It was a rainy night in New York City. But it wasn't any night of the year… it was Christmas Eve. Today young boys and (mainly) girls were anxiously waiting with their parents outside the David. H. Koch Theatre, for the stars of the New York City Ballet production of "The Nutcracker".
However there was a girl outside the stage door. She was too old to be one of the children but too young to be the mother of one of the children.
A few years back some of her friends might say she dressed like the children. But in recent years she had matured greatly and so had her style. Tonight, she was dressed in thick black tights and ankle boots that were the same grey as her trench coat which adorned sleeves that ran to her elbows and was tied at the waist, flattering her small figure.
The woman sighed and tucked a strand of silky brown behind her delicate ear. She had come to New York every year with her fathers to see the Nutcracker on Christmas Eve but this was the first year she came alone. She was twenty two and had would be graduating from Julliard soon. For the past three years her Dad's would come and visit her in New York for Christmas and they would make a point of them coming here with her. She hadn't returned to her home town of Ohio in three years.
But this year she was performing in a Spring Musical that the school was putting on. She played Cossette in Les Miserables. It was an amazing experience, plus she got to share the stage with one of her best friends Kurt Hummel who played her love, Marius.
Of course her dad's came to watch her perform, but plane tickets to New York aren't cheap and even on her dad's lawyer and interior designer salaries they could only afford one plane ticket to NY per year.
But Rachel was devastated that she was spending Christmas alone. She could have gone back to Ohio but she didn't want to leave New York. It had really become her home. Kurt was returning to Ohio and so was her roommate Mercedes Jones.
So she was standing in the wet rain, on Christmas Eve alone outside the David H. Koch theatre, waiting for the same dancers that she had probably already met to give her autographs that she already had after watching the same ballet she had already seen twenty one times before. And yet, she couldn't leave. It was her tradition and she wanted some normality on this Christmas. Besides, all that was waiting for her at home was an empty hotel room. The same room she had rented out with her dad's every year.
"Psst cutie at twelve o'clock" a middle aged mother said to her friend. The friend looked at said cutie and giggled like a school girl when he met her stare. The man sighed. It really was sad when middle aged married mothers talked like they were twelve years old, thinking they were "up with the lingo". No one even said lingo anymore.
Though the mothers had a point. He was cute and they weren't the only ones staring.
"Shame he's gay" Another woman sighed to herself.
Yes they probably all thought the same thing. No, he wasn't gay but he was standing outside the David H. Koch Theatre waiting for the autographs of the stars of "The Nutcracker". Alone...
He really had no idea why he was there. But he guessed it would be much better than being alone in his apartment on Christmas Eve. He didn't even have a Christmas tree. What was the point? No one would see it.
It sounds depressing but that's what Jesse's life was at the moment. He knew he shouldn't be. He played the lead role as Tony in West Side Story; he lived in New York City the best place in the world. He had plenty of friends and money… but the truth was in spite of all of it something was missing. He felt empty.
Ever since he was a child he loved ballet. He had been taking lessons since he was a child and he was mocked for it a little in school but he didn't care. He told them all about exactly where he got to touch girls during their lifts and soon enough half the boys in his grade signed up for ballet club. He kept with it up until college; where he was too busy focusing on singing and acting to keep dancing.
He regretted it though and maybe that's what brought him here. He knew he wasn't talented enough to be a professional ballet dancer and that's not what he wanted to do. He was happy with his career. He just thought it would be fun. It wasn't. It just filled him with regret.
Ballet was the one connection he had to his mother. She was a ballerina in her day and that's what inspired him to start lessons. She came to every concert until he was sixteen. Then she discovered her travel ambitions and she and his dad spent the rest of their years traveling. Jesse hadn't seen them since he went to college. His uncle had done a better job of raising him than his parents had but even he wasn't around much.
So now he stood outside the stage door with all the gossiping mothers and bored looking fathers holding their excited children, clutching programs in their tiny hands.
Rachel was getting impatient. She was sure they hadn't taken this long last year. But then she felt upset with herself. She was a fellow performer. She was sure they were being as quick as possible.
