He woke up with a strange feeling in his chest. It wasn't anger, or sadness, or disappointment. No. It was... it was almost joy. It was a burning sensation, but it wasn't burning enough to make him feel like if he was dying. So, the first thing he decided to do with it, was to try; try to keep himself from hurting someone, to keep himself from looking for a problem.

He walked to the bathroom with that in mind. He opened the faucet of the bathtub and started to get undressed, making sure that there were towels in there, and that the door was locked. He took a look at himself in the mirror. He didn't like his body; skinny, and full of self-made scars. He shook his head and walked slowly to the bathtub.

He got in quickly, trying to keep that sensation on him, and started to play with the water like a kid. He even got a rubber duck, which was hidden from his parents and sister.

Zoe.

He sighed heavily and a feeling of guilt started to grow in him. He didn't like to be like that. He didn't like hurting the ones that he loved, and himself.

With his family on his mind, he washed quickly and got out of there. He wanted a new start. Maybe that year was his year. He got out of the bath to his room, trying to find something comfortable. Everything black, for sure. Maybe, if he got to make a new friend, they could go buying books, video games, clothes... he felt almost like a girl. And he liked it. So he gave himself a little smile.

As he smiled, he got dressed faster than he thought, and got out of his room, smiling. But, he got back quickly. He forgot something.

If he wanted to start again, he would do it in a good way. He grabbed it and got out, smiling bigger, feeling like if he was a new person. He headed to his sister's room, trying to find the correct words to say.

He always wanted to tell her everything that she was for him. That her smile was one of the reasons why he wasn't dead, and everything that he noticed or wondered through all the years. But, how do you say I love you when you can't even keep yourself together?

He knocked the door softly, opening it only after she muttered a pass.

"Hey".

"You come to scream to me again, like yesterday?" he closed his eyes, trying to keep the tears inside. He opened them, only to see her sister walking out; he grabbed her arm slightly, winning a whine from her.

"Walk back. I swear I'm not going to hurt you" he put his hands on her shoulders, bringing her back to her room, closing the door behind them. "Take your sweater off, please" she took a glance at him while he sat on her desk's chair, facing her.

"I'm not doing it. Mom!" he got up quickly to cover her mouth with his hands, pushing her, so he was on top of her. He gave her a warning look; a look that showed that he knew whatever she was doing. When the what's going on, sweetie? was there, she nodded and he took his hand out of her mouth. "Nothing! I found it!".

"Take. The goddamn. Sweater. Out" he was trying to keep himself together. He didn't want to hurt his sister. No more.

She looked at the wall behind him, feeling almost numb. He started to freak out as the seconds passed and she was doing nothing. He got up, pulling his hair back, and trying to not yell at her to take the fucking sweater. "You're going to take the sweater out? Or do I have to do it for you?" she sighed, clearly trying to pull the tears back. But she did nothing. She just sat up on the bed, still watching the wall. So, desesperated, he took a pair of scissors and approached to her; she started to fight, but, clearly, he was stronger than her; he ended up doing what he wanted, cutting the sweater's sleeves.

Pink, white, and red scars were there, along with a little amount of blood on the red ones. He threw the scissors somewhere and started licking the blood from the recent cuts. She pushed him, standing as far as she could from him.

"That was gross".

"And what you do is not?" he replied, keeping his anger inside.

"Is not like you don't do it".

"I'm different. I have no future, and no one loves me" his words got stuck in her head, just like if they were venom. When she got the courage to look at his eyes, he was crying.

"I love you. But you hurt me".

"AND YOU THINK THAT I'M NOT TRYING MY BEST TO KEEP ME FROM HURTING YOU, OR MOM, OR DAD, OR EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PERSON THAT GETS IN MY WAY?!" he punched a wall, and then he crashed his head with the same wall. She walked at him, and turned him to face her. And then, she just hugged him, crying hard, sobbing as loud as she could. He wrapped his arm around her in a protective way, and started to cry harder. There were angry footsteps coming to Zoe's room, and she pulled him even closer.

"You should go to finish your routine. Or, whatever that you do" they both laughed. He kissed her forehead and, with his sleeve, he wiped off all of her tears. She smiled a little, and he tousled her hair. When he finally got out, his mom was there.

"Did you hurt her?" he sighed in annoyance. Why they always thought that he hurt her?

"No. She's fine" he tried to smile and walked to his bedroom, taking his backpack and filling it with some necessary things, as well as his toothbrush and some toothpaste, 'cause he was certain that he was late. He ran downstairs, trying to go as fast as he could to get in time for school. For the first time in his life, he wanted to be there in time; so he took an apple and a yogurt, and stoped on the front door. "I'm going to school! Zoe! Are you coming?!".

"In a minute!".

"I'll wait!" and he did. He waited almost patiently for her. But, let's be real, the boy wasn't a patient guy at all. But he was trying, and hard. This time, he didn't yell, or did something to rush her, even though they were late.

A minute later, she got out with the keys of the car. She threw them at him and got into the car. He smiled and got into it too.

"Dear Evan Hansen, today is going to be an amazing day, and here's why..." he whispered to himself. "Today, all that you have to do, is survive another day. Then, we can get home and... and... well, do what is planned" he sighed, really tired of it. "I mean, if tomorrow I'm not in school, who would care?".

"I would care" Connor was behind him, with his arms crossed over his chest. The other man jumped on surprised, and then he froze. Connor Murphy was behind him. Jared told him a lot of stories about him, just like that he carried a gun on his backpack, or that he cutted himself, or that he killed someone. There where so many that he couldn't thinkof one at that moment. But the only story that he was able to confirm, was that he was damaged, and badly. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm fucked up, so I fuck up everything that I want to do right. But today I want to be a better shit and I will start saying that I'm sorry" he said, sincerely. His voice was full of shame and it heard a little bit broken.

"Why you would?" fine, Evan. Now he's going to run like everyone else, he thought. Connor sighed, and pulled his sleeves up, showing his scars. He gave the shorter man a half smile, and got all his weight on the desk. Evan swore that he could listen to his own heart on his ears as he got closer to the taller man.

"Because I don't want you to be a shit like me. I don't want you to try to kill yourself. And, please, don't tell anyone that I actually have feelings, that will make me look like an adorable teddy bear and I don't fucking want that. Are we clear, Evan?" the shorter man nodded, and gave him a half smile.

But that was enough for Connor. He knew that it was enough.

Well, hey! I really love this musical, and so I wanted to bring something really different: the sweet side of Connor, the angry and sad side of Zoe, the angry side of Evan, and the lovely side of Jared.

Any constructive critic is welcome! Feel free to give your opinion