. Please let me know if I've done anything incorrectly! Anywho, this story takes place in the 2012 Nickelodeon universe, but it's not occurring in any specific spot in the series. You know, other than Karai being introduced and such. It's really more of me spontaneously shooting out ideas and making it up as I go. That being said, let's have some fun with this! I'm open to any suggestions about what should happen. It is rated T just to be safe, because there are going to be some violent moments and death may occur.

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or Nickelodeon...unfortunately.

Chapter One: It's Just Who We Are

{Donnie}

I sigh, leaning my head on the cold steel of the laboratory table, T-phone in hand. I don't know why I always expect April to text me; she only ever does when she needs help or has found something out. And then it's in mass text form, to all of my brothers.

I sigh again as I turn the phone over in my palm. Raph's been right from the beginning—there's no point in waiting around for someone I could never really be with. And I know that, it's just…

It's just not fair.

"Donnie?" Leo's voice. I lift my head to see my brother walk into the lab and snatch some random graphing sheets to make it seem like I was doing something productive instead of moping about a girl. A human girl.

"Hey, Leo," I say quickly, pretending to be absorbed in the scrabble before me. "Did you need something?"

Leo makes a face, exhaling as he closes the door. Something in the air shifts, and I hesitate.

"I, um… I wanted to talk to you." He walks over and sits down across the table, his eyes on his hands. "About Karai."

I frown. "Leo, we've been over this. She's in the Foot—we can't trust her and you know it—"

But Leo looks up with full eyes. "Donnie, please…"

I catch myself and avert my gaze. I should know better. Leo's going through the same thing; I can at least try to be there for him.

"I'm sorry, Leo… So what about Karai?"

Leo shifts uncomfortably. "How do you deal with it? Liking someone who won't ever like you back? I mean, you're head over heels for April, and you're the smartest one out of all of us, but you keep trying to win her over…" He hesitates. "Why?"

I fold my arms across the front of my shell, swallowing. "I-I don't know. I just can't stop myself. When I'm around her… I don't know, everything's so much better."

"But it can't ever happen. So what's the point?"

"…I guess there is no point," I mutter. "I guess I know down inside that it's hopeless, but when I see her, when I'm around her, I don't care. Does there have to be a point in liking someone?"

"For them to like you back, yeah." Leo exhales heavily, resting his elbows on the table. "Man, this sucks."

I grunt. "Sucks more for you. Even if we somehow could work this out, Karai would still be our enemy. Your enemy."

"Gee, thanks."

I close my eyes. "Sorry… But I really don't know what to tell you, Leo." I look down at the T-phone clutched in my hand—I must've picked it up somewhere in the conversation. "I don't even know what to tell myself." I set it on the counter and sit back in my chair.

Leo gives a disappointed sigh as he leans against the table, but I can tell he expected no different. There really is nothing either one of us can do.

"So," Leo says after a moment, "about the Foot Clan. Raph said he saw a few of their goons snooping around one of the back alleyways by the subway station the other night. I think it's worth looking into when we head out later."

I nod, admiring how Leo can just steel himself over like that and get back to business. I wish I could do the same.

"Yeah, probably," I mumble. "Hopefully it's nothing too bad, 'cause I'm beat from training earlier." I rub a particularly sore spot on the back of my neck.

Raph just doesn't know when to quit.

"Eh, things have been pretty slow lately." Leo gives me a daring look of gleaming blue eyes and his trademark smirk. "Maybe something 'bad' is just what the team needs."

~T~

{Leo}

"Give it back!"

"Why don't you come over here and make me?"

"RAPH!"

The familiar sounds of Mikey and Raph bickering strikes me as I leave the thoughtful silence of Donnie's lab. Man, I know why he's always locked up in there. It's enough to drive anyone nuts.

I stop at the top of the stairs and glare down at the both of them, wrestling and shouting on the floor. Raph's got one of Mikey's comics crunched up in his fist as he tries to keep it from Mikey's reach—which isn't hard, considering how short their little brother is. Then again, Raph doesn't have much on him either.

"Give it to me before you ruin it!" Mikey whines.

"Oh, you mean like how you ruined my favorite comic?"

"That-that was an accident!"

"Yeah, you just accidentally got pizza and anchovies ALL OVER IT—"

"Alright, you guys," I snap, "break it up before I come down there and break the two of you."

