Mornings

by lifethatyouhate

“I think you’ve been running long enough, Riku,” the brunette beside him spoke, setting her hand over his. Riku pulled his hand away and stood up. “Then why am I still here?”

Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters associated with it.

If Riku had to pin all of his hate onto one single thing, it would probably be the light.

The light that made darkness the bad guy. The light that shone in through his bedroom window every morning, woke him up from his dreams and reminded him that he was on Destiny Islands, and that he was the bad guy too. Sora was the light and he was the darkness, and he couldn't erase the time he had spent wondering the corridors of darkness.

But at the same time, he hated darkness. Darkness that was inside of him and made him that bad guy. Darkness that destroyed his home once before and forced his friends away. Darkness that compelled him to betray his best friend, darkness that persuaded him to do horrible things that he couldn't stand to think about.

Only, darkness didn't wake him up in the morning.

"Time to get up," he coached himself, though he continued to lie in bed and did not move. "You're seventeen years old. No time left to be lazy."

He stared at the childish room he had been living in, just like a normal teenager, for the past year. The pirate ships around the top of the walls. He had been on a pirate ship. He had assisted a pirate. Pirate ships were no longer "cool," they were merely another reminder of his dark times. Then there were the stuffed animals on top of the dresser. His mother might wring his neck if he tried to suffocate them in one of the drawers. Besides, those animals, the creatures he thought were so fascinating when he was young…not as interesting up close.

Everything was a reminder of innocence, and how he had lost it. Every little thing seemed to remind him of his time spent wondering the corridors of darkness, stealing and hurting. Going as far as attacking his best friend, hurting Sora. Keeping Kairi away from him as if she would get her heart back and give it to him, as if his best friends hadn't been in love since the mayor found her lying on the beach.

"Wake up. Sora and Kairi are gonna be waiting for you at the paopu tree. Time to get up," he kept saying, repeating it so often that what was supposed to be a command completely lost its meaning. Kairi and Sora, together. He didn't mind that the way he had before their journey. Before Kairi was a princess and Sora was the keyblade master. It used to be very tough, watching them. Now he, along with all of the other islanders, cheerfully anticipated the day they would actually share a paopu instead of lounging around sharing stories of their time apart.

Finally he kicked himself out of bed, stumbling to land on his feet. He wasn't the strongest on the island anymore- no, that spot was taken by Sora now, though he didn't have the muscles to prove it. He wasn't the fastest, either. Even Kairi gave him a run for his money sometimes. He wasn't the smartest, anymore. Who knew Kairi had been so dedicated in her studies? As for handsomest, well, Sora was definitely the local favorite among island girls now.

In fact, the golden couple took up every heroic spot in Destiny Islands that he used to fill. Riku had once been the pride and joy of the islands, and now he was the one they shunned, the one they tried to ignore. Kairi was the damsel in distress who had waited for the boy she loved. Sora was the hero who saved her, returned her to home, saved all of the other worlds, and saved his best friend even after said best friend betrayed him.

Riku loved Sora. And Kairi. He loved both of them more than he loved anything else. They were his best friends. They were his everything. They were close to his heart, and he would die for them, though he didn't go around proclaiming that. But none of that made it sting less to always be beneath them, to be the shadow to their light.

He pulled on his clothes and shoes and left his mom, still sleeping probably, to head out to the dock. Only Sora's boat was gone, but that didn't surprise him. He had been carting around Kairi in his lately, the two crammed together in that little space. Riku tightened the knot on Kairi's- just in case- and loosened the knot on his, pushing it out into the water and jumping in after it. He had gotten heavier since he was a boy, and the water splashed up and made a puddle where his feet went.

The silver haired boy ignored this and paddled quickly, easily, over to the island where they used to play. Maybe my heart just isn't in being the best on the island anymore, he told himself. He was strong on his own, and yet with his friends…sometimes he had the feeling even Kairi could beat him in an arm wrestling match, and she could barely even push her own boat out to sea. I guess I've just given up.

"Given up what?" A distinctly female voice asked him, and he saw two hands pick the rope sinking in the water up and tie his boat to the dock.

"Selphie?" Riku asked. When was the last time he had even seen her? She had been there upon their arrival, and she was there in school, and she was there on the island with Tidus and Wakka most of the time…but he didn't remember talking to her. Or looking at her, for that matter. He knew she was there because he could hear her, talking to Kairi, talking to Sora, but he paid no attention to it.

She held out her hand and he looked up at her smiling face. "Of course, silly. What, did I catch you talking to yourself?"

She kept her hand in his face and so finally he grasped it and let her help him to the dock, as if he needed some sort of help to step onto the bridge. "No…or, I guess…I didn't realize I was talking out loud."

