Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.

Author's note: Finally, dear Dr. Dico Gogz. I promised you'd get it someday. Enjoy your Christmas present^^ (All of you!)

Oh, and it's real name is "Devil in a Bottle Laughing Evilly", because then I can abbreviate it to D.I.A.B.L.E. – cool, isn't it? ;-)

Chapter 1: The Devil in Disguise

"Robin, you finished?" Nami called somewhat impatiently. "We still have some things to get …"

The black-haired archaeologist looked up from a shabby-looking, huge book she seemed rather interested in. "I am afraid you are right, Nami-san," she replied in her usual calm manner. "Why don't you and Chopper go ahead and I will come back to the Sunny as soon as I have finished?"

Nami sighed. She didn't know why she had teamed up with Robin and Chopper to explore the town they landed at, but there she was. The bookstore the three of them currently were in hadn't been very well-equipped with books about navigation, and Chopper seemed pretty disappointed, too. Only Robin seemed to have lots of things to look at.

"Well, okay," she finally agreed. "Chopper?"

"Alright, Nami."

"See you at the ship," Robin said goodbye to the two of them, and they went out of the store, to the busy-looking street. There were booths and stalls everywhere, and most of them looked quite interesting.

"Whoa, Nami! Look at that!" Chopper yelped and pointed at one booth filled with sweets hanging and lying around everywhere while licking his … uh … mouth.

Nami herself wasn't very impressed by sweets. She had found a stall with paper and drawing stuff and was momentarily pondering about whether these sheets really were high-quality paper or not. When she finally decided to purchase some of them, both she and Chopper were distracted by a voice well-known to them.

"Nami! Chopper! Robin!" a certain curly-haired and long-nosed sharpshooter called, and from the fact that he sounded very high-pitched, they knew immediately that he was quite agitated.

"What is it?" Nami asked with a bad feeling, grabbing his arm to stop him as he wanted to hurry past her.

"Eek!" he exclaimed, surprised, before he recognised her. "Oh, it's you! Where are the … Oh, Chopper! Where's Robin?" he babbled in a rushed manner and completely out of breath from all the running.

"She's at the bookstore, why?" Nami enquired. "What's wrong, Usopp?"

"Marines!" he uttered, and Nami's as well as Chopper's eyes widened slightly. "There's a Marine station at this island, and currently they're after Sanji and Zoro …"

"WHAT?" they both exclaimed.

"… only I managed to escape, being the great sportsman that I am. It reminded me of a time I outran a whole bunch of …"

"We don't have time for boasting!" Nami hissed and grabbed the sniper by the shoulders, shaking him almost violently. "Where are the others? Where's Luffy? Weren't you with him?"

"Yes, but he's gone back helping them, and Franky and Brook are readying the Sunny at the moment …"

"He's gone back?" Nami groaned and released Usopp from her grip. Chopper just watched with a serious expression. Why couldn't their hyperactive, fighting-obsessed captain just once avoid any troubles …?

But they all knew the answer to that: because he cared. And all they could do was to trust him to do the right thing.

"… Nami?"

"Huh?" she asked, pulled out of her thoughts. "Oh, yeah, let's go back. Chopper, will you get Robin?"

"Alright!" the little reindeer answered, changed to running point and hurried off in the direction of the bookstore, ignoring the various bewildered glances.

"Let's go …" Usopp said, and Nami nodded. It was then that she was tugged at her sleeve, and she turned around in utter annoyance.

Ahead of her was a small woman. Her hair was completely white, just like snow, with her expression almost unrecognisable because of all the crater-like wrinkles. An odd charm dangled from around her neck, almost looking like a piece of bone. She looked like she was more than a hundred years old, and involuntarily, Nami shuddered.

"What's it?" she asked impatiently. Really, she had absolutely no time for strange random odd-looking people to stand in her way at the moment. Besides, she hated being tugged at the sleeve by strangers.

"I just wondered …" the woman croaked in a hoarse voice that somehow reminded the navigator of a crow. "I think you'll like this," she then smiled, a contortion of her face which looked really creepy to Nami, and pulled a small flask out of nowhere. It had the shape of a globe, with a rising in the middle where it was corked, and the liquid in there was colourless and translucent like water. It didn't seem interesting, and creepy or not, Nami didn't have time for this as Usopp started tapping a foot and eyeing her nervously.