Jesse was also getting impatient. But not with the dancers – with himself. Why couldn't he just figure out what was wrong already? He was Jesse St. James! He had everything he could want. "Look" He thought to himself "I'm sure this is just stress. Tonight, call up Leanne and ask her to take a ballet class with you next week. You know she'll say yes. You don't like her much but you could do with some company." Yes he could. That's what was wrong. He was alone.
"What's wrong with me?" She wondered as she felt the urge to stamp her foot. Suddenly the stage doors flew open. All the kids and their parents rushed to the door but for some reason Rachel didn't. She held back. She remembered what it felt like to be seven and meeting a real life performer. The stage door was like a stairway to heaven. She was sure all these kids felt the same way. So she let them in first. She wasn't exactly in any hurry. Suddenly a wave of loneliness hit her and tears filled her eyes. She had been doing her best to keep them away all night but now they threatened to spill over her cheeks. She pulled out her oversized glasses and put them over her big brown eyes.
Jesse sighed. The rain wasn't passing over anytime soon. He pulled the hood of his favorite leather jacket over the top of his wet brown curls. He was already wearing his favorite designer shades to mask his identity. He didn't want to be seen on the front page of Broadway Starz seeing a ballet. Of course he wouldn't mind but his agent probably would.
The stage doors opened a few minutes ago but he held back. He remembered the last time he saw "The Nutcracker". He was eight and he charged forward the second the stage doors opened. He was the only boy there but he didn't mind. He was first in line and he told the lady proudly
"When I grow up I'm going to be just like you"
"A dancer?" She asked with a warm smile
"No. A star" He announced
And she signed his autograph book "To my little star Jesse. May you one day shine brighter than Venus."
"What's Venus?" He asked her. They were yet to learn astronomy in school.
She pointed it out in the sky. That was the first night in a long time that they'd been able to see it.
Jesse couldn't see it now through the rain. Suddenly he felt out of place. What was he doing here? He turned on his heel and started to walk away when he saw her.
She looked like a spy in her long grey trench coat and grey ankle boots, her hair tucked into a soft wool hat with large sunglasses hiding her eyes. And yet she looked familiar. But how could she? He couldn't even make out her hair color through the rain. He moved closer to inspect.
Rachel was standing back from the slowly decreasing crowd. She was going to move in closer (she may not want to get in the kids way but she had been waiting a while – she still wanted that autograph. Maybe even some lifestyle tips…) when she saw a hooded figure approaching. The figure was tall, wearing a leather jacket with the hood pulled over masking any evidence of hair and large sunglasses which looked rather expensive. He kind of scared her
"Are you going to rob me?" She asked in a lower tone of voice than she usual used in an attempt to mask her sobs. It worked and now instead of sounding like a wimpy little girl she sounded like an old lady choking on something. The man laughed
"No I just wanted to say Hi" said a familiar voice. But she was too depressed to try and figure out why it was so familiar
"Hi" she said in the same strangled tone
"Why so glum?" He asked
"Just lonely I guess… its Christmas Eve and instead of spending the night watching the Nutcracker with my dad's then going out to my favorite restaurant before going home and curling up near the fireplace, sipping hot chocolate, watching The Way We Were and pondering the next days festivities… well not Christmas because I'm Jewish but we still have a nice lunch together just the three of us but not this year" She said quickly. She felt strange telling all this to a stranger but he sounded so familiar. Maybe they weren't strangers.
They certainly weren't, but maybe it would be better if they were. Jesse was depressed but he wasn't stupid. How many girls did he know that lived in New York, were Jewish with two dads' who saw the Nutcracker every Christmas without fail (a fact which he had stupidly forgotten… maybe he was stupid after all)? So he was pretty sure it was Rachel but he knew that if she knew it was him she'd run off and he'd never see her again. So before she figured out it was him (which would be soon… Rachel was pretty smart but Jesse hoped her apparent sadness would cloud her judgment) he needed to know a few things.
"What about you?" She asked in that terrible voice that she used to always put on when she was trying to mask tears. He was glad to see she hadn't changed as much as he suspected she would the next time her saw her.