Selphie grinned and held onto his hand, her grin fading quickly as she looked down at it. "Gosh, Riku, your hand is frozen." She let go of his hand, and it flopped back to his side uselessly. She put the back of her hand up to his forehead, like Sora and Kairi always did. They constantly checked to see if he was 'going mad.' Maybe their looks had matured, but their senses of humor hadn't, much to his amusement.

"You're cold all over!"

For some reason, his skin was always cold after he had returned. Maybe it was the time in the darkness. He looked at Selphie and shrugged before looking over at the paopu tree to check for his friends. Before he really searched for the familiar faces, though, he turned to really look at the girl before him instead.

Had she really changed that much? He remembered her as a young girl with pink cheeks and a yellow dress, constantly jumping rope, arguing with Tidus and Wakka about whether or not the paopu legend was romantic, saying that they weren't paying attention to her.

Now he looked at a much older girl- she looked almost his age, in fact, and he was at least a year older than her- with much older features. She had on make-up, that was clear, and a long silver locket hung halfway down her chest, leading his eyes down to her dangerously short dress, though he could make out shorts beneath it. Her legs seemed to go and on until they reached the same pair of flip flops he remembered her having, and her jump rope was nowhere to be found. Bracelets wound themselves around her wrist, and her hair was much darker now, and everything about her was different, it seemed.

"What are you looking at?" She asked him, smoothing down her hair. "You're making me nervous!" She added on, laughing as she took a single step closer to him, though he felt he might have just imagined it.

"I just didn't realize…" He stopped himself there. What was he supposed to say? That you've grown up? That you've gotten to be beautiful? There wasn't much he could say to her that wouldn't offend her, and he didn't want to say much anyways. She was just a girl on an island of people who thought he was the antichrist, dabbling too far into darkness and hurting his best friends. "Never mind. I better go meet up with Sora and Kai…"

His voice drifted off as he looked at the empty island where the paopu tree rested. Where were they, anyways?

"Oh…they're a bit busy, I think. Went to the Secret Place. Tidus and Wakka say today is the day, but I doubt it. I think Sora's gonna put it off for at least another week," she giggled. She had noticed as well, he acknowledged with a grin, how hesitant his best friend could be.

"I guess I better not interrupt then," Riku answered, crouching to untie his boat and head back.

Selphie's hand found his again as she held it in place, laughing. "Oh, come on Riku! You never talk to me or the boys anymore. Stay! We wanna hear your stories too!"

Riku hesitated, and instead of giving her a real question, asked, "Where are Tidus and Wakka, anyways?", staying still in his place.

Selphie giggled again. "Okay, so maybe they'd rather go off and play ball, but I wanna hear. You never talk to us anymore. The only people you talk to are Sora and Kairi."

He gently pulled his hand from her grasp. "You don't want to hear my stories," he stated, though he didn't continue untying his boat. He found it interesting, how direct she was being. Had she been like this before? He couldn't really remember. Besides, he did spend most of his time talking to Sora and Kairi. It was somewhat interesting, conversing with someone different for a change, someone who wasn't paying more attention to the red head on the other side of you, or someone who wasn't waiting for a certain boy to split a paopu fruit in half already.

"How do you know that if you've never told me one in the first place?" Selphie responded, folding her arms and pouting her red lips.

In spite of himself, Riku felt a small smile creep onto his lips. "What kind of stories do you want to hear?"

"Well…did you fly, like Sora did in…what world was that…" she paused, putting a single finger on those aforementioned lips, starting to walk away, though she paused at the start of the dock and looked back at him, waiting for him to catch up with her.

He obediently followed. "Neverland…but my stories there aren't so…interesting." Helping Captain Hook imprison an innocent girl, taunting Sora and conjuring up an enemy for him to fight…it wasn't his proudest moment.

"Well, what about…" she paused and climbed the ladder she had led him too, and Riku felt his cheeks redden as he stared down, stared left and right, stared anywhere but at that girl creeping up in the yellow dress. If he looked up right at that moment, he would…he waited until he heard her feet hit the wooden planks and climbed up after her.

They paused at the little deck where Tidus used to practice, if that was what you could call repeatedly striking the air with his stick. Selphie sat cross-legged at one side and patted the spot next to her, which Riku took, dangling his legs out and over the ocean.

"What about…what about…" Selphie kept murmuring. "Oh, I don't know! Tell me a story. Any story."

What could he tell her about, that wouldn't show her what a horrible person he was…that wouldn't chase her away? He wanted her to stay, he decided, and his stories of being possessed by Ansem, killing heartless and nobodies, accepting the darkness...they were things he wanted to forget, not share with the pretty girl beside him.

"Well, Sora told you about Olympus Coliseum, right?" he asked her after a long pause. Participating in the games, that hadn't been too brutal. During Sora's sleep, he had been forced to compete, though thankfully not at the same time his nobody had. That was what had convinced him to forfeit his last competition, in fact.