Mikey grunts and rolls to the side, glaring daggers at Raph.

"Leo, he took my comic and he won't give it back!"

"He started it!" Raph shouts.

I sigh and step down into the living area. I whip out one of my katanas before Raph can get another word out, and the two of them fall silent.

"Raph, give the stupid book back to Mikey."

His face scrunches up into his infamous scowl, but a brief glance at the point of my blade stops whatever rude remark he was about to make in its tracks. He chucks the crumpled comic down at Mikey's feet and storms off, slamming his door shut for good measure.

Mikey scrambles to pick up the wrinkled comic and holds it against his chest, his baby blue eyes wavering slightly.

"He's being a jerk today."

I sigh and sheathe my sword. "Isn't he always?"

"Well yeah, but it's more than usual. You won't believe what he did at breakfast—"

"Mikey," I bite, "I really don't care."

He takes a small step back and I curse myself for using that tone.

"Sorry…" Another sigh. "I'm sorry, little bro." I walk towards him and sling an arm around his shoulders, smiling as warm as I can manage. "I didn't mean that. I think we're all just a little tense."

He blinks back the threat of tears. "About what?"

I shrug, losing myself. "You know…patrol's just been a drag lately. We haven't had a good fight for over a week, and then Sensei kept us down here two nights in a row for extra training. I think we're all just a bit pent up."

He nods. "Yeah…I guess."

"Well listen," I say lightly, rubbing my fist on his head. "Why don't you go in your room and catch up on those tapes you found? You know, those weird Japanese shows—"

"Anime."

"Right, right—that."

"But the one with the finale's busted, remember?"

I smile. "I think I heard Donnie mention earlier that he could fix it for you. Why don't you go ask?"

His whole face lights up. "Really? Awesome! Thanks, Leo!"

And in seconds, he's running to and from his room, tape clutched in his hands, and barges right into Donnie's lab with an excited shout.

"Donnie!"

The door sways shut and his enthusiasm becomes muffled. I shake my head and chuckle to myself. If only everyone on the team was so easy to cheer up.

I roll my shoulders and head to my room, glancing once at Raph's closed door before closing my own. I'll deal with him later.

I shut the door behind me and collapse on my bed, letting all the air out of my lungs. I stare up at the ceiling and just breathe. I try not to think about her—to just close my eyes and relax—

But she's there. Behind my lids, in my dreams. Just…there. Watching, waiting, observing my every move. I can't tell if I'm afraid of her or afraid of the way I feel for her, or maybe just both. I want to believe she won't hurt me or my family, but I know that isn't true. Whatever I feel towards her isn't exactly mutual.

I close my eyes again and focus on every memory I have of her. I dissect it, pull it apart, and break it down to its most basic components. I know there's good in her. I know it! But I don't think she does, and as long as she sees herself that way, the good in her won't matter. It won't come out. How can I convince her that her life doesn't have to be the way it is? And even if I do, what next? If she becomes good, if she changes…I'll just want to be with her more and more, and it'll just hurt me more and more.

I roll over and bury my face into my pillow. This is stupid—I shouldn't even be thinking about her. Because it doesn't matter. None of this matters. No matter what I feel, no matter how things change, I'll never be more than what I am now: an outsider, a mutant that hides in the sewers.

Inhuman.

That word burns across my mind like fire. I clench my eyes shut and groan, trying to push it away. I know we're not human…but we think like humans. We act like humans. We talk and move like humans. We even feel like humans. Anger, pain, jealousy, happiness, grief, loneliness, peace—it's all there. We just can't do anything about it.

I think that's the worst part. To be like something without ever being able to actually be that something. Like human, but never truly human.

Living here for fifteen years, hiding in the dark—it sucked, but it wasn't all that bad. We didn't know anything else. But now…now we know the world above us. We feel it and breathe it and live in it, but we can't really be a part of it. It's almost worse than not knowing.

I groan again and roll onto my back. Stop thinking like this! Geez! I have enough to worry about with the team and whatever the Foot Clan's up to up above—I don't need to think about something that doesn't matter because it won't ever happen. It can't happen.

This is our life. Living in the secret, defending the city; unseen, unknown. Justice for the sake of justice. Nothing else matters—nothing else ever will. This is it.

It's just who we are.