"Oh I'm not sad. Just a little lonely I guess." He said quickly wanting to get the conversation back on her "So do you come to New York often?" He asked. Unbeknownst to her the question was rhetorical.
"Oh I live here" She said brightly "I board at Julliard during school – I'm in my last year – and during the holidays I stay at the Imperial Court Hotel"
Jesse took a mental note of the place and it was just as well because it was only a second before his cover was blown. Literally.
A large gust of wind came and everyone flinched at the cold wind. Jesse ducked as a spray of rain came flying his way and accidentally knocked of his glasses.
Rachel would know those eyes anywhere.
"Jesse!" She asked sounding horrified. Jesse glanced up quickly and grabbed a hold of her arm
"Rachel-"
But she had already started running
People started to stare so Jesse started to walk in the other direction to where Rachel left. He headed to his favorite coffee place which lucky for him was open all hours. He grabbed his usual and sat down at his usual seat.
"We close at midnight Jess" his regular server Paul reminded him "Its Christmas Eve but I refuse to work on Christmas" Jesse sighed. Even Paul had a wife and kids.
"No worries" Jesse muttered checking his watch. It was 11:30 and he was the only one (bar Paul) in the coffee shop.
He stared into his mug. Rachel Berry. He hadn't seen her in years…
It was midnight on a Friday and whilst most teenagers his age were out partying Jesse was at school. Vocal Adrenaline rehearsal had just ended but Shelby was making him stay behind. Probably because he accidentally dropped Andrea Cohen during a lift and she had nearly broken her ankle.
So he rested on the edge of the stage waiting for the lecture when Shelby sat down beside him. He had great respect for his coach and he knew he was her favorite. And despite him nearly breaking the ankle of their female lead he was only a little surprised when she invited him to come spy with her at another teams Sectionals. She claimed she wanted to check out their competition. As it was something they often did but when he asked her if the whole club was coming he was surprised when she said she only wanted him to come.
Of course the next day he found out she had entirely different motives.
He and Shelby sat in the very back row in the middle. Shelby was clutching her bag nervously and Jesse asked to read the program but he didn't need to – Shelby had it memorized.
"The Harbourd Deaf Choir will be performing first singing Imagine, Heal the World and Chitiquita. The Jane Adams Academy will be performing Bootylicious, Whenever Wherever then Hot Stuff. Performing last is" She took a deep breath "New Directions, who will be performing And I'm Telling You, Proud Mary and Don't Stop Believin." Shelby recalled.
"Wow, you really looked into this" Jesse said in wonder. Shelby didn't reply.
First up as Shelby promised was the Deaf Choir. The performed Imagine and Heal the World as said but finished with Don't Stop Believin.
"Wait didn't you say New Directions was performing Don't Stop?" Jesse asked. Shelby checked the program.
"There must be a mistake" Shelby whispered. Jesse wondered why she cared so much
"I reckon they stole the song" Jesse said smirking. Stealing other people's songs was pretty low.
"It looks like it…" Shelby agreed sadly. Before he had a chance to ask her why she was so sad the Jane Adams girls started performing Bootylicious as promised and I'm Telling You and Proud Mary in wheel chairs. Jesse wondered if they were trying to make some sort of statement but then looked over to where New Directions were sitting and saw one of their students in a wheel chair. Jesse laughed
"Oh they definitely stole their songs!" He laughed gesturing to the boy
"Oh no" Shelby whispered
"What's the matter?" Jesse asked her sounding concerned "This is good. If they can't perform than the Deaf Choir or Hairography Users will be our next competition and we'll have it in the bag." But Shelby didn't answer.
Finally it was New Directions turn. Apparently they had figured out their set list had been stolen and had quickly thought of a new one since the music to Don't Rain On My Parade began, a song that was most definitely not on their set list. A song that Jesse had always wanted to see Vocal Adrenaline sing but never had the heart to suggest it, lest Andrea Cohen who performed with the emotion of the chair he was sitting on completely butchered it, in the way he expected this song to be sung now. If Vocal Adrenaline never had the courage to sing Barbra, how could this poor school sing it with only an hour's preparation? Jesse shuddered at the prospect.
