AN: Hello everyone! I'm so obsessed with Dragon Age Inquisition right now and I am loving the Cullen romance. He's so caring and awkward and adorable. So I wrote this quick one-shot mostly after just some conversation you can have with him if you are a mage! Enjoy!
I wiped a few stray tears from my face as I sat on my bed. Even the Inquisitor could have bad nights. It wasn't easy when the whole of Thedas depended on you to save them. I looked at the green mark on my left hand and angrily looked away. The breach was closed and we lost Haven yet the mark still ached. With every rift I closed, I felt the dull pain shoot up my veins. I never spoke of it to anyone; they don't need to worry about my health when the world was about to crumble. I was not Elianna, the Dalish mage. I was now the Inquisitor, the saviour of Thedas and the Herald of Andraste. It's only been a couple of months since the destruction of the Conclave yet my whole life has changed. It probably will never be the same
"Inquisitor!" I heard a knock at my door, "I have a report you need to look at." Cullen entered with a report in his hands. He looked at me in surprise. I couldn't hide the tears that were falling down my face.
"Sorry, come in." I rose from my bed.
"Are you alright?" He approached me.
"No. Not really." I couldn't lie to Cullen. Sweet and loving Cullen. Cullen who had been a Templar and should hate everything that I am yet has accepted me and loved me despite being an apostate Elvish mage.
"Elianna, talk to me. What's wrong?" He took my hands in his and squeezed them tightly.
"I'm scared Cullen." I confessed, "What if I fail? What if Corypheus grows stronger and I can't defeat him? I'm not like Hawke. If I fail, the world will be destroyed."
"We've come so far since the beginning." Cullen soothed me, "we may not be ready yet but we will be and we will win. Corypheus may have the red Templars and now the Grey Wardens but we have the mages and the empires behind us. Most especially we have you. You underestimate the power you have over people. They will follow you and they will fight with you. You are never alone in this, I will always be with you Elianna."
"I'm so conflicted inside. I feel like everything I loved has been ripped from me."
"What do you mean?"
"What if that was Andraste in the Breach. Then that means the Old Gods I've worshiped since I was a child are not real. I don't know what to believe anymore. What if the Maker does exist? I've denied the Maker my whole life."
"It doesn't matter what you believe in. All anyone needs to care about that you have the power to stop the rifts and fight Corypheus. Religion does not matter now."
"Cullen, I need you to promise me something." I looked up at him.
"Anything, my love." He ran his fingers over my green Dalish tattoos.
"You shied away from the conversation last time but I need you to swear to me. If I become possessed either by a demon or Corypheus, I need you to put me down."
"What are you saying?" He said with a concerned tone.
"If I become possessed, I want you to kill me Cullen."
"Elianna…"
"Cullen, please don't deny me this request. You are the only one I would ask." I begged.
"Do you think it will happen?"
"I don't know. The more I surround myself with demons, the more I worry that I could be possessed. I may be the inquisitor but I am still a mage. Demon possession affects me just like another regular mage." I sat down on my bed and held my head in my hands, "The Dalish have been marked by the stories of the mages who have given themselves to demons."
Cullen nodded, "Yes I remember Hawke having a companion, Merill, she had given up demon possession and blood magic when she joined Hawke but it was a dirty secret that everyone knew about."
"Exactly. Mages will do stupid things for power even give away themselves. I will do not do it willingly but what if Corypheus controls me? I will lose myself."
"If that is what you wish then I will do it for you. I will hope it doesn't come to that of course. I don't want to live a life without you Elianna. You have changed me and I love you." He sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms.
"I don't think I can do this." I cried. Tears rolled down my cheeks, "I miss my home I miss the Keeper. I miss my life before all of this."
"It's alright my love." He pulled my head into his chest and let me cry, "If we survive this, will you go to them?"
"I'll never be able to go back. My life has changed too much. I will never be able to live among them knowing what I have seen. I don't know what I will do if this nightmare ever ends, but I want it to be with you by my side." I looked up at his eyes.
"I'm never going to leave you Elianna, not until my last breath." He kissed me softly. I closed my eyes and let his kiss consume me. My military commander held me tightly and I felt his thumb wipe away my tears. My hands grabbed his neck, pulling him closer. In all this darkness and death, I found him. He had his dark past just like I had mine. But we will survive it, together.