Will you still love me tomorrow?
Daniella says: I haven't figured out why Nora and her sister bore a grudge against Miles. Maybe it was indeed mentioned in Season 1, and I missed it. Anyway, this is one take on how things could have happened.
"I won't tell if you won't," Nora had playfully said as she climbed out of her clothes and into Miles' bed. He touched her shoulders, her back, at first tentatively, then more daringly, moving on to her breasts and then lower down her body. How long had it been? He didn't dare even think about it – or about the last time he had had sex with Nora, or of what had happened afterwards.
"I stink," she said, suddenly self-conscious of the days she had spent in the same sweaty clothes. "There's been no water to spare."
"No kiddin'", he said, stopping for moment the experimental little licks he was giving her breasts. "Too bad you couldn't join me in the spa I visited after dinner."
He showed her his grimy hands. Nora laughed.
"You should have been there," continued Miles. "Bubble baths...body creams...shampoo..."
He moved his lips a little lower.
"Stop it," she giggled. "No, not that," she added hurriedly as he lifted his head. "Stop talking to me about baths and shampoos. You know, in the first months after the blackout, I used to cry for my shampoo?"
She laughed again, but this time it was a bitter laugh.
"Then I had many other things to cry about."
Miles lifted his head again.
"Hey. None of this tonight, ok? Let's just be...normal."
She pushed herself lower on the bed, took him in her mouth.
"Oh yeah. That's the kind of normal I meant," agreed Miles.
When he entered her, she let out a little gasp. Miles immediately stopped moving.
"Did I hurt you?" he asked.
"No, you idiot," she replied tenderly, making herself more comfortable. "It's just been...don't laugh. You may find this hard to believe, but it's been a very long time for me."
"Well then let's have some remedial fucking," he said, starting to move slowly. "I'll help you remember."
And all the time he was thinking, please please please don't ask me how long it's been for me. Gone were the days when, as Officer Commanding of the militia, he had his free pick of girls. Hungry, desperate girls. Those days were gone and he often wished that he didn't remember them. But it would be embarrassing to admit to Nora how long it had been. And it would be humiliating to lie.
He helped her with his fingers, and she moaned softly. They almost managed to climax together, all the time laughing with the effort to keep their voices down. Nora felt more human than she had felt in a long time.
Afterwards, she let her head rest on his chest. Exhausted from the endless fighting, finding comfort in human touch, the fell asleep quickly, Miles laying a protective hand across her back.
Nora woke up first and just stared at him, not moving so as to not wake him up. But Miles must have sensed it, and opened his eyes anyway.
"What?" he asked suspiciously, seeing the look on her face.
"Can I ask you something?" she whispered.
"Any chance of 'no' being an acceptable answer?"
She shook her head.
"OK, then. Shoot."
"When we were together...before...did you ever really love me?"
Miles groaned. He didn't even try to keep his voice down this time.
"God, Nora, you pick the weirdest moments..."
She cupped his face in her hands.
"You're not getting away with this," she said. "Now is as good a time as ever. We might be killed tomorrow. So, did you ever really love me?"
Miles took the plunge.
"Yes," he whispered.
When she looked at him next, tears glistened in her eyes.
"Then why did you leave after the attack? I was in the hospital, Miles. If you call that camp Monroe had set up a hospital. And you left!"
"They took good care of you – thanks to Monroe," he said awkwardly.
"Leave Monroe out of this," she said, and he noticed that now her voice was icy cold. "I was viciously attacked. I had a concussion. I almost bled to death. And when I woke up, you were gone. Why, Miles? And please don't tell me that you had urgent militia business to attend to!"
Miles looked at his hands. At the ceiling. Anywhere but Nora.
"Don't be a coward!" she said fiercely. "Answer me!"
He raised his eyes to hers.
"Did you ever find out why you were attacked?" he whispered. "Did Bass ever tell you?"
She shook her head.
"Nora...I...the reason you were attacked was because they wanted to get to me. The men who attacked you were the relatives of two Brooklyn thugs I had killed. Mob connections. Oh yes, blackout or not, the mob was still there. At the time. Before Monroe took over."
"I said keep Monroe out of it," she said shakily. "What do you mean, they wanted to get to you?"
"A bounty had been set for my capture. And another bounty had been set for the capture, dead or alive, of any of my associates and friends. You were on the top of the list, Nora. Bass found out just in time to save you...and then he told me. I came to see you at the hospital. You were not conscious, but I was there. And then I decided that you shouldn't suffer again because of me. I made sure that Bass would send you to another camp, as far away as possible. And then I left."
She looked at him for a long time, not speaking.
"I was wrong," she said finally. "You are a coward."
He dropped his eyes.
"Yes. I am. I couldn't see you there, like that, and know that it was my fault."
"You could have told me, Miles," she said softly. "You could have left me a letter. You could have sent for me."
He shook his head.
"I couldn't risk it."
"You didn't think it should be my decision?" she snapped. "I was so lonely, Miles! Lonely and scared, and you were not there. And I didn't know if you had left because you just found another woman, or just got bored of me, or I don't know what!"
When Miles spoke again, his voice was so low that she could hardly hear him.
"Yes. But you were alive."
They were silent for a while, then Nora reached and took his fingers into hers.
"Mia will never forgive you, you know. She saw the mess I was in when I went to live with her after you left. She still bears a grudge."
She looked thoughtful for a moment.
"And how do I know you will not leave me again tomorrow?"
Miles looked out of the window. A pale dawn was breaking.
"It is tomorrow. And I am here."
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