Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing at all, it's Joss' world, I just like to play in it. All these characters, places, and stuff belong to the following folks, if not others: Joss Whedon, Fox Entertainment, Warner Brothers Network, United Paramount, Kuzui, Sandollar, Mutant Enemy, and the brilliant writers who have made the Buffyverse what we have all come to love and know. I do not profit from this, I only do this for entertainment for all us Buffy fans who can't get enough and who need more. Please don't sue me. You are free to reproduce this story with my written permission, I would love to have a real website to put this stuff on, I would love to win contests, so if you like it, let me know how hard I gotta work it.

Time Frame: Season 6, post Entropy (AKA Anya and Spike do it in the Magic Box, like candid camera but with garden gnomes and without the funny)

Set-Up: In this universe, although I LOVE Darth Rosenberg and all the evilly goodness she represents, Willow doesn't go dark, Tara lives on, and Andrew and Jonathon head off to the 'Big House.' Giles stays in England, Anya is still a Vengeance Demon, Xander is mucho grande pissed at Buffy, Dawn is all confusy, and the best part, Spike never even dreams of raping Buffy (eat that David Fury and Marti Noxon!). This will probably be Angsty, and as always very very very Spuffy.

POV: Alternating between Spike and Buffy. This modus operandi was inspired by Kallysten's story: 'Baby Steps' go read it immediately.

Rating: R, but its mainly due to my insistent use of the 'F' word. If you asked me, that's more of a 15 & over rating than 17, but hey whatever floats your boat right? There will probably be some graphic stuff later in the story, I'm an adult, my stories are written for adults, if you can't handle that, then go read something more fluffy.

Reviews: This is just a 'trial' chapter, you're feedback will let me know if I should bother continuing. I know I have 3 other stories running right now, but this idea has been swimming like baby fishes in my head for a while, and I had to get it down. So let me know if this is worth continuing; I want to, but it's not exactly worth it when no one wants to read it.

Inspiration: This story was inspired by a song by Jeff Buckley, from the album: Grace. It's terribly painful, and everytime I hear this song, it makes me die a little bit inside. I always imagine Spike pining away in his crypt to this song. Buy the CD, its worth every painful heart wrenching second.

Looking out the door I see the rain, fall upon the funeral mourners.
Parading in the wake of sad relations, as their shoes fill up with water.
Maybe I'm too young, to keep good love from going wrong.
But tonight, you're on my mind, so I'll never know.
Broken down and hungry for your love, with no way to feed it.
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it.
Too young to hold on, and too old to just break free and run.
Sometimes a man gets carried away,
When he feels he should be havin' his fun.
Much too blind to see the damage he's done.
Oh, sometimes a man must awake to find that really he has no one.
So, I'll wait for you, and I'll burn.
Will I ever see your sweet return?
Oh will I ever learn?
Lover, you should have come over,
Cos, it's not too late.

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in.
But hurting in the corner, is the only one who dreams he had you with him.
My body turns, and yearns for a sleep that won't ever come.
It's never over; My kingdom for a kiss upon the shoulder.
It's never over; All my riches for her smiles, when I step so soft against her.
It's never over; All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter.
It's never over; She's a tear that hangs inside my soul forever.
But maybe I'm too young, to keep good love from going wrong.
Oh, Lover, you should have come over.
I feel too young to hold on, and much too old to break free and run.
Too deaf, dumb and blind to see the damage I've done.
Sweet lover, you should have come over.
I'll wait for you. Lover, lover, you should have come over,
Cos, it's not too late.

"Was good enough for Buffy..." It was worth saying it just to see the look of horror on Xander's face at the realization of what I had just said. When I looked over to Buffy, I instantly regretted ever thinking something like that. The pain in her eyes, the horror, the incomprehension of what just transpired. I hurt her, I hurt her so badly, and I can see it running through her like blood. But I couldn't have hurt her if she really felt nothing. Anya finally figured out who I had been lamenting over, who I was trying to forget, who I was running from just as fast as she was running from the wanker. Anya was too quick a solution to the problem I had, feeling empty, alone, abandonded, and most of all put-off.

She didn't think I could see it, when we were together I knew. I could see it, there in her eyes, golden sparks in the green, somewhere beyond her soul were the feelings she tried so hard to lock away. I may not be the smartest man on this planet, but I am by no means blind. Somewhere in me, I knew that it didn't matter how she felt if she couldn't admit it to herself, to her friends, to me. It's too simple for me to think she saw it in me as well, that's part of missing a soul, you have nothing left to hide behind, but she wasn't looking to see anything in me.

I went to Willy's after the debacle. Whiskey and blood make for a wicked night. As if drinking hadn't got me in enough trouble, I needed more. I only wished it were possible to drink myself to death. When I was at the brink he walked in. Warren. As if I didn't have enough to deal with, now one of the evil trio walks right in to my world, and I'm defensless, even if it weren't for the booze, I still couldn't do a thing to stop him.

"Spike."

"Wanker."

"Yeah, great to see you too."

"Sod off."

"Aw, come on now, what's wrong. Girl troubles got you down? If you asked me, you should just kill the bitch, really makes life so much easier."

"Can't."

"Wow, let's not be too talkative."

"Not much for talkin' now. Here with my friend Jack, have you met Mr. Daniels?" I asked handing him the bottle. There were two Warrens in my vision, but I knew that only one was there. "Where your mates at?"

"Jail. Slayer got 'em locked up, stupid bitch, ruinin' all my plans.."

"Here, here! So the midget and the pouf are gone? Good riddance."

"Yeah, I'm goin' solo. Evil's not really a team sport, I mean there is no we in evil, but there is an I."