"Out of my way, old hag! That's just water!" she said rather harshly, trying to push her aside to get past her and return to the ship. She sure didn't mean it, her annoyance was rather because of her nervousness and anxiety, together with worry for her nakama being chased by Marines.

However, the woman did not like being treated this way. With an outburst that resembled a fierce battle-cry, she jumped up with almost light speed, uncorked the flask and shoved it between Nami's slightly gaping lips.

The navigator made a startled noise as she was taken by surprise that way, pulling her hands up, but the old woman already forced her to gulp down the liquid that spilled into her mouth by yanking her head back at her hair.

"This will show you it's pathetic to rely on your own good looks and treating people like shit!" she whispered in her ear.

"Hey!" Usopp shouted, slowly realising what was happening, "What the heck are you doing?"

But the woman had already completed her task and giggled as she ran away at a speed one wouldn't have thought her capable of. In no time, she reached the next corner and disappeared behind it.

Usopp stared after her incredulously before he remembered the state of his companion. "Nami, are you okay?" he asked and eyed her worriedly.

Nami blinked. She took the now empty flask out of her mouth, then grabbed her throat with one hand, and gulped.

"Nami?" her long-nosed nakama questioned and took her by the wrist. "Everything okay? Oh God, was that poison?"

"Not … helpful," Nami gasped out while at the same time fighting the huge clot of fear in her stomach pit. She felt nothing … except that fear, that is. But otherwise, she felt perfectly okay.

"We need to get Chopper back …" Usopp said, but Nami shook her head. "He can't do anything now. We need to get to the ship, remember? He can just as well look after me there." Her voice trembled, but she had to assure herself that she was okay. There was no reason for poisoning someone on the street because he had been rude. That just wasn't possible, she had to convince herself.

"Are you sure?" Usopp asked worriedly, but she just took her wrist out of his grasp and made a few steps in the direction of the Sunny.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I feel nothing. Just come, I don't wanna get caught," she said brusquely and stuffed the flask into her pocket.

Usopp nodded, still unsure. It was his nature to worry, and now he worried about the worst case … of it being poison and slowly starting to corrode her from inside.

"You coming?" she asked impatiently, waving at him, and he went after her.

His worries, however, went with him.

"We need to hurry, are you sure you're okay?" Usopp asked the umpteenth time while running on top of his lungs. Nami's patience was worn thin by that time, and besides, she didn't want to worry about that just now while they had other problems.

"Shut up and run!" she thus growled breathlessly, pulling him at his thin wrist.

"Hey, I'm just worrying about you, no need to be pissed!" he answered, but Nami just huffed in response.

"Yeah, and that's all you're good for, damn pessimistic idiot!"

Usopp almost stopped in surprise. "What?" he asked, convinced to have misunderstood her. Sure, she was feisty and edgy and all, but she never insulted them out of the blue. Running beside her, he looked at her face.

As if she just realised something, she blushed furiously, and her eyes widened in shock. "Did I really say that?" she asked, but the hurt look on his tanned face told her that yes, she had said that out loud. "God, I'm so sorry!" she muttered and cast the sharpshooter an excusing glance. "I really, really didn't mean that …"

He said nothing more on their run towards the ship, and she was too busy with searching for her reason, besides being embarrassed and sorry.

Back on the ship, they were hastily greeted by Franky who helped Brook with setting sails. The skeleton climbed around in the rigging, untying the straps that held the sails up. "Nami-neechan! Usopp-bro! Weren't you with Chopper and Robin?" the cyborg called while starting to fill up the cola barrels they needed for their departure.

"Robin stayed in the bookstore. Chopper's fetching her," she explained. "They should arrive any minute." Franky nodded.

In fact, Nami didn't know how long that incident at the market had taken them, together with their standing there in shock. She stayed at the railing, propping herself up and tapping her fingers on the wood nervously.

Within the next minute, she recognised two figures running towards them. "There they are!" she shouted. "Usopp, please prepare the cannons."

She didn't turn around to notice a bewildered sniper's glance – she had actually said "please", and she never did that. However, her remorse for insulting him earlier was still present, and she had inserted the unusual word quite consciously.