Suddenly the curtains at the back flew open and a dark haired girl appeared and sang the opening lines. She was good. No better than good. During her performance she made her way down the aisle, flirting with the audience. She ran up to the stage and finished the song with the last note which seemed to last forever and brought the audience to its feet in a standing ovation. When the song was over Jesse glanced over to see what Shelby thought but she was gone. He went out of the center and found her in the lobby crying.
"What's the matter Shelby?" Jesse asked "Don't worry… she was good but we're better" He tried to convince her while lying through his teeth. She had almost as much talent as he did. And he was the most talented in Vocal Adrenaline.
"It's not that" She sobbed
"What is it then?" Jesse asked
"She's my daughter" Shelby gasped
"Oh my god" Jesse sat down on the sofa next to her
"It's a long story Jesse" She said drying her eyes "And I'm not telling you today. Do you know why I brought you here today" truthfully now Jesse wasn't so sure. He shook his head
"You are going to meet Rachel. Befriend her. And then bring her to me." With that final sentence Shelby stood up
"Befriend her?" Jesse asked curiously
"Get to know her. Get close to her. I don't care how, do whatever it takes. I expect weekly progress reports. Oh and Jesse" She said as she turned to leave "If you don't succeed I'm kicking you out of Vocal Adrenaline and you can kiss you UCLA scholarship goodbye." Then she turned and left leaving a gaping Jesse in her wake.
So he did as he was told. Before he left the auditorium he asked around and found out who she was. That night he typed in Rachel Berry to Face book and found her page
Her DP was a picture of her and the glee club with their trophy. Her profile was on private so her display picture was all he could see. He had nothing to go from on where to meet her.
When they returned to school Shelby wanted to know what progress he'd made and he was disappointed to admit her made none but assured her he'd keep trying.
A week later Jesse was scouring the music store for Freddie Mercury's autobiography. He wasn't intending to follow in his footsteps but he still admired the man. Then he saw her…
"My lucky day" He thought happily. She was flipping through sheet music. She picked up a Lionel Richie music book and held it up examining it.
"Lionel Richie huh?" He asked lowering the book so he could stare into her eyes "One of my favorites" He wasn't lying. She looked startled at being spoken to "Oh my god" She said quietly "Your Jesse St. James male lead of Vocal Adrenaline" She'd done her research
"Yes, and you're Rachel Berry" He admitted to knowing her to which surprised her "I saw you perform at Sectionals" He explained. "Your rendition of Don't Rain On My Parade was flawed. You completely lacked Barbra's emotional depth" He criticized, using a line that he heard a critic say at the performance "Your talented though" He allowed picking up her book as an indication for her to follow him.
"I like to come her and scour the autobiographies, pick up some lifestyle tips" It was all true "I'm a senior now so this year's kind of my victory lap. Winning the fourth consecutive national title would just be gravy. I've got a full ride to a little school called the University of California Los Angeles." He turned to face her, his heart fluttering at her deep brown eyes staring innocently back at him "We should take it for a spin" He said referring to the music he still held. He knew that the quickest way to her heart would be through music. He should know, it was the quickest way to his…
"I don't know I'm kind of nervous" She sounded it too. Jesse sighed
"I remember when I used to get nervous. Come on, I do this all the time. I like to give impromptu performances for the homeless. Its so important to give back." He said softly before sitting down on the stool.
As he imagined Hello was the perfect song for him. Actually it was the perfect song for them. Their voices matched perfectly and made the song even more beautiful. At the end the music room burst into applause. It was funny, while singing with her he kind of forgot they were even there. It was just the two of them. Rachel was staring at him expectantly so he took the opportunity to say
"We should do this more often. How's Friday night?" She just nodded in agreement. He stood up and said "Breadsticks. Eight O'clock" And left
Come Friday night and he was nervous as hell. He didn't even know why. It wasn't like he liked her or any thing. She was just interesting that's all. And this whole thing was great practice. On Broadway he would have to pretend like he loved people all the time. This was a good… acting exercise.
So at seven fifty nine he arrived at Breadsticks not wanting to be late, but wishing he arrived earlier. Rachel arrive ten minutes after he did.