Selphie nodded her head. "With the hero Hercules and those games? Were you in those?" she asked him.

He grinned a small grin and nodded his head as well. "Yeah…while Sora was…" he looked down and thought about Sora's sleep. The worry that his best friend would never wake up. The struggle he had with his memories. Watching everyone who knew him forget he even existed… "Sleeping…I had to participate in the games. DiZ…er…this guy…he wanted me to defeat someone, and he told me he would tell me one of the secrets he was keeping…I didn't go all the way, like Sora did. I had to forfeit."

"Why?" Selphie asked him, blinking her long eyelashes, head tilted to the side. He doubted she knew as much as he and his two best friends did…she probably knew nothing about Roxas and Namine. She probably didn't know much except interesting things like Sora flying and heroic things like Sora sacrificing himself for Kairi, and of course she knew about his dabble into darkness, thanks to Sora's two friends who just had to stay one night.

"I couldn't…fight one of them. It wasn't necessary and…I had to fight him later, anyways. I didn't want him to know anything about me until that time." He remembered there had been another reason…a girl he had been with, that Riku had been trying to help? Wasn't there a girl…someone Roxas was friends with…no, he decided. It was just Roxas and that nobody, Axel. They were best friends.

"Wow," Selphie replied. "What were the games like?"

Riku mentally celebrated the fact that she did not ask him about his fight with Roxas. Perhaps she had heard a bit about that part, of perhaps not. But either way, he didn't want to detail his loss and then his full acceptance of the darkness within him. It was best if that story merely stayed with him. Even Sora didn't know much about it. Only King Mickey knew most of the details, and even that was only most, not all.

"Interesting," Riku replied. "Lots of heartless and nobodies, but they're not that hard to defeat. There was this guy though, recruiting heroes…he found Sora and his friends, and he was in charge of Hercules…he didn't like me much, though. Kept trying to make me lose."

Selphie giggled a bit, and he shot a look at her, but realized she wasn't laughing at him. "That weird…what was his name? Goofy. He kept saying something about someone named Phil who wouldn't call them official heroes, who constantly said he would say only two words, three words, but never did. Sora's friends, they were funny."

"Yeah. Sora had a lot of friends," Riku murmured. He thought about all of the people Sora talked about, all of the people Sora missed. He had only had one good friend besides Sora and Kairi, and that was Mickey.

"You were close with…" the girl ran her fingers through her dark brown hair, concentrating hard. "Mickey!" she answered finally. Riku was surprised Sora and Kairi hadn't described him more and really drilled the name of the king into her head. "I remember that you guys were really close. Do you miss him a lot?"

Riku hesitated. He didn't like getting all deep in conversations. He didn't mind talking to Sora and Kairi like that, but Selphie?

He shrugged in response.

She sighed. "I asked something too personal, huh?" Her voice didn't sound as innocent as usual, but a bit frustrated.

Riku felt a pang of guilt. It wouldn't have been hard to at least say, "Sometimes." Instead, he had to shrug off the only person besides his best friends who had shown any interest in what he had to say.

"It's just…I don't…" Talk much? He drifted off instead of finishing his sentence once more. He never did think things through, he decided. Maybe if he had stopped to think years ago, he never would have opened that door. He, Sora, and Kairi would have sailed off on their raft…or maybe if he had thought when he encountered Maleficent, if he had trusted his instinct…or not just ran off when Sora's new friend told him he couldn't join them, if he had just stuck around for Sora…

"I made a lot of mistakes," he finished. "Things I don't want to talk about."

"You're just running from your past, though!" Selphie told him, sounding more concerned than annoyed now. "You did bad things, I know that, but you did good things to. Sora told us about how you took that hit for him…that's why you limped when you got back, you saved his life."

Without thinking he touched the spot where his scar was beneath his clothes, frowning. So Sora was chalking him up to be some sort of hero, and still people didn't want to talk about him?

"I think you've been running long enough, Riku," the brunette beside him spoke, setting her hand over his.

Riku pulled his hand away and stood up. "Then why am I still here?"

Selphie stared up at him, stunned. "What's the matter with you? Why can't you just accept that people care about you and be happy? Is that really so hard?" she asked from her spot on the ground.

The boy, as he felt much more like that than a man, returned her gaze. "Yes, it is. You don't know the things I did, Selphie. If you did, you wouldn't want to talk to me."

She leapt to her feet with surprising speed, leaning right up into his face- or so she would, if she were several inches taller. Her head came to his chest, and she looked up at him as she argued, "And how do you know that? How do you know what any of us think of you if you haven't given us a chance?"