"Good luck with that." I turned back to my bottle, refilling my half-empty glass. "Willy! Blood, now." Willy brought over a shot glass of blood poaring it in my glass.

"So, now that I'm all alone I have to figure out a way to lure out the slayer."

"Kidnappin' one of her pals always seems to work. But not the witch, not now, she'll skin you alive. Touch Dawn and I'll kill you personally. Take Xander, the wanker, he deserves it, some torture would do him fine."

"I was thinkin' about that." Warren said, I didn't see it coming, but I should have. He pulled out the taser, and the last thing I remember is knocking my glass clean off the bar, the charge of electricity, and falling.

My head throbbed, but it wasn't clear if it was from the fall or from ingesting my weight in whiskey. I was chained up in a basement, story of my unlife, always chained up to something aren't I?

"You're awake, finally." It was Warren, vaguely I remembered seeing him the bar.

"The bar, you were there." He was standing in a patch of sunlight created by one of those little basement windows, too smart.

"Yeah I was. Figured you were the easiest one of Buffy's little pals to grab up, all drunk and helpless. I'm not as stupid as you look."

"Helpless? Hardly."

"Well from what I figured out about that chip in your brain, you can't lay a finger on me."

"Step out of the sun and we'll test that theory." Like I could even stand up if I wanted to.

"Sorry. Can't do that, have to let the slayer know I'm holding you hostage. Got any suggestions on how to tell her?"

"A rock throught he window has been over done, I don't recommend it."

"I was thinking a ticker tape parade, but who knows what the hell ticker tape is anyways right? I was thinking of letting her little sister know. She likes you, she'll be the most willing to tell her."

"Touch Dawn, and I'll..." Kill you, you son of a bitch, the migraine will be worth every bleedin' second of it.

"You'll what? Lick me to death? Please, I won't hurt her, unless I have to." Warren turned to leave the room, "School should be letting out right about now, better catch her on her way home. Don't look so sad, the slayer'll come for you, and you'll be back in your crypt before you know it."

"What makes you think she'll come after me?"

"I heard you two in the graveyard the other night. She'll come."

I hung my head low. She won't come for me, got no reason to risk her hide for the likes of me. I'll probably end up going bug shaggin' crazy from hunger, and eventually waste away to the point where I'm nothing but a ghost in a shell. Damn Red, why'd she have to bring her back? Things were so much easier when she was dead, painful yes, but at least I knew I couldn't have her cos she was 6 feet under. Now though, she's always there, just at the ends of my fingertips, just out of reach, just beyond my vision, a mirage of paradise in the desert of my lonliness.

"BUFFY!" Dawn screamed and jolted me out of my little world. I had been zoned out for at least a half an hour. Tonight I had to work at the Doublemeat Palace, and the only way to make that place sufferable was to day dream before going. Dawn ran up the stairs and threw the door of my room open. "Buffy! Warren. Spike. Captured. Hostage." Dawn was out of breath.

"Spike has Warren held hostage?"

"No, Warren has Spike, he's holding him hostage. Something about if you don't meet Warren he's gonna stake Spike."

"So what."

"So what?!?!? Are you crazy? You can't let him stake Spike, not after, after, after everything he's done for us!"

"And who he's done for us." Bastard, stupid stupid vampire.

"What? You're not going to save him because he had sex with Anya?"

"Dawn!"

"Please, I know all about it. Not a kid anymore remember?"

Great it's always someone holding someone I know hostage. If it isn't Dawn, it's Willow and Xander, and now Spike. This is just great.

"Dawn, I have to go to work." I got up and looked in the mirror. Orange polyester should be criminal.

"I thought the two of you had something special, but you really don't give a shit about him do you?"

"Dawn! Language!"

"You could care less if he lives or dies. I can't even believe you. He could have told Glory about me, he could have skipped town after you died, but no, he'd endure hours of torture, some of which involved playing rummy with a teenaged girl, becuase he made a promise to you, because he loved you." Dawn if you only knew the half of it. I do care, I care too much, about yet another vampire. This one minus that pesky soul the other couldn't keep around me.

"Dawn, I care, but I have a mortgage to pay, and I don't see you or Willow trying to help me do that."

"I'm a kid! Willow's going through some stuff."

"Yeah, now you're a kid. Whatever Dawn, I'll worry about this after work."

"Warren said you have 72 hours, 3 days to make your decision."

"Decision?" I almost laughed, Warren had tried some pathetic stuff in his day, but this was just sad.

"To meet with him. Either you meet with him, at a place of his choosing, when he wants to, or Spike becomes a big pile of ashes."

"Terriffic. Walk into a trap or Spike gets it."

"You want me to go to the Magic Box and round up the troops for some Spike save-age?"

"Cos I'm sure they would be thrilled to help. Xander might bring his new girlfriend, Bud Lite, and Anya might, god only knows what she's capable of now. And Willow? Yeah, she's so stable right now. Don't worry Dawn, I'll take care of this, I always do."

"So, you'll do it? You'll meet with Warren? Get Spike back?"

"Yeah, sure whatever. I have to go." Go sell my soul for free mystery meat and enough cash to scrape by until next week. Great, Spike is going to be so thrilled at the notion of being the damsel in distress. Now I can't get away with the 'I feel nothing' song I've been singing. If that were true there's no way I would save him. It's not love, well I don't think it is, it's been so long, and who knows if they've even felt love before? I loved Angel, and I thought I loved Riley, but I still couldn't give either of them all of me. The darker side of me, the dangerous part, the monster that needs to be fed occasionally. The demon inside of me, which lurks right below the surface, right under the radar, what makes me the slayer. Spike has seen it, too many times, in too many ways, but he hasn't run from it either. Maybe that's why I feel something, he isn't afraid of me, the real me, that sometimes even I am scared of.