"I'm sorry I'm late" She said nervously "Traffic was really bad"
"No worries" Jesse said trying to sooth her (and his) nerves. "You look lovely" He complimented telling the truth. She wore a pretty floral dress and white ballet flats. She let her hair down and Jesse decided it was her best feature after her big brown eyes and Barbra nose.
"Thank you" She said blushing
Soon after they ordered.
"Was my rendition of Don't Rain on my parade that bad?" She asked sounding as if she'd been worried about it
"No. It was great. Just a little lacking…"
"Right" She sighed but then perked up "What about on Monday?" She said referring to when they sang Hello
"I think we sounded amazing together." Jesse admitted
During the rest of the date they talked. About their home lives (Rachel told him about her dad's and Jesse talked about his absent parents, which made Rachel sad but he cheered her up by asking about her favorite musicals), school (Rachel was on the honor roll and just about in every club you can think of – Jesse was much the same) and their respective glee clubs (Rachel ended up telling Jesse all about their members and got a little teary when she mentioned Finn. Jesse was shocked at the way Finn had treated her and felt sparks of jealousy at the way Rachel talked about him).
After dinner Jesse took her out to Central Park and they sat on a bench and talked about their futures. Theirs were much the same. They sang Hello to the ducks who squawked in approval leaving them in tears of laughter.
And after that date when Jesse walked her home and left her on her doorstep. They said goodnight and Jesse started walking away. At the last minute he ran back and kissed her. He then realized that he really did like her.
And it all went down hill from there.
After that deep reflection his coffee had gone cold. He checked his watch. It was eleven forty. He knew what he had to do…
He bade Paul a merry Christmas and good night and ran outside and caught a cab. Ten minutes later he arrived at the Imperial Court Hotel. He wasn't sure which room was hers but he had a fair idea.
He ran through the lobby and got a disapproving look from the receptionist. Much to his dismay the elevators were broken. Just his luck. So he had to take the stairs.
Eleven floors later and he arrived at the penthouse suite. He knocked on the door loudly which was answered by a lady… who was most definitely not Rachel.
She was about fifty and was short (not as short as Rachel though) and in a night gown
"Who are you?" She demanded
"Nobody" Jesse stammered running down to the next level. He knocked on every door but none of them were Rachel. He did this for ever floor until her reached door number one.
"If this is not it I think I might die" Jesse sighed very tired. He was hoping to catch her before twelve but it was already twelve thirty. He knocked on the last door. It wasn't Rachel but a thirty something blonde man wearing a cashmere sweater
"And you are?" He asked quizzically. At least he didn't look mad like all the others. Just surprised. Jesse groaned and fell against the wall
"I'm nobody" he sighed turning to leave
"Are you looking for someone son?" The man asked
"Rachel Berry." He sighed knowing it was useless
"Well she's staying at the Plaza darl. You won't find her here. I'm Callum, I'm her music teacher. I guess it's lucky you looked here after all" He was amused
Jesse gave the man a giant hug which also startled the man
"Merry Christmas!" He yelled before jogging down to the lobby, past the disapproving receptionist and onto the street. He hailed a cab and seven minutes later he was at the Plaza Hotel. He decided that he'd try the same thing he did at the Imperial Court Hotel starting from the top floor at the penthouse. Three floors down he gave up and decided to try numbers that might mean something to her. The first was eighteen – her birthday. Nope. The second was the first – New Years Eve. No Luck. Then he tried Valentines Day. Nope not room fourteen. Then as a joke he tried his own birthday – the fourth.
He didn't know whether it was coincidence or not but hers was the fourth. When he knocked his beautiful brunette love was waiting behind the door.
"Jesse?" She asked. In spite of her being dressed in flannel pink pajamas with her hair a mess and her big eyes a puffy red she still looked beautiful. "Are you the one who's been waking everyone up by riding up and down the elevator and knocking on everyone's doors? How did you even find me? What are you-?" She asked all of this in a rush but Jesse silenced her by pressing his lips to hers.
"Merry Christmas Rachel" He said softly