"I just gave you a chance, and you're mad. See?" he pointed out calmly, taking a step back and folding his hands. Here came the thought thing again. I should have expected this, he told himself, I should have thought about how good she is and how bad I am when I was trying to untie my boat. Then he would be safe at home, waiting to hear if Sora finally shared the paopu with Kairi, doing his schoolwork like he was supposed to.

"You didn't give me a chance, Riku. You have never given me a chance in all the years that I had a crush on you," she folded her arms angrily, turning away from him with a very distinct hmph.

Riku stared at her back, dumbfounded. He couldn't really remember much of Selphie and his conversations before…they got along, and sometimes they played together, didn't they? She had never given him a reason to think she…

"What?" he asked her, giving her a very uncharacteristic look. He had fought with Ansem, he had fought members of Organization 13…he had fought their thirteenth member, in fact, and almost killed himself. He had been forced to give into the darkness, he had been faced with the darkness ever since the day he saw Destiny Islands' keyhole in the Secret Place.

Yet Selphie Tilmitt had him more afraid than he had ever been…or at least, afraid in a completely different way. Before, he was scared for his life, scared for Sora's life. Now, he was afraid of losing something that he couldn't quite put his finger on. No, it wasn't friendship…he couldn't really call her a good friend. But there was something he really didn't want to lose when it came to the girl before him.

"Oh, come on Riku," the brunette huffed, turning back to him with her hands on her hips, leaning very close to him so that he could see her green eyes up close, masked with blue eye shadow and mascara and still there underneath it all, still glaring at him. "Everyone on the island has known for like a bajillion years that I've had a crush on you."

Riku grinned despite the situation, but as she continued, her humor disappeared. "I mean, I thought that maybe when you came back, you would realize that I like you…but no. You're still caught up in much bigger things than a girl you've known forever."

When Selphie finished she took a deep breath and then turned away again much like before, folding her arms even tighter, leaving Riku in an even bigger predicament. He couldn't remember ever really comforting someone. Even Sora he let suffer, because he didn't know what to do. His best friend had dropped to his knees, holding onto him and crying, and he had been at a total loss of words.

"Selphie…" he started, but that was all he could get out. Perhaps he had liked the girl…but he didn't remember it. All he knew was that in that moment, on that day, as he stared at the girl in front of him, he liked her. And he didn't want her to be upset. And so, inside of him, that sensitivity kicked in, and he grabbed onto her shoulder and spun her around.

"I think you're beautiful. And funny. And kind." He told her, because it was the best he could do. He couldn't tell her he liked her, he couldn't tell her how he felt deep inside, in that annoying section of his heart he had locked away long ago, because he didn't yet know where the key was. But he felt for her, in the same way she felt for him, and so he told her that, and so she smiled.

He went to take a step closer to her, looking very nervous, but she put her hand on his chest, grinning. "That's not exactly what I was looking for, Riku," she told him.

His face fell even more, and he looked down, prepared to step back, when he felt her other hand touch him, warm fingertips on his cold forearm. "But it's the best you've got right now…and it's good enough for me," she laughed a bit as his expression changed.

Selphie smiled and let him step closer this time, and as he did, he tilted his head slightly. He had never kissed anyone before, he thought to himself. Kissing, he decided, was just as terrifying a notion as fighting his best friend's dual wielding nobody.

But the second their lips touched, the second they kissed, new footsteps sounded on the wooden planks and they leapt apart, Riku's eyes widened in a state of surprise that he didn't often find himself in.

"Hey, Riku," Sora said with almost a smirk, Kairi's hand in his. "I was wondering why you didn't meet up with us…we've been at the paopu tree for a bit, and we could see you…"

"But now we know," Kairi chuckled, exchanging a look with her female friend.

"I thought…I thought you guys were at the Secret Place," Riku replied, shooting a pointed look at his friend's intertwined hands.

Sora and Kairi laughed as the brunette pulled the red head closer to his best friend, murmuring to him, "Riku, I've got a lot to tell you."

Riku paused. So it seemed like maybe his best friends had finally reached that day. It would be best to just not talk about what he had been through. He would push aside his story and listen to theirs, like always…

He looked over Sora's shoulder and saw Selphie blushing a bit as she smiled over at him before her eyes lowered to the ground.

For the first time in quite a while, Riku decided that he wanted to tell his friends something too.

"Same here, Sora."

Maybe mornings weren't too bad, anyways.

Author's Note: Stuck in something about Xion of course haha. I just wanted to fit it in. And I know the stuff at Olympus Coliseum didn't happen, but Riku needed a sort of story that was sort of okay to tell Selphie. =p I wasn't going to publish this but I finally decided to haha. I don't really like it much but at the same time I sort of do and I don't know. I don't even like Selphie/Riku that much but I feel like Riku needs somebody haha. I rewrote this story so many times before deciding on this…hopefully you guys liked it, thanks for reading!