Now only their captain, Sanji and Zoro were amiss. "Hurry …" she muttered while Chopper and Robin climbed the ship, staring into the distance. From here, the town seemed perfectly still and peaceful; no shooting, no fighting, no uproar, and she didn't really know what to think of it. Perhaps the fighting was over already … but then, what was its result? If they had won, wouldn't they have been here by now? What did it mean?

She hated this feeling, this uncertainty, but at least it distracted her from her own thoughts. Even if she knew she shouldn't worry about their three strongest fighters, she just couldn't help. Luffy had gone back because he cared about them – and she cared for Luffy, probably more than what was good for her, and at the same time, she was angry at herself for being deliberately stupid.

"Where are they?" a small voice pulled her out of her annoying thoughts, and she sighed angrily.

"Now where should I know that from? Since when am I a soothsayer?"

Chopper flinched at her harsh words, and when she realised she had once more said something she had absolutely not wanted to say, she lowered her head, staring at the little waves that touched the Sunny like they wanted to caress her.

She really needed a break from all that stress now. "I'm sorry, Chopper," she said slowly. "I'm just terribly worried, that's all." The reindeer nodded but kept staring at her.

Really, she needed to rest or she would have eight more enemies by the end of the day – which brought her back to the object of her worries again, and she sighed in annoyance, forcing herself some steps back to not stand here like a complete idiot (or a lovey-dovey girl waiting for her boy to come back).

"Sanji! Back to the ship!" Luffy yelled, whipping his arm out and sending several Marines against a house wall.

"To the ship, marimo!" his order was repeated, and an unnerved cook grabbed his swordsman crewmate by the wrist.

"I can walk alone, curly brow!" said swordsman growled, but Sanji didn't let go and just started to pull Zoro with him.

"You'll just get lost. I know you by now," he informed him.

Luffy was already ahead of them, cleaning their way like a battering ram and sending all Marines standing in their way flying. Since they had a base established in this town, their number doubled with every minute; it seemed almost like a hydra – get rid of one, and two will take his place. It seemed that with every Marine they finished off, two others came and started to attack them fiercely and with incredible persistence. Luffy knew as well as his two fellow fighters that they couldn't stand up to them much longer. He hadn't known the Marine base was that large on this little island, and he just hoped that the others had gotten to the ship without any trouble, and that they were already preparing their departure.

"Left, idiot!" he heard Sanji call from somewhere behind him, and turned to see him dragging Zoro along, who obviously wanted to take the wrong direction. Luffy ran on, seeing the Marines coming after them, and gritted his teeth. Only two more roads to pass and they'd see the harbour.

Just in this moment, another troop of Marines jumped into their way with drawn guns. Luffy skidded to a halt and blew himself up, doing his Gomu Gomu no Fuusen move, efficiently catching the bullets and reflecting them right back to the shooters. A general cry arose from the bunch of fighters, and Luffy took the opportunity to race through, Sanji and Zoro right on his heels.

There was the Sunny, sails already set, and the rubber boy took a deep breath. "UP THE ANCHOR!" he cried as loud as he could, then stretched his arm backwards, wrapping it around his two nakama. The other arm was shot out to the ship, and when he got a grip onto the railing, he gave in to his arm's urge to shrink to its normal size and propelled them all towards the Sunny. He heard Sanji's yelp and Zoro's surprised grunt as he seized them both, but it didn't matter anyway – they were already flying in the ship's direction, and it was coming closer and closer (or so it seemed).

He couldn't control exactly where he was flying to – that was the problem that always emerged when he did this. But this was a relatively desperate situation anyways, so surely Franky would forgive him for smashing right into the cabin's door …

The second he reconciled with the idea of flying right into the door, it opened.

And the last thing he could remember was Nami's wide-eyed glance as she gaped at her captain (with two extra appendages) approaching her high-speed.

… Oh crap.

The loud crashing sound, combined with the piercing shriek, could be heard all around the harbour.

Author's note: Merry Christmas everyone! I'm currently enjoying my new Chopper figure a friend gave me as a present when we played Secret Santa in the Theatre Group, it's so incredibly cute and I could spend my whole day just looking at it. He has a Rumble Ball in his hoof and looks very grim, and Chopper looking grim is just so sweet … know what